| Album notes by FZ
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| This Buyways Wrap Up Copy Was Personally Written By FRANK ZAPPA Whose Unique Humor We Hope You Enjoy.
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| MARKETING OVERVIEW
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| Dateline: Los Angeles, California, 1982… Zappa delivers yet another album for Barking Pumpkin, creating no excitement whatsoever in a Reaganomically, reactionary seven-ninety-eight sort of freeze-dried aesthetic decision made by accountants from New Jersey kind of industry. Zappa opened no appearance at the Abrams Convention nor did 3000 screaming teenagers give him a standing ovation. In the tradition of Aerosmith and Van Halen, which this album is not, excitement does not exist, nor will it mysteriously appear, since who cares if there’s another Zappa album anyway.
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| ADVERTISING
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| Because of the incredible lack of interest in this sort of thing, there will maybe be some time-buys or maybe there won’t be some time-buys… who knows… nobody wants to spend any money on that kind of crap anyway.
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| TRADE
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| 2-3 weeks after release, the absence of any full-page advertising in Billboard will highlight the futility of making any advertising claims whatsoever about any album that is not in the current tradition of Formula - poot - kiss - the - hiney - hole - of - some - guy - who - gets - your - record - on - the - radio - if - it - sounds - like - Styx - to - a - half - deaf - donkey.
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| R&R
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| A teaser campaign will not be run nor will it be walked for any tune in this album since who can afford it anymore?
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| MUSIC
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| There’s only 6 songs on the album and you probably won’t enjoy any of them, so if anybody says listen to “No not now”, “Valley girl”, “I come from nowhere”, “Drowning witch”, “Envelopes” and “Teen-age prostitute”, just tell them that you’re not into that sort of thing and make them go away.
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| DEMOGRAPHICS
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| In line with Van Halen, Aerosmith and Loverboy, you can look for tonnage among the 14-21 year-old audience, with a slight lean toward the males. Since this album is not in line with any of the above-mentioned artists, there seems to be no reason to release it in today’s America, but maybe somebody made a mistake.
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| SINGLE RELEASE
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| Because of getting any of Zappa’s stuff on the radio in America now that programmers have chosen to go with concepts prevalent in the industry 20 years ago, the release of a single would seem to be a waste of money… and that’s all we really care about (it’s the thing that sort of sets us apart from the Communists).
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| SELLING POINTS
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| - Zappa has some kind of following somewhere and maybe they will buy it… who knows
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| - Because they do not follow the same demographics as Loverboy and Van Halen, expect no support on the West Coast
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| - The band is going on the road in Europe May thru August… this won’t help much in the States
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| - A pre-release mailing didn’t work the last time, so there probably won’t be one this time
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| No not now
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| No not now
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| No not now
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| No not now
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| Maybe later
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| Maybe later
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| She say: “I’m free”
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| She say: “I’m free”
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| She say: “I’m free”
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| She say: “I’m free”
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| But I like her sister
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| But I like her sister
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| She can’t decide
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| Whom she wanna ride
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| She can’t decide
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| Whom she wanna ride
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| Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| And I don’t blame her
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| And I don’t blame her
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| No not now
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| No no not now
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| No not now
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| No no not now
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| No not now
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| No no not now
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| No not now
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| No no not now
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| Maybe later
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| Maybe later
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| Shut up!
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| You need a vacation, boy!
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| The big ol’ hat
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| The big ol’ hat
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| The cowboy pants ▶
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| Those cowboy pants
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| Trans-continental
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| It’s a trans-continental
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| Hobby-horse
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| A hobby, hobby-horse
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| String beans to Utah
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| That’s right
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| String beans to Utah
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| Tonight
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| Oh, the wife
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| Ah, the wife
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| Oh, the waitress
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| And the waitress too
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| Oh, the drive
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| Yes, yes, the drive
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| All night long
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| All night long
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| String beans to Utah
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| Yum yum
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| String beans to Utah
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| Deliver string beans to Utah tonight
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| Giddy up!
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| I better go fast or they won’t be all right
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| All right
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| Deliver string beans to Utah tonight
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| Yum yum
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| Donny an’ Marie can both take a bite
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| Bite it, Marie
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| Hawaiian! Hawaiian! Hawaiian lunch!
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| Hawaiian lunch!
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| Book, book ‘em Danno… Murder One!
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| No not now
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| No no not now
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| No not now
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| No no no no not now
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| No not now
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| No no not now
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| No not now
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| No no no no not now
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| Maybe later
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| Maybe later
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| You know she changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| She changed her mind
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| You know she changed her mind
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| And I don’t blame her
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| And I don’t blame her
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| She’s sorta wild
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| She wild, she wild
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| She’s sorta wild
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| Really wild, really wild
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| She’s sorta wild
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| She wild, she wild
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| A crazy child
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| Crazy child, crazy child
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| Tonight! Tonight! Tonight!
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| There she goes
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| There she goes
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| Up and down
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| Up and down
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| Ride that bull
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| She’s ridin’ the bull
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| All around
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| All around
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| The best in town
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| She’s the best in town
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| Oh, she goes
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| She go up, she go down
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| Up and down
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| I said up and down
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| Oh, the bull
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| The whole bull
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| The whole bull
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| The whole bull
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| The whole bull
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| The whole damn thing
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| The best in town
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| Where she go?
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| Ebzen sauce…
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| [Letter from Moon Zappa to you - May 15, 1991] ONCE AND FOR ALL:
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| Once upon a time I slipped this note under the studio door. Time passed.
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| My father woke me up late one night, and taking me up on my very generous offer, led me downstairs to the VOCAL BOOTH. Terror seized my body and cotton mouth took over. (After all it was my BIG BREAK…).
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| I managed to improvise several tracks saying the first thing that came into my head, reciting things I’d heard people REALLY talk about and elaborating on subjects which amused my father. (When he was laughing I knew I had something there…). He edited the tracks together and my life has never been quite the same.
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| I have received letters from all around the world confirming that VALS exist everywhere. For them it is a state of mind and a way of life. For me it’s a way to make the ones around me, that I so dearly love, LAUGH.
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| (In other words, folks, I’m not really like that)
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| [Letter from Moon Zappa to FZ - 1980] Dear Daddy,
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| Hi! I’m 13 years old. My name is Moon. Up until now, I have been trying to stay out of your way while you record. However, I have come to the conclusion that I would love to sing on your album, if you would like to put up with me. I have a rather nice voice. For further information, contact my agent - Gail Zappa - at 650-4947. I’m available day or night, generally speaking. I would love to do my “Encino Accent” or “Surfer Dood Talk” for you. Later days dood!
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Love
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| [FZ] Valley girl, she’s a Valley girl
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| Valley girl, she’s a Valley girl
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| OK, fine…
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| Fer sure, fer sure
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| She’s a Valley girl
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| In a clothing store
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| OK, fine…
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| Fer sure, fer sure
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| She’s a…
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| [Moon Zappa] Like, OH MY GOD!
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| Valley girl
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| Like, TOTALLY
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| Valley girl
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| Encino is like SO BITCHEN
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| Valley girl
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| There’s like the Galleria
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| Valley girl
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| And like all these like really great shoe stores
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| I love going into like clothing stores and stuff
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| I like buy the neatest mini-skirts and stuff
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| It’s like so bitchen ‘cuz like everybody’s like
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| Super-super nice…
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| It’s like so bitchen, like…
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| [FZ] On Ventura, there she goes
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| She just bought some bitchen clothes
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| Tosses her head an’ flips her hair
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| She got a whole bunch of nothin’ in there
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| [Moon Zappa] Anyway, he goes: “Are you into S&M?” I go: “Oh, right…”
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| Could you like just picture me in like a leather teddy?
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| Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME…
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| I’M SURE! NO WAY!
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| He was like freaking me out…
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| He called me a beastie…
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| That’s ‘cuz like he was totally blitzed
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| He goes like: “Bag your face”, I’m sure!
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| [FZ] Valley girl, she’s a Valley girl
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| Valley girl, she’s a Valley girl
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| OK, fine…
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| Fer sure, fer sure
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| She’s a Valley girl
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| So sweet an’ pure
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| OK, fine…
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| Fer sure, fer sure
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| She’s a…
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| [Moon Zappa] It’s really sad
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| Valley girl
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| Like my English teacher, he’s like…
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| Valley girl
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| He’s like Mr. Bu-Fu
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| Valley girl
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| We’re talking Lord God King Bu-Fu
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| Valley girl
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| I am so SURE
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| He’s like so gross
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| He like sits there and like plays with all his rings
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| And he like flirts with all the guys in the class
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| It’s like TOTALLY disgusting
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| I’m like so sure
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| It’s like BARF ME OUT!
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| GAG ME WITH A SPOON!
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| [FZ] Last idea to cross her mind
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| Had something to do with where to find
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| A pair of jeans to fit her butt
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| And where to get her toenails cut
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| [Moon Zappa] So like I go into this like salon place, y’know
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| And I wanted like to get my toenails done
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| And the lady like goes, oh my God:
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| “Your toenails are like so grody”
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| It was like really embarrassing
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| She’s like oh my God, like bag those toenails
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| I’m like sure…
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| She goes uh… “I don’t know if I can handle this, y’know…”
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| I was like really embarrassed
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| [FZ] Valley girl, she’s a Valley girl
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| Valley girl, she’s a Valley girl
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| OK, fine…
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| Fer sure, fer sure
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| She’s a Valley girl
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| And there is no cure
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| OK, fine…
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| Fer sure, fer sure
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| She’s a Valley girl
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| And there is no cure
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| [Moon Zappa] Like my mother is like a TOTAL space cadet
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| Valley girl
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| She like makes me do the dishes and…
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| Valley girl
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| Clean the cat box
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| Valley girl
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| I am SURE, that’s like GROSS
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| Valley girl
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| BARF OUT!
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| Valley girl
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| OH MY GOD!
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| Valley girl
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| Hi! Uh-huh
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| Valley girl
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| My name? My name is Ondrya Wolfson
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| Valley girl
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| Uh-huh… that’s right, Ondrya
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| Valley girl
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| Uh-huh… I know, it’s like…
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| Valley girl
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| I DO NOT TALK FUNNY, I’m sure
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| Valley girl
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| Whatsa matter with the way I talk?
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| Valley girl
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| I am a Val, I know
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| Valley girl
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| But I live in like in a really good part of Encino so it’s OK
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| Valley girl
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| Huh-ah
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| Valley girl
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| So like, I don’t know
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| Valley girl
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| I’m like FREAKING OUT TOTALLY
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| Valley girl
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| Oh my GOD!
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| Valley girl
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| I asked orthodontist
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| Valley girl
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| I’m getting my braces off, y’know
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| Valley girl
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| But I have to wear a retainer
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| That’s going to be really like a total bummer
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| I’m freaking out
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| I’m sure
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| Like those things that like stick in your mouth
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| They’re SO GROSS…
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| You like get saliva all over them
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| But like, I don’t know, it’s going to be cool, y’know
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| So you can see my smile
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| It’ll be like really cool
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| Except my like my teeth are like too small
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| But no biggie…
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| It’s SO awesome
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| It’s like tubular, y’know
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| Well, I’m not like really ugly or anything
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| It’s just like…
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| I don’t know
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| You know me, I’m like into like the clean stuff
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| Like Pac-Man and like, I don’t know
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| Like my mother like makes me do the dishes
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| It’s like so gross…
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| Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates
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| And it’s like… it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know
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| It’s like GRODY… GRODY TO THE MAX
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| I’m sure
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| It’s like really nauseating
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| Like BARF OUT
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| GAG ME WITH A SPOON!
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| GROSS
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| I am sure
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| Totally…
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| [Instrumental]
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| [Roy Estrada] I come from nowhere
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| And you should go there
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| Just try it for a while
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| The people from nowhere always smile
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| [Instrumental]
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| Their eyes are all frozen over
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| The sides of their faces pooch out at the corners
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| Because that’s what happens when their mouths turn up on both sides
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| Which is why we can tell they’re smiling
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| They never frown
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| They never let their eyebrows turn down
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| They like going around with their teeth showing
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| All the time
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| They are from nowhere
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| Your teeth is showing
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| So maybe you been there
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| You could have the disease of nowhere people
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| Where the air gets stuck all over their gums
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| When their nowhere lips roll back
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| For real excitement!
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| They stand still
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| They shut up
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| Then they don’t do nothing
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| OUT THERE IN NOWHERE
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] There’s a ship arriving too late
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| To save a drowning witch
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| She was swimmin’ along, tryin’ to keep a date
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| With a Merchant Marine who told her he was really rich
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| But it doesn’t matter no more…
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| She’s on the ocean floor
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| An’ the water’s all green down there
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| An’ it’s not very clean down there
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| An’ water snakes an’ rusty wrecks
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| Is all that she can see
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| As the light goes dim and she’s tryin’ to swim
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| Will she make it?
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| Boy, we sure hope so…
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| Not even a witch oughta be caught on the bottom of America’s spew-infested waterways
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| Hey hey
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| She could get radiation all over her
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| She could mutate insanely…
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| She could mutate insanely…
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| (That’s right!)
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| You know, she could go on the freeway and grow up to be 15 feet tall and scary-lookin’
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| And then…
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| Cars could crash all over the place as a result of people with Hawaiian shirts ▶ on…
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| Lookin’ up to see her face
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| Sardines in her eyebrows
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| Lobsters up an’ down her forehead
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| All of them horribly large from radiation…
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| And smelling very bad
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| And DANGEROUS!
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| Maybe a submarine could save her
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| And bring her home to the Navy…
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| For some kind of… ao-oo-oo-ah ah
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| Ah-oo-oo oo-oo-oo ah-oo-ahhh
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| Ritual sacrifice…
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| [Instrumental]
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| [Lisa Popeil] She’s only seventeen
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| She’s really sort of cute
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| She’s working in the street
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| She’s a teen-age prostitute
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| She ran away from home
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| Her mom was destitute
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| Her daddy doesn’t care
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| She’s a teen-age prostitute
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| “I have got a pimp, he treats me like a dog…”
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| All the stuff she’s shooting keeps her in a fog
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| “I would really like to try and get away…”
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| But if she gets caught he will cause her some dismay
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| No, no, no, no, no!
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| [Instrumental]
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| Tiny little pants
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| Chain around my boot
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| Shakin’ in the dark
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| She’s a teen-age prostitute
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 Art by Roger Price from a 1953 droodle.jpg "(Front) Art by Roger Price from a 1953 droodle")
Title origin |
Songs list
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