[FZ] I might be movin’ to Montana soon
|
Just to raise me up a crop of dental floss
|
|
Raisin’ it up
|
Waxin’ it down
|
In a little white BOX
|
That I can sell uptown
|
|
By myself I wouldn’t have no boss
|
‘Cause I’d be raisin’ my lonely dental floss
|
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock & George Duke] Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
|
Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
|
|
[FZ] Well, I just might grow me some bees
|
But I’d leave the sweet stuff to somebody else
|
(How ‘bout you, right over there?)
|
And then I would…
|
|
Keep the wax
|
An’ melt it down
|
Pluck the floss
|
An’ swish it aroun’
|
|
And I would have me a crop
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock & George Duke] Dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh dah-dah-dah
|
[FZ] Poo-poo ta-na-nah
|
And poo-poo ta-na-nah
|
|
[FZ & Napoleon Murphy Brock & George Duke] Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Gonna be a dental floss tycoon
|
[FZ] Woppy-ty-o-ty-ay
|
[FZ & Napoleon Murphy Brock & George Duke] Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Well
|
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
|
[FZ] (I wonder what that means)
|
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] I’m pluckin’ the ol’ dennil floss
|
That’s growin’ on the prairie, pluckin’ the floss
|
I plucked all day an’ all nite an’ all afternoon…
|
|
Oh, I’m ridin’ a small tiny hoss
|
(His name is “Mighty Little”) he’s a good hoss
|
Even though he’s a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or blanket on anyway
|
|
He’s a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or blanket on anyway
|
Well, anyway
|
|
I’m pluckin’ the ol’ dennil floss
|
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
|
I don’t care if you think it’s silly, folks
|
I don’t care if you think it’s silly, folks
|
|
[FZ] I’m gonna find me a horse, just about this big
|
An’ ride him all along the border line
|
With a…
|
|
Pair of heavy-duty
|
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
|
Every other wrangler would say
|
I was mighty grand
|
|
But by myself I wouldn’t have no boss
|
‘Cause I’d be raisin’ my lonely dental floss
|
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock & George Duke] Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
|
(Yes it is!)
|
Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
|
|
[FZ] Well, I might ride along the border
|
With my tweezers gleamin’ in the moon-lighty night
|
(Help me out, Ruth! Tweezer glint)
|
And then I’d…
|
|
Get a cuppa cawfee
|
An’ give my foot a push…
|
Just me an’ the pygmy pony
|
Over by the dennil floss bush
|
|
An’ then I might just jump back on
|
An’ ride like a cowboy into the dawn to Montana
|
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Yippy-ty-o-ty-ay
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Yippy-ty-o-ty-ay
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Yippy-ty-o-ty-ay
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
(Why don’t you sharpen it then? ▶)
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
(Yes indeed)
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
Yippy-ty-o-ty-ay
|
Movin’ to Montana soon
|
|
Watch now…
|
[FZ] That is the sound of a very short cymbal. It’s a finger cymbal. It’s something that’s normally worn on the finger, and another one is worn on the thumb. The thumb and the finger are beaten together with these two little metal things to make it go ding, ding, ding. George Duke is now playing an ingenious technique, to the finger cymbal itself, as a prelude, a preamble to some sort of FANTASTIC keyboard solo that he’s going to invent for you right here on the spot. We don’t know what he’s going to do. We NEVER know what George is going to do, and perhaps it’s best for all of us. It’d better be best for all of us.
|
[George Duke] I’m getting to like that
|
That was called a pushed B
|
[FZ] I thought it was a grace note
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] I thought it was a booger-bear
|
[FZ] Yes, you… you would think so
|
[George Duke] But then, as you was thinkin’ about whether it was a booger-bear or not, somethin’ happen’d
|
[FZ] Well…
|
[George Duke] Just like it did the last show. As somethin’ gone a-rumblin’. No, it was somethin’… it got LOUDER! And it got LOUDER! And it got LOUDER! I can’t stand it!
|
|
[George Duke] WOW! Goodness gracious! And then somethin’…
|
[FZ] Oh, why don’t you sharpen it then? ▶
|
[George Duke] Some […] happen’d. It was midnight. And Ruth wouldn’t come through.
|
[FZ] Midnight in the laboratory of a nationally known mad scientist
|
[George Duke] I told her… I told her, I said: “It won’t hurt you”. But then…
|
[FZ] But then… But then…
|
|
OW!
|
Can you feel it now?
|
|
You don’t wanna talk to my neighbors
|
I’m comin’ down in the middle…
|
I’m comin’ down now
|
(Come on now, come on!)
|
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
[FZ] Ruth’s got the lick alright, he he he. Go on, Ruth.
|
[Ruth Underwood] Get the gong player some!
|
[FZ] Get the… Get the gong player some. Now we’re gonna continue on, we’re just gonna melt away into another tune. This is a love song of sorts, you know, it’s a little bit tweaked, but… it’s one of those ones… you gotta stick in the show somewhere there.
|
[FZ] We have a song about… feet. Foot song.
|
The name of this song, ladies and gentlemen is “Stink foot”, goes something like this. Ready?
|
|
(Well)
|
|
[FZ] In the dark, where all the fevers grow
|
Under the water (yeah), where the shark bubbles blow
|
In the mornin’ (mornin’) (well), by yer radio
|
Do the walls close in t’suffocate ya?
|
You ain’t got no friends… an’ all the others: they hate ya
|
Does the life you been livin’ gotta go?
|
|
Well, lemme straighten you out about a place I know…
|
(Get yer shoes an’ socks on, people, it’s right aroun’ the corner over by Tom Waits restaurant)
|
|
Out through the night an’ the whispering breezes
|
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases
|
Out through the night an’ the whispering breezes
|
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases
|
|
Now, ladies and gentlemen, scientists call this disease… bromhidrosis
|
But us regular folks, who might wear tennis shoes or an occasional python boot ▶, know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of… (Now watch this) … STINK FOOT (Yes indeed)
|
|
Y’know, my python boot is too tight
|
I couldn’t get it off last night
|
A week went by, an’ now it’s July
|
I finally got it off an’ my girlfriend cry
|
She said: “STINK FOOT!
|
Stink foot, darlin’
|
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose!
|
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain’t lyin’
|
Can you rinse it off, d’you suppose?”
|
|
Here Fido! Here Fido! ▶
|
Bring the slippers, little puppy
|
That’s a good dog!
|
“Arf arf arf”
|
|
SICK!
|
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
[FZ] Oh, that’s enough of that!
|
Honey, honey
|
Honey, honey
|
Honey, honey
|
Honey, honey
|
Why don’t you sharpen it then? ▶
|
|
Honey, honey
|
Honey, honey
|
Honey, honey
|
Honey, honey
|
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
|
|
Oh, in the morning
|
In the evening
|
What you say
|
I said joined the bus
|
Smokin’ in the pygmy twylyte
|
Smokin’ in the pygmy twylyte
|
Crankin’ down the Donuts midnite
|
Smokin’, smokin’
|
Smokin’, smokin’
|
Smokin’, smokin’
|
WAH!
|
|
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
|
Joined the bus
|
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
|
Joined the bus
|
Joined the bus
|
Joined the bus
|
Joined the bus
|
WAH!
|
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Right out front there’s a…
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Nearly a year ago there’s a…
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Wash your hands in the…
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Everybody goin’ to the…
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
Everybody goin’ to…
|
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
|
|
[FZ] Hello? Is this room service?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Room service! This is not only room service, this is your automatic and responsible doo-doo room service.
|
[FZ] Good God, ain’t it funky now! Look here, you know, do you realize how heavy these telephones are that we’re holding?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ah, do I realize!
|
[FZ] I’ll make a deal with ya, I’ll put mine down if you put yours down
|
[George Duke] Mental telepathy
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] What would you like? What would you like? We got everything, what would you like?
|
[FZ] You’re sure that this is doo-doo room service, right?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] This is doo-doo room service
|
[FZ] Alright
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Not just do-do room service, doo-doo room service
|
[FZ] Alright. I want you to understand one thing.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Go ahead
|
[FZ] You’re talking to a hungry guy
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] All you musicians are hungry, go on
|
[FZ] That’s right. And so many of them eat.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] There you go
|
[FZ] And there are the ones who don’t eat. Well, ladies and gentlemen, just focus on this one fact: I’m pretending to call room service right now at an imaginary hotel that we can’t name because they don’t sponsor our program, but there’s still hope for them
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Humble, humble people
|
[FZ] However, ladies and gentlemen, just… just pretend that he’s working in the kitchen and I’m up in my lonely little rock & roll musician’s room
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Stop burning those beans!
|
[FZ] Ha ha ha! Stop burning those beans?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] I’m in the kitchen, you know, gotta control…
|
[FZ] Why don’t you sharpen it then? ▶
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Gotta control these pilgrims in the kitchen…
|
[FZ] OK
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] You know, they’ll burn the beans
|
[FZ] Hello, is this room service? Look, I’m so hungry. I’m so hungry.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] What would you like?
|
[FZ] I want to eat
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Anything you want to eat, you can get it here
|
[FZ] I want a green hocker ▶
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Let me write this down, one green hocker
|
[FZ] In a Greyhound locker
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] In a Greyhound locker. You musicians sure have some strange requests!
|
[FZ] Yeah, well…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] But doo-doo room service is here to please, go on
|
[FZ] That’s right. I want a green hocker in a Greyhound locker.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] One green hocker in a Greyhound locker
|
[FZ] Smokin’!
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Smokin’!
|
[FZ] In the pygmy twylyte. You do aim to please, don’t you?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] We burnin’ that sucker up!
|
[FZ] Ha ha ha! We’s burnin’ that sucker up! Listen to that!
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] It’s a equal… you know, this is a equal employment
|
[FZ] How you do go on?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Let me tell you. Is that all you want? You sure you don’t want no meat?
|
[FZ] No, no, listen
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Don’t you want some meat? We serve meat.
|
[FZ] Ha ha ha! No, I got some meat.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Wait a minute!
|
[FZ] Here’s the deal
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] No, you shouldn’t talk about our room service unless you taste it first. You gotta taste it first.
|
[FZ] Oh, well, I’m… I’m very anxious to taste it, however I’m not finished givin’ you my order. OK?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] OK. What else would you like?
|
[FZ] I want you to concentrate. Just let your mind drift back to the first part of the order, it’s a green hocker in a Greyhound locker smokin’ in the pygmy twylyte, and I want… I want to avoid the garni du jour, I never eat the garni du jour.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] You don’t?
|
[FZ] No
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] What about the dogs?
|
[FZ] Now listen…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] They gotta eat
|
[FZ] I haven’t told you about the dogs yet
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] I saw you when you registered, don’t tell me… caravan of dogs… oh, those were two boogers and one dog, I’m sorry
|
[FZ] The dogs did not register with me
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Oh, OK
|
[FZ] There’s only one person the dogs register with…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] I knew they were with your troop but I didn’t know which one
|
[FZ] And he used to have a suit on, gorilla hair on it. Now look, I want to avoid the wrinkled carrot.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] OK, no wrinkled carrot
|
[FZ] No thin, wrinkled carrot, no celery, no…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] No twisted celery
|
[FZ] No parsley
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] No parsley
|
[FZ] No salad that’s so soggy that you don’t want to get in near it
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] No salad with saran wrap on top of it…
|
[FZ] No. I don’t want any styrofoam cups.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] To keep the flies… No styrofoam cups
|
[FZ] I don’t want any styrofoam knives and forks
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] No paper plate
|
[FZ] No, no paper plates
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Man, we gonna serve you on China, this jive gonna be on genuine China
|
[FZ] I must have come to the right hotel this time
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Doo-doo room service. Anything you need, we’re here to please.
|
[FZ] During the last… During the last show the room service wasn’t quite this good, but I know that I’m really gonna get it this time. Now look…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Well, we try hard. We do try harder, you know.
|
[FZ] Along with the green hocker in the Greyhound locker smokin’ in the pygmy twylyte, I would like to have a crystal eye
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] One crystal eye
|
[FZ] A crystal eye (That’s two crystal eyes)
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] One more crystal eye
|
[FZ] That’s right. And a crystal kidney.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] And one crystal kidney. You know that’s just about like liver, you know, but shinin’ though.
|
[FZ] Yeah
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Yeah, you know. So if you want it…
|
[FZ] Yeah, I want it!
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Alright, where do you want us to bring it to?
|
[FZ] Sure I want it. I don’t want you to be burnin’ that sucker up, though.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Wait a minute. You said you wanted to smoke it.
|
[FZ] No, not the kidney
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Oh, OK
|
[FZ] Now, OK, I want you send this to room 3-3
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Room 3-3. That’s right, after f— four. 4-4.
|
[FZ] No. 4-4 is somebody else.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ah, OK. 3-3.
|
[FZ] That’s Chester’s room
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ha ha ha! I must be in 4-5, then, and Duke must be in 4-3, ha ha ha!
|
[FZ] Ha ha ha!
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] The way Marty registers all the Orientals in this group. Here we go.
|
[FZ] Look… yeah, would you be able to recognize me? I’m in room 3-3, and I’ll be right next to room 3-4.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Alright!
|
[FZ] And 3-4 is the room that’s got that smell of a dog coming out of it
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Well, I know, he won’t miss that
|
[FZ] OK
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] The person I’m sending up is familiar with that odor. Yes he is!
|
[FZ] You know… ha ha, why? Because he’s from Baltimore?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] NO! Because he has a little beard and his office is in the Motown building and on and on and on, well, you know.
|
[FZ] You’re trying to tell me that this guy is so swift that my order is gonna get up there right away?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] They call him “Slick for short”
|
[FZ] Slick for short?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] When he don’t have shorts, they still call him “Slick”
|
[FZ] OK, well, I want you to send him up, because I SURE am hungry
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Listen here, matter of fact, so you won’t get the wrong guy, I’m gonna tell who we gonna be sendin’ up, you know we’re gonna send up to you with your fabulous order up to your room…
|
|
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
|
Drivin’ a little bitty car
|
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
|
He knows how to dial a phone real good
|
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
|
The kind of guy you’d call a friend
|
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
|
But sometimes he’s a drag
|
|
[FZ] Hello, room service?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Yes?
|
[FZ] Look here, I want you to dummy up, because my food ain’t got here yet, you know?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Is this room 3-3?
|
[FZ] It’s room 3-3, you know, next to 3…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Your food didn’t get there?
|
[FZ] No, it never got here. That guy from Baltimore that you sent up just didn’t make it, you know?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] It’s a case of bad judgment, I’ll try better this time
|
[FZ] Yeah, ha ha. Listen, I’m gonna get very angry with you. I’m gonna… I’m going to call Herb if the food doesn’t come right away.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Hey, ah… yeah, as a matter of fact, I tell you what we can do, ha ha, so we make sure your food does get there, and that you don’t get any advances, and for that matter, so you don’t get too much food for the price you’re paying. You know who we’re gonna send the food up by?
|
[FZ] No, who you’re gonna send the food up by?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] We’re gonna send the food up by the one and only, this cat, Herb!
|
|
Cohen
|
You know, he got a little hair on his head
|
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
|
Kinda cute when he curls it, you know
|
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
|
Walks around sayin’: “No advances!”
|
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
|
What you gonna do?
|
|
[FZ] You know the food finally got here and…
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Alright. I knew I can depend on him, you know, because he’s got it down to the… hundredths of a second.
|
[FZ] Yeah, I know, Herb does have it down to the hundredths of a second. Well, you know, I think we’ve exhausted the possibilities of this routine, do you suggest we end the song?
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Either that or get Mort up here to dance, I mean, you know
|
[FZ] Oh, wait a minute. Mort, come here. Mort, come on.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Come on, come on, Mort!
|
[FZ] Now look, you can fill out the AFTRA contract later
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Don’t be bashful. Don’t be bashful, Mort.
|
[FZ] Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you to, this is Mort Libov. Mort Libov, de la Baltimore, who is the producer of the show, and he would like to sing to you right now.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! Well well
|
[George Duke] Well well
|
[FZ] Good God, ain’t it funky now! I’ll tell you what, hey, I’ll make it easy.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Gimme that wine, oh, gimme that wine, gimme that…
|
[FZ] We’re gonna make it easy on you, Mort. All you have to do is sing your own name on the off beat, you’re ready?
|
[Mort Libov] You’re gonna do it with me?
|
|
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
|
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
|
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
|
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
|
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Hire him! Hire him!
|
[FZ] An instant superstar!
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Put that sucker in the band! Put that sucker in the band!
|
[FZ] If this show ever goes on television, and if this show ever galls… if it ever galls to Arbutus, if it ever goes to Baltimore, if it ever goes to Havre de Grace, to all those fine places, I want all the people in that WRETCHED state of Maryland to understand one thing: Mort’s from there, Marty’s from there, Zach is from there, Chester’s from there, and I’m from there too
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] What can I tell you?
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
[George Duke] Did a vehicle come from somewhere out there
|
Just to land in the Andes?
|
Was it round and did it have a motor
|
Or was it something different?
|
|
[George Duke] Sure was different. I ain’t never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Whose python boot is that? That ain’t my sh—. What?
|
[FZ] Why don’t you sharpen it then?
|
[George Duke] Little round ball. I could… couldn’t… That white cain’t do nothin’.
|
[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
|
[FZ] Mother Mary and Jozuf!
|
|
[George Duke] Did a vehicle
|
Did a vehicle, did a vehicle
|
Fly along the mountains
|
And find a place to park itself?
|
Park it… se-e-e-elf
|
PARK IT, PARK IT
|
|
Or did someone build a place
|
To leave a space
|
For such a thing to land?
|
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
[George Duke] Did a vehicle come from somewhere out there? Did a vehicle come
|
From somewhere out there? Did the Indians, first on the bill, carve up the hill?
|
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
[George Duke] Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there just to land on Perellis?
|
Was she round and did she have a motor or was she something different?
|
Guacamole Queen, Guacamole Queen, Guacamole Queen
|
At the Armadillo in Austin, Texas, her aura, or did someone build a place
|
Or leave a space
|
For Chester’s Thing to land?
|
|
(Chester’s Thing…
|
On Ruth)
|
|
Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there?
|
Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there?
|
Did the Indians, first on the bill, carve up her hill?
|
|
ON RUTH
|
ON RUTH
|
|
Ah-ah
|
THAT’S RUTH
|
|
[FZ] Thank you very much
|
[Instrumental]
|
|
Well, I’m about to get sick from watchin’ my TV
|
Been checkin’ out the news until my eyeballs fail to see
|
I mean to say that every day is just another rotten mess
|
And when it’s gonna change, my friend, is anybody’s guess
|
|
So I’m watchin’ and I’m awaitin’, I’m hopin’ for the best
|
Even think I’ll go to prayin’ every time I hear ‘em sayin’
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There’s no way to delay that trouble comin’ every day
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There’s no way to delay that trouble comin’ every day
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Wednesday I watched the riot, I seen the cops out on the street
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I watched ‘em throwin’ rocks and stuff, and chokin’ in the heat
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I listen to reports ‘bout the whisky passin’ around
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(How about you?)
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I seen the smoke & fire and the market burnin’ down
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I watched while everybody on his street would take a turn
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To stomp & smash & bash & crash & slash & bust & burn
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I’m a-watchin’ and I’m awaitin’, hopin’ for the best
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(For the best)
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Even think I’ll go to prayin’ every time I hear ‘em sayin’
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(Every time I hear ‘em sayin’)
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There’s no way to delay that trouble comin’ every day
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There’s no way to delay that trouble comin’ every day
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[Instrumental]
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