| [Bruce Bickford] I think my first animation was with cars runnin’ over the tops of hills. And then I branched out into uh… well, anything I could do with cars, and I… and I… the clay people I had in the cars I started animating, until eventually I… I got more and more into clay.
|
| [FZ] There’s an image that you use quite frequently in your films, this image here.
|
|
| [FZ] Would you mind explaining what this is?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Uh… That was a… Well, that was a face, originally, but it turned into this bridge, this… the guy’s nose and lips elongated out into this bridge
|
| [FZ] Yeah, but you’ve used that same transformation several times. What does that symbol really mean?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] I don’t know. Noses are easily animatable into something else.
|
| [FZ] Is this the little red car?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Yeah… don’t…
|
| [FZ] There’s things I’ve noticed in a lot of footage. We have the tree that turns into the hand, and this particular image that keeps coming back.
|
| [Bruce Bickford] I can’t explain it right offhand. I took a few tokes, when I was out there on the rock, a passer-by lent me. And… I wasn’t feelin’ very good anyway, and it made me feel so much worse that… I felt like I was trapped there by… I was so weak that I couldn’t get up and I couldn’t walk back to… to the sand, these rocks had this uh…
|
| [FZ] Unearthly power over you?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Yeah, the magnetism in ‘em, or something, they would… they were thrown in there from uh… with no… no regard for their original… well, the original magnetism they picked up over the ages as they formed and everything, and they were put in contrary to that pattern
|
| [FZ] How long were you trapped?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] About a half hour
|
| [FZ] How did you get away?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] I finally uh… well, the effect of the dope wore off
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Bruce Bickford] When uh… When Billy the mountain ▶ collides with some super high powered lines he goes…
|
| [FZ] Backs, down there
|
| [Bruce Bickford] He goes… He goes up in smoke and he comes down as a… well, a castle, which is from another dimension, way… way back maybe, or somewhere… and uh… Greggery Peccary discovers this castle and realizes it would be a great disco. All they’d have to do is fix it up a little. Unbeknownst to them, there was still other things going on in the… in the dungeon of this castle.
|
| [FZ] Like what?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Uh… Probably somethin’ real devious: a torture chamber… ▶ many dens of inequity…
|
| [FZ] So then what happens?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Well…
|
| [FZ] Well, spit it out, boy!
|
| [Bruce Bickford] At the peak of the disco out-freakage, the… the stray… the stray energies in that area…
|
| [FZ] Yes?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Came to the fore…
|
| [FZ] Yeah
|
| [Bruce Bickford] And ultimately, monsters were created!
|
| [FZ] In the beginning God made the light. Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called “MAN”, the second mistake was called “WO-MAN”, and the third mistake was the invention of the POODLE. Now, the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now, a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine-type BODY. That’s the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it’s true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh, OK)
|
|
|
| Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn’t think anything of it. You know, they didn’t use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the MAN.
|
|
|
| Thank you. “Brooklyn for Zappa (A-card). The present-day composer refuses to die” ▶. There should be an Edgard Varèse credit right down there, it should have his name on it. Thank you. OK.
|
|
|
| [Guy in the audience] You’re the best!
|
| [FZ] (That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, OK. Now you’re interrupting my story, now listen… What is that? Is that the Tower of Power ▶ or what? Oh no, no, it’s one of those dope fiend devices, take it away)
|
| Now listen… The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. And that’s why the WO-MAN always had control over him.
|
|
|
| In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: “I tell you what: why don’t you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house? Mainly what I need is… a clipper, a scissors and a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers”. (Thank you very much).
|
|
|
| And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar, 2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the Garden of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN. The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the Garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon-encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the POODLE oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn’t have the disco look that’s so popular nowadays. And so the WO-MAN set out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh… visual aid.
|
|
|
| Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call “Burbank”. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM, looking down into the dog’s eyes. She looked down into the dog’s eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? She said…
|
| [FZ] She said:
|
| [Ms. Pinky’s larger sister] Hi uh… I’d like to say a few words about Warner Bros. Uh… When I first signed with the label I thought that I was going to have a pretty good deal but later when I discovered the relationship between Warner… the implication of their behavior and I… I jus— excuse me I think I’m gonna have to WHOO-AARGH!
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] […] to give me a pass. Frank doesn’t know what I can do, you know. But of course, you know, you gotta come to the dressing room first. Get you by that… you know, get you by the toilet, and… might take a bath or… What? What’d you say?
|
|
|
| [Adrian Belew] City of tiny lites
|
| Don’t you wanna go?
|
| Hear the tiny auto horns
|
| When they tiny blow
|
|
|
| Tiny lightnin’
|
| In the storm
|
| Tiny blankets
|
| Keep you warm
|
| Tiny pillows
|
| Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny sheets
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout them tiny cookies
|
| That the peoples eat
|
|
|
| City of tiny lites
|
| Maybe you should know
|
| That it’s over there
|
| In the tiny dirt somewhere
|
|
|
| [FZ] You can see it any time
|
| When you get the squints
|
| From your downers and your wine
|
| You’re so big
|
| It’s so tiny
|
| Every cloud is silver line-y
|
| The great escape for all of you
|
|
|
| Tiny is as tiny do
|
| Tiny is as tiny do
|
| Tiny is as tiny do
|
| Tiny is as tiny do
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Adrian Belew] City of tiny lites
|
| Don’t you wanna go?
|
| Hear the tiny auto horns
|
| When they tiny blow
|
|
|
| Tiny lightnin’
|
| In the storm
|
| Tiny blankets
|
| Keep you warm
|
| Tiny pillows
|
| Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny sheets
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout them tiny cookies
|
| That the peoples eat
|
| That the peoples eat
|
| That the peoples eats
|
| That the peoples eat
|
|
|
| And it’s over there
|
| And it’s over there
|
| And it’s over there
|
| And it’s over there
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] Now, this I call… WO-OHHH
|
| [FZ] No, wait a minute…
|
| [Roy Estrada] Pinky? She’s here, but she’s a little bit out of air for this moment. She is. Come on out to hang her up…
|
| [FZ] Roy…
|
| [Roy Estrada] Yeah?
|
| [FZ] […]
|
| [Roy Estrada] I can’t! Wait a minute…
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I love this man, I work for this man, but this show has like pushed me beyond the brink of what I can physically…
|
| [Roy Estrada] WHOAAAH!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Withstand. My hands are… I mean, look at these calluses! Jesus Christ! I’ve had a hard tour, I mean, Jesus, we had the… the… the fucking road manager committed suicide…
|
| [Adrian Belew] Oh Terry!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Then my girlfriend fell out the fuckin’ window
|
| [Adrian Belew] Oh Terry!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I mean, it’s been hard, you know, and… and now, man! I mean, shit, this fuckin’ shit, I mean, we have to do two… two fuckin’ shows, two nights in a row! You know what it’s like to beat the shit out of the fuckin’ drums? Two shows…
|
| [Adrian Belew] Two nights in a row
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Two nights in a ROW? I MEAN I CAN’T FUCKIN’ TAKE THAT KINDA SHIT!
|
| [Adrian Belew] HE CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! He can’t take it anymore, look at his hands.
|
| [Terry Bozzio] My hands, hey, I feel like I’ve been pounding nails, I feel like I’ve been hittin’ my goddamn hands with a hammer!
|
| That’s what I feel like. I mean, I want to do a good show, this is New York. You know, this is… this is very important… something really happy with my life, you know? I mean, I wanna do it right for Frank, I wanna do it right for me, I wanna do it right for everybody. Of course you can’t please everybody! You know, I mean, Christ! I’m tryin’ to fuckin’ please everybody and no one’s givin’ me a half a shit! I can’t work under these circumstances! Christ!
|
| [Roy Estrada] Don’t, don’t, Terry… all you gotta do is just be nice, be nice, be nice. Do you want me to take this off of you? This big load… this […] load?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Get away from me, you faggot
|
| [Roy Estrada] Wait a minute, he’s sick. This guy is sick.
|
| [Terry Bozzio] This guy is always trying to fuck me
|
| [Roy Estrada] This guy is sick
|
| [Terry Bozzio] And this guy, he’s even worse
|
| [Roy Estrada] He wants sausage
|
| [Terry Bozzio] This motherfucker
|
| [John Smothers] […]
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Did you hear that? You got it on tape. He wants to fuck me in the ass!
|
| [John Smothers] If it’s too big I won’t force it
|
| [Terry Bozzio] He thinks that I’m gonna…
|
| [FZ] Awright. See that? That’s what you call a new song. Well, I’m gonna stand up here and read the son of a bitch while I’m doing it. We figured that this is a good place to do this song. It’s only been performed once before and that was the… the evening after it was actually written… in Boston. I’ll tell you the story of this song. This is called “creative deviation from the normal part of the program”, simply because you trust the audience’s good taste so much that you know that even if the band fucks up they’ll go along with it. Awright. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this song has an important message and I believe this message has to be brought to the people of this great metropolitan area.
|
|
|
| Awright, now check this out. How many of you people feel that rock has gotten entirely too preposterous? I see that you’re not all convinced. Some of you believe that rock is real. I can see that there was probably about 20 percent of the audience has had it up to here, and the rest of you people still believe in that shit. OK, well, this is dedicated to the rest of you people that still believe in that shit.
|
|
|
| Now check this out: how d— how do you rationalize the appearance of an album entitled “I’m in you”? I mean, wha— what… what is that? Is that guy kidding? (What, I gotta kiss you again? OK). Really, look, all kidding aside, folks. Let’s think about the world of rock, just for a moment. Some of you already have those cute little shirts on that say “Disco sucks”, right? That’s not all that sucks. ‘Course Warner Brothers sucks, but besides Warner Brothers there are other things about this business that really suck. One of ‘em is the way in which the subject of LOVE is dealt with in the lyrics of various “serious rock artists”, the intensive-care contingent of the rock world. These people… These people are FUCKED UP, I mean, they’re really fucked up. Because see, love isn’t the way they’re telling you about it, you know, they’re telling you WRONG. I’m gonna tell you RIGHT, you see.
|
|
|
| A few handy pointers… A few handy pointers about the subject of love. First of all, love is not the end of the world. Love is the BEGINNING of the world, you see. Many people write about the subject of love as if that was some ultimate attainment to a spirit. Go fuck yourself! But no, really, ladies and gentlemen, they are trying to stultify your minds, because you can have love where you can go beyond that into realms that are even more interesting. I won’t bore you with the details, but… check this out. This song is called… You already know ‘bout “I’m in you”, right? This song is called “I have been in you”.
|
|
|
| Now all of the ladies in the audience, you get to have fantasy time. This is female fantasy hour. OK? You’re a teen-age girl, right? You have abducted the succulent pop-star of your choice, right? You have taken the aforementioned pop-star, who is really cute and Aryan and eats a lot of crumpets, back to your teen-age room. That’s right, spindle twice. You have taken this turkey back to your room, you have laid on your teen-age bed, you have put your teen-age legs up in the air, you have actually taken your own teen-age pants off. You have the teen-age red bulb on, right next to the bed. The curtains are drawn, it’s dark, it’s midnight. You put on a Phoebe Snow record, you’re really relaxing. Tears come to your eyes, you are sensitive, you are in love. The pop-star of your choice takes off his pants and climbs on top of you, and the next thing you know you hear this little voice in your ear and it says: “I’M IN YOU!”
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] I love you so, I never thought I love you so. What’s that cream right there? God, you’re all dirty. Should I give you another bath? And… And then I’ll crack you. Wait a minute, I’ll crack you.
|
|
|
| [FZ] You have been in me
|
| And understandably
|
| [Roy Estrada] Did you like that?
|
| [FZ] I have been in an’ outta you
|
| [Roy Estrada] Do you remember that Indian?
|
| [FZ] An’ everywhere…
|
| [Roy Estrada] Do you remember that Indian […]?
|
| [FZ] … you want me to
|
| [Roy Estrada] Do you remember that Indian […]?
|
| [FZ] Yes, you know it’s true
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] Kew-ee-ah. […] where ever that Indian is, but he’d sure like to be with you, wouldn’t he?
|
| [FZ] And while I was inside
|
| I mighta been…
|
| [Roy Estrada] […] if you ever had legs… and uh…
|
| [FZ] … undignified
|
| And that is maybe why you cried
|
| [Roy Estrada] Those beautiful lips, so beautiful eyes…
|
| [FZ] I don’t know, maybe so
|
| [Roy Estrada] Ay, Indio, Indio
|
| Take a crack at this, guys
|
| [FZ] But just remember now
|
|
|
| I have been in you, baby
|
| Baby
|
| And you have been in me
|
| Ain’t no time to wash your hand
|
| Go on an’ roll over
|
| I’m goin’ in you again
|
|
|
| I said, I’m going in you again, baby
|
| Yeah
|
| An’ you can go in me too
|
| In me again
|
| That’s right
|
| An’ I’m goin’ in you again, baby
|
| In you agaaaa-in
|
| An’ later when we get through…
|
| Guess what…
|
| [Roy Estrada] Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Oy! Oh oh oh! This fucking so— somebody… What is this? What is this fucking…? It’s slut! It’s mutt! It’s cock! Ha ha ha ha! Why did they have to… Why? Why did they have to… be […]? Why did they create this… wha— this stupid so— gu— uh… office call? Office call.
|
| [FZ] Disco
|
| [Roy Estrada] Off— oh! Oh sm—
|
| [FZ] Disco
|
| [Roy Estrada] Smu— air. Air. Fuck.
|
| [FZ] Disco
|
| [Roy Estrada] Ah, disco boy ▶
|
| [FZ] OK. You know, so right in the middle of that “ren-den-tun-den-ten-den-hun-den-ten-den” only use that… that wide vibrato on that thing. Now you can play that “den-den-dun-dun-den-den-den” only out. OK, try that. One, two, three, four.
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] Yeah… yeah-yeah-yeah… yeah… yeah-yeah-yeah
|
|
|
| [FZ] No, no, no. The idea is that they’re still the… they’re still the orchestra. They’re orchestra, you know?
|
| [Band member] Yeah, I get ya
|
| [Another band member] These two? Or do you wanna…
|
| [FZ] No, no. You’re… You’re orchestra. When I cue you to go into some rhythm under… What is that weird sound? No, it’s that, isn’t it? Is the last… OK. Awright, try it again. Right from the beginning. Phew! Start with the… start with the xylophone this time. A low cluster on there. Like a low octave of Dminor9.
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] Is this back again? Huh huh, huh! Is this again the… the same… ha ha ha! Why? Why did we ever uh…? When did we start?
|
| [FZ] Go, go on the organ with Dminor like we did before. No, this organ here. Dminor.
|
| [Roy Estrada] This is all… This is all we… we just wanted to… ah, he he heh… you know we just wanted… just to uh… make everybody, ha ha ha ha! But then all those stupid son of a bitches up in the fucking son of a bitches. Those bastards… Their fucking buildings. Them and their stupid big mono-dicks. You know they just want to uh… a-ha ha! They made this son-of-a… […] beautiful… I don’t want to. I don’t want to. We just want… We wanna be… We wanna be! You have to do this. Ah ah ah ah ah ha ha! Oh oh oh. I never thought that you were so cool. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Oh more, more, oh oh oh oh oh oh, in, back, out, oh, in.
|
|
|
| [FZ] Return to Managua
|
| [Roy Estrada] Ha ha ha, sha-mi-ma-di-ma-ni-na. Your eyes were so full of it. Your eyes were just the cause of it. Aaahh. Aaahhh. A-ha ha! This is… a-ha ha! This is… a-ha ha! This is… a-ha ha!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Speaking toy police car] GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED BY POLICEMEN
|
| IF YOU COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
|
| WE GUARANTEE YOU WON’T BE HARMED
|
|
|
| BANK ROBBERY REPORTED…
|
| BANK ROBBERY REPORTED…
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED BY…
|
| BANK ROBBERY REPORTED…
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| BANK ROBBERY REP—
|
| BANK ROBBERY REP—
|
| BANK ROBBERY REP—
|
| BANK ROBBERY REP—
|
| BANK ROBBERY
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| BANK ROBBERY
|
| BANK ROBBERY
|
| BANK ROBBERY
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| BANK ROBBERY
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| GIVE YOURSELF UP
|
| YOU ARE COMPLETELY SURROUNDED BY POLICEMEN
|
| IF YOU COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
|
| WE GUARANTEE YOU WON’T BE HARMED
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [FZ] One, one
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [FZ] Trombone solo
|
| [Phil Kaufman] What song is it?
|
| [FZ] “King Kong”
|
| [Phil Kaufman] Oh. Can I hear it?
|
| [FZ] You can hear it. Just play, make a trombone solo over it. I… I’ll give you the cue.
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Phil Kaufman] BURP
|
| [?] Work it out, man. Yeah. Come on, work it out, man. Yeah. Yeah! Thank you!
|
| [Phil Kaufman] Thank you!
|
| [FZ] Phil Kaufman, our road manager, the Human Trombone! Roy? Roy, get the gas mask.
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada] Oh Looord!
|
| [FZ] In this scene, a lonely boy of European extraction…
|
| Is falling in love with a sexually aroused gas mask ▶
|
| [Roy Estrada] Hee haw hee! Hee haw hee! Hee haw heeee! Hoo. Hee-oo. Oh… it’s all… ah, be, why, be, why, we, brown, cack, crack, oh oh, just… oh hee oh eee. Must have been a beautiful baby, baby, please. Please, anybody. Please help me, please help. Please help me. Please help… Please help… heh hu heh uh… ha ha ha ha ha! You… You did it. You. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t, can’t. Oh oh oh oh… please, please, oh, it’s gone, it’s gone. I can’t, Frankie, I can’t. I can’t do… I can’t… I can’t… heh heh heh heh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [FZ] What’s he doing?
|
| [Audience] He’s eating!
|
| [FZ] Watch him eat, and while he’s eating, talk to me while he’s eating and ask me what he’s doing ▶
|
| [Roy Estrada] What you’re doing?
|
| [Audience] He’s eating!
|
| [FZ] What you’re doing?
|
| [Audience] He’s eating!
|
| [FZ] Now listen, I’ll tell you one more time. Watch him eat, and while he’s eating (Ah, go fuck yourself) watch him eat, and while he’s eating, talk to me while he’s eating and ask me what he’s doing. What you’re doing?
|
| [Roy Estrada] He’s reading
|
| [FZ] No, he’s not reading, he’s eating. Now I’ll tell ya again. Watch…
|
| [Roy Estrada] He’s eating
|
| [FZ] That’s right, he’s eating
|
| [Roy Estrada] I know it
|
| [FZ] I know, OK. One big loud noise! Bring it back there… watch the wire… oh, no wonder! His microphone was disconnected, oooh! Wait a minute. Was that coming out at all? Could you hear what he was saying at all? Oh, I hope that wasn’t wasted! It wasn’t wasted? Good.
|
| [FZ] The name of this song is “Bobby Brown goes down”
|
|
|
| Hey there, people, I’m Bobby Brown
|
| They say I’m the cutest boy in town
|
| My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
|
| I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
|
|
|
| Here I am at a famous school
|
| I’m dressin’ sharp an’ I’m actin’ cool
|
| I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
|
| Let her do all the work an’ maybe later I’ll rape her
|
|
|
| Oh God, I am the American dream
|
| I do not think I’m too extreme
|
| An’ I’m a handsome son of a bitch
|
| I’m gonna get a good job an’ be real rich
|
|
|
| Women’s Liberation
|
| Came creepin’ across the nation
|
| I tell you, people, I was not ready
|
| When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
|
|
|
| She made a little speech then
|
| She tried to make me say “when”
|
| She had my balls in a vise, but she left the dick
|
| I guess it’s still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
|
|
|
| Oh God, I am the American dream
|
|
|
| [FZ] Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold it, hold it. Hold it, I want to do this right. I’m thinking about (wait a minute, hold it, wait a minute) when somebody (wait a minute) when somebody hands me panties and a brassiere with a note, I gotta read it. OK. “Frank, came all the way from Canada to see four shows. They’re fantastic. Please play ‘Bobby Brown’ and some ‘Läther’ or ‘Enema bandit’. Love… Lacy, Tracy and Richard… Hi, Adrian” spelled wrong and then it says: “‘Jewish princess’ was great”. OK.
|
|
|
| Oh God, I am the American dream
|
| But now I smell like Vaseline
|
| An’ I’m a miserable son of a bitch
|
| Am I a boy or a lady? I don’t know which
|
|
|
| So I went out an’ bought me a leisure suit
|
| I jingle my change, but I’m still kinda cute
|
| Got a job doin’ radio promo
|
| An’ none of the jocks can even tell I’m a homo
|
|
|
| Eventually me an’ a friend
|
| Sorta drifted along into S&M
|
| I can take about an hour on the Tower of Power
|
| As long as I gets a little golden shower
|
|
|
| Oh God, I am the American dream
|
| With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
|
| An’ I’ll do anything to get ahead
|
| I lay awake nights sayin’: “Thank you, Fred!”
|
|
|
| Oh God, oh God, I’m so fantastic
|
| Thanks to Freddie, I’m a sexual spastic
|
| And my name is Bobby Brown
|
| Watch me now; I’m goin’ down
|
| And my name is Bobby Brown
|
| Watch me now; I’m goin’ down
|
| And my name is Bobby Brown
|
| Watch me now; I’m goin’ down
|
| And my name is Bobby Brown
|
| Watch me now, because the name of this song is “Conehead”
|
| [FZ] One, two, three, four
|
|
|
| [Adrian Belew] How I got in the band? It was very simple, see, I was playing crud in a Nashville crud auditorium, a little small crud club and uh… Frank happened to come in with this giant, huge, bald person of colored sort, and uh… heard me play for about 40 minutes and said: “You’re so fantastic at this crud and you play the cheapest harmonica I’ve ever heard, why don’t you come up to L.A. and audition for me?”
|
| [FZ] This is Phil Kaufman, ladies and gentlemen, a very fine road manager. This man is very fine. He has a story to tell about life on the road from his point of view. We’re gonna interfere with his ideas quite a bit now, but…
|
| [Phil Parmet?] I was a cadet in the summer… no in the s— in the fall of ‘64 for six months in a Texas military institute. I was quite a terrible soldier, but I learned how to sing the Airborne Ranger song.
|
| [FZ] And anybody else who wants to sing along, accompany him while he explains what he does for a living. OK? Hit it!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I… Wait a minute
|
| [Roy Estrada] There’s his anus…
|
| [John Smothers] Oh my goodness, Terry has a poop chute. Terry’s got the prettiest little poop chute […] Terry’s poop chute. And I think we got a coupla bitches in the band playing.
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Do you have a slip?
|
| [John Smothers] Yeah, I have a slip, I have a coupla slips. I have a couple little girls there.
|
| [Adrian Belew] And if you believe that, I got some really good swamp land I’d like to sell you in Florida
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] What the fuck is this, man?
|
| [?] Baby boomer… this line of work… in New York City… you know, being a lawyer in New York City is… I’d like to tell… the rock & roll business. My first experience with rock & roll. You know, I…
|
| [Terry Bozzio] The tradition of the iron sausage ▶ was further perpetuated by one of those private-like European urinal stalls, you know, they have those little walls between them. Where John said: “Boy, I gotta stand back” to make room for the salami, you know. But I really couldn’t see, you know. And then, man, he made the mistake of… changing into his karate pants one night when I was around. And finally, I looked over and said: “Man, I thought you had some salami in there!”
|
| [John Smothers] I told you, that shrunk up in the bay! Oh, Terry…
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I love this man, I mean, Frank told me to come in and razz him. I don’t want to razz him. I just wanna fuck Roy.
|
| [?] A simple little band of gold. A […] little […] is all that you’ll need.
|
| [John Smothers] Here come the homos. Especially that little cute faggot in them pants.
|
| [FZ] We’re gonna start off with uh… “Stink foot” instead of the other one, just like I said before, OK? For the magic trick thing just have to find some place in the middle of the show where Phil likes it’s gonna work. And for a vamp, just uh… play it like you’re playing in a cocktail lounge. Yeah, we go uh… “Stink foot” into uh… the uh… thing about the poodle, then to “Dirty love” and then into “Peaches”, OK? And Roy has to be on tap for the dance contest with the gas mask…
|
| [Roy Estrada] Or somebody…
|
| [FZ] Well, you carry it with you. It’s like you’ve always got it, you know. In case you meet someone you like, you have to make him wear it. But it would be better if you could get one of the girls from the audience to actually put it on, and then take it off of her, because she’s not good enough…
|
| [?] OK, let’s go, boys and girls…
|
|
|
| [Interviewer] What’s the truth about Frank Zappa?
|
| [John Smothers] What’s the truth about Frank? Frank is a hell of a musician. When I first started workin’ for him, I was brought in for one week. And I told his last road manager, I said: “That son of a bitch is crazy, gimme my plane ticket, let me go home”. And then he took a five piece band, and he started playin’ symphony music, and that got me hooked, ‘cuz I like classical music.
|
| Aw, I knew you’d be surprised…
|
| One, two, three, four
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Feelin’ sorry
|
| Feelin’ sad
|
| So many ugly people
|
| I feel bad
|
|
|
| I’m so cute
|
| They’re so homely
|
| Some of them
|
| At home an’ lonely
|
|
|
| Wish they could be
|
| Very cute like me
|
| They will never
|
| Get to be
|
|
|
| Some folks got it
|
| Some folks don’t
|
| Some so ugly
|
| They never won’t
|
|
|
| Everybody see his hair
|
| See his clothes, I’m sure you care
|
| Terry Ted is really sweet
|
| [FZ] Watch the way he keep the beat
|
|
|
| Sweet as honey, he’s a piece of cake
|
| From the ginseng root an’ stuff he take
|
| Vitamin E an’ all the B’s
|
| He’s so cool he’ll make you freeze
|
| Make you freeze
|
| Make you freeze
|
| Excuse me, please
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Step aside
|
| I’m gonna ride
|
| I’m gonna strut
|
| I’m gonna slide
|
|
|
| Hey, ugly folks
|
| Go get some cyanide
|
| An’ die
|
| DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE
|
|
|
| [FZ] A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen uh-rennda
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-rennda-rennda-rahhh
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen uh-rennda
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-rennda-rennda-rahhh
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen uh-rennda
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-rennda-rennda-rahhh
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen uh-rennda
|
| A-ren-nen-nen a-ren-nen-nen a-rennda-rennda-rahhh
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Ugly is bad
|
| And bad is wrong
|
| And wrong is sinful
|
| And sin leads to eternal damnation
|
| An’ hot burnin’ fire
|
| Hot burnin’ fire
|
| Hot burnin’ fire
|
| Hot burnin’ fire
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Arrrrrrghhhh!
|
|
|
| One, two, three, four
|
|
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| Aaaaaah
|
|
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| [Repeat]
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| I’m so cute!
|
| I’m so…
|
|
|
| [Bruce Bickford] I can’t go much further than that right now
|
| [FZ] But how does it end?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] I… I guess that would be the end, unless you want to show what’s happening on the other side
|
| [FZ] What’s happening on the other side?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Uh… Something more primordial than this Earth. I mean, the… the industrialists and all these type of criminals don’t have that big a foothold…
|
| [FZ] On the other dimension
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Yeah
|
| [FZ] Yeah
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Yeah
|
| [FZ] But when you open up that hole they can go in there, right?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Yeah
|
| [FZ] How are you gonna keep ‘em out?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] Well…
|
| [FZ] If this movie makes it possible for them to get in there and interfere with the primordial existence in the other dimension, do you think you’re really doing a public service by presenting it to ‘em?
|
| [Bruce Bickford] No… we’re… we’re just… we’re in the entertainment business, you know
|
| [FZ] Yeah, you and me, Bruce, entertainment all the way
|
| [FZ] It was the blackest night, there was no moon in sight
|
| You know, the stars ain’t shinin’ ‘cause the sky’s too tight
|
| Heard the scary wind, I seen some ugly trees
|
| There was a werewolf honkin’ ‘long the side of me
|
|
|
| I’m mean an’ I’m bad, y’know, I ain’t no sissy
|
| Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
|
| Talkin’ about her an’ my bike an’ me…
|
| An’ this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, Mystery
|
|
|
| (How ‘re you doin’?)
|
|
|
| I noticed even the crickets actin’ weird up here
|
| An’ so I figured I might just drink a little beer
|
| I said: “Gimme summa that, what you’re suckin’ on…”
|
| But there was no reply ‘cause she was gone…
|
|
|
| “Where’s those titties I like so well
|
| An’ my goddamn beer!” is what I started to yell
|
| Then I heard this noise like a crunchin’ twig
|
| An’ ✄ UP, jumped the Devil, he’s about this big…
|
|
|
| He had a red suit on an’ a widow’s peak
|
| An’ then a pointed tail an’ like a sulphur reek
|
| Yes, it was him awright, I swear I knowed it was
|
| He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws
|
|
|
| You know, it looked to me like it was titty skin
|
| I said: “You, son of a bitch!” ‘cause I was mad at him
|
| He just got out his floss an’ started cleanin’ his fang
|
| So I shot him with my shooter, said: “BANG BANG BANG”
|
|
|
| Then the sucker just laughed an’ said
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Put it away…
|
| You know, I ate her all up…
|
| Now what you gonna say?
|
|
|
| [FZ] You ate my Chrissy?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah, titties an’ all!
|
| [FZ] Well, what about the beer then?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Now, were the cans this tall?
|
|
|
| [FZ] Even her boots?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Would I lie to you?
|
| [FZ] Shit, you musta been hungry
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah, this is true
|
|
|
| [FZ] Don’t they pay you good for the stuff that you do?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Well, you know, I can’t complain when the checks come through…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Well, I want my Chrissy (Oh yeah) an’ I want my beer
|
| So you just barf it back up, NOW, DEVIL, DO YOU HEAR?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!
|
| I mean, I am the Devil, do you understand?
|
| Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
|
| I suppose you noticed this little contract here…
|
|
|
| [FZ] You’re goddam right, you, son-of-a-whore
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Don’t call me that!
|
| [FZ] That’s about the only reason I learned writin’ for…
|
| Gimme that paper… bet yer horns I’ll sign
|
| Because I need a beer an’ it’s titty-squeezin’ time!
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Man, you can’t fool me… you ain’t that bad!
|
[Adrian Belew] I’m really not a queer. I mean, this is just a part of the show, you know, something we do for a laugh and…
|
| [FZ] Oh yeah?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Why, you shoulda seen some of the souls that I’ve had…
|
| There was Milhous Nixon an’ Agnew, too…
|
| An’ both of those suckers was worse ‘n you…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Let’s make a deal if you think that’s true.
|
| I mean, you’re supposed to be the Devil so whatcha gonna do? Huh?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Now hold on just a second, you wanna make a deal with me, hah?
|
[Adrian Belew] It’s really just a good excuse for me to really show these beautiful legs that I have, you see. I’m sure […] while I have my […] off. I’m much more beautiful under a skirt, wouldn’t you say, sailor?
|
| [FZ] Yeah!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Well uh… I don’t know, man, you know, I just don’t know about this
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] See, ‘cause…
|
| [FZ] Losing your… Are you losing your nerve?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No, man, it ain’t got nothin’ to do with nerve. It’s got to do…
|
| [FZ] You’re supposed to be the Devil! You’re supposed to be bad!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] It’s got to do with STYLE, fool! I don’t know if you’re the right STYLE to get into hell, you know
|
| [FZ] Well, actually, to tell you… tell you the honest to God truth, I’m very short on style as a matter of fact
|
[Adrian Belew] You noticed I’m a little uh… what you’d call flat-chested… but you know, I make up for it
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah, I know, that’s… that’s what makes me wonder
|
| [FZ] But lemme… But I have… I… I think I have something that you may be interested in
|
| [Terry Bozzio] What is that?
|
|
|
| [FZ] You can have my soul
|
| It’s a mean little sucker
|
| ‘Bout a thousand years old
|
| But once you gets it
|
| You can’t give it back
|
| You gotta keep it forever
|
| An’ that’s a natural fact!
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Ooh wee!
|
| [FZ] Do you read me Devil?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh yeah! What? Am I supposed to be scared, man?
|
| [FZ] Oh yeah, reety-awrighty?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh yeah, that’s real tough! I bet you’re real bad! Listen, fool, you got to prove to me that you’re rough enough to get into hell, that you got the STYLE enough to get into hell, so start talkin’
|
| [FZ] Alright, lemme tell ya somethin’
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Alright!
|
| [FZ] I’ll prove to you that I’m bad enough to go to hell
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] Because I have been THROUGH IT!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] I have SEEN IT!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] It has HAPPENED TO ME!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Yeah!
|
| [FZ] REMEMBER, I WAS SIGNED WITH WARNER BROTHERS FOR EIGHT FUCKIN’ YEARS!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Tell me about it! Now you’re talkin’ my language!
|
| [FZ] NOW, HOW BAD IS THAT?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] That sounds good to me, motherfucker! So move right along, tell me what your interests are, you know. If we’re gonna come to some kind of agreement, I’ve got to know what you’re all about, you know, ‘cause I don’t know if you’re the right cat for the… for the place, you know
|
| [FZ] Look, lemme tell you what my problem really is, you see
|
| [Terry Bozzio] OK
|
| [FZ] My problem is that I don’t belong anywhere
|
| [Terry Bozzio] A-ha
|
| [FZ] You see, I don’t even belong where you are, you see
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I hope not!
|
| [FZ] Eh eh. I… I’m a simple person, you know, I have very small desires in life: titties an’ beer, you know
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No! What?
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No! No man, you’re joking
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] What? No!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No, please. No! Not that!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh no, man, no, please. ARGH!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] NO! NO! NO! NO!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, ti-dit-de-dunt de-dunt de-dunt
|
| [Terry Bozzio] NO! NOT TITTIES AN’ BEER!
|
| [FZ] Titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer, titties an’ beer
|
| [Terry Bozzio] OH, I CAN’T STAND TITTIES AN’ BEER!
|
| [FZ] Ay-ya hey-yah! Ah, titties an’ beer, ah, titties an’ beer, ah, titties an’ beer, ah, titties an’… (I’M IN YOU!) titties an’ beer (I’M IN YOU!)
|
| [Terry Bozzio] OH NO! NO! NO! WAIT
|
| [FZ] Ah! Look at this! What am I gonna do with this thing?
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Wait, wait, please, no!
|
| [FZ] Hey! Look at this!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] No, don’t sign it! Give me time to think!
|
| Hold on a second, boy… ‘cause that’s magic ink!
|
[Adrian Belew] I’m going out now. Goodbye. See you later, sailor
|
|
|
| [FZ] Then the Devil barfed an’ out jumped m’ girl
|
| They heard the titties plop-ploppin’ all around the world
|
| She said: “I got three beers an’ a fist fulla downs
|
| An’ I’m gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns!”
|
| Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid an’ stiff
|
| That’s when the Devil, she farted an’ she went right over the cliff
|
|
|
| The Devil was mad, I took off to my pad
|
| I swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Swear I do declare! How did she get back there?
|
| Awright!
|
|
|
| [FZ] You know what time is, don’t you? I know a lot of you people, I see… I see the same people here tonight that I’ve seen for many of these shows… and I rea— I really appreciate the fact that you came back. Thank you. OK. This is, for those of you who haven’t been here before, this is audience participation time. Now, tonight, since this is Halloween, we’re gonna… Hi, there! You’re a cute girl. Come up here. Yeah, you. Come here. Hi. What’s your name?
|
| [Janet The Planet] Janet The Planet
|
| [FZ] Jan The Plan?
|
| [Janet The Planet] Janet The Planet
|
| [FZ] Janet The Planet? Janet, hold this. I’m pleased to meet you by the way. Thank you. OK, Janet is going to administer discipline to a couple of members of the audience. Heh, you want some? OK, come on. Don’t step on him, here. What’s your name?
|
| [John] Hi, my name is John
|
| [FZ] Alright, John. Janet, how d’you feel about John?
|
| [Janet The Planet] It’s fun
|
| [FZ] Janet…
|
| [Janet The Planet] I’d like to request a friend’s presence
|
| [FZ] You wanna request a friend’s presence?
|
| [Janet The Planet] Yes
|
| [FZ] What’s the friend’s name?
|
| [Janet The Planet] Her name is Donna U Wanna
|
| [FZ] Donna U Wanna? Would Donna U Wanna, please, step to the podium. It’s Donna U Wanna, hey! And what is this in the bottle? What is… Yoo-hoo, oh, hey!
|
| [Donna U Wanna] Hi!
|
| [FZ] OK. Are you gonna be her assistant in this abusage here? OK, here’s what you do. Do we have any oth— do we have a utensil for Donna U Wanna? Is there any—… Do you take this? Is there anything that Donna U Wanna can use to whip this poor boy? Where’s the whip? OK! This… This is a real whip. Hey, this is Halloween, we don’t fuck around! Alright… hey, relax, there’s plenty… we’re gonna have plenty of fun an’ games up here during Audience Participation Time, OK? Uh… Would that young lady please come up here, that one there, yes, send her right on up. You were here last night for “Disco boy”. You were the one I was going: “‘You never go doody’ (that’s what you think)”. That’s right. OK. Now, just relax. Just hold yourself in abeyance momentarily because we have to get on with Phase One of Audience Participation! You, with the white. You, come up here. You. OK. Now. You’re sure you want this?
|
| [John] I don’t know if I can go through with this if that’s a real whip
|
| [FZ] It’s a real whip!
|
| [John] A real whip!
|
| [FZ] You can, look, you can quit if you want
|
| [John] No, no, I’ll go…
|
| [FZ] You…
|
| [John] Just hit me softly, hit me softly
|
| [FZ] No, uh-um… yeah…
|
| [John] Yeah, that’s right, I know… OK, go all the way!
|
| [FZ] Alright… Hi, there, what’s your name?
|
| [Chris] Chris! That’s Chris!
|
| [FZ] Pleased to meet you, Chris. OK.
|
| [Angel] What about me, you know?
|
| [FZ] Wait a minute, what is your name?
|
| [Angel] Angel
|
| [FZ] Angel, my God! Now look, this… this guy here who looks so… What?… Oh, waitaminnit. Oh, how fun… Now listen. This guy here, as you, John, you really asked for it, he thought we were just gonna had fun up here. John. They’re going to beat the living shit out of John tonight. OK. Now, John, I want you to make yourself comfortable… alright. Just put the… there you go, John. Now, sit, make yourself comfortable on any place on the stage. You shouldn’t stand up for this because it’ll take too much energy. Better to just lie down on your… there, there on the side, that’s it. OK. Now. What you’re watching here tonight is not merely Audience Participation, it is a re-enactment of the sum total of modern civilization. John represents the abused, down-trodden artists of the world. Here we have the president of Warner Bros. Records, the head of the Warner Bros. legal department, and two famous attorneys from Gang, Tyre & Brown. OK. Give him his contract!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Hey, John, more agony! More agony, John! This really hurts, John! It’s terrible. It’s painful. Get down, John. John, you’re a wonderful actor. An academy award is yours, John. Plead.
|
| [Roy Estrada] Dominus vobisc— biscum ▶
|
| [FZ] Alright, John, John, hold it, hold it, hold it. Alright, wait a minute. No, just a moment. John, hey, John, OK, John, can you dance?
|
| [John] Yeah, I can dance
|
| [FZ] Are you good? Wait a minute…
|
| [John] Can-Can, the Can-Can
|
| [FZ] The Can… The Can-Can? Wait a minute. Can you guys dance? You can…
|
| [Janet The Planet] In a horizontal position
|
| [FZ] You can… Oh, hey! Say that again, wait a minute. I’ve just asked this girl if she can dance and she said:
|
| [Janet The Planet] In a horizontal position
|
| [John] Frank!
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [John] You don’t wanna wear this, do ya?
|
| [FZ] No, hell, no. My nose is big enough already. Alright! This is chaos, stop it! Stop! Stop! Alright. It is now time to get into the meat of our performance, and that is the dance contest. Now, last night we had ten people up on the stage, maybe twelve, who knows. They were dancing and twirling and trying to keep the beat to “The black page #2”. Unfortunately, this stage is too small to accommodate the type of spectacle that I wanna put into this film. We don’t want just a few people on the stage, we want everybody in the audience trying to dance to this stupid song, so stand up! Stand up! Stand up! Alright! Everybody dance to this song, but remember, hey, keep… keep… keep the aisles clear, keep the aisles clear, you never… you never know when there’s gonna be an emergency. OK.
|
|
|
| The name of this song is “The black page #2”
|
| Hey! Do you know what you are?
|
| You’re an asshole! An asshole!
|
|
|
| Some of you might not agree
|
| ‘Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
|
| But think a while and you will see…
|
|
|
| Broken hearts are for assholes
|
| Broken hearts are for assholes
|
| Are you an asshole?
|
| Broken hearts are for assholes
|
| Are you an asshole too?
|
| Whatcha gonna do, ‘cause you’re an asshole…
|
|
|
| No, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you are an asshole!
|
|
|
| Maybe you think you’re a lonely guy
|
| An’ maybe you think you’re too tough to cry
|
| But you went to the Grape just to give it a try
|
|
|
| And Dagmar
|
| Without a doubt, the ugliest son of a bitch I’ve ever seen in my life
|
| Was his name…
|
| But this cute little dish is…
|
|
|
| The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his pancake make-up
|
| Excuse me now
|
| Nearly drove you insane
|
| Nice balls, Felix
|
| And so you kissed a little sailor
|
| I’ve been wondering where ever you had anything on!
|
| Who had just blew in from Spain
|
| Anyway, tomorrow night the salute to leather
|
|
|
| And pull the chain attached to the permanently-erected nipples of Jimmy
|
| Leather, rubber, vinyl
|
| In a bold salute to pain
|
| You’ve undoubtedly heard of the Seven Rings of Hell
|
|
|
| You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
|
| This boy is wearing…
|
| And acted like it was cocaine
|
| You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
|
| Nice, lovely
|
| In a way you can’t explain
|
|
|
| And so you worked the wall with Michael
|
| Tower of Power ▶
|
| Which gave your back an awful strain
|
| Now available
|
| But you came back on Sunday for the Gong Show
|
| Nice, lovely
|
| But you forgot what I was sayin’…
|
|
|
| ‘Cause you’re an asshole, you’re an asshole
|
| That’s right!
|
| You’re an asshole, you’re an asshole
|
| Yes, yes
|
| You’re an asshole, you’re an asshole
|
| That’s right!
|
| You’re an asshole, you’re an asshole
|
|
|
| Well, now you been to the Chest, been to the Grape
|
| Now I think you know what you are: you’re an asshole
|
|
|
| You say you can’t live with what you’ve been through
|
| Well, ladies, you can be an asshole too
|
| That’s right!
|
| You might pretend you ain’t got one on the bottom of you
|
|
|
| But don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s lookin’ at you
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s winkin’ at you
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s blinkin’ at you
|
| That’s why I say…
|
|
|
| I’m gonna ram it, ram it, ram it, ram it up yer poop chute
|
| Crisco
|
| Ram it, ram it, ram it, ram it up yer poop chute
|
| A hot, wet, tight, black rubber shirt
|
| Everybody!
|
| Ram it, ram it, ram it, ram it up yer poop chute
|
| The Pleasure Chest
|
| Ram it, ram it, ram it, ram it up yer poop chute
|
| Gr-gr-gr-grips
|
|
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s goin’ right up yer poop chute
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s goin’ right up yer poop chute
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s goin’ right up yer poop chute
|
| Ay ay ay ay
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s goin’ right up yer poop chute
|
| Ay ay ay ay
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s goin’ right up yer poooop chute
|
| Ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay
|
| Don’t fool yerself, girl
|
| It’s goin’ right up yer…
|
|
|
| Aw, I knew you’d be surprised…
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn?] Yeah…
|
| [FZ] In today’s rapidly changing world, rock groups appear every fifteen minutes, utilizing some new promotional device. Some of these devices have been known to leave irreparable scars on the minds of foolish young consumers. One such case is seated before you: little skinny Terry “Ted” Bozzio, that cute little DRUMMER! THAT’S RIGHT! Terry recently fell in love with a publicity photo of a boy named Punky Meadows…
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Oh Punky!
|
| [FZ] Lead guitar player from a group called “Angel”. In the photograph, Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo in a semi-profile which emphasized the pooched out succulence of his insolent pouting rictus, the sight of which drove the helpless young drummer MAD WITH DESIRE!
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] I CAN’T STAND THE WAY HE POUTS
|
| (‘Cause he might not be pouting for me!)
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] Punky Meadows pouting for you? Hah!
|
| [Terry Bozzio] You mean…
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] You bet, sailor
|
| [Terry Bozzio] You mean he’s not…
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] I think the guy’s gay
|
| [Terry Bozzio] He’s not pouting, he’s not pouting for me?
|
|
|
| HIS HAIR’S SO SHINY AND IT’S DONE REAL NICE
|
| (‘Til I squirm with ecstasy!)
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on…
|
|
|
| Oh, Punky, ✄ isn’t it romantic?
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Terry Bozzio] Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on…
|
| I promise not to come in your mouth ▶
|
|
|
| Punky, Punky, your album’s the shits, it’s all wrong…
|
|
|
| I AIN’T REALLY QUEER, BUT IF HE EVER GOT NEAR
|
| STEVEN TYLER WOULD PAY TO SEE, PAY TO SEE!
|
|
|
| Punky’s lips, Punky’s lips
|
| His hair’s so shiny, I love his hips
|
| I love his teeth, an’ his gums an’ such…
|
| What is it?
|
| Punky, you’re an angel…
|
| You’re too much
|
|
|
| The voice of my thoughts in my lonely teen-age room
|
|
|
| He’s been havin’ a rash
|
| No shit
|
| That keeps the girls away
|
| Skin doom
|
| Skin doom
|
| Is what the doctors say
|
| And that makes me wonder
|
|
|
| I wonder what Punky is rehearsin’ today
|
| I’ll just go over an’ hear him play
|
| His hair is so pretty… I’d like to bite his neck
|
| I’ve heard a rumor, he’s more fluid than Jeff Beck ▶
|
| BUT…
|
| I AIN’T QUEER
|
| I AIN’T GAY
|
| (He’s a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay
|
| A wrist array-he-hey)
|
| That’s all it is, I swear
|
|
|
| Punky’s lips, Punky’s lips
|
| Oh, I love his hair while eatin’ Donkey chips
|
| Yeah, I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
|
| Why, maybe he’d like to YANK MY CRANK?
|
| YANK IT PUNKY!
|
| YANK IT FASTER!
|
| YANK IT HARDER!
|
| YANK IT ALL NITE LONG!
|
| COME ON, PUNKY! GET FUNKY!
|
|
|
| I AIN’T QUEER
|
| NO, NO, NO, NO!
|
| I AIN’T GAY
|
| NO, NO, NO, NO!
|
| (He’s a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay
|
| Wrist array-he-hey)
|
| And then he told me now:
|
| “I AIN’T QUEER!”
|
| Hey!
|
| “I AIN’T GAY!”
|
| Hey! Hey!
|
| (He’s a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ay-hay)
|
|
|
| I-I… LORD, I’M FO-O-O-OND OF CHIFFO-ON
|
| IN A WRIST ARRAY-EE-AY-HEY
|
| OH OH OH OH!
|
| I-I… I SAID I’M FO-O-OND OF CHIFFO-ON
|
| IN A WRI-I-I-I-IST ARRAY
|
| COME ON, PUNKY!
|
| GIVE ME YOUR LIPS!
|
| RIGHT ON MY PENIS-TIP!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [FZ] Patrick O’Hearn, Adrian Belew, Tommy Mars, Terry Bozzio, Peter Wolf, Ed Mann. Thanks for comin’ to the show.
|
|
|
| [Camera man?] You think they liked you?
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Camera man?] You think they liked you? Ha ha ha! Who cares?
|
| [FZ] What do you mean: “Who cares”? You know I […] about these people. Take your hat off to them.
|
| [Camera man?] Ha ha ha!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Awright. I wanna tell you one more time, I wanna thank you, because I really appreciate this. OK, alright, alright, alright. OK, look, no… there’s… there’s no way that I can show my appreciation to you. But lis— but n— let’s not get maudlin about this. The name of this song is “Dinah-moe humm”.
|
| [FZ] One, two, three, four
|
|
|
| I couldn’t say where she’s comin’ from
|
| But I just met a lady named Dinah-moe humm
|
| Strolled on over, say: “Look here, bum
|
| I got a forty-dollar bill says you can’t make me cum
|
| (No way! Y’ jes’ can’t do it)”
|
|
|
| She made a bet with her sister who’s a little bit dumb
|
| She could prove it any time all men was scum
|
| I don’t mind that she called me a bum
|
| But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
|
| (So I got down to it)
|
|
|
| Whipped off her bloomers an’ stiffened my thumb
|
| An’ applied rotation to her ✄ sugar plum
|
| I poked an’ stroked till my wrist got numb
|
| Still didn’t hear no Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
| Where’s this Dinah-moe comin’ from?
|
| I just spent three hours an’ I ain’t got a crumb
|
| From the Dinah-moe, Dinah-moe, Dinah-moe
|
| From the Dinah-moe humm
|
| MOO-AHHH!
|
|
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
|
|
| An’ I can’t get into it unless I get out of it
|
| An’ I gotta be out of it to get myself into it
|
| An’ I can’t get into it unless I get out of it
|
| An’ I gotta get out of it before I get into it
|
|
|
| She looked over at me with a glazed eye and some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area, and she said…
|
| And here’s what she said:
|
|
|
| “Just get me wasted an’ you’re half-way there
|
| ‘Cause if my mind’s tore up, well, then my body don’t care”
|
| I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin an’ said: “My-my-my
|
| What sort of thing might this lady get high upon?”
|
|
|
| The forty-dollar bill didn’t matter no more
|
| When her sister got nekkid an’ laid on the floor
|
|
|
| She said Dinah-moe might win the bet
|
| But she could use a little (yaw!) if I wasn’t done yet
|
| I told her just because the sun want a place in the sky
|
| No reason to assume I wouldn’t give her a try
|
|
|
| So I pulled on her hair
|
| Got her legs in the air
|
| An’ asked if she had any cooties in there
|
| Whaddya mean cooties? No cooties on me!
|
|
|
| She was buns-up kneelin’
|
| BUNS-UP!
|
| I was wheelin’ an’ dealin’
|
| WHEELIN’ AN’ DEALIN’ AN’ OOOOH!
|
| She surrendered to the feelin’
|
| She sweetly surrendered!
|
| Started in to squealin’
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe watched from the edge of the bed
|
| With her lips just a-twitchin’ an’ her face gone red
|
| Some drool rollin’ down from the edge of her chin
|
| While she spied the condition her sister was in
|
|
|
| She quivered an’ quaked an’ clutched at herself
|
| Her sister made a joke about her mental health
|
| Until Dinah-moe finally did give in
|
| But I told her all she really needed was some discipline… ▶
|
| I said:
|
|
|
| “Kiss my aura… Dora…
|
| (That’s right!)
|
| You know why?
|
| Because obviously it was real angora”
|
| And then I said:
|
| “Would you all like some more-a?
|
| Right here on the flora?
|
| An’ how ‘bout you, Fauna?
|
| Do you wanna?”
|
|
|
| [Brian Rivera] FRANK, FRANK, UP ON STAGE, UP ON STAGE, FRANK
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Brian Rivera] TAKE ME UP, MAN, I WANT…
|
| [FZ] Take you up?
|
| [Brian Rivera] YEAH!
|
| [FZ] Sure! Wait a minute, now that you’re up on stage, what’s your name?
|
| [Brian Rivera] Brian Rivera
|
| [FZ] Are you having a OK Halloween, Brian?
|
| [Brian Rivera] I’M HAVING AN EXCELLENT TIME! SING FOR GREENWICH, MAN, GREENWICH, CONNECTICUT
|
| [FZ] Alright now, I’ll tell you what, Brian: do you know the words to this song?
|
| [Brian Rivera] Well, in a way, in a way
|
| [FZ] OK, here’s… Brian, this is your golden opportunity. This is the Frank Zappa Perform-Alike Contest, and here’s what you’re going to do: we’re gonna play the song again and you’re gonna pretend you’re me, and you pretend to sing the song and dance all across the stage and give these people a very good Halloween show, would you?
|
| [Brian Rivera] RIGHT! YEAH! YEAH!
|
| [FZ] OK, ready? WORK! WORK!
|
|
|
| I couldn’t say where she’s comin’ from
|
| But I just met a lady named Dinah-moe humm
|
| (Great!)
|
| Strolled on over, say: “Look here, bum
|
| I got a forty-dollar bill say you can’t make me cum
|
| (Y’ jes’ can’t do it)”
|
|
|
| She made a bet with her sister who’s a little bit dumb
|
| She could prove it any time all men was scum
|
| I don’t mind that she called me a bum
|
| But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
|
| (So I got down to it)
|
|
|
| Whipped off her bloomers an’ stiffened my thumb
|
| An’ applied rotation to her sugar plum
|
| I poked an’ stroked till my wrist got numb
|
| You know, I heard some Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| A Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Little Dinah-moe
|
| Little Dinah-moe again
|
| Hey! How come you guys aren’t singing it? Wait a minute, wait a minute.
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| (THAT’S RIGHT!)
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| DINAH-MOE
|
| Dinah-moe
|
| (Give me that hat!)
|
| Alright!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Alright, alright. What? “San Ber’di—”? No, no, not yet, I’ll tell you what. (Boy, is this thing hard to hold on your head!) Let’s do another song, here!
|
| [Guy in the audience] “San Ber’dino!”
|
| [FZ] No, no, we’ll do that later. Hey, thanks man, you do a pretty good imitation of me. Nice fingernail polish! Really good! Really good! I like that. Let’s wait, look at… show the camera, show the camera your fingernails, very good, nice. Alright! (What’s this? Thank you! What? OK! Thank you! Wait a minute! Ah, take these. OK!)
|
| [FZ] One, two, three, four
|
|
|
| She had that Camarillo Brillo
|
| Flamin’ out along her head
|
| I mean her Mendocino bean-o
|
| By where some bugs had made it red
|
|
|
| She ruled the toads of the Short Forest ▶
|
| And every newt in Idaho
|
| And every cricket who had chorused
|
| By the bush in Buffalo
|
|
|
| She said she was a magic mama
|
| And she could throw a mean tarot
|
| And carried on without a comma
|
| That she was someone I should know
|
|
|
| She had a snake for a pet
|
| And an amulet
|
| And she was breeding a dwarf
|
| But she wasn’t done yet
|
| She had gray-green skin
|
| A doll with a pin
|
| I told her she was awright
|
| But I couldn’t come in
|
| (Actually, I was very busy then…)
|
|
|
| And so she wandered through the doorway
|
| Just like a shadow from the tomb
|
| She said her stereo was four-way
|
| An’ I’d just love it in her room
|
|
|
| Well, I was born to have adventure
|
| So I just followed up the steps
|
| Right past her fuming incense stencher
|
| To where she hung her castanets
|
|
|
| She stripped away her rancid poncho
|
| An’ laid out naked by the door
|
| We did it till we were un-concho
|
| An’ it was useless any more
|
|
|
| She had a snake for a pet
|
| And an amulet
|
| And she was breeding a dwarf
|
| But she wasn’t done yet
|
| She had gray-green skin
|
| A doll with a pin
|
| I told her she was awright
|
| But I couldn’t come in
|
|
|
| And so she wandered through the doorway
|
| Just like a shadow from the tomb
|
| She said her stereo was four-way
|
| An’ I’d just love it in her room
|
| (OK, black napkins ▶)
|
|
|
| Well, I was born to have adventure
|
| So I just followed up the steps
|
| Right past her fuming incense stencher
|
| To where she hung her castanets
|
|
|
| I chewed my way through her rancid panocha
|
| (Joey Psychotic, ladies and gentlemen!)
|
| She laid buck nekkid by the door
|
| We did it till we were un-concho
|
| (Hi, darling, how you doin’?)
|
| And it was useless any more
|
| Yes, it was (Back up, back up!) any more
|
| (Hey, you’re hurting Joey Psychotic!)
|
| Yes, it was useless any more
|
| (Move back now!)
|
.jpg "(Front)")
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Songs list
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