| Album notes by FZ - April 1, 1981
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| THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PREPARED for publication in Newsweek magazine. After it was sent to them, they rejected it saying that it was too “idiosyncratic”. Since we needed something to fill up this space, this article will now meet its destiny as decorative filler material.
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| SAY CHEESE…
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| It has been suggested that the Gross National Product is perhaps not the best indicator of how well we are doing as a society since it tells us nothing about the Quality of Our Lives… but, is this worth dwelling upon as we grovel our way along in the general direction of the 21st Century? When future historians write about us, they base their conclusions on whatever material goods survive from Present-Day America, we will undoubtedly stand alone among nations and be known forevermore as “THOSE WHO CHOSE CHEESE”.
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| As you will recall, folks, nobody ever had as much going for them in the beginning as we did. Let’s face it… we were fantastic. Today, unfortunately, we are merely WEIRD. This is a shocking thing to say, since no Red-Blooded American likes to think of his or herself as being WEIRD, but when there are other options and a whole nation CHOOSES CHEESE, that is WEIRD.
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| Our mental health has been in a semi-wretched condition for quite some time now. One of the reasons for this distress, aside from CHOOSING CHEESE as a way of life, is the fact that we have (against some incredibly stiff competition) emerged victorious as the biggest bunch of liars on the face of the planet. No society has managed to invest more time and energy in the perpetuation of the fiction that it is moral, sane and wholesome than our current crop of Modern Americans.
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| This same delusion is the Mysterious Force behind our national desire to avoid behaving in any way that might be construed as INTELLIGENT. Modern Americans behave as if intelligence were some sort of hideous deformity. To cosmeticize it, many otherwise normal citizens attempt a peculiar type of self-inflicted homemade mental nose-job (designed to lower the recipient’s socio-intellectual profile to the point where the ability to communicate on the most mongolian level provides the necessary certification to become ONE OF THE GUYS). Let’s face it… nobody wants to hang out with somebody who is smarter than they are. This is no FUN.
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| Americans have always valued the idea of FUN. We have a National Craving for FUN. We don’t get very much of it anymore, so we do two things: first, we rummage around for anything that might be FUN, then (since it really wasn’t FUN stuff in the first place) we pretend to enjoy it (whatever it was). The net result: STRESSED CHEESE.
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| But where does all this CHEESE really come from? It wouldn’t be fair to blame it all on TV, although some credit must be given to whoever it is at each of the networks that GIVES US WHAT WE WANT (You don’t ask - you don’t get). Folks, we now have GOT IT… lots of it… and, in our Infinite American Wisdom, we have constructed elaborate systems to insure that future generations will have an even more abundant supply of that fragrant substance upon which we presently thrive.
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| If we can’t blame it on the TV, then where does it come from? Obviously, we are weird if we have to ask such a question. Surely we must realize by now (except for the fact that we lie to ourselves so much that we get confused sometimes) that as Contemporary Americans we have an almost magical ability to turn anything we touch into a festering mound of self-destructing poot.
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| How can we do this with such incredible precision? Well, one good way is to form a Committee. Committees composed of all kinds of desperate American Types have been known to convert the combined unfulfilled emotional needs and repressed biological urges of their memberships into complex masses of cheese-like organisms at the rap of a gavel. Committee Cheese is usually sliced very thin, then bound into volumes for eventual dispersal in courts of law, legislative chambers, and public facilities where you are invited to eat all you want.
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| If that doesn’t fill you up, there is the exciting Union Cheese… the most readily available cheese-type offered. The thing that’s so exciting about Union Cheese, from a gourmet’s point of view, is the classic simplicity of the mathematical formula from which it is derived. In fact, it is difficult to avoid a state of Total Ecstasy if one contemplates the proposition that no import quota yet devised has proven equal to the task of neutralizing the lethal emissions generated by the ripening process of this piquant native confection. Should we not be overtaken by some unspeakable emotion when we consider the fact that the smaller the amount of care taken in the preparation of each Union Cheese Artifact, the more triumphant the blast as the vapors stream forth from every nook and cranny of whatever it was that the stalwart craftsperson got paid $19.00 per hour to slap together?
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| Still hungry? Union Cheese might be the most readily available, but no type of cheese in America today has achieved the popular acceptance of Accountant Cheese. If it is true that YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT, then surely our national willingness to eat this stuff tells us more about ourselves than we probably wish to know. Obviously we have found The Cheese To Believe In. Why not? It is manufactured by people who count money, endorsed as nutritionally sound by Civic Leaders, and delivered by The Media door to door.
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| The Quality of Our Lives (if we think of this matter in terms of “How much of what we individually consider to be Beautiful are we able to experience every day?”) seems an irrelevant matter, now that all decisions regarding the creation and distribution of Works of Art must first pass under the limbo bar (a.k.a., “The Bottom Line”), along with things like Taste and The Public Interest, all tied like a tin can to the wagging tail of the sacred Prime Rate Poodle. The aforementioned festering poot is coming your way at a theatre or drive-in near you. It wakes you up every morning as it droozles out of your digital clock radio. An ARTS COUNCIL somewhere is getting a special batch ready with little tuxedos on it so you can think it’s precious.
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| Yes, Virginia… there is a FREE LUNCH. We are eating it now. Can I get you a napkin?
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| It’s a miserable Friday night
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| I’m so lonely
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| And nobody’ll give me a ride to the Grateful Dead concert…
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| Oh, rats!
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| [Bob Harris] I got to be free
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| Free as the wind
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| Free is the way
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| I got to be
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|
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| Maybe I’m lost
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| Maybe I’ve sinned
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| I got to be
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| Totally free
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|
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| Par-par-par-par-par
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| Our parents don’t love us
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| Parents, parents
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| Our teachers they say
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| Parents, parents
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| Things that are boring
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| Parents, parents
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| So we’re running away
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| Parents, parents
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| And we will be free
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| Parents, parents
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| And people will see
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| Parents, parents
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| That when we are free
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| Parents, parents
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| That’s the way we should be
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| Parents
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| Parents, parents, France
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| Nothing left to do but get out the ol’ glue ▶
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| Parents, parents
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| (Sniff it good now…)
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| Parents, parents, France
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| Parents, parents
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| I got to be free
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| Free as the wind
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| Free is the way
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| I got to be
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|
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| Maybe I’m lost
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| Maybe I’ve sinned
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| I got to be
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| Totally free
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| Dip-dip-dip-dip-dip
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| Our parents don’t love us
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| Our teachers they say
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| Things that are boring
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| So we’re running away
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| And we will be free
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| And people will see
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| That when we are free
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| Dipshit, dipshit
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| That’s the way we should be
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| Dipshit
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| [FZ] We must be free!
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| The glue! I can’t find the glue!
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| We must be free as the wind
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| If I was at the concert now, I’d be ripped!
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| We were free when we were born!
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| I could tighten my headband for an extra rush during Jerry’s guitar solo, then I could go to a midnite show of “200 Motels”!
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| We were born free, but now we are not free anymore!
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|
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| But we wanna be free
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| “Opal, you hot little bitch!” ▶
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| So we’re gonna be free
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| “You can take this pin an’ hang it in yer ass!”
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| An’ we wanna be free
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| “You ain’t the devil!”
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| So we’re gonna be free
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| “Where’s my waitress?” ▶
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| Did you know that
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| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing?
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| We want to be free
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| Free as the wind
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| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing
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| We want to be free
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| Free as the wind
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| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing
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| We want to be free
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| Free as the wind
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| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing
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| We wanna… (Yeah)
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| We wanna… (Yeah)
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| We wanna… (Yeah)
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| We wanna be free
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| We’re gonna… (Yeah)
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| We’re gonna… (Yeah)
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| We’re gonna… (Yeah)
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| We’re gonna be free
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| We gotta… (Yeah)
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| We gotta… (Yeah)
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| We gotta… (Yeah)
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| We gotta be free
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| We gotta… (Yeah)
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| We gotta… (Yeah)
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| We gotta… (Yeah)
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| We gotta be free
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| We gotta… (Gotta)
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| Gotta… (Gotta)
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| Gotta be free
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| Gotta be free
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| Gotta be free
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| (Yeah, yeah)
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| [Repeat]
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| [Jimmy Carl Black] We must say goodbye, there’s no need for you to cry
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| It’s better that I tell you this tonight
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| Our affair has been quite heated, you thought I was what you needed
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| But the time has come, my darlin’, to set things right
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| I’ll be harder than yer husband to get along with
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| Harder than yer husband every night
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| I’ll be harder than yer husband
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| Harder than yer husband
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| An’ I don’t want our love affair to end with a fight
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| You been like a little angel, how you loved me
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| An’ I appreciate the warmth of your embrace
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| Well, the world don’t need to know how I adore you
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| But the time has come, my darlin’, t’tell you this face to face:
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|
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| I’ll be harder than yer husband to get along with
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| Harder than yer husband every night
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| I’ll be harder than yer husband
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| Harder than yer husband
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| An’ I don’t want our love affair to end with a fight
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|
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| So it’s adios, adios, my little darlin’
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| (Adios my little darlin’…)
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| Keep that hankie that I gave you for when you cry
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| There are things that trouble me and I’m sure that you must see
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| That it breaks my heart the same as yours when we say goodbye
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| Harder than yer husband
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| Harder than yer… Much, much, much
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| Harder than yer husband
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| Harder than yer… Much, much, much
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| Harder than yer husband
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| Harder than yer… Much, much, much
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| Harder than yer husband
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| Harder than yer…
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| [Ray White] Doreen… don’t make me wait ‘til tomorrow
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| Woh no
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| Please, darling, let me love you tonight
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| An’ it’ll be awright
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| You… can’t make me say
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| I don’t want you
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| Woh no
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| My heart is burning with love
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| And I want you tonight
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| You know I-I…
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| I really love you
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| I love you
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| You make me feel good
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| You make me feel good
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| Please don’t deceive me
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| No, no
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| Doreen, you know you should
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| Stay with me always
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| Stay!
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| We could be lovers
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| Always!
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| Doreen, you’re different
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| You’re different
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| Than all the… others
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| Doreen… don’t make me wait ‘til tomorrow
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| Woh no
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| Please, darling, let me love you tonight
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| An’ it’ll be awright
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| You-you-woo… can’t make me say
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| I don’t want you
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| Woh no
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| My heart is burning with love
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| Tonight
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| And I want you tonight
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| Say!
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight
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| Tonight
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| I want you
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight
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| Tonight
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| Let me love you
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight
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| Tonight
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| Wanna love you
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight
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| Tonight
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| Let me love you
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight
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| Tonight
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| Let me squeeze you, girl
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-aiee-ight
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| Tonight
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| Oh, I want to love you tonight
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| Let me love you tonight, yeah
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| Let me lock […]
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| Let me love you more an’ more, yeah
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| Doreen, let me, let me…
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| Yeah, why don’t you let me in your bed?
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| Love you more, love you more, yeah
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| Gonna kiss […], yeah
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| […] wanna love you, yeah
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| Sweet Doreen, sweet Doreen, yeah
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| Gonna love you, sweet Doreen, an’ don’t get funky
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| […] all again, I say, yeah
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| Help me, ah don’t get, ah don’t get…
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| Ooh, got my heart, take my […], baby, yeah
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| Oh, sweet Doreen, let me love you
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| This sweet girl […], gonna get you, gonna get you, girl
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| Yeah, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet Doreen
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| I want you, I want you, girl
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| Sweet Doreen, I want you, girl
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| […] you’re so […] do everything, everything, everything, yeah
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| Gonna put my arms all around you one more time
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| Gonna take you, take you tonight, yeah
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| Sweet Doreen, yeah
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| Let me love you, love you, love you, love you
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| Kiss you, love you, please, Doreen
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| Doreen, come on, come on, girl
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| Tonight, you’re gonna make your thing alright
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| Tonight, tonight, make your thing alright
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| I’ll make everything alright with Doreen
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| To-nye-ay-ay-ight
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| Hob-noblin
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| Wit de goblin
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| De Goblin Girl from de mystery world
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| Hob-noblin
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| Wit de goblin
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| She’s black an’ green ‘cause it’s Halloween
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|
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| Raggedy black is the way she dress
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| Little green shoes an’ her hair’s a mess
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| On Halloween night at de costume ball
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| She’s a Goblin Girl an’ she can gobble it all
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| She’s a goblin
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| A Goblin Girl
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| She’s a goblin
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| A Goblin Girl
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| I been hobblin’ ‘cause of the goblin
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| Goblin Girl, Goblin Girl
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|
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| Some girls like to dress like a witch
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| Some girls like to dress like a queen
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| Best way a girl can dress for me
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| Is in a goblin suit
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| They look so cute!
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| When they’re a-gobblin’ there ain’t a problin
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| When they’re a-gobblin’ I start a-wobblin’
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| Pink all over, some is tan
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| Goblin Girls from every land
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| They look good from any which-a-way
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| Every Halloween you can hear me say:
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| “Goblin Girl, take it away…”
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| Hob-noblin
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| Wit de goblin
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| De Goblin Girl from de mystery world
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| De Goblin Girl from de mystery world
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| Trick or treat now
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| De Goblin Girl from de mystery world
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| Trick or treat now
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| De Goblin Girl from de mystery world
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| Trick or treat now
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| Doreen, don’t make me wait ▶
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| How ‘bout you?
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| ‘Til tomorrow
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| POO-AHH!
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| Ohhh-ho no
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| Got nothin’ fer yer honey?
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| Please, darling
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| How ‘bout girls?
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| Let me gobble tonight
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| POO-AHH! How ‘bout you?
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| An’ it’ll be awright
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| Whooo!
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| POO-AHH! Sweetheart
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| You
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| How ‘bout you?
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| Can’t make me say
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| I won’t burble-ble-ble-ble
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| All over you
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| Are you sure?
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| My snout
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| How ‘bout you?
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| Is burning with love
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| And it wants you tonight
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| Got nothin’ fer yer honey? POO-AHH!
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| I hope you’re good and tight
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| Are you sure?
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|
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| How ‘bout you?
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| ✄ Talkin’ ‘bout the bad girls
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| How ‘bout yer?
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| All the Goblin Girls
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| Are you…? POO-AHH!
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| Talkin’ ‘bout the bad, bad girls
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| Sweetheart
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| The little Goblin Girls
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| Come on, Roy, right here
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| Oh, the bad girls
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| Some are called Doreen ▶
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| How ‘bout you?
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| Some are dressed in green
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| They’re tricking your treat
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| But they’re bad girls
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| They’re very bad girls
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| Leprechaun light
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| Ay!
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| They make your face look like you got scales on it
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| But that’s OK…
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| Leprechaun light
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| POO-AHH!
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| When the green light shines down
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| Ay!
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| On the black guys in the band
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| Leprechaun light
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| POO-AHH!
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| Everybody in the audience thinks they’re seeing something that looks like it’s made out of fish skin
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| Ay!
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| Leprechaun light
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| POO-AHH!
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| But Coy leaves the green gels in the truss because he knows the guys in the front really enjoy looking like they have scales all over their body…
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| [FZ] You’re the ol’ lady from the society pages
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| From a small town somewhere I used to be
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| You owned the paper and a bunch of other stuff
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| That didn’t appeal to me
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| The hospital plans (yer brother drew ‘em all)
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| You ran the paper an’ the Charity Ball
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| Every day, on the third or fourth page
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| There you was… you was quite the rage
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|
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| [Ray White] Somehow, you was all kinda cheap an’ wrong
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| Just like in a lotta small towns
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| Where folks like you
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| Hang around too long
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| And pass out jobs
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|
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| To yer relatives an’ such
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| So you all keeps a lot
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| ‘Cept but nobody else
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| Ever gets too much
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| To speak of…
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| So what? What can you say?
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| [FZ] So long as the trash gets picked up
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| So long as the trash gets locked up
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| Just so the trash don’t stack up
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| Someday you won’t be
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| On page three
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| Or page four
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| Anymore
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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| Ol’ lady, ol’ lady
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|
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| By the grace of God you had a son
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| He’s the one and only one
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| He grew up and by and by
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| He came to be a Beautiful Guy
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| [Ray White] I’m a beautiful guy
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| And you have walked by
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| And I have gave you the eye
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| But you pretend to be shy
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|
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| But I’m a beautiful guy
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| (You know what I mean? You know what I mean?)
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| And so I want to know why, why, why
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| You make me cry, cry, cry
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| ‘Cause you want to try, try, try
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| Some stupid game on me
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|
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| [Ike Willis] They’re drinking lighter
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| They’re full of water
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| I hear them say: “Let’s jog…”
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| They’re playing tennis
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| Their butts are tighter
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| What could be whiter?
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| Hey?
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|
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| [Ray White] Your athletic approach has a lot of appeal
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| The girl is responding to your little deal
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| She’s modern an’ empty an’ totally vain
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| But beauty, of course, can feel no pain
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| No pain
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| No pain
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| No pain
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| [Ray White] Beauty knows no pain
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| So what you cryin’ about
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| Girl?
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| Beauty knows no pain
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| So what you cryin’ about
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| Girl?
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| Beauty knows no…
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| Beauty knows no…
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| Beauty knows no…
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| Even if you’re plain
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| You could be tryin’ it out
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| Girl!
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| Even if you’re plain
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| You could be tryin’ it out
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| Girl!
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| Beauty is no…
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| Beauty is no…
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| Beauty is no…
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|
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| [FZ] Beauty is a bikini wax an’ waitin’ for yer nails to dry
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| Beauty is a colored pencil, scribbled all around yer eye
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| Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die
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|
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| [Ray White] Beauty is a…
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| Beauty is a…
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| Beauty is a… LIE!
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|
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| [Ike Willis] But you don’t care if it’s a lie
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| ‘Cause you are such A BEAUTIFUL GUY!
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|
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| [FZ] (Hi, girls!)
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| Your head is north, your feet is south
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| And you save the rest for Charlie’s mouth
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|
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| Your head is north, your feet is south
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| And you save the rest for Charlie’s enormous mouth…
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| Enormous mouth…
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|
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| Charlie…
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|
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| And it doesn’t have that stale aftertaste!
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| Charlie’s enormous mouth, well, it’s awright
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| The girl got a very large mouth, but it’s awright
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| Her teeth look OK, she must be brushin’ ‘em quite a bit
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| ‘Course her mouth is extra large
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| An’ we can only assume as to how she’s been usin’ it
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|
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| Charlie’s enormous mouth, well, it’s awright
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| The girl got a very large mouth, but it’s awright
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| She got lips all around the hole
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| Where she puts her food in
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| They call it “the mouth”
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| They call it “the mouth”
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| They call it “the mouth”
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| Which is as good a place as any for a tongue to include in
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| That’s why they call it “the mouth”
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| They call it “the mouth”
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| They call it “the mouth”
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| La-la-la la-la la-la
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| La-la-la la-la la-la
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| KINDA YOUNG, KINDA WOW! ▶
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|
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| Charlie’s enormous nose, well, it’s all white
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| The girl got a very large nose, but it’s all white
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| She once was OK but she’s been blowin’ it quite a bit
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| ‘Course her friends are extra large
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| An’ we can only assume as to how she’s been choosin’ it
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|
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| Charlie’s enormous nose, well, it’s all white
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| The girl got a very large nose, but it’s all white
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| She got stuff all around the hole
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| Where she puts her spoon in
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| They call it “the nose”
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| They call it “the nose”
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| They call it “the nose”
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| And when it finally rots away I guess you’d prob’ly drive a truck in…
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| They used to call it “the nose”
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| They call it “the nose”
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| They call it “the nose”
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|
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| La-la-la la-la la-la
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| La-la-la la-la la-la
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| KINDA YOUNG, KINDA DEAD!
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|
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| Charlie’s disgusting brain, well, it’s all black
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| The girl got a very dead brain, it won’t come back
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| She used to convey but then she took an extra hit
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| ‘Course her friends are extra dumb
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| An’ they were terribly excited while they watched her doin’ it
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|
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| Charlie’s disgusting brain, well, it’s all black
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| The girl got a very dead brain, it won’t come back
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| She got dirt all around the hole
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| Where they dumped her box in
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| They call it “the grave”
|
| They call it “the grave”
|
| They call it “the grave”
|
| Which is as good a place as any for a chump to repose in…
|
| That’s why they call it “the grave”
|
| They call it “the grave”…
|
| They call it “the grave”…
|
| [FZ] And all around at the side of the grave
|
| Stood Charlie’s friends who could not save
|
| This stupid girl from the way she behaved
|
| But among the mourners and the frowners a cry were heard…
|
| Aaaargh!
|
|
|
| Any downers?
|
| Oh no!
|
| Any downers?
|
| OH NO!
|
| Any downers?
|
| Oh no!
|
| Any downers?
|
| OH NO!
|
|
|
| No, I ain’t got any more
|
| No, I ain’t got any more
|
| No, I ain’t got any more
|
| No, I ain’t got any more
|
|
|
| Your downers is gone, they was all you could get
|
| To ease your mind and your deep regret
|
| Over Charlie’s mouth so enormous an’ wet
|
| Now all you got is your TV set
|
|
|
| You turn it on, you watch and dream
|
| A dream of love on your tiny screen
|
| But what do you see as you lay in bed?
|
| It’s a bald kinda girl with a pointed head
|
| Oh no!
|
| [FZ] Conehead…
|
| She ain’t really dumb
|
| She’s just a conehead…
|
| ‘Tater chip crumbs all over her face
|
| Is there any more beer stashed away at her place?
|
| She’s just a conehead…
|
| She can’t help herself
|
| “She’s a conehead kind of a girl…”
|
| Ha ha ha!
|
|
|
| Pitch her a ring
|
| That is the thing that’s getting her hot-uh
|
| A hoop or a ring goin’ over the top
|
| Of her conehead
|
|
|
| [Ike Willis] “She is from a small town in France
|
| [FZ] An’ she’s a conehead kind of a girl, kind of guy”
|
|
|
| That’s what she gives me is-uh… oooh!
|
| Conehead
|
| When she’s on her knees the point is so high
|
| High!
|
| I keep sayin’: “Please keep it out of my eye”
|
| ‘Cause she’s a conehead
|
| (She’s a conehead kind of a girl, kind of a guy, kind of a girl-thing…)
|
|
|
| Saturday night, you’re home alone
|
| The TV lights up as her dad comes home
|
| He’s been workin’ all day at the drivin’ school
|
| In a stupid-lookin’ hat that he uses to fool
|
| The people of Earth who might get back
|
| If they knew he was really from Remulak
|
|
|
| Where the conehead… people are from
|
| Where the conehead… people go to
|
| When the conehead… people are done
|
| With the conehead… things that are fun
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Connie the Cone is dressed real neat
|
| Like a teen-age girl from down the street
|
| But Mom an’ Dad they don’t approve
|
| Carbohydrates is all they groove
|
|
|
| Connie’s eye has a tiny tear
|
| But they rinse it away with a case of beer
|
| A bag of chips an’ fiberglass
|
| Her diet’s a riot
|
| I can’t keep quiet
|
| I’d love to try it
|
| But I think I’ll pass
|
| TO EAT THAT KIND OF STUFF THEY PACK
|
| (Yes, they’re packin’ it!)
|
| YOU’D HAFTA BE FROM REMULAK
|
|
|
| Where the conehead… people are from
|
| Where the conehead… people go to
|
| When the conehead… people are done
|
| With the conehead… things that are fun
|
| [Repeat]
|
| [FZ] Do you know what you are? ▶
|
| You are what you is
|
| You is what you am
|
| (A cow don’t make ham…)
|
| You ain’t what you’re not
|
| So see what you got
|
| You are what you is
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
|
|
| A foolish young man
|
| From a middle class fam’ly
|
| Started singin’ the blues
|
| ‘Cause he thought it was manly
|
| Now he talks like the Kingfish
|
| (“Saffiiiee!”)
|
| From Amos an’ Andy
|
| “Holy mack’l dere… Holy mack’l dere!”
|
| He tells you that chitlins…
|
| Chitlins!
|
| Well, they taste just like candy
|
| He thinks that he’s got
|
| De whole thang down
|
| From the Nivea Lotion
|
| To de Royal Crown
|
|
|
| Do you know what you are?
|
| You are what you is
|
| You is what you am
|
| (A cow don’t make ham…)
|
| You ain’t what you’re not
|
| So see what you got
|
| You are what you is
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
|
|
| A foolish young man
|
| Of the Negro Persuasion
|
| Devoted his life
|
| To become a Caucasian
|
| He stopped eating pork
|
| He stopped eating greens
|
| He traded his dashiki
|
| “Uhuru!”
|
| For some Jordache Jeans
|
| He learned to play golf
|
| An’ he got a good score
|
| Now he says to himself:
|
| “I AIN’T NO NIGGER NO MORE. HEY! HEY! HEY!”
|
| “I don’t understand you…”
|
| BWANA MA-COO-BAH
|
| “Would you please speak more clearly?”
|
| MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ
|
|
|
| Who is who?
|
| I don’t know…
|
| An’ what is what?
|
| Somethin’ I just don’t know…
|
| An’ why is this…
|
| Tell me now…
|
| Appropriot?
|
| That’s a funny pronunciation if’n ever I heard one…
|
| If you don’t like
|
| Where’d you get that word?
|
| What you has got
|
| Appropriot? The word is not…
|
| Drop it in the dirt
|
| Drop it, yeah…
|
| An’ let it rot
|
| I can smell it now…
|
| Someone else
|
| Here de come, here de come…
|
| Will surely come
|
| I told you they was comin’…
|
| An’ pick it up
|
| That’s right!
|
| ‘Cause he wants some
|
| An’ he wants it for free…
|
| And when one day
|
| There will come a day…
|
| You wonder who
|
| I wonder too…
|
| You used to was
|
| Who I was, anyway…
|
| An’ what you do
|
| I used to work at the post office…
|
| You’ll scratch your head
|
| But I don’t wanna un-do my doo… ▶
|
| An’ look around
|
| Just to see what’s goin’ on…
|
| But what you lost
|
| Can’t seem to find it…
|
| Will not be found
|
| A Mercedes Benz…
|
|
|
| Do you know what you are?
|
| I know…
|
| You are what you is
|
| I’m the kinda guy…
|
| You is what you am
|
| That ought to be drivin’…
|
| (A cow don’t make ham…)
|
| A four-fifty SLC…
|
| You ain’t what you’re not
|
| A big ol’ red one…
|
| So see what you got
|
| With some golf clubs stickin’ out de trunk…
|
| You are what you is
|
| I’m gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin’…
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
| Gimme a five-dollar bill… ▶
|
| You are what you is
|
| And an overcoat too…
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
| Where’s my waitress? ▶ Yeah
|
| You are what you is
|
| Robbie, take me to Greek Town…
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
| I’m harder than yer husband, harder than yer husband… ▶
|
| You are what you is
|
| I’m goin’ down to White Street, to the Mudd Club, y’all…
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
| I’m goin’ down an’ work the wall ▶ an’ work the floor…
|
| You are what you is
|
| An’ work the pipe an’ work the wall…
|
| An’ that’s all it is
|
| Some more
|
| [Ray White] And here we are, at the Mudd Club, y’all
|
| I hope you enjoy yourself ‘cause the show’s about to begin…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Hey, they’re really dancin’, they’re on auto-destruct
|
| On the floor, on the pipe, bouncin’ off-a the wall
|
| Hey, the people here are really tearin’ it up
|
| On the side, in the back, by the front of the stage
|
| They ain’t really crazy (you can take it from me)
|
| I should know ‘cause I go every time I’m in town
|
| If you never tried it, lemme straighten you out
|
| It’s the best kinda place to unfasten yerself
|
|
|
| Mudd Club
|
| All the way downtown
|
| Mudd Club
|
| They ain’t messin’ around
|
| Mudd Club
|
| Just turn to the left an’ look around because it’s there somewhere
|
| If you ain’t found it, better hurry up
|
| The folks down there’s on auto-destruct
|
| And so can you be too!
|
| (The fact of the matter it’s made for you!)
|
|
|
| Try it on a Saturday ‘bout four o’clock in the mornin’ or even a Monday at midnight, when there’s just a few of those Fabulous Poodles, doin’ the ♫ Peppermint Twist for real, in a black sack dress with nine inch heels
|
| And then a guy with a blue Mohawk comes in, in Serious Leather…
|
| (And all the rest of whom for which to whensonever of partially indeterminate bio-chemical degradation seek the path to the sudsy yellow nozzle of their foaming nocturnal parametric digital whole-wheat inter-faith geo-thermal terpsichorean ejectamenta!)
|
|
|
| In Serious Leather…
|
| In Serious Chains
|
| Then they work the wall ▶
|
| They work the pipe
|
| They work the floor
|
| An’ they work the wall some more
|
|
|
| In Serious Leather…
|
| Serious Chains
|
| Serious Clothing
|
| From when they come downtown
|
| From the ruins of Studio 54
|
| To twist an’ frugg
|
| In an arrogant gesture
|
| To the best of what the 20th Century has to offer
|
|
|
| Al Malkin is down there right now
|
| Looking for a virgin with nice breath…
|
| (Why, maybe it’s you… and you don’t even know it!)
|
|
|
| Hey, they’re really dancin’, they’re on auto-destruct
|
| On the floor, on the pipe, bouncin’ off-a the wall
|
| Hey, the people here are really tearin’ it up
|
| On the side, in the back, by the front of the stage
|
| They ain’t really crazy (you can take it from me)
|
| I should know ‘cause I go every time I’m in town
|
| If you never tried it, lemme straighten you out
|
| It’s the best kinda place to unfasten yerself
|
| [FZ & Ray White & Ike Willis] While you work the wall ▶
|
| Work the floor
|
| Work the pipe
|
| In serious pain
|
|
|
| Some take the bible for what it’s worth
|
| When it says that the meek shall inherit the Earth
|
| Well, I heard that some sheik has bought New Jersey last week
|
| An’ you, suckers, ain’t gettin’ nothin’
|
|
|
| Is Hare Rama really wrong
|
| If you wander around with a napkin on
|
| With a bell on a stick an’ your hair is all gone?
|
| The geek shall inherit nothin’
|
|
|
| [FZ] You say yer life’s a bum deal an’ you’re up against the wall…
|
| Well, people, you ain’t even got no kinda deal at all
|
| ‘Cause what they do in Washington
|
| [FZ & Ray White & Ike Willis] They just takes care of NUMBER ONE an’ NUMBER ONE ain’t YOU
|
| You ain’t even NUMBER TWO
|
|
|
| Those Jesus Freaks, well, they’re friendly but
|
| The shit they believe has got their minds all shut
|
| An’ they don’t even care when the church takes a cut
|
| Ain’t it bleak when you got so much nothin’?
|
| [FZ] So whaddya do? Hey!
|
|
|
| [FZ & Ray White & Ike Willis] Eat that pork, eat that ham
|
| Laugh till ya choke on Billy Graham
|
| Moses, Aaron an’ Abraham…
|
| They’re all a waste of time
|
| An’ it’s your ass that’s on the line
|
| IT’S YOUR ASS THAT’S ON THE LINE
|
|
|
| Do what you wanna, do what you will
|
| Just don’t mess up your neighbor’s thrill
|
| An’ when you pay the bill kindly leave a little tip
|
| And help the next poor sucker on his one-way trip…
|
|
|
| SOME TAKE THE BIBLE…
|
|
|
| [Jimmy Carl Black] (Aw, gimme a half a dozen for the hotel room!)
|
| Ay!
|
| [FZ] Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom
|
| Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom
|
| Ay-ay-ay-ay!
|
|
|
| Whoever we are, wherever we’re from
|
| We shoulda noticed by now our behavior is dumb
|
| And if our chances expect to improve
|
| It’s gonna take a lot more than tryin’ to remove
|
| The other race or the other whatever
|
| From the face of the planet altogether
|
|
|
| They call it “the Earth”, which is a dumb kinda name
|
| But they named it right ‘cause we behave the same…
|
| We are dumb all over
|
| Dumb all over, yes we are
|
| Dumb all over, near an’ far
|
| Dumb all over, black an’ white
|
| People, we is not wrapped tight
|
|
|
| Nurds on the left, nurds on the right
|
| Religious fanatics on the air every night
|
| Sayin’ the Bible tells the story
|
| An’ makes the details sound real gory
|
| ‘Bout what to do if the geeks over there
|
| Don’t believe in the Book we got over here
|
|
|
| You can’t run a race without no feet
|
| An’ pretty soon there won’t be no street
|
| For dummies to jog on or doggies to dog on
|
| Religious fanatics can make it be all gone
|
| (I mean it won’t blow up an’ disappear
|
| It’ll just look ugly for a thousand years…)
|
|
|
| You can’t run a country by a book of religion
|
| Not by a heap or a lump or a smidgeon
|
| Of foolish rules of ancient date
|
| Designed to make you all feel great
|
| While you fold, spindle and mutilate
|
| Those unbelievers from a neighboring state
|
|
|
| To arms! To arms! Hooray! That’s great
|
| Two legs ain’t bad unless there’s a crate
|
| They ship the parts to mama in
|
| For souvenirs: two ears (Get down!)
|
| Not his, not hers (But what the hey?)
|
| The Good Book says: “It gotta be that way”
|
| But their book says: “Revenge the crusades
|
| With whips an’ chains an’ hand grenades”
|
| Two arms? Two arms?
|
| Have another and another
|
| Our God says: “There ain’t no other”
|
| Our God says: “It’s all OK”
|
| Our God says: “This is the way”
|
|
|
| It says in the Book: “Burn an’ destroy
|
| An’ repent an’ redeem an’ revenge an’ deploy
|
| An’ rumble thee forth to the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
|
| ‘Cause they don’t go for what’s in the Book an’ that makes ‘em bad”
|
| So verily we must choppeth them up
|
| And stompeth them down
|
| Or rent a nice French bomb
|
| To poof them out of existence
|
| While leaving their real estate just where we need it
|
| To use again
|
| For temples in which to praise
|
| OUR GOD
|
| (“‘Cause He can really take care of business!”)
|
|
|
| And when his humble TV servant
|
| With humble white hair
|
| And humble glasses
|
| And a nice brown suit
|
| And maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
|
| Tells us our God says
|
| It’s OK to do this stuff
|
| Then we gotta do it
|
| ‘Cause if we don’t do it
|
| We ain’t gwine up to hebbin!
|
| (Depending on which book you’re using at the time…
|
| Can’t use theirs… it don’t work… it’s all lies… gotta use mine…)
|
| Ain’t that right?
|
| That’s what they say
|
| Every night…
|
| Every day…
|
| Hey, we can’t really be dumb
|
| If we’re just following God’s Orders
|
| Let’s get serious…
|
| God knows what he’s doin’
|
| He wrote this Book here an’ the Book says:
|
| “He made us all to be just like Him”
|
| So… if we’re dumb… then God is dumb
|
| (An’ maybe even a little ugly on the side)
|
|
|
| Dumb all over
|
| A little ugly on the side
|
| Dumb all over
|
| A little ugly on the side
|
| [Repeat]
|
| [Ike Willis] And if these words you do not heed
|
| Your pocketbook just kinda might recede
|
| When some man comes along and claims a godly need
|
| He will clean you out right through your tweed
|
|
|
| [FZ] That’s right, you asked for it, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over…
|
|
|
| [FZ & Ray White & Ike Willis] He’s got twenty million dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account…
|
| All from those chumps who was born again
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| He’s got seven limousines and a private plane
|
| All for the use of his Special Friends
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| He’s got thousand-dollar suits and a Wembley tie
|
| Girls love to stroke it while he’s on the phone
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| At the House of Representatives he’s a groovy guy
|
| When he Gives Thanks he is not alone
|
|
|
| He is dealin’, he is really dealin’, IRS can’t determine where The Hook is
|
| It is easy with the bible to pretend that you’re in Show Biz
|
| And a-one, and a-two, and a…
|
| They won’t get him, they will never get him for the naughty stuff that he did
|
| It is best in cases like this to pretend that you are stupid
|
| DOH!
|
|
|
| He’s got Presidential Help all along the way
|
| He says the grace while the lawyers chew
|
| Oh yeah, they sure do
|
| And the governors agree to say: “He’s a lovely man”
|
| He makes it easier for them to screw
|
| All of you… yes, that’s true
|
| ‘Cause he helps put The Fear Of God in the Common Man
|
| Snatchin’ up money everywhere he can
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| He’s got twenty million dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account…
|
| You ain’t got nothin’, people
|
| You ain’t got nothin’, people
|
| You ain’t got nothin’, people, thank the man…
|
| Oh yeah
|
|
|
| [FZ] As we end another broadcast day, let me say that you ain’t got nothin’ and he’s got it all
|
| And your miserable self is against the wall
|
| The only thing you have not tried
|
| It’s the sport of chumps, that’s SUICIDE!
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| [FZ] You say there ain’t no use in livin’
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| It’s all a waste of time
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| An’ you wanna throw your life away
|
| Well, go on, do it!
|
| Well, people, that’s just fine
|
|
|
| Hoop hoop
|
| Go ahead on an’ get it over with then
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Find you a bridge an’ take a jump
|
| Well, hoop hoop, well, hoop hoop
|
| Well
|
| Just make sure you do it right the first time
|
| Hoop!
|
| ‘Cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump
|
| Oo-woo-woo-woo-woo oh yeah!
|
|
|
| Hoop hoop
|
| You say there ain’t no light a-shinin’
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Through the bushes up ahead
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| An’ we’re all gonna be so sorry
|
| Well, he sure is dead now
|
| When we find out you are dead
|
|
|
| Hoop hoop
|
| Go ahead on an’ get it over with then
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Find you a bridge an’ take a jump
|
| Well, hoop hoop, well, hoop hoop
|
| Well
|
| Just make sure you do it right the first time
|
| Hoop!
|
| ‘Cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump
|
| Oo-woo-woo-woo-woo oh yeah!
|
|
|
| Oooh
|
| Now maybe you’re scared of jumpin’
|
| Well oooh
|
| An’ poison makes you sick
|
| Well oooh
|
| An’ you want a little attention
|
| Well oooh
|
| An’ you need it pretty quick
|
| Well oooh
|
| Don’t wanna mess your face up
|
| Well oooh
|
| Or we won’t know if it’s you
|
| Well oooh
|
| Aw, there’s just so much to worry about
|
| Well oo-woo-woo-wooh
|
| Now what you gonna do?
|
| Hoop hoop
|
| Go ahead on an’ get it over with then
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Find you a bridge an’ take a jump
|
| Well, hoop hoop, well, hoop hoop
|
| Well
|
| Just make sure you do it right the first time
|
| Hoop!
|
| ‘Cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump
|
| Oo-woo-woo-woo-woo oh yeah!
|
|
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Now maybe you’re scared of jumpin’
|
| Well oooh
|
| An’ poison makes you sick
|
| Well oooh
|
| An’ you want a little attention
|
| Well oooh
|
| An’ you need it pretty quick
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Don’t wanna mess your face up
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Or we won’t know if it’s you
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Aw, there’s just so much to worry about
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Now what you gonna do?
|
|
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Well, hoop hoop
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| [Repeat]
|
|
|
| You’re on the bridge, scared to leap
|
| But a girl walks over to take a peep
|
| She says: “DON’T DO IT!” ▶
|
| But wouldn’t you know…
|
| The girl got a head like a buffalo
|
|
|
| With a little red hair all over the top
|
| An’ her breath would make the traffic stop
|
| She says: “I love you… but first, let’s eat!”
|
| And all you can say as you run down the street is…
|
| [FZ & Ray White & Ike Willis] Jumbo, go away
|
| Jumbo, go away
|
| Jumbo, go away
|
| Jumbo, leave me alone
|
| Get your head off my bone
|
| I wanna go home
|
| I’m hungry!
|
|
|
| Jumbo, lighten up
|
| Jumbo, lighten up
|
| Jumbo, lighten up
|
| Jumbo, give me a break
|
| Lighten up on my snake
|
| That’s all I can take
|
| Feed me!
|
|
|
| [Denny Walley] It seems I can’t explain
|
| The way I feel about you
|
| Robbie, take me to Greek Town… ▶
|
| You just don’t understand
|
| You’re from Kalamazoo
|
| Blow!
|
|
|
| You got to realize
|
| Our little romance deal
|
| Will not materialize
|
| Into a thing that you’d call real
|
|
|
| I think I have WORMS!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [FZ & Ray White & Ike Willis] Jumbo, gotta go
|
| Jumbo, gotta go
|
| Jumbo, gotta go
|
| Jumbo, better get back
|
| Or your eye will get black
|
| When I give you a smack
|
| No, Denny, don’t hit me!
|
|
|
| Jumbo, don’t you cry
|
| Boo-hoo-hoo
|
| Jumbo, don’t you cry
|
| Jumbo, don’t you cry
|
| Jumbo, this is goodbye
|
| I ain’t gonna lie
|
| So wash up your pie
|
|
|
| Wash up your pie
|
| There are three things that smell like fish!
|
| Really? What are they?
|
| Wash up your pie
|
| One of them is fish…
|
| Oh!
|
| Wash up your pie
|
| The other two…
|
| What d’you mean the other two?
|
| Wash up your pie
|
| Are growing on you!
|
| [FZ] You took a chance
|
| You took a chance
|
| On Jumbo’s love
|
| On Jumbo’s love
|
| If only she woulda
|
| If only she woulda
|
| Gave you the shove
|
| Gave you the shove
|
| That might have sent you
|
| That might have sent you
|
| On your way
|
| On your way
|
| But it’s too late now
|
| It’s too late now
|
| You got a letter today…
|
| You got a letter today…
|
|
|
| Well, life and love
|
| Has left you shafted
|
| And on top of that
|
| You just got drafted
|
| You just got drafted
|
| That’s right!
|
| You just got drafted
|
| Even your sister!
|
| You just got drafted
|
| Hey, let’s jam!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| You took a chance
|
| You took a chance
|
| On Jumbo’s love
|
| On Jumbo’s love
|
| If only she woulda
|
| If only she woulda
|
| Gave you the shove
|
| Gave you the shove
|
| That might have sent you
|
| That might have sent you
|
| On your way
|
| On your way
|
| But it’s too late now
|
| It’s too late now
|
| You got a letter today…
|
| You got a letter today…
|
|
|
| Well, life and love
|
| Has left you shafted
|
| And of on top of that, hey hey!
|
| You just got drafted
|
| TO YOUR LEFT! YOUR RIGHT!
|
| You just got drafted
|
| YOUR LEFT! RIGHT, MAN! TO YOUR LEFT! YOUR RIGHT!
|
| You just got drafted
|
| TO YOUR LEFT! RIGHT, MAN! TO YOUR LEFT! YOUR RIGHT!
|
| You just got…
|
| [Jimmy Carl Black] Special delivery… registered mail
|
| OH NO!
|
| You’re gonna hafta sign fer this, buddy
|
| OH NO!
|
| C’mon out heah, ya little sumbitch, I know you’re in there
|
| OH NO!
|
| Goddam little communist!
|
|
|
| [FZ] I don’t wanna get drafted, I don’t wanna go
|
| I don’t wanna get drafted
|
| PHOOEY!
|
|
|
| I don’t wanna get drafted, I don’t wanna go
|
| I don’t wanna get drafted
|
| NO-OH-WOH-OH-WOH
|
|
|
| [Ahmet Zappa?] Roller skates an’ disco, it’s a lot of fun
|
| I’m too young an’ stupid to operate a gun
|
|
|
| [Mark Pinske] LaCelia Jackson! Come on down!
|
| I DON’T WANNA GET DRAFTED
|
| Nancy Butterworth! Come on down!
|
| I DON’T WANNA GET DRAFTED
|
| You’re the next contestants on SOOOOO WHAT!
|
| I DON’T WANNA GET DRAFTED
|
| And, but also… a new car!
|
| I DON’T WANNA GET DRAFTED
|
| But that’s not all…
|
|
|
| [FZ] My-y-y sister don’t wanna get drafted, she don’t wanna go
|
| My sister don’t wanna get drafted
|
| My-y-y sister don’t wanna get drafted, she don’t wanna go
|
| My sister don’t wanna get drafted
|
| NO-OH-WOH-OH-WOH
|
|
|
| [Moon Zappa?] Wars are really ugly, they’re dirty and they’re cold
|
| I don’t want nobody to shoot me in the fox hole, fox hole
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [FZ] I don’t wanna get drafted
|
| I don’t wanna get drafted
|
| I don’t wanna get drafted
|
| I don’t wanna get drafted
|
|
|
| [Moon Zappa?] Wars are really ugly, they’re dirty and they’re cold
|
| I don’t want nobody to shoot me in the fox hole, fox hole
|
|
|
| [FZ] Aiieeeeeeeee… shot in the fox hole
|
| Aiieeeeeeeee… shot in the fox hole
|
| Aiieeeeeeeee… shot in the fox hole
|
| Aiieeeeeeeee… shot in the fox hole
|
|
|
| Leave my nose alone, please… ▶
|
 Photo by John Livzey.jpg "(Front) Photo by John Livzey")
.jpg "(Inside)")
Title origin |
Songs list
| 