| Album notes by FZ - Easter Sunday 1975, 11:30 PM
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| THE BASIC TRACKS for “Inca roads” and “Florentine Pogen” were recorded live at KCET TV Los Angeles during the production of our TV special. The guitar solo in “Inca roads” was recorded live during our 1974 concerto in Helsinki, Finland.
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| This album was produced between December 1974 and April 1975 simultaneously with our next album (coming soon). I hereby pronounce myself ready to go back on the road.
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| Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook - July 31, 2011
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| In the career of all historically significant artists, there usually is a quintessential work that defines them - and may even redefine a genre. Frank Zappa accomplished this on virtually every one of his records, but “One Size Fits All” is a mother lode.
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| I was 15 years old when it was released, and “One Size Fits All” was the first Zappa record I ever heard. It blew away the depressing dark cloud that had been hovering over my world and revealed a magnificently shimmering, star-filled night sky.
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| It was then that I realized for the first time how truly beautiful and uplifting music could be.
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| And I wasn’t alone. It didn’t matter if you were a geeky teenage guitar player, a 13-year-old girl from Connecticut, a Fortune 500 attorney, or a Buddhist monk chanting in the foothills of Mount Shasta in California - all of whom I have met in my life, and all of whom confirmed this phenomenon: if you heard this record and felt a kindred relationship to the material, it would have a profoundly positive, life-changing effect on you.
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| Back then in my Long Island teenage bedroom, I would have given anything to have this book you’re now holding, just to see in black-and-white physical reality, the thumbprint of the universe’s most excellent musical expression. It could have been revealed on a stone tablet at Mount Sinai, but now it’s here for us all.
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| Frank was an intuitive master of many forms of creative expression. His authoritative command of the English language, clever wit, incisive political commentary, and his proficiency in classical compositional skills, guitar playing, and computer compositions are well-documented.
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| But Frank’s ability to compose and arrange for a rock ensemble is perhaps his most inspired gift. And many Zappa aficionados believe the group of musicians on “One Size Fits All” to be his finest band.
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| The album has that warm, fat analog sound that just feels good on the ears. All the instruments and vocals are masterfully arranged and recorded so that you can hear (and fetish) every little vibrational morsel.
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| This book also offers a glimpse into the way Frank musically stacked his elements to create tapestries of rich, harmonic sounds. Not to mention, you get all the lyrics to ponder: “‘Arf’, she said” ▲.
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| For all lovers of Frank’s music, including myself, “One Size Fits All” becomes more precious as time goes by.
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| Like each brilliant brush stroke of a masterwork by Monet or Van Gogh, every element of “One Size Fits All” is sublime. Filled with exquisite melodic exultation, the album holds its own special place in Frank’s massive catalog of awe-inspiring, unclassifiable music.
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| As you sit with this book and attempt to learn the music, it’s good to keep in mind what Frank once said when asked what advice he would give a young musician just starting out:
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| “There are only two things to remember. Number one, don’t stop, and number two, keep going”.
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| Three decades later, I keep those words taped to my computer. Not only do they reflect Frank’s bulletproof work ethic, they’re also inspirational ideals to live by.
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| So now it’s up to you to savor the delights of “One Size Fits All”.
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| But just one more thing…
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| Bobby, if you’re reading this, we’re still sorry you got a head like a potato ▶.
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| [Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook] From the arrangement, to the lyrics, to the production, “Inca roads” is simply an unprecedented masterpiece. How can I even attempt to write of its beauty? “Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there?” - sung in Munchkin vocals in a steamy 11/8 time signature - gave me a new reason to live.
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| As a teenager, I would meditate on the guitar solo of this track. Frank’s enchanted stream-of-consciousness, expressed through his prowess on the instrument, make this performance a six-string milestone. His use of dynamics is simply stunning.
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| The liner notes say that the “Inca roads” solo was recorded at a live concert in Helsinki, Finland. That means there was a live performance of the solo that was cut into a studio performance of the rest of the track. That edit sounds seamless and natural. Back in the day, I would marvel endlessly at all of this.
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| To me, Helsinki, Finland was a mysterious, faraway place that Frank Zappa sanctified with that solo. Years later, I requested that my agent book me in the same hall where Frank had played. On that night, I fulfilled the fantasy of standing on the same stage that the “Inca roads” solo was recorded on and performed that solo note for note - the best I could, that is.
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| And now… with this book… you can perform it too!
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| Though Frank’s guitar solo in “Inca roads” stands immortal in the world of memorable guitar solos, the melody section that segues out of the solo (for this writer, at least) is the closest thing to the voice of God that has ever been put to music.
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| [Instrumental]
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| [George Duke] Did a vehicle come from somewhere out there
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| Just to land in the Andes?
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| Was it round and did it have a motor
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| Or was it something different?
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| [George Duke] Sure was different. I ain’t never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
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| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Whose python boot is that? That ain’t my sh—. What?
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| [FZ] Why don’t you sharpen it then?
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| [George Duke] Little round ball. I could… couldn’t… That white cain’t do nothin’.
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| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
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| [FZ] Mother Mary and Jozuf!
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| [George Duke] Did a vehicle
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| Did a vehicle, did a vehicle
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| Fly along the mountains
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| And find a place to park itself?
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| Park it… se-e-e-elf
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| PARK IT, PARK IT
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| Or did someone build a place
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| To leave a space
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| For such a thing to land?
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|
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| [Instrumental]
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| [George Duke] Did a vehicle come from somewhere out there? Did a vehicle come
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| From somewhere out there? Did the Indians, first on the bill, carve up the hill?
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| [Instrumental]
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| [George Duke] Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there just to land in the Andes?
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| Was she round and did she have a motor or was she something different?
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| Guacamole Queen, Guacamole Queen, Guacamole Queen
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| At the Armadillo in Austin, Texas, her aura, or did someone build a place
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| Or leave a space
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| For Chester’s Thing to land?
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| (Chester’s Thing…
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| On Ruth)
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| Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there?
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| Did a booger-bear come from somewhere out there?
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| Did the Indians, first on the bill, carve up her hill?
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| ON RUTH
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| ON RUTH
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| Ah-ah
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| THAT’S RUTH
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| [Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook] For the most part, “Can’t afford no shoes” was performed on a fretless guitar. It’s almost impossible to play a fretless guitar and retain good intonation, but Frank gallops through the piece with spot-on precision. The final guitar cadenza of the piece sounds like a storm of bullet rain.
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| Heh-heh-heh
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| [FZ] ✄ Have you heard the news?
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| (News? What news?)
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| Can’t afford no shoes
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| (Ow! Get a deal on ✄ tape)
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| Have you heard the news?
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| (News? Can’t afford a paper)
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| Can’t afford no shoes
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| Hi-yo-hi
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| Went to buy some cheap detergent
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| Some emergent nation got my load
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| Got my load
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| Got my toad
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| That I stowed
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| Well, well, ✄ hey lawdy mama
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| Can’t afford no shoes
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| Maybe there’s a bundle of rags that I could use
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| Hey, anybody, can you spare a dime?
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| If you’re really hurtin’, a nickel would be fine
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| Hey, everybody, nothin’ we can buy
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| Chump Hare Rama, ain’t no good to try
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| Recession!
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| Depression!
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| Wah-ooh-wah-ooh wah-wah
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| Wah-ooh-wah-ooh wah-wah
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] Well, well, hey lawdy mama
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| Can’t afford no shoes
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| Maybe there’s a bundle of rags that I could use
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| Hey, anybody, can you spare a dime?
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| If you’re really hurtin’, a nickel would be fine
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| Hey, everybody, nothin’ we can buy
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| Chump Hare Rama, ain’t no good to try
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| Recession!
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| Depression!
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| [Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook] But perhaps the pinnacle of live performance came for me when I had the honor bestowed upon me to perform the spellbinding melody to “Sofa” on a screaming guitar. It put me into an ecstatic state of melodic nirvana, and I highly recommend that you experience it for yourself through this book.
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| [Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook] It takes a devil-may-care attitude to write a song about “Po-jama people” and the “little trap-door back aroun’ ‘em”. When my wife was 13 years old and living in Connecticut, this was the first Zappa song she heard. There was a DJ in Connecticut that heavily played Frank’s music on the radio and as a result, whenever Frank performed in that territory, the audiences were at least twice as big as in most other places (It’s likely that would have been the case in any other part of the world if Frank’s music had gotten more radio airplay. It makes you wonder just how many more lives it would have changed).
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| Like many in her area, my wife became helplessly hooked on Frank’s music as a young teenager after hearing “Po-jama people” on the radio. I enjoy listening to her describe what it was like: the striking contrast it had to other contemporary music played before or after it, the ripping and extended guitar solo, and the fact that other people were hearing it at the same time and very well could have been feeling the same way she did.
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| And then there was Frank’s deep, rich voice singing about something that no one else would dare to sing about but that touched something inside you and put “some cozy little footies” on your mind. I knew how she felt. Hearing each “hoey” that Frank renders on that song would keep me warm at night.
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| [FZ] Some people’s hot
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| Some people’s cold
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| Some people’s not very swift to behold
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| Some people do it
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| Some see right through it
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| Some wear pyjamas if only they knew it
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| The pyjama people are boring me to pieces
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| Feel like I am wasting my time
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| They all got flannel up an’ down ‘em
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| A little trap-door back aroun’ ‘em
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| An’ some cozy little footies on their mind
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| Po-jama people!
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| Po-jama people, people!
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| They sure do make you sleepy with the things they might say
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| Po-jama people!
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| Po-jama people, people!
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| Mother Mary an’ Jozuf, I wish they’d all go away!
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| Po-jama people!
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| It’s a po-jama people special…
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| Take one home with you, save a dollar today
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| Po-jama people!
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| Po-jama people, people!
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| Wrap ‘em up
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| Roll ‘em out
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| Get ‘em out of my way
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| Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
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| HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
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| Wrap ‘em up
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| Roll ‘em out
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| Get ‘em out of my way
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| Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
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| HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
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| Wrap ‘em up
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| Roll ‘em out
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| Get ‘em out of my way
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| Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
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| HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] (Well) Now, some people’s hot
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| An’ some people’s cold
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| (Well, Lawd) An’ some people’s not very (very) swift to behold
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| (Swifty!)
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| (I told you) Some people do it (Do it!)
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| (Yes, they do!)
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| Some see right through it
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| (See right through it!)
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| An’ some wear po-jamas if only they knew it
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| The pyjama people are boring me to pieces
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| They make me feel like I am wasting my time
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| They all got flannel up an’ down ‘em
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| A little trap-door back aroun’ ‘em
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| An’ some cozy little footies on their mind
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| Po-jama people!
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| Po-jama people, people!
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| Lawd, they make you sleepy with the things they might say
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| Hey yeah-hey
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| Po-jama people!
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| (Well, now) Po-jama people, people!
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| I said ARF ARF ARF
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| I wish they’d all go away!
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| Po-jama people! (People!)
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| (Oh yeah)
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| Po-jama people special…
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| (I said, I said, I said)
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| Take one home with you & save a dollar today
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| Po-jama people!
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| It’s a po-jama people, people special
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|
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| Wrap ‘em up
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| An’ roll ‘em out
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| Get ‘em out of my way
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| HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
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|
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| Wrap ‘em up
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| An’ roll ‘em out
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| Get ‘em out of my way
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| HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
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|
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| Wrap ‘em up
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| Roll ‘em out
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| Get ‘em out of my way
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| HOEY! HOEY! HOEY!
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| YEAH-HA-HA!
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| [Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook] At music school, we were taught how difficult - and sometimes how wrong - it is to use chord structures and moving harmonies in the lower end of the bass clef because it can sound like a mess. But Frank used this register quite a bit on “One Size Fits All”, and he made it work superbly.
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| Check out the harmonies on the word “vehicle” in “Inca roads”. And “Florentine Pogen” is a perfect example of Frank’s bold use of distorted guitar, vocals, electric bass, saxophone, synthesizers and robust percussion in low-register counterpoint harmonies. Hearing it is like being engulfed in cushy, resonating textures that emanate like the intoning of an electrified “Om”.
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| (What the heck is a Florentine Pogen, anyhow? I used to think, perhaps an Italian prince? But I didn’t find out until one fateful trip back in the mid-1980s, when a flight attendant handed me a small package with two cookies in it. Printed on the plastic covering was “Florentine Pogen”. No way, I thought. He didn’t)
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| [Instrumental]
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| Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh
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|
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| Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
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| Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
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| Yow-ooh
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| Yow-yoo-yow
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| La-la la-la la-la la-la
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| Ba-la ba-la na-la
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|
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| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] She was the daughter of a wealthy Florentine Pogen
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| You-ooh
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| “Read ‘em an’ weep” was her adjustable slogan
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| Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
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|
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| She was a debutante daisy with a color-note organ
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| Deep in the street she drove a ‘59 Morgan
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|
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| WOO-LAH!
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| That’s the kinda step she takes when her hot breaks, hot brakes
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| That’s the kinda sound she makes (Ooh) when her crab cakes
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| (Arf arf arf)
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|
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| She didn’t like it when her fan belt shrunk & got shorter
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| (Ointment)
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| Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter
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|
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| She didn’t want to go home an’ watch the pestle go mortar
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| Later she speaks on how Perellis might court her
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| Na-na-na na-na-noo
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| Na-na-na yah-ah-hoo
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| Na-na-na na-na-noo
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| Na-na-na yah-ah-hoo
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|
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| She was the daughter (ah-ah-ahhh) of a wealthy Florentine Pogen
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| Po-oh
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| Wo-oh-oh
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| Po-oh
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| Wo-oh-oh
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| Po-oh
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| Wo-oh-oh
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| Ga-ya-ee-annnn
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|
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| Read ‘em an’ weep
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| Read ‘em an’ weep
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| Take a booger home with you to…
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| Read ‘em an’ weep
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|
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| Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
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| Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-hah
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| Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-hah
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|
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| Chester’s go-rilla
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| She go oink
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| Chester’s go-rilla
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| She go quack
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| Chester’s go-rilla
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| She go moo
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| Chester’s go-rilla
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| She go hratche-plche hratche-plche
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| [FZ] Evelyn, a modified dog
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| Viewed the quivering fringe of a special doily
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| Draped across the piano, with some surprise
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|
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| In the darkened room
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| Where the chairs dismayed
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| And the horrible curtains muffled the rain
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| She could hardly believe her eyes
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|
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| A curious breeze
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| A garlic breath
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| Which sounded like a snore
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| Somewhere near the Steinway (or even from within)
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| Had caused the doily fringe to waft & tremble in the gloom
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|
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| Evelyn, a dog, having undergone further modification
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| Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
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| In pedal-depressed panchromatic resonance ▶
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| And other highly ambient domains…
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|
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| “Arf” she said
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| She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago
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| His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato
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|
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| She’s in love with a boy from the rodeo
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| Who pulls the rope on the chute when they let those suckers go
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| Yeah-hey! Suckers!
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|
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| He got slobberin’ drunk at the Palomino
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| They give him thirty days in San Ber’dino
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|
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| Well, there’s forty-four men stashed away in Tank C
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| An’ there’s only one shower but it don’t apply to Bobby
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|
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| You might think they’re dumb an’ lonely
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| But you’re wrong ‘cause their love is strong
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| Stacked-up hair an’ a cheap little ring
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| They don’t care ‘cause ✄ it don’t mean a thing
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|
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| Looka there…
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| They don’t care
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|
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| [Instrumental]
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|
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| Best-est way that they can feel-o
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| Out on the highway, rollin’ a wheel-o
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| He’s her Tootsie, she’s for real-o
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| Trailer park heaven, it’s a real good deal-o
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| Real good deal-o
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| Real good deal-o
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| Real good deal-o
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| Real good deal-o
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| The rest of their lives in San Ber’dino
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| Gonna spend the rest of their lives in San Ber’dino
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| Gonna spend the rest of their lives down in San Ber’dino
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| Come on with me
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| Come on with me
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| Come on with me
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| Down to San Ber’dino
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|
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| Just 60 miles, 60 miles, down the San Ber’dino freeway
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| They got some dark green air an’ you can choke all day
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| That’s right!
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| Gonna spend the rest of their lives
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| Rest of their lives
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| Rest of their lives
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|
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| Say now
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| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout Fontana
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| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout uh-uh
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| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout uh-uh
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| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout uh-uh
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| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout the Redlands, no, no
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|
|
| ZULCH is the auto works
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| I’m tellin’ you that’s where they take all the cars that they hurt
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| Come on and let’s all go down to San Ber’dino
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| Ooo-ooo
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| Ooo-ooo
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| Ooo-ooo
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| Let’s-a go down, down, down
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| Down to San Ber’dino
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| Wouldja b’lieve it?
|
| Wouldja b’lieve it now? Come on…
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| San Ber’dino
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| San Ber’dino
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| San Ber’dino
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| (Got to call it)
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| San Ber’dino
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| (C’mere)
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| San Ber’dino
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| San Ber’dino
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| San Ber’dino
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| San Ber’dino
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| (Oh God, they all stay there)
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| The rest of their lives in San Ber’dino
|
|
|
| Oh Bobby, I’m sorry you got a head like a potato
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| I really am
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| Get ya!
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| [Notes by Steve Vai on “One Size Fits All” songbook] Finding myself in front of Frank with a guitar in my hand at barely 20 years of age seemed surreal, to say the least. But when I was handed a copy of the music for “Andy” in prep for the 1980 Zappa tour, it was hard to believe that I was actually seeing Frank’s handwritten, musical-note calligraphy of the powerful melodies that only a few years before had exploded the colors of my world.
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| I remember clutching that manuscript in astonishment and saying to Frank: “I can’t believe I am holding this in my hand”. He said: “Well, it had to be written somehow”. And then the next thing I knew, I was playing that song on his stage.
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|
|
| Is there anything good inside of you? If there is, I really wanna know
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| Is there anything good inside of you?
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| If there is, I really wanna…
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| Know
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| Is there anything…
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| Good inside of you? If there is, I really wanna…
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| Know
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| Is there?
|
|
|
| Is there anything good inside of you?
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| If there is, I really wanna know
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| Is there anything good inside of you?
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| If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know
|
|
|
| Something
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| Anything
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| Something
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| Anything
|
|
|
| Show me a sign, if you don’t mind
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| Show me a sign, if you don’t mind
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| Show me a sign, if you don’t mind
|
| Show me a sign, if you don’t mind
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|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Do you know what I’m really telling you?
|
| Is it something that you can understand?
|
| Do you know what I’m really telling you?
|
| Is it something that you can understand?
|
| Do you know what I’m really telling you?
|
| Is it something that you can understand?
|
| Do you know what I’m really telling you?
|
| Is it something that you can understand?
|
|
|
| Andy de vine (de vine)
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| Had a thong rind (rind)
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| It was sublime (sublime)
|
| But the wrong kind
|
|
|
| Andy de vine (de vine)
|
| Had a thong rind (rind)
|
| It was sublime (sublime)
|
| But the wrong kind
|
|
|
| Have I aligned
|
| With a blown mind?
|
| Wasted my time
|
| On a drawn blind?
|
|
|
| Have I aligned
|
| With a blown mind?
|
| Wasted my time
|
| On a drawn blind?
|
|
|
| Oh, Andy…
|
| Andy
|
| Andy, Andy
|
| Thong rind
|
| It was sublime, y’all know
|
| The wrong kind
|
| Hah-hah-hah-hah
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Our man!
|
| I am the heaven
|
| I am the water
|
| Ich bin der Dreck unter deinen Walzen
|
| (Oh no, whip it on me, honey!)
|
| Ich bin dein geheimer Schmutz
|
| Und verlorenes Metallgeld
|
| Metallgeld!
|
|
|
| Ich bin deine Ritze
|
| Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze
|
|
|
| I am the clouds
|
| I am embroidered
|
| Ich bin der Autor aller Felgen
|
| Und Damast-Paspeln
|
| Ich bin der Chrome Dinette
|
| Ich bin der Chrome Dinette
|
| Ich bin Eier aller Arten
|
|
|
| Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte
|
| Ich bin alle Tage und Nächte
|
|
|
| Ich bin hier
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| AIEE-AH!
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| Und du bist mein Sofa
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| Ich bin hier
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| AIEE-AH!
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| Und du bist mein Sofa
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| Ich bin hier
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| Und du bist mein Sofa
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| Yeah-ha-ha-ay
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| Yah-ha
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| Yeah, my sofa
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| Yeah-ha-hey
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 Art by Cal Schenkel.jpg "(Front) Art by Cal Schenkel")
.jpg "(LP inside left)")
.jpg "(LP inside right)")
 Art by Cal Schenkel.jpg "(LP back) Art by Cal Schenkel")
Title origin |
Cover info |
Songs list
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Watch video
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