Joe's menage - Frank Zappa

Live at College of William & Mary, Williamsburg, VA - November 1, 1975

Joe’s menage

1 Honey, don’t you want a man like me?

2 The Illinois enema bandit

3 Carolina hard-core ecstasy

4 Lonely little girl

5 Take your clothes off when you dance

6 What’s the ugliest part of your body?

7 Chunga’s revenge

8 Zoot allures

All compositions by Frank Zappa.

Album notes by Gail Zappa

The Litany

In our efforts here at UMRK to provide you with the finest optional entertainment (in the universe) we deploy the inimitably-skilled audio archiveologist, Joe Travers, to venture forth (where few are chosen but many have called) into the FZ sequin mines, dismote the ages and identify suitable nuggets for your personal aural excitation.

Seriously folks, a nugget surely is (including but notably not limited to): a significant artifact by virtue of being an unreleased composition, a special performance or arrangement, a thrilling example from a less-documented line-up, a rare recording from somewhere other than a studio or stage and/or otherwise previously unreleased recording, highly nutritional trims and/or outs, different edits or mixes, a special project, a rehearsal, home recording, an excerpt from an interview or otherwise spoken gem, perhaps a “build reel” or other “as is” (unadulterated by FZ) item, exquisite in quality, uniqueness or hotness anywhereanytimeanyplace (aka AAA - see also AAAFNRAA: anything anytime anywhere for no reason at all), from the breadth / depth of FZ’s career in lifeasweknowit (lawki).

Praise the l.o.r.d. (also a defined term: living on reproducible data) and pass the keys to ignition.

Any actual semblance of a real plan for why and what and when we decide to launch the next installment in the Corsaga exists primarily in the heretofore imagined resemblance. You know how it goes. We here at UMRK feel it is our duty…

Let’s talk about housekeeping. One day we received in the mail a cassette from Ole Lysgaard, given to him by FZ. This is a dub made by FZ. Here we have a story of extraordinary circumstance invoking a series of unusual events (some of them live onstage) culminating in a cassettulent frenzy of our own at UMRK. Once again our friendly and cleanly Vaultmeister ventured fourth (this is the 4th Corsaga!) to extricate from the Vault the Maestro’s Master, but alas! What we have here is a transfer (made at UMRK by Joe in January, 2005) from the original ¼” stereo tape (possibly 2 mics dangling in front of the audience recorded direct to tape by Davey Moire). Whatever and wherefore FZ’s original dub, this now is a mystery for the ages.

Album notes by Ole Lysgaard

The Laundry

How did this come about? Well, my name is Ole Lysgaard and in 1967 when I was 17, a friend of mine told me that I should listen to an album called “Freak Out!” by the Mothers of Invention. I bought it, liked it a lot and have been listening to Frank’s music ever since.

When I like something, I really go for it, so my interest in Frank’s music has only got bigger and bigger over the years. When I was young and alone, I began listening as soon as I awoke and it was also the last thing I did before I went to bed. Later, I met my wonderful wife and luckily for me she also liked music (I doubt if she would ever have become my wife if she had not liked Frank’s music). My interest expanded a little more than the average listener’s and I began collecting tapes of concerts from all over the world.

At the same time I decided that it would be interesting to talk to Frank about his music and his songwriting, so like every other hard-core fan I showed up at the concert hall (1971) in Copenhagen and managed to get Frank’s autograph.

Two years later I talked to Frank in the hotel lobby for about five minutes and in 1974 I talked with him after the show for about ten minutes. In 1976 (when he gave five concerts in Denmark) I succeeded in talking with him more than once, and I also had a picture taken with Frank and myself on it. This year I talked with several of his musicians as well, and also got close to attending a soundcheck. In 1977 I got to talk more intensively with Frank’s bodyguard, John Smothers, which turned out to be really important, since John pretty much decided who had a chance to see Frank and talk with him. I also rode with Frank and John from the hotel to the famous Falkoner Theater where the gigs took place.

The following year Frank gave two concerts in Copenhagen in February, and then in September he gave an open air concert in Malmö, Sweden. On this occasion he stayed at a hotel in Copenhagen and the day after the concert I spent about 45 minutes with him backstage, asking him all sorts of questions about his music. He seemed pretty impressed by my knowledge about his music and towards the end of the conversation he handed me three tapes from his briefcase, which was full of recordings from various years, and told me that this probably was something I would like.

The first tape was the original “Läther” which you hopefully all know by now. The second tape was one that Frank had called “Impossible Concerts” which was sort of a forerunner to the “YCDTOSA” series, containing a lot of very interesting music (which you for sure will hear more about later).

The last tape was entitled “William and Mary” and contained an excerpt from the live concert at the William and Mary College in Virginia, November 1975.

A few years later, I got a rehearsal tape from August 12th 1981, and in the middle of “Montana” Frank suddenly says: “Everyone on the counts, ‘cause there are guys like Ole, who sits out there in the audience with a calculator to see if you are playing it just like the record”.

In ‘82 the European tour began in Aarhus, Denmark, and I had to shirk school for two days (I was and am a teacher) to be able to attend the rehearsals, and I remember Frank altering the lyrics on “The blue light” just to mention my name.

THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED. In 1983 somebody sent me an audio tape from a TV show where Frank was interviewed about various subjects. Now, I think you all know, that when Frank was in a bad mood, he did not pretend not to be, and on this occasion he was asked about his relationship to his fans. He said that he did not know too many of them personally, and that they were generally not fun to be with. Then he mentioned a school teacher from Denmark name Ole, who he called a very strange man. The only thing this man was thinking about was to shirk school, sneak into the hotel lobby where Frank was staying, waiting with his little tape recorder, trying to inhale some of the aroma around Frank and studying the places where Frank put his feet in the carpet, etc. Then he went on saying that this behavior might be flattering to somebody, but not to him, and that it was one of the reasons why he didn’t ever want to go to Denmark anymore.

In 1984 Frank did not go to Denmark, so I had to go to Norway and Sweden to see the shows. In Oslo we said hello to each other and talked for a little while, and during the ending of our conversation I told Frank about an item I had just got from the US, and Frank asked: “Still spying on everybody?”

I thought about it for about five minutes and decided that it was now or never. I approached Frank again and told him that he was not being fair to me at all, because I was sure that he knew that I was only in it for the music and was a serious guy about the whole thing.

Then Frank completely changed his attitude and said that actually he was very flattered, but did not know how to deal with it, and that he knew that I knew what I was talking about, and he ended up saying that he would never say a bad word about me again. Then he gave me his phone number, and we talked for about the next eight and a half years on the phone every two or three months.

In ‘88 when he gave his last concert in Denmark (at the Falkoner Theater) I was sitting in the front row, and Frank opened the concert, dedicating the show to me, asking me to stand up, saying that he hoped that I especially would enjoy the program of the evening (which I, strangely enough, did very much).

Many years of great music and great conversations with Frank had passed and then in December 1993, one of the saddest days of my life occurred - Frank passed away.

In 2004 when I got “QuAUDIOPHILIAc” and I listened to it, I noticed that the track “Lumpy gravy” was a small part of something I had heard before, namely on “Impossible Concerts”.

I told Gail (who I have spoken to a lot since Frank’s death) about it and we agreed that I should send it to her so she could listen to it. Along with that tape I sent “William and Mary” so she could listen to that too. She liked it very much and decided to release it.

That is why you now have the opportunity to listen to a very interesting, inspiring, funny and well played concert excerpt, containing many extraordinary details such as a very powerful version of “Honey, don’t you want a man like me?”, Frank and Terry’s playing on Frank’s excellent rhythm guitar solo on “Chunga’s revenge”, Frank’s great intro to “The Illinois enema bandit” and many more.

Enough Talking. Put on the CD and enjoy yourself.

Ole M. Lysgaard

(An ardent fan from Denmark, who was so fortunate to get to know Frank during his lifetime, and who is honored to get to write these notes through Gail. Thank you)

1. Honey, don’t you want a man like me?

[FZ] Now this is a new song, you haven’t heard this one before. The name of this tune is “Honey, don’t you want a man like me?”

One, two, three, four

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)

His fav’rite phrase was “Outa-site”

He had an Irish Setter

Hratche-plche hratche-plche hratche-plche

It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night

The moon was dim, the band was tight

They did the Bump together

What a splendid sight

Her teeth were white

The drinks were cheap (it was Ladies Nite)

He was glad that he met her

She was an office girl, “My name is Betty”

Her fav’rite group was Helen Reddy

(They discussed the weather!)

Honey, honey, hey

Ah, baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Ah, baby, don’t you want a…

Ah, baby, don’t you want a MAN!

She was a lonely sort, a little too short

Her jokes were dumb and her fav’rite sport

Was hockey (in the winter)

[Mumble]

He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest

Any sport with a PUCK had to be ‘bout the best

As he jabbed his elbow in her

Later on they went off to where the music was soft

The candles were drippy, they saw a real hippy

Who delivered their dinner

The rice was brown and soon they found

That the crowd around that had jammed the room

Well, it seemed to be getting thinner

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Ah, baby, don’t you want a…

Ah, baby, don’t you want a MAN!

He took her home to a motor court

She would not kiss him, he tried to ignore it

But it made him angry!

He called her a slut

A pig

And a whore

A bitch

And a cunt

And she slammed the door

In a petulant frenzy!

On the sofa she weeps

She weeps and she weeps

She weeps and she peeps through the curtain

He just got in his car

But the battery’s dead

So he asked to use the phone

And she gives him some head

And that’s the end of the story

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Baby, don’t you want a man like me?

Honey, honey, hey

Ah, baby, don’t you want a…

Ah, baby, don’t you want a MAN!

Baby, don’t you want a MAN sometimes?

2. The Illinois enema bandit

[FZ] And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you direct from the front page of the Police Gazette a true story, a real true story about a real person now functioning - well, not functioning too well, ‘cause they caught him - formerly functioning in the Midwest under the name of the Illinois enema bandit. Has anybody here ever heard of the Illinois enema bandit?

I see we have some perverts in this audience tonight. I wasn’t quite sure when we got to Virginia, because they always told me that Virginia was for lovers, but now I know that it is possible that in the future Virginia may be for perverts, because you know about the Illinois enema bandit. Well, for those of you who are new to the world of perversion, some of you might have actually come… come to this institution to get an education, and we’re gonna see what we can do to help you along with it.

Now, the Illinois enema bandit, his real name is Michael Kenyon, they caught him recently. And what they caught him doing was, breaking into the homes of college-educated women wearing a ski mask, carrying a briefcase that contained some rope, a little pistol, a thermometer, and a gleaming red enema bag.

Now this enterprising young gentleman would uh… (he’s getting his costume on right now), this enterprising young gentleman would come in there and capture the college-educated woman unawares, force her to lie on her stomach and then tie her up and uh… holding a gun at her head and everything, you know, being really ominous, then he would take her temperature to make sure that she was OK, and then he would go in and he would fill his bag up in the bathroom and he’d sneak back in there to the room and he’d go, voot! VIP! Glug, glug, gluggity glug glug, gluggity glug about a quart and a half’s worth, VOOT! Stand her up, let her trot into the bathroom, poot it all out while he was jerking off in the corner. And then he would say: “Don’t call the police for at least five minutes, if you know what’s good for ya! HA HA HA HA!”

Here it is now, ladies and gentlemen, the Illinois enema bandit. We have this special song that deals with his life and times. It goes like this…

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] The Illinois enema bandit

I heard he’s on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams

Of them college-educated women…

For he’d be just tyin’ ‘em up

(They’d be all bound down)

Be just pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…

The Illinois enema bandit juice

The Illinois enema bandit

I heard it on the news

Bloomington, Illinois… he has caused some alarm

Just sneakin’ around there from farm to farm

Got a rubberized bag and a hose on his arm

Searchin’ for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

Searchin’ for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

Searchin’ for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna…

[Instrumental]

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] The Illinois enema bandit

Someday he’s gonna pay

[FZ] The police will say: “Sucker! You’s under arrest!”

And the judge will have him for a special guest

The D.A. will order a secret test

Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest

Put out a call for the jury folks

Wo-o-o-w!

And the judge would say: “No poo-poo jokes!”

They’ll drag in the bandit for all to see

Sayin’: “Don’t nobody have no sympathy…”

Sayin’: “Hot soapy water in the first degree”

And the bandit might say: ✄ “Why is everybody always pickin’ on me?”

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Well, did you cause this misery?

Well, did you cause this misery?

Bandit, tell me, did you cause this misery?

Well, one girl shout: “LET THE BANDIT BE!”

Well, are you guilty?

Bandit, tell me, what’s your plea?

Another girl shout: ✄ “LET THE FIEND GO FREE!”

Well, are you guilty?

Bandit, tell me, did you do these deeds?

You know what the bandit said?

He said:

“It must be just what they all need…”

Enemas

“It must be just what they all need…”

Flushing out

“It must be just what they all need…”

Cushy cushy

“It must be just what they all…”

[FZ] Stay tuned, folks, for…

3. Carolina hard-core ecstasy

[FZ & Napoleon Murphy Brock] I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon

She wore a Milton Bradley crayon

But she was something I could lay on

Can’t remember what became of me

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

She put a Doobie Brothers tape on

I had a Roger Daltrey cape on

Roger Daltrey cape on

There was a bed I dumped her shape on

Can’t remember what became of me

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] Somewhat later on I woke up and she was gone

There was dew out on the lawn in the sunrise

Later she came back with a rumpled paper sack

Which she told me would contain a surprise

[FZ & Napoleon Murphy Brock] She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom

Said she knew I’d be surprised she got ‘em

Hopla!

Take a Charleston pimp to spot ‘em

Then she gave a pair of shoes to me

Look at that sucker!

Plastic leather, 14 triple D

I said: “I wonder what’s the shoes for”

She told me: “Don’t you worry no more”

And got right down there on the tile floor

“Now, darling, stomp all over me”

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] “Is this something new having people stomp on you?

Is it what I need to do

For your pleasure?

Of all the things to do”

“What is this, a quiz?

Don’t Managua what it is

It is merely just a moment I can treasure”

[FZ & Napoleon Murphy Brock] By ten o’clock her arms and legs were rendered

She couldn’t talk ‘cause her mouth had been extendered

Looked to me as though she had been blendered

But was this abject misery? No! No!

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

But was this abject misery? No! No!

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

She likes it that way

[Instrumental]

[FZ & Napoleon Murphy Brock] But was this abject misery? No! No!

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

But was this abject misery? No! No!

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

It might seem strange to Herb and Dee

Carolina hard-core ecstasy

4. Lonely little girl

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] You’re a lonely little girl

Crunchy crunchy, yum yum yum-yum

But your Mommy & your Daddy don’t care

You’re a lonely little girl, oh yeah

The things they say just hurt your heart

It’s too late now for them to start

To understand the way you feel

The world for them is too unreal

For you’re lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely little girl

(Oh, baby, poor baby)

Every night you sit in your room

Right by your radio

Reading your books

Pictures of the idol you love

The words that he sings

The way that he looks

In a picture on the wall

There’s a tear in his eye-ay-ay eye-ay-ay eye-ay-eye

[Instrumental]

5. Take your clothes off when you dance

[Napoleon Murphy Brock] There will come a time when everybody who is lonely will be free to sing & dance & love

There will come a time when every evil that we know will be an evil that we can rise above

Who cares if hair is long or short or sprayed or partly grayed? We know that hair ain’t where it’s at

There will come a time when you won’t even be ashamed if you are fat

Wah wah-wah

[Instrumental]

There will come a time when everybody who is lonely will be free to sing & dance & love

There will come a time when every evil that we know will be an evil that we can rise above

Who cares if you’re so poor you can’t afford to buy a pair of mod a go-go stretch-elastic pants?

There will come a time when you can even take your clothes off when you dance

Wah wah wah wah

There will come a time when you can even take your clothes off when you dance

Wah wah wah wah

There will come a time when you can even take your clothes off when you dance

6. What’s the ugliest part of your body?

What’s the ugliest (OWW!) of your body?

Ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma

What’s the ugliest (wee-wee-ooh) of your body?

Dow-dow-dow-dow

Some say your nose

Ay!

Some say your toes

But I think it’s your mind

ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF SYSTEMS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL

A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE & THE GRAY DESPAIR OF YOUR UGLY LIFE

Where did Annie go when she went to town?

What was that? What happened? Where am I? Is it Kansas?

It can’t happen here ▶

7. Chunga’s revenge

[Instrumental]

[Norma Jean Bell] Hey yeah yeah

Some folks know about it, some don’t

Some will learn to shout it, some won’t

Sooner or later, baby, yeah, here’s the day to say we’re gonna have to get

Hey hey

Unh

Said I wanna

Write it, y’all

[Instrumental]

[FZ] This is André Lewis, ladies and gentlemen. He has a device that’s called a melodica. Ther— I think there’s only about a dozen of these in existence. It’s a thing that you blow, but it’s like a baby synthesizer.

[Instrumental]

[FZ] Ladies and gentlemen, I will now play a rhythm guitar solo.

[Instrumental]

[FZ] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a drum solo performed for you by Terry “Bow Tie” Bozzio. Take it away, Terry.

[Instrumental]

8. Zoot allures

[Instrumental]

[FZ] You’ve been listening to the golden tones of Napo— Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals

André Lewis on keyboards and thing that he blows in the middle of the show

Norma Bell alto saxophone et ceteras

Little skinny Terry “Ted” Bozzio on drums

Roy Ralph “Moleman Managuito de la Banana Republic” Estrada on bass

And yours truly Tyrone Power on guitar

Thank you very much for coming to the concert, hope you enjoyed it, and good night

[Instrumental]

English lyrics from site Information Is Not Knowledge.

Joe’s menage

1. Honey, don’t you want a man like me?

2. The Illinois enema bandit

3. Carolina hard-core ecstasy

4. Lonely little girl

5. Take your clothes off when you dance

6. What’s the ugliest part of your body?

7. Chunga’s revenge

8. Zoot allures