| [FZ] One, two, three
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Billy the mountain
|
| Billy the mountain
|
| A regular picturesque postcardy mountain
|
| Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman
|
| With his stunning wife Ethel, a tree!
|
| A tree!
|
|
|
| Billy was a mountain
|
| Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
|
| Billy was a mountain
|
| [FZ] Billy was a mountain
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
|
| [FZ] Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
|
| [Howard Kaylan?] Hey hey hey!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Billy had two big caves for eyes
|
| With a cliff for a jaw that would go up an’ down
|
| And whenever it did he’d puff out some dust
|
| And hack up a boulder
|
| HACK!
|
| Hack up a boulder
|
| HACK! HACK!
|
| Hack up a boulder
|
| HACK! HACK! HACK!
|
| Up a boulder
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Now, one day, now, I believe it was on a Tuesday, a man in a checkered double knit ▶ suit drove up in a large Eldorado Cadillac, leased from Bob Spreen…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where the freeways meet in Downey!
|
| [Mark Volman] And he laid a huge, bulging envelope right at the corner of Billy the mountain, that was right where his foot was supposed to be. Now, Billy the mountain, he couldn’t believe it! All those postcards he’d posed for, for all of those years, and finally, now, at last, his royalties!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Royalties!
|
| [FZ & others] Royalties! Royalties!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Royalty check is in, honey!
|
| [Mark Volman] YES, Billy the mountain was RICH! YES, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his jaw, which was a cliff, well, it dropped thirty FEET!
|
| A bunch of dust puffed out!
|
| Rocks and boulders hacked up (Hack! Hack!) crushing THE LINCOLN!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] I gave him the money
|
| He acted real funny
|
| He hocked up a rock and
|
| It totaled my car
|
|
|
| Oh, do you
|
| Know any trucks might be bound for the valley?
|
| I don’t wanna stand here all night in this bar
|
| Dear Lord
|
| I don’t wanna stand here all night in this bar
|
| No shit!
|
| I don’t wanna stand here all night in this bar!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] By two o’clock, when the bars are already closed down, Billy had broken the big news to Ethel (eh-eh-eh). And with dust and boulders everywhere, Billy, choked with excitement (ahuuuuh!), announced:
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ethel, we’re going on a vacation!”
|
| [Mark Volman] YES, and they were going on a vacation! Oh, and Ethel… Ethel… Ethel, like every little woman, she of course was VERY excited!
|
| She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her
|
| Billy told Ethel they were going to… YES! THEY WERE GOING TO NEW YORK!
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ethel, we’re going to (OOH-OOH-OOH) … NEW YORK!”
|
| [Mark Volman] But FIRST they were gonna stop in LAS VEGAS!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] It’s off to Las Vegas
|
| To check out the lounges
|
| Pull a few handles
|
| And drink a few beers
|
| Oh, Ethel!
|
|
|
| Ethel, my darling
|
| You know that I love you
|
| I’m glad we could have a
|
| Vacation this year
|
| Oh, neat-o!
|
| Glad we could have a
|
| Vacation this year!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] They left that night, crunchin’ across the Mojave Desert, their voices ✄ echoing through the canyons of your minds
|
| POO-AHH!
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ethel, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?”
|
| [Mark Volman & others] Howard Johnson’s! Howard Johnson’s! Howard Johnson’s! Howard Johnson’s!
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ahhh! There’s a Howard Johnson’s! Wanna eat some clams?”
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was Edwards Air Force Base
|
| [FZ] And to this very day, wing nuts and data reduction clerks ▶ alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when test stand number 1 and the rocket sled itself…
|
| [Mark Volman?] We have ignition!
|
| [FZ] Got LUNCHED! I said LUNCHED!…
|
| [Mothers] Lunched!
|
| [FZ] By a famous mountain-in (aya-aya-aya) and his small, wooden wife (aya-aya-aya aya-aya-aya-aya-aya)
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] Word just in to the KTTV news service (EH-EH-EH) undeniably links this mountain and his wife to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley smut ring! (EH-EH-EH). However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent narcotics crack-down, in Torrance (EH-EH-EH) Hawthorne (EH-EH-EH) Lomita (EH-EH-EH) Westchester (EH-EH-EH) Playa del Rey (EH-EH-EH) Santa Monica (EH-EH-EH) Tujunga (EH-EH-EH) Sunland (EH-EH-EH) San Fernando (EH-EH-EH) Pacoima (EH-EH-EH) Sylmar (EH-EH-EH) Newhall (EH-EH-EH) Canoga Park (EH-EH-EH) Palmdale (EH-EH-EH) Glendale (EH-EH-EH) Irwindale (EH-EH-EH) Rolling Hills (EH-EH-EH) Granada Hills (EH-EH-EH) Shadow Hills (EH-EH-EH) Cheviot Hills (EH-EH-EH EH-EH-EH-AH) will provide the secret evidence the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a criminal indictment (EH-EH-EH) and pave the way for stiffer legislation (EH-EH-EH), increased federal aid (EH-EH-EH), and avert a crippling strike of bartenders and veterinarians (AW-AW-AW) throughout the Inland Empire (EH-EH-EH-AH-AH-AH-AH!)
|
| [Ian Underwood] Within the week…
|
| [Don Preston] Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] (“Wah wah wah, nice lady!”)
|
| [Jim Pons] To raise funds for the injured…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Injured…
|
| [Jim Pons] And homeless…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Homeless…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan & Jim Pons] In Glendale…
|
| [FZ] As Billy had just leveled it
|
| [Mark Volman] And, a few miles right outside of town, Billy caused a…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] ✄ Oh! Mein pa-pa
|
| [Mark Volman] In the Earth’s crust, right over the secret underground dumps, right near the Jack In The Box on Glenoaks, where they keep the…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS ▶, AND OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS…
|
| [Mark Volman] Just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Yes, it was about three o’clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto!
|
| [FZ] … just playing…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Come on, Toto!
|
| [FZ] … and having a nice time with his little accordion…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto!
|
| [FZ] … and this weird wind came up…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto!
|
| [FZ] … direct from Glendale…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto! Toto!
|
| [FZ] … blowing these terrible germs in his direction…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Come here, Toto!
|
| [FZ] … and all of this caused…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto!
|
| [FZ] … by a huge mountain
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Auntie Em!
|
✄ Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] … sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for untimely dispersal over VAST STRETCHES OF…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] WATTS!
|
| [Mark Volman] Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when Billy received his notice to report for his induction physical. Now, lemme tell ya, Ethel said… now Ethel… Ethel said she wasn’t gonna let him go!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “I’m not gonna let you go, Billy!”
|
| [Mark Volman] (That’s right!)
|
| [Jim Pons] We now have confirmed reports from an informed Orange County minister, that Ethel is still an active communist (DAH-AH-AH-AH!), and it is this reporter’s opinion that she also practices…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] COVEN!
|
| [Jim Pons] WITCH-CRAFT!
|
|
|
| [FZ] It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the secret briefcase belonging to the one mortal man who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save America herself.
|
| And I’m sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin. This one man was Studebacher Hoch, fantastic new super hero of the current economic slump.
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Now, some folks say he looked like…
|
| [Mark Volman] He was like, he was like…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Zubin Mehta
|
| [Mark Volman] Zubin Mehta
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Still others say…
|
| [Mark Volman] Others say he…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Bullshit, honey
|
| [Mark Volman] Bullshit, man
|
| [Howard Kaylan] He’s just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the frozen beef pies at Boney’s market
|
| [Mark Volman] Others say he was just a… just a…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack!
|
| [Mark Volman] Crazy Italian
|
| [Howard Kaylan] He’s just a crazy Italian who drove a red car. You see.
|
| [Mark Volman] Nobody knows for sure ‘cause he was so…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Nobody ever really knew for sure, because Studebacher was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious
|
| [Mark Volman] Mysterious
|
| [Howard Kaylan] HE WAS SO…
|
| [Mark Volman] He was so… He was so…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] MYSTERIOUS! HE WAS SO…
|
| He was so… He was so…
|
| MYSTERIOUS!
|
|
|
| ‘Cuz when a person gets to be such a hero, folks
|
| And marvelous beyond compute
|
| You can never really tell about a guy like that
|
| Whether he’s really a nice person or if he just smiles a lot
|
| What?
|
| Or if he has a son named Pinocchio
|
| Or what?
|
|
|
| [FZ] Whether he’s really a nice person or if he has a son named Pinocchio or what?
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Some men say he could fly
|
| Some men say he could swim
|
| Others say he could sing like Neil Sedaka
|
| And all the girls in Flushing
|
| Would be amazed of him
|
| [Mark Volman] Two, three
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Mamazed of him!
|
| [FZ] Amazed!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Amazed!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Time passes…
|
| [FZ] January
|
| [Jim Pons] February
|
| [FZ] March
|
| [Jim Pons] July
|
| [FZ] Wednesday
|
| [Jim Pons] August
|
| [FZ] Irwindale
|
| [Jim Pons] 2:30 in the afternoon
|
| [Mark Volman] Sunday
|
| [FZ] Monday
|
| [Mark Volman] Funny cars!
|
| [FZ] Walnut!
|
| [Jim Pons] Friday
|
| [FZ] City of industry
|
| [Mark Volman] Big John Mazmanian!
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] So when the phone rang
|
| In the secret briefcase
|
| A strong masculine hand
|
| With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
|
| [Mark Volman] And flexy bracelet
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] GRABBED IT
|
| [Jim Pons] And answered in a deep, calmly assured voice:
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “So, uh, yeah, yeah, hello, already… What? Well, yeah? Uh, are you kidding? You’re not kidding ▶. A mountain? (aya-aya-aya) With a tree growing off of its shoulder? (aya-aya-aya aya-aya-aya-aya-aya) Aw, you’re fulla shit, man! Uh, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front? ▶ Yeah? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we’re having a lot of… Listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head and uh… how’s your wife’s hemorrhoids? Oh, that’s too bad. Listen, so you’ve got a mountain, with a tree… listen, causing (aya-aya-aya) oh, my…! Well, let me write this down sorta… take a few notes here.
|
| Yeah? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? Oh God, that’s terrible! (My baby! My baby!) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? (Ow!) An expense account? And per diem, TOO?”
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE
|
| [FZ] They said he could dance, and, of course, they were right! Ladies and gentlemen, this is it, the Studebacher Hoch Dancing Lesson and Cosmic Prayer for Guidance featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!
|
|
|
| [Mothers] Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly!
|
| Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, hey!
|
| RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
|
| LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
|
| RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
|
| LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER TO THE HEART-UH
|
| Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore
|
|
|
| [FZ] Nobody can dance like Studebacher Hoch! So many rumors have spread about Studebacher Hoch!
|
| [Mothers] A rumor… A rumor… A rumor… A rumor
|
| [FZ] Consider this rumor, which was published about three weeks ago in Rolling Stone…
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh, it’s gotta be true!
|
| [FZ] Studebacher Hoch can write the Lord’s Prayer on the head of a pin! ▶
|
| [Mark Volman] NO!
|
|
|
| [Mothers] Do-do-do-do-do
|
| Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
|
| Do-do-do-do-do
|
| Doot-doot-do DO!
|
| Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
|
| Do-do-do-do-do
|
| Doot-doot-do DO!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] I’m so HIP!
|
| Beef pies!
|
| He was born next to the beef pies
|
| Underneath Joni Mitchell’s autographed picture
|
| Right beside Elliot Roberts’ big bank book
|
| Next to the boat
|
| Where Crosby flushed away all his stash
|
| And the cops
|
| Got him in the boat and drove away
|
| To the can
|
| Where Neil Young slipped another disc
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] FROZE-ING BY THE PIES!
|
| FROZE-ING BY THE PIES!
|
| FROZE-ING BY THE PIES!
|
| And that was the main influence on him!
|
|
|
| [FZ] The influence of a frozen beef pie
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife…
|
| [Mark Volman] Who ran a modeling school, whereupon he… yes, he ran around the back of the Broadway at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, unused cardboard boxes
|
| No shit!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] After which, he hit up the Ralphs on Sunset for some Aunt Jemima syrup, some KAISER BROILER FOIL AND A PAIR OF BLUNT SCISSORS! HEY HEY!
|
| [Mark Volman] Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of Ralphs (where no prices are lower prices than Ralphs), in the parking lot of Ralphs, in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking, he cut out some really, really, really nice wings, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Thorough-LY WITH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL!
|
| [Jim Pons] Then he took those wings and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth
|
| [Mark Volman] YES! YES! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman-type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of Aunt Jemima maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!
|
| [Jim Pons] Soon the booth was filling with flies
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Help me! Help me! Help me! Help!
|
| [Jim Pons] He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in
|
| [Mark Volman] Yeah! And when each and every one of those little cock-suckin’ flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, Ron Hubbard-type voice:
|
| [Mothers] “NEW YORK!” AND THE BOOTH AND EVERYTHING LIFTED UP, OUT OF THE PARKING LOT AND INTO THE SKY!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| YEAH YEAH
|
| STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| STU-DE-BACHER HOCH!
|
|
|
| STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| YEAH YEAH
|
| STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| STU-DE-BACHER HOCH!
|
|
|
| He’s coating his legs with Aunt Jemima syrup up and down
|
| His shorts’ll be filled with flies that will be buzzing all around
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, he’s really outta sight!
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, he does it every night!
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, he treats the flies all right!
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, that’s why they never bite, hey!
|
|
|
| Please to New York!
|
| Fly to New York!
|
| He could be a dog or a frog or a lesbian queen
|
| Fly to New York!
|
| He could be a narc or a lady Marine
|
| Or he might play dirty
|
| He’s over thirty
|
| Getting old? Say! I don’t know!
|
|
|
| His peculiar attire and the flies he require keep leading him on
|
| ‘Cause Ethel is gone
|
| They keep leading him on
|
| ‘Cause Ethel is gone
|
| And the mountain she’s on
|
|
|
| [FZ] And speaking of mountains we’ll join Studebacher Hoch on the edge of Billy the mountain’s mouth. Take it away.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey-ah Billy, uh… listen, I’ve come to reason with you! Our great country needs you in the Armed Forces! Your number came up, you can’t go on running like this forever”
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh! But Ethel just shook her twigs angrily, but Studebacher Hoch, calm, cool, collected and un-ferturbed, continued:
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “Ya, well, listen, you…”
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan & Jim Pons] “LISTEN, YOU COMMUNIST SON OF A BITCH! YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE FOR YOUR FUCKIN’ PHYSICAL, OR I’LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU GET USED FOR FILL DIRT IN SOME IMPENDING NEW JERSEY MARSH RECLAMATION. AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND THERE WILL WIND UP DISGUISED AS A SERIES OF BROOMS, PRIMITIVE IRONING BOARDS, OR A DOG HOUSE. GET THE…”
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “GET THE PICTURE?”
|
| [Mark Volman] Yeah, well, Billy just laughed:
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] Ho ho ho!
|
| [Jim Pons] If they think they’re gonna draft ME, they’re CRAZY!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Unfortunately, because Studebacher Hoch was standing on the edge of Billy the mountain’s mouth when the giant mountain laughed, Studebacher Hoch lost his footing and fell, screaming, two hundred feet into the rubble below!
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] AAAHHHH!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “Oh, fuck, I’m gonna need a truss!”
|
| Oh, listen, that only goes to show you, and it’ll show you once again that…
|
|
|
| [Mothers] A mountain is something
|
| You don’t wanna fuck with
|
| You don’t wanna fuck with
|
| Don’t fuck around
|
| Don’t fuck around
|
|
|
| Don’t fuck with Billy
|
| No!
|
| And don’t fuck with Ethel
|
| You saw what just happened to the guy with the flies
|
|
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| DON’T FUCK AROUND!
|
| With Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly, Biddilly
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] BIDDILLY THE MOUNTIN-INNNNNNN!
|
| Eddie, are you kidding? ▶
|
| [FZ] Eddie, are you kidding?
|
|
|
| [FZ] Oh, I forgot to mention this is where we take our intermission, we’ll see you in a few minutes
|
| [Mark Volman?] Thank you!
|
| [FZ] We’ll be back
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| Call it by name
|
| You gotta call one today
|
| When you get off the train
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| And the chances are good
|
| Yeah-eh-hey
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Oo-oo la-la-la-laaa
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Oo-oo la-la-la-laaa
|
| Oh!
|
|
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| Pick up your phone
|
| Think of a vegetable
|
| Lonely at home
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| And the chances are good
|
| Yeah-eh-hey
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Oo-oo la-la-la-laaa
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Oo-oo la-la-la-laaa
|
|
|
| Ruta-bay-ay-ayga, ruta-bay-ay-ayga ruta-bay-ay-ayga, ruta-bay-ay-ayga…
|
| Ruta-bayyyyy…
|
|
|
| No one will know if you don’t want to let ‘em know
|
| No one will know ‘less it’s you that might tell ‘em so
|
| Call and they’ll come to you smiling and covered with dew
|
| Vegetables dream…
|
| Vegetables dream…
|
| Vegetables dream of responding to you
|
|
|
| Standing there shiny & proud by your side
|
| Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
|
| Why is a vegetable something to hide?
|
| To hide!
|
| To hide!
|
| To hide!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Shoo-shoo shoo-shoo
|
| Shoo-shoo shoo-shoo
|
|
|
| [FZ] You know, a lot of people don’t bother about their friends in the… vegetable kingdom (ah-ah-aaah). They… They think: “What can I say?”. Some times they think: “Where can I go?”.
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
|
| [Mark Volman] At Ralphs vegetarian poodle clippin’, where you can come this…
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get organic Vaseline for my intercourse?
|
| [Mark Volman] At Bob and Ray’s Swahili restaurant, where you can come this close…
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get my jeans embroidered in Fullerton?
|
| [Mark Volman] At Jeans… At Jeans North where nothing fits
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get my zipper repaired in Hollywood?
|
| [Mark Volman] Who gives a fuck anyway!
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get my speakers fixed?
|
| [Mark Volman] Hey, at Jack La—
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get my exit lights?
|
| [Mark Volman] At Jack LaLanne Hamburgers on 312 Whittier Boulevard
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get my stomach pumped? Where can I go to collapse?
|
| [Mark Volman] Adee Do
|
|
|
| [FZ] Questions, questions, questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. AH, BUT IT’S A GREAT TIME TO BE ALIVE, ladies and gentlemen. And that’s the theme of our program for tonight. IT’S SO FUCKING GREAT TO BE ALIVE! Is what the theme of our show is tonight, boys and girls. And I wanna tell ya, if there is anybody here who doesn’t believe that IT IS FUCKING GREAT TO BE ALIVE, I wish they would go now, because ✄ this show will bring them down so much.
|
|
|
✄ God bless America
|
Land that I…
|
|
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| Call it by name
|
| You gotta call one today
|
| When you get off the train
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| And the chances are good
|
| Oh, that the vegetable will respond to you
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] And if you’re a consenting adult we want you to call today. In Los Angeles the number is Richmond 9-6135, in Downey it’s 347-8932.
|
|
|
| Call it direct
|
| Call it collect
|
| BUT CALL IT TODAY!
|
| Hey!
|
| Ha!
|
| Ooh!
|
|
|
| There was a man
|
| A little ole man
|
| Who lived in Montreal
|
| With a wife and a kid
|
| And a car and a house
|
| And a teen-age daughter
|
| With a see-thru blouse
|
| Who loved to grunt and ball
|
| And her name was Magdalena
|
|
|
| Magdalena
|
|
|
| The little ole man
|
| Came home one night
|
| To his house in Montreal
|
| He caught his daughter
|
| In the blouse by the light
|
| And he said to himself:
|
| “She looks all right!”
|
| And he reached for a tit
|
| And grabbed it tight
|
| And threw her up
|
| Against the wall
|
| BLUE CROSS!
|
| Magdalena
|
|
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| I work so hard
|
| Don’t you understand? Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
|
|
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
|
|
| The little ole man
|
| With the grubby little hand
|
| Who lived in Montreal
|
| Was drooling a bit
|
| As he reached for her tit
|
| And he said to himself:
|
| “This is gonna be it!”
|
| But the girl turned around
|
| And said: “Go eat shit!”
|
| And ran on down the hall
|
| RIGHT ON, Magdalena!
|
|
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| I work so hard
|
| Don’t you understand? Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
|
|
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
|
|
| Magdalena, don’t you tease me like this
|
| Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
|
| If your mommy ever finds us like this
|
| She’ll call a lawyer, oh, how mom will be pissed!
|
|
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH-WAH
|
|
|
| Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena
|
| Daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles
|
| I’d like to take you in the closet and take off your little clothes until you are virtually stark raving nude ▶
|
| Spread mayonnaise
|
| And Kaopectate all over your body and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard and we can…
|
| We can walk down the streets by the stars that say Jon Provost and Leo G. Carroll together, baby
|
| We can go dancing up at the Cinegrill
|
| Can’t you see it? Frank Parnell and us, until dark
|
| Don’t you understand, my baby?
|
| I didn’t mean, I didn’t need, I mean, it was so hard for me, I just…
|
| I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night
|
| In the light
|
| With your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie, and I just said: “My God, my God, I gave my sperm to this thing!” And now I just…
|
| Oh, you got me so hard, I just…
|
| I don’t know what to do, Magdalena, don’t you understand? So I grabbed you, but…
|
| But don’t hold it against me, I mean
|
| Your mom will never know, baby, and I wantcha to come back to me
|
| I mean, do you understand me? I want you to…
|
| I’m down on my knees to ya, Magdalena! I wantcha to walk back to me, baby
|
| I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine
|
| That’s it! That’s it! In the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall
|
| And I want you to step, baby
|
| I want you to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick’s
|
| Same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for Christmas
|
| And I want you to stroll back to me, baby
|
| Walk back, baby, dontcha understand me, baby?
|
| I want you to walk back
|
| I’m down on bended knees, baby
|
| I’m gonna… I’m gonna… I wanna take off your little training bra
|
| Don’t you understand me?
|
| I’m gonna take off your little maroon hot pants
|
| I’m gonna get down on my knees, baby, dontcha understand what I’m saying to you?
|
| Your mom will never know, she’s playing bridge with the girls
|
| And you and I…
|
| You and I go sucking som’thing, baby
|
| It’s just you and I, dontcha understand?
|
| We can make love all night long
|
| Nobody will ever know
|
| Come on, Magdalena!
|
| Please, little girl
|
| Walk back to your daddy
|
| What did I do that was so wrong?
|
| My God, I was only following the sexual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show from a book that some guy wrote
|
| I didn’t know what I was doing
|
| I got carried away
|
| What can I say like… like…
|
| Walk back, baby
|
| Come on
|
| Oh, please, you gotta walk back, baby, walk back
|
| Walk back to your daddy!
|
| Come on, Magdalena, to your daddy, baby, you gotta walk back, baby, walk back
|
| Walk back, baby, walk back
|
| Your mom will never know
|
| Your mom will never know
|
| Walk back, baby, walk back
|
| Walk back, baby, walk back
|
| Magdalena, come back
|
| Come back to your daddy
|
| Walk back, baby
|
| Walk back, baby
|
| Walk
|
| Walk
|
| Walk
|
| Walk
|
| Walk
|
| Walk to your daddy
|
| Come on down, stroll it around of me
|
| I’m down on my knees, don’t you understand?
|
| Your mom will never know
|
| I told you so…
|
| I love you, Magdalena!
|
| You know what…
|
| I said…
|
 Art by Cal Schenkel.jpg "(Front) Art by Cal Schenkel")
.jpg "(LP inside left)")
.jpg "(LP inside right)")
.jpg "(LP back)")
Cover info |
Songs list
| 
Title origin
|
