| [FZ] It was the blackest night, there was no moon in sight
|
| You know, the stars ain’t shinin’ ‘cause the sky’s too tight
|
| Heard the scary wind, I seen some ugly trees
|
| There was a werewolf honkin’ ‘long the side of me
|
|
|
| I’m mean an’ I’m bad, y’know, I ain’t no sissy
|
| Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
|
| Talkin’ about her an’ my bike an’ me…
|
| An’ this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, Mystery
|
|
|
| (How ‘re you doin’?)
|
|
|
| I noticed even the crickets actin’ weird up here
|
| An’ so I figured I might just drink a little beer
|
| I said: “Gimme summa that, what you’re suckin’ on…”
|
| But there was no reply ‘cause she was gone…
|
|
|
| “Where’s those titties I like so well
|
| An’ my goddamn beer!” is what I started to yell
|
| Then I heard this noise like a crunchin’ twig
|
| An’ ✄ UP, jumped the Devil, he’s about this big…
|
|
|
| He had a red suit on an’ a widow’s peak
|
| An’ then a pointed tail an’ like a sulphur reek
|
| Yes, it was him awright, I swear I knowed it was
|
| He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws
|
|
|
| You know, it looked to me like it was titty skin
|
| I said: “You, son of a bitch!” ‘cause I was mad at him
|
| He just got out his floss an’ started cleanin’ his fang
|
| So I shot him with my shooter, said: “BANG BANG BANG”
|
|
|
| Then the sucker just laughed an’ said
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Put it away…
|
| You know, I ate her all up…
|
| Now what you gonna say?
|
|
|
| [FZ] You ate my Chrissy?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah, titties an’ all!
|
| [FZ] Well, what about the beer then?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Now, were the cans this tall?
|
|
|
| [FZ] Even her boots?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Would I lie to you?
|
| [FZ] Shit, you musta been hungry
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah, this is true
|
|
|
| [FZ] Don’t they pay you good for the stuff that you do?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Well, you know, I can’t complain when the checks come through…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Well, I want my Chrissy (Oh yeah) an’ I want my beer
|
| So you just barf it back up, NOW, DEVIL, DO YOU HEAR?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
|
| I mean, I am the Devil, do you understand?
|
| Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
|
| I suppose you noticed this little contract here…
|
|
|
| [FZ] You’re goddam right, you, son-of-a-whore
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Don’t call me that!
|
| [FZ] That’s about the only reason I learned writin’ for…
|
| Gimme that paper… bet yer horns I’ll sign
|
| Because I need a beer an’ it’s titty-squeezin’ time!
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Man, you can’t fool me… you ain’t that bad!
|
| [FZ] Oh yeah?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Why, you shoulda seen some of the souls that I’ve had…
|
| There was Milhous Nixon an’ Agnew, too…
|
| An’ both of those suckers was worse ‘n you…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Let’s make a deal if you think that’s true
|
| I mean, you’re supposed to be the Devil so whatcha gonna do? Huh?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Now hold on just a second, you wanna make a deal with me, hah?
|
| [FZ] Yeah!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Well uh… I don’t know, man, you know, I just don’t know about this
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] See, ‘cause…
|
| [FZ] Losing your… Are you losing your nerve?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No, man, it ain’t got nothin’ to do with nerve. It’s got to do…
|
| [FZ] You’re supposed to be the Devil! You’re supposed to be bad!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] It’s got to do with STYLE, fool! I don’t know if you’re the right STYLE to get into hell, you know
|
| [FZ] Well, actually, to tell you… tell you the honest to God truth, I’m very short on style as a matter of fact
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah, I know, that’s… that’s what makes me wonder
|
| [FZ] But lemme… But I have… I… I think I have something that you may be interested in
|
| [Terry Bozzio] What is that?
|
|
|
| [FZ] You can have my soul
|
| It’s a mean little sucker
|
| ‘Bout a thousand years old
|
| But once you gets it
|
| You can’t give it back
|
| You gotta keep it forever
|
| An’ that’s a natural fact!
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Ooh wee!
|
| [FZ] Do you read me Devil?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh yeah! What? Am I supposed to be scared, man?
|
| [FZ] Oh yeah, reety-awrighty?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh yeah, that’s real tough! I bet you’re real bad! Listen, fool, you got to prove to me that you’re rough enough to get into hell, that you got the STYLE enough to get into hell, so start talkin’
|
| [FZ] Alright, lemme tell ya somethin’
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Alright!
|
| [FZ] I’ll prove to you that I’m bad enough to go to hell
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] Because I have been THROUGH IT!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] I have SEEN IT!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] It has HAPPENED TO ME!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] REMEMBER, I WAS SIGNED WITH WARNER BROTHERS FOR EIGHT FUCKIN’ YEARS!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Tell me about it! Now you’re talkin’ my language!
|
| [FZ] NOW, HOW BAD IS THAT?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] That sounds good to me, motherfucker! So move right along, tell me what your interests are, you know. If we’re gonna come to some kind of agreement, I’ve got to know what you’re all about, you know, ‘cause I don’t know if you’re the right cat for the… for the place, you know
|
| [FZ] Look, lemme tell you what my problem really is, you see
|
| [Terry Bozzio] OK
|
| [FZ] My problem is that I don’t belong anywhere
|
| [Terry Bozzio] A-ha
|
| [FZ] You see, I don’t even belong where you are, you see
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I hope not!
|
| [FZ] Eh eh. I… I’m a simple person, you know, I have very small desires in life: titties an’ beer, you know
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No! What?
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No! No man, you’re joking
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] What? No!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No, please. No! Not that!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh no, man, no, please. ARGH!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] NO! NO! NO! NO!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, ti-dit-de-dunt de-dunt de-dunt
|
| [Terry Bozzio] NO! NOT TITTIES AN’ BEER!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] OH, I CAN’T STAND TITTIES AN’ BEER!
|
| [FZ] Ay-ya hey-yah! Ah, titties an’ beer, ah, titties an’ beer, ah, titties an’ beer, ah, titties an’… (I’M IN YOU!) titties an’ beer (I’M IN YOU!)
|
| [Terry Bozzio] OH NO! NO! NO! WAIT
|
| [FZ] Ah! Look at this! What am I gonna do with this thing?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Wait, wait, please, no!
|
| [FZ] Hey! Look at this!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No, don’t sign it! Give me time to think!
|
| Hold on a second, boy… ‘cause that’s magic ink!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Then the Devil barfed an’ out jumped m’ girl
|
| They heard the titties plop-ploppin’ all around the world
|
| She said: “I got three beers an’ a fist fulla downs
|
| An’ I’m gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns!”
|
| Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid an’ stiff
|
| That’s when the Devil, she farted an’ she went right over the cliff
|
|
|
| The Devil was mad, I took off to my pad
|
| I swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Awright!
|
| [Adrian Belew] My baby’s got
|
| Jones crushin’ love
|
| Jones crushin’ love
|
| Jones crushin’ love
|
|
|
| Well, my baby’s got
|
| Jones crushin’ love
|
| Jones crushin’ love
|
| Jones crushin’ love
|
|
|
| She don’t merely fit like a glove
|
| That little girl’s got the jones
|
| That little girl’s got the jones
|
|
|
| She’s tryin’ to
|
| Grind up my jones
|
| Grind up my jones
|
| Grind up my jones
|
|
|
| Well, she’s tryin’ to
|
| Grind up my jones
|
| Grind up my jones
|
| Grind up my jones
|
|
|
| She don’t never wanna leave it alone
|
| She can push, she can shove till it’s just a nub
|
| She can push, she can shove till it’s just a nub
|
| Just a nub
|
| Just a nub
|
|
|
| Here she comes ✄ with her red dress on
|
| Steam shoots out from the sprinklers on the lawn
|
| Eyes be rollin’ on the concrete fawn
|
| The wind can’t blow ‘cause the sky is gone
|
| The wind can’t blow ‘cause the sky is gone
|
| The wind can’t blow ‘cause the sky is gone
|
| The wind can’t blow ‘cause the sky is gone
|
|
|
| Jones crusher, jones crusher
|
| Deadly jaws, better get the gauze
|
| She’s a jones crusher, jones crusher
|
| Deadly jaws, better get the gauze
|
| She’s a… mmmh… ouch!
|
| Hey, look out for them the deadly jaws!
|
| Aw, can you tell it, baby? OOOUUUCH!
|
|
|
| Oh, jones, y’all
|
| Disco Boy
|
| [FZ] Run to the toilet, honey
|
| Comb your hair
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| Pucker your lip an’ check your shoulder
|
| ‘Cause some dandruff might be hidin’ there
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, you’re the disco king
|
| Aw, the Disco-Thing made you think someday
|
| That you just might go somewhere
|
|
|
| Disco Girl, you’re outasite
|
| You need a Disco Boy to treat you right
|
| He’ll do a lil’ dance
|
| Take you home tonight
|
| Leave his hair alone but you can kiss his comb
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| Run to the toilet, honey
|
| Comb your hair
|
|
|
| [Guy in the audience] THEY STOLE MY POODLE FROM LAST…
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| More than three times an’ you’re playin’ with it
|
| WOW!
|
| While you’re standin’ there
|
| Listen…
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, do the Bump every night
|
| ‘Til the Disco Girl who’s really right gonna fall for your line
|
| An’ feed you a box fulla Chicken Delight
|
|
|
| (That’s right! And then when she feeds it to you, you have to eat it)
|
|
|
| Disco chit-chat; so demure
|
| Pump that booty all across the floor
|
| A disco drink
|
| A disco wink
|
| “You never go doody” (that’s what you think)
|
| “You never go doody” (that’s what you think)
|
| “You never go doody” (that’s what you think)
|
|
|
| Doody
|
| “You never go doody”
|
| Doody
|
| “You never go doody”
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| You got one more chance
|
| To comb your hair again
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| They’re closin’ the bar
|
| And she’s leavin’ with your friend
|
| (That’s right!)
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, that’s the way it goes
|
| So wipe your nose
|
| An’ try it again to get a little pussy tomorrow
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, no one understands
|
| But thank the Lord
|
| That you still got hands to help you do that jerkin’ that’ll blot out your Disco Sorrow
|
|
|
| (Jerk it!)
|
|
|
| It’s Disco Love tonight
|
| Make sure you look all right
|
| It’s Disco Love tonight
|
| Make sure you look all right
|
|
|
| (You look all right, you really do)
|
| [FZ] I couldn’t say where she’s comin’ from
|
| But I just met a lady named Dinah-moe humm
|
| Strolled on over, say: “Look here, bum
|
| I got a forty-dollar bill says you can’t make me cum
|
| (No way! Y’ jes’ can’t do it)”
|
|
|
| She made a bet with her sister who’s a little bit dumb
|
| She could prove it any time all men was scum
|
| I don’t mind that she called me a bum
|
| But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
|
| (So I got down to it)
|
|
|
| Whipped off her bloomers an’ stiffened my thumb
|
| An’ applied rotation to her ✄ sugar plum
|
| I poked an’ stroked till my wrist got numb
|
| Still didn’t hear no Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
| Where’s this Dinah-moe comin’ from?
|
| I just spent three hours an’ I ain’t got a crumb
|
| From the Dinah-moe, Dinah-moe, Dinah-moe
|
| From the Dinah-moe humm
|
| MOO-AHHH!
|
|
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
|
|
| An’ I can’t get into it unless I get out of it
|
| An’ I gotta be out of it to get myself into it
|
| An’ I can’t get into it unless I get out of it
|
| An’ I gotta get out of it before I get into it
|
|
|
| She looked over at me with a glazed eye and some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area, and she said…
|
| And here’s what she said:
|
|
|
| “Just get me wasted an’ you’re half-way there
|
| ‘Cause if my mind’s tore up, well, then my body don’t care”
|
| I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin an’ said: “My-my-my
|
| What sort of thing might this lady get high upon?”
|
|
|
| The forty-dollar bill didn’t matter no more
|
| When her sister got nekkid an’ laid on the floor
|
|
|
| She said Dinah-moe might win the bet
|
| But she could use a little (yaw!) if I wasn’t done yet
|
| I told her just because the sun want a place in the sky
|
| No reason to assume I wouldn’t give her a try
|
|
|
| So I pulled on her hair
|
| Got her legs in the air
|
| An’ asked if she had any cooties in there
|
| Whaddya mean cooties? No cooties on me!
|
|
|
| She was buns-up kneelin’
|
| BUNS-UP!
|
| I was wheelin’ an’ dealin’
|
| WHEELIN’ AN’ DEALIN’ AN’ OOOOH!
|
| She surrendered to the feelin’
|
| She sweetly surrendered!
|
| Started in to squealin’
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe watched from the edge of the bed
|
| With her lips just a-twitchin’ an’ her face gone red
|
| Some drool rollin’ down from the edge of her chin
|
| While she spied the condition her sister was in
|
|
|
| She quivered an’ quaked an’ clutched at herself
|
| Her sister made a joke about her mental health
|
| Until Dinah-moe finally did give in
|
| But I told her all she really needed was some discipline… ▶
|
| I said:
|
|
|
| “Kiss my aura… Dora…
|
| (That’s right!)
|
| You know why?
|
| Because obviously it was real angora”
|
| And then I said:
|
| “Would you all like some more-a?
|
| Right here on the flora?
|
| An’ how ‘bout you, Fauna?
|
| Do you wanna?”
|
|
|
| [Brian Rivera] FRANK, FRANK, UP ON STAGE, UP ON STAGE, FRANK
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Brian Rivera] TAKE ME UP, MAN, I WANT…
|
| [FZ] Take you up?
|
| [Brian Rivera] YEAH!
|
| [FZ] Sure! Wait a minute, now that you’re up on stage, what’s your name?
|
| [Brian Rivera] Brian Rivera
|
| [FZ] Are you having a OK Halloween, Brian?
|
| [Brian Rivera] I’M HAVING AN EXCELLENT TIME! SING FOR GREENWICH, MAN, GREENWICH, CONNECTICUT
|
| [FZ] Alright now, I’ll tell you what, Brian: do you know the words to this song?
|
| [Brian Rivera] Well, in a way, in a way
|
| [FZ] OK, here’s… Brian, this is your golden opportunity. This is the Frank Zappa Perform-Alike Contest, and here’s what you’re going to do: we’re gonna play the song again and you’re gonna pretend you’re me, and you pretend to sing the song and dance all across the stage and give these people a very good Halloween show, would you?
|
| [Brian Rivera] RIGHT! YEAH! YEAH!
|
| [FZ] OK, ready? WORK! WORK!
|
|
|
| I couldn’t say where she’s comin’ from
|
| But I just met a lady named Dinah-moe humm
|
| (Great!)
|
| Strolled on over, say: “Look here, bum
|
| I got a forty-dollar bill say you can’t make me cum
|
| (Y’ jes’ can’t do it)”
|
|
|
| She made a bet with her sister who’s a little bit dumb
|
| She could prove it any time all men was scum
|
| I don’t mind that she called me a bum
|
| But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
|
| (So I got down to it)
|
|
|
| Whipped off her bloomers an’ stiffened my thumb
|
| An’ applied rotation to her sugar plum
|
| I poked an’ stroked till my wrist got numb
|
| You know, I heard some Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| A Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Hey! How come you guys aren’t singing it? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| (THAT’S RIGHT!)
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| DINAH-MOE
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| (Give me that hat!)
|
| Alright!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Alright, alright. What? “San Ber’di—”? No, no, not yet, I’ll tell you what. (Boy, is this thing hard to hold on your head!) Let’s do another song, here!
|
| [Guy in the audience] “San Ber’dino!”
|
| [FZ] No, no, we’ll do that later. Hey, thanks man, you do a pretty good imitation of me. Nice fingernail polish! Really good! Really good! I like that. Let’s wait, look at… show the camera, show the camera your fingernails, very good, nice. Alright! (What’s this? Thank you! What? OK! Thank you! Wait a minute! Ah, take these. OK!)
|
| [FZ] In today’s rapidly changing world, rock groups appear every fifteen minutes, utilizing some new promotional device. Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers. One such case is seated before you: little skinny Terry “Ted” Bozzio, that cute little DRUMMER! THAT’S RIGHT! Terry recently fell in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows…
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh Punky!
|
| [FZ] Lead guitar player from a group called “Angel”. In the photograph, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus, the sight of which drove the helpless young drummer MAD WITH DESIRE!
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I CAN’T STAND THE WAY HE POUTS
|
| (‘Cause he might not be pouting for me!)
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] Punky Meadows pouting for you? Hah!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] You mean…
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] You bet, sailor
|
| [Terry Bozzio] You mean he’s not…
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] I think the guy’s gay
|
| [Terry Bozzio] He’s not pouting, he’s not pouting for me?
|
|
|
| HIS HAIR’S SO SHINY AND IT’S DONE REAL NICE
|
| (‘Til I squirm with ecstasy!)
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on…
|
|
|
| Oh, Punky, ✄ isn’t it romantic?
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on…
|
| I promise not to come in your mouth ▶
|
|
|
| Punky, Punky, your album’s the shits, it’s all wrong…
|
|
|
| I AIN’T REALLY QUEER, BUT IF HE EVER GOT NEAR
|
| STEVEN TYLER WOULD PAY TO SEE, PAY TO SEE!
|
|
|
| Punky’s lips, Punky’s lips
|
| His hair’s so shiny, I love his hips
|
| I love his teeth, an’ his gums an’ such…
|
| What is it, you homo?
|
| Punky, you’re an angel…
|
| You’re too much
|
|
|
| The voice of my thoughts in my lonely teen-age room
|
|
|
| He’s been havin’ a rash
|
| No shit
|
| That keeps the girls away
|
| It’s true
|
| Skin doom
|
| Skin doom
|
| Is what the doctors say
|
| And that makes me wonder
|
|
|
| I wonder what Punky is rehearsin’ today
|
| I’ll just go over an’ hear him play
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| His hair is so pretty… I’d like to bite his neck
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| I’ve heard a rumor, he’s more fluid than Jeff Beck ▶
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| BUT…
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| I AIN’T QUEER
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| I AIN’T GAY
|
| (He’s a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay
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| A wrist array-he-hey)
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| That’s all it is, I swear
|
|
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| Punky’s lips, Punky’s lips
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| Oh, I love his hair while eatin’ Donkey chips
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| Yeah, I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
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| Why, maybe he’d like to YANK MY CRANK?
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| YANK IT PUNKY!
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| YANK IT FASTER!
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| YANK IT HARDER!
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| YANK IT ALL NITE LONG!
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| COME ON, PUNKY! GET FUNKY!
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|
|
| I AIN’T QUEER
|
| NO, NO, NO, NO!
|
| I AIN’T GAY
|
| NO, NO, NO, NO!
|
| (He’s a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay
|
| Wrist array-he-hey)
|
| And then he told me now:
|
| “I AIN’T QUEER!”
|
| Hey!
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| “I AIN’T GAY!”
|
| Hey! Hey!
|
| (He’s a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ay-hay)
|
|
|
| I-I… LORD, I’M FO-O-O-OND OF CHIFFO-ON
|
| IN A WRIST ARRAY-EE-AY-HEY
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| OH OH OH OH!
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| I-I… I SAID I’M FO-O-OND OF CHIFFO-ON
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| IN A WRI-I-I-I-IST ARRAY
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| COME ON, PUNKY!
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| GIVE ME YOUR LIPS!
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| RIGHT ON MY PENIS-TIP!
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|
|
| [Instrumental]
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|
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| [FZ] Patrick O’Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann. Thanks for comin’ to the show.
|
 Photo by Norman Seeff and Lynn Goldsmith.jpg "(Front) Photo by Norman Seeff and Lynn Goldsmith")
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Songs list
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Title origin
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