Beat the boots I - The Ark

Live at The Ark, Boston, MA - July 8, 1969

Beat the boots I - The Ark

1 Intro

2 Big leg Emma

3 Some ballet music {The adventures of Greggery Peccary}

4 Status back baby

5 Valarie [Earl Lewis, Bobby Robinson]

6 My guitar wants to kill your mama

7 Uncle Meat + King Kong

All compositions by Frank Zappa, except as noted above.

1. Intro

Ya-da-dadee

Oh-wo-wo wo-wo

[FZ] Alright (Quack). We have a marvelous treat for you. Jimmy Carl Black, the Indian of the group, is going to sing his all-time favorite: “There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma”. And I might also add that… the whole… grotesque event this evening is being recorded for posterity by Steven Waldman, who’s lurking in the background there. And it’s all being pumped through the PA system and through these three spectacularly placed microphones in the front, so we get a realistic recording of exactly what we sound like in the Ark.

Alright?

[?] Go ahead. Let ‘er rip.

2. Big leg Emma

There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma

Uh-huh oh yeah

There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma

Uh-huh oh yeah

She knock-a me out until her face broke out

Uh-huh

There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma

Uh-huh oh yeah

There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma

Uh-huh oh yeah

She was my steady date until she put on weight

Uh-huh

Ohhhh, Emma!

Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma Emma!

SOCK IT TO ME NOW!

There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma

Uh-huh oh yeah

There’s a big dilemma about my big leg Emma

Uh-huh oh yeah

She was my steady date until she put on weight

Uh-huh

[FZ] Alright. Let’s get realistic now. You know and I know that the function of that number was just to provide some sort of warm-up trash before we do something HEAVY. Something a little bit harder to listen to, but which is probably better for you in the long run. The item in this instance, which will be better for you in the long run, and if we only had a little more space up here we could make it visual for you, is “Some ballet music”, which we’ve played at most of our concert series in Europe. Generally in… in halls where we had a little bit more space and Motorhead and Kanzus could actually fling themselves across the stage, and give you their teen-age interpretation of the art of the ballet. I don’t think it’s too safe to do it here, maybe they can just hug each other a little bit and do some calisthenics in the middle of the stage.

3. Some ballet music {The adventures of Greggery Peccary}

[Instrumental]

POO-AHH!

[FZ] Thank you. What a marvelous response from a rock & roll audience! Now, before the show somebody handed me this note, and it says: “Please do some of the following tunes from your records”. Now, we’ve had a request for “Brown shoes don’t make it”, “Go cry on somebody else’s shoulder”, “Status back baby”, “Prune in June”, “Dog breath”, and the main tune from “Lumpy Gravy”. And we actually can play some of these things, surprisingly enough. But we hardly ever do, see. So, if we go ahead and play it and it sounds crappy, well, maybe the person who asked for this song will like it, just because we play it. There’s no way to tell how they’re gonna come out. But we’re gonna go ahead and do it anyway because nobody likes us and they won’t care if we sound crappy. We’ll begin with that crappy old tune “Status back baby”.

4. Status back baby

I’m losin’ status at the high-school

I used to think that it was my school…

WAH WAH WAH

I was the king of every school activity

But that’s no more… oh mama, what will come of me?

OH-WOW OH-OH-OH-WOW

The other night we painted posters

They played some records by the Coasters

WAH WAH WAH

A bunch of pompom girls looked down their nose at me

They had painted tons of posters; I had painted three

I hear the secret whispers everywhere I go

My school spirit ▶ is at an all-time low…

[Instrumental]

I’m losing status at the high-school

I used to think that it was my school…

WAH WAH WAH

Everyone in towns know I’m a handsome football star

I sing & dance & spray my hair & drive a shiny car

I’m friendly & I’m charming… I belong to DeMolay ▶

I’m gonna try like mad to get my status back today!

OH-WOW OH-OH-OH-WOW

Status back baby

[FZ] Now, we got desperate a few months ago and uh… because we thought nobody liked us. And uh… we’re also pissed off at the fact that people won’t play our records on the radio, and we didn’t know whether or not it was ‘cause our music was crappy or because somebody really knew what the words to the songs meant ▶. And so they couldn’t… so they wouldn’t take a chance. So we came to the conclusion that actually all it was… was a conspiracy against the Mothers of Invention because we’re supposedly so dirty, vile and crazy and also a threat to our great nation and all that it has stood for in the past and we hope that will not continue to stand for in the future.

However, boys and girls, the people who run the radio stations are on the watch, you know, for our records, when they come in: as soon as somebody sends a single to the radio station with our name on it they either melt it, break it, stomp on it or send it in an envelope directly back to the record company from which it came with a threatening note. But we said: “What the heck? Why can’t we be just like other teen-age rock & roll bands, outside of the fact that we’re all over thirty, and go and cut a single record and try and get the sucker on the radio?”

So what we did was we went to a professional recording studio in New York City in the middle of the night, for two nights in a row, and also a Saturday afternoon for mixing and cranked out two miserable teen-age type records with words that couldn’t possibly offend anybody and uh… they’re reasonably singable, by any group other than the Mothers of Invention, and uh… they’re teen-age boy-girl type songs. And so they’re being released this week. I would expect to be able to add these to our list of smash flops very shortly.

We’ll begin our medley of Mothers of Invention hit singles, with the… B-side of this one, which is a tune called “Valarie”. By the way, did you… did you know that “Big leg Emma” ▲ was released as a single? I can’t understand why that didn’t get on the radio. That’s just as… That’s just as imbecilic as ♫ “Yummy Yummy Yummy”.

Well, I think the size of the woman’s leg had something to do with it. A large stomach, that’s one thing, big legs, I don’t know.

5. Valarie

La-la la-la-la la-la

Although you don’t want me no more

Oh, but it’s alright, alright with me

‘Cause you know, you’re gonna want me someday

Oh, you will want me, and I’ll run away

Oh, Valarie

Valarie

Valarie

Valarie

Valarie

Don’t you want me?

Don’t you need me?

Valarie

Oh, please don’t leave me, Valarie

Valarie

Please don’t go, please don’t go

Valarie

Please hear my plea, Valarie

Valarie

Although you don’t want me no more

Oh, but it’s alright, alright with me

‘Cause you know, you’re gonna want me someday

Oh, you will want me, and I’ll run away

Everybody!

Valarie, Valarie

[FZ] Thank you. That should have a limited type of appeal in the pure grease market. And there may be some representatives of that market here today.

6. My guitar wants to kill your mama

[FZ] The other side of this charming teen-age record is a tune called “My guitar wants to kill your mama”

Ready?

Here live in person is our deluxe teen-age rendition

You know, your mama and your daddy

Saying I’m no good for you

They call me “Dirty from the alley”

Till I don’t know what to do

I get so tired of sneakin’ around just to get to your back door

I crawled past the garbage and your mama jumped out, screamin’: “Don’t come back no more!”

I can’t take it!

My guitar wants to kill your mama

My guitar wants to burn your dad

I get real mean when it makes me mad

Later I tried to call you

Your mama told me you weren’t there

She told me don’t bother to call again

Unless I cut off all my hair

I get so tired of sneakin’ around just to get to your back door

I crawled past the garbage and your mama jumped out, screamin’: “Don’t come back no more!”

[Instrumental]

My guitar wants to kill your mama

My guitar wants to burn your dad

I get real mean when it makes me mad

[Instrumental]

Later I tried to call you

Your mama told me you weren’t there

She told me don’t bother to call again

Unless I cut off all my hair

I get so tired of sneakin’ around just to get to your back door

I crawled past the garbage and your mama jumped out, screamin’: “Don’t come back no more!”

[Instrumental]

7. Uncle Meat + King Kong

[FZ] “King Kong”? Well, I’ll tell you what: I think what we’re gonna do is play “Uncle Meat” and then uh… sort of sneak into “King Kong” from that. That would be your teen-age medley of two.

One, two, three, one, two, three

[Instrumental]

Concert poster

English lyrics from site Information Is Not Knowledge.