| [FZ] (This is a song about vegetables… they keep you regular; they’re real good for you)
|
|
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| Call it by name
|
| You gotta call one today
|
| When you get off the train
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| And the chances are good
|
| Yeah-eh-hey
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Ooh ooh la-la-ah la-la
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Ooh ooh la-la-ah la-la… oh
|
|
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| Pick up your phone
|
| Think of a vegetable
|
| Lonely at home
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| And the chances are good
|
| Yeah-eh-hey
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Ooh ooh la-la-ah la-la
|
| The vegetable will respond to you
|
| Ooh ooh la-la-ah la-la
|
|
|
| Ruta-bay-ayga, ruta-bay-ayga…
|
| Ruta-bay-ayga, ruta-bay-ayga…
|
| Ruta-bayyyyy…
|
|
|
| No one will know if you don’t want to let ‘em know
|
| No one will know ‘less it’s you that might tell ‘em so
|
| Call and they’ll come to you smiling and covered with dew
|
| Vegetables dream…
|
| Vegetables dream…
|
| Vegetables dream of responding to you
|
| Standing there shiny & proud by your side
|
| Holding your joint while the neighbors decide
|
| Why is a vegetable something to hide?
|
| To hide!
|
| To hide!
|
| To hide!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Shoo-shoo shoo-shoo
|
| Shoo-shoo shoo-shoo
|
|
|
| [FZ] You know, a lot of people don’t bother about their friends in the vegetable kingdom. They think: “What can I say?” And sometimes they think: “Where can I go?”
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get the runs in Manhattan?
|
| [Mark Volman] At the City Squire Inn, at 312 Fifty…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get castrated in Central Park?
|
| [Mark Volman] At One Fifth Avenue Hotel in the heart of…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to have my hemorrhoids lanced in Yonkers?
|
| [Mark Volman] At…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to get a rancid cowboy shirt in Hollywood?
|
| [Mark Volman] At Art and Dotty Todd’s rancid…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Where can I go to have a striped flag shirt made…
|
| [Mark Volman] At Ro—…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] So I can get the shit beat out of me?
|
| [Mark Volman] At Roy—… ha hah!
|
| [FZ] Questions, questions, questions, flooding into the mind of the concerned young person today. Oh, but it is a wonderful time to be alive, and I doubt that there is one person in this audience tonight that wouldn’t agree with the concept that it’s really great to be alive when you can consider the alternatives (BURP). And there’s one of them now. But I think there’s one thing that we should all remember here in this… marvelous… Carnegie Hall. Ladies and gentlemen, what the fuck are we doing here? And there are other great questions to consider. The origins of various things that have been important to the development of civilization as we know it.
|
| [Mark Volman] I almost cut my hair
|
|
|
| [FZ] So few people know ♫ “I almost cut my hair” was co-authored by Elliot Roberts. But there’s even fewer people who know the real mythical importance of the next few things that I’m going to explain to you. Now these… these few words, these phrases, which you… you could recite to yourself in sort of a mantra-like fashion, could, used properly under the suitable clinical conditions, provide infinite cosmic wisdom. And I know that’s were… that’s where all of you guys would like to be at anyway. Otherwise you wouldn’t be staying here in New York, where it’s all really happening. And to enable you to continue your great work, expanding your consciousness ▶, developing into the citizens of tomorrow, we’d like to present to you at this time some helpful hints. They’re in code, so you have to pay very close attention. Memorize the code and work it out when you get home. Here is the first coded message:
|
|
|
| MUFFINS!
|
| YEAHH!
|
| PUMPKINS!
|
| YEAHH!
|
| WAX PAPER!
|
| YEAHH!
|
| CALEDONIAS, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS
|
| YEAH!
|
| GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL
|
| And soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and all your new little green & yellow buddies grooving together! Maintaining your coolness ▶ together! And worshipping together in the church of your choice!
|
| Only in America!
|
|
|
✄ God bless America
|
| SIEG HEIL!
|
Land that I…
|
|
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| Call it by name
|
| You gotta call one today
|
| When you get off the train
|
| Call any vegetable
|
| And the chances are good
|
| Yes indeed, that the vegetable will respond to you
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I am reminded of an ancient Roman fable. It seems there was this old centaur, about to cack. And he went down to the stream to look at his old and weary face in reflection in the pond, and he saw the aged lines, and he thought of all those orgies he’d attended, and he thought of all the grapes he’d had peeled for them, of all those lovely little wood nymphos that he had taken behind the bushes in his youth. And all of a sudden a magical noise, and Pan, happy, fun filled cherubic Pan, with his little flute, came right up behind the centaur and stuck his flute right up his ass. Which only goes to show ▶ the following message…
|
| Any way the wind blows, is fine with me
|
| Any way the wind blows, it don’t matter to me
|
| ‘Cause I’m thru with the fussin’ and the fightin’ with you
|
| I went out and found a woman who is gonna be true
|
| She makes me, oh, so happy, now I’m never ever blue
|
|
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
|
|
| She is my heart and soul and she treats me tenderly
|
| Now ✄ my story can be told, just how much she means to me
|
| ‘Cause she treats me like she loves me and she never makes me cry
|
| I’m gonna stick with her till the day I die
|
| She’s not like you, baby, she would never ever lie
|
|
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
|
|
| Now that I am free from the troubles of the past
|
| Took me much too long to see that our romance couldn’t last
|
| Now I’m gonna go away and leave you standing at the door
|
| I tell you this, baby, I won’t be back no more
|
| ‘Cause you don’t even know what love is for
|
| No, no, you don’t
|
|
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
|
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Any way the wind blows
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Yeah!
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Yeah!
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Yeah!
|
| Any way, any way, any way, any way, any way the wind blows
|
| Yeah!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Here’s a little story I learned upstream in prison, Folsom prison, 1968. Hey!
|
|
|
| Hey!
|
| Ha!
|
|
|
| There was a man
|
| A little ole man
|
| Who lived in Montreal
|
| With a wife and a kid
|
| And a car and a house
|
| And a teen-age daughter
|
| With a see-thru blouse
|
| Who loved to grunt and ball
|
| And her name was Magdalena
|
|
|
| Magdalena
|
|
|
| The little ole man
|
| Came home one night
|
| To his house in Montreal
|
| He caught his daughter
|
| In a blouse by the light
|
| And he said to himself:
|
| “She looks all right!”
|
| He reached for a tit
|
| And grabbed it tight
|
| And threw her
|
| Against the wall
|
| BLUE CROSS!
|
| Magdalena
|
|
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| I work so hard
|
| Don’t you understand? Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
|
|
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
|
|
| Magdalena
|
|
|
| The little ole man
|
| With the grubby little hand
|
| Who lived in Montreal
|
| Was drooling a bit
|
| As he reached for a tit
|
| And he said to himself:
|
| “This is gonna be it!”
|
| But the girl turned around
|
| And said: “Go eat shit!”
|
| And ran on down the hall
|
| RIGHT ON, Magdalena!
|
|
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| My daughter, dear
|
| Do not be concerned when your Canadian daddy comes near
|
| I work so hard
|
| Don’t you understand? Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land
|
|
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| Do you have any idea
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| What that can do to a man?
|
| Aynsley Dunbar!
|
|
|
| Magdalena, don’t you tease me like this
|
| In the hallway with your blouse and your tits
|
| Wow, if your mommy ever finds us like this
|
| She’ll call a lawyer, oh, how mom will be pissed!
|
|
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH
|
| DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH-WAH
|
|
|
| Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena
|
| Daughter of the New York City slums
|
| I’d like to take you down with me, babe
|
| To the corner, honey
|
| And get a Sabrett hot dog
|
| And take it on home
|
| Perform Lewd Acts
|
| And eat it while it’s warm
|
| And, Magdalena, can you see us walking down to Village Oldies together, baby
|
| And searching for that Penguins’ record that always give you an orgasm in the eighth grade, you know what I mean, honey?
|
| I remember well
|
| Honey, we can go through Central Park together
|
| And we can watch the sun come up over the bunny things where you get your picture taken and put on a pin at the children’s zoo
|
| And then, after that… after that we can have a rancid sausage sandwich on Bleecker Street
|
| Yes, and you get the drizzly shits and fart all the way home
|
| Oh, can you see it now, honey
|
| New York has so much to offer. Why, it’s a fuckin’ summer festival.
|
| Fun city
|
| And it’s yours, baby
|
| Walk, walk, walk, walk on back
|
| It’s for you and me
|
| It’s our oyster
|
| Now believe me, Magdalena, when I saw you yesterday in the hallway
|
| I didn’t mean to grab your little tittie there
|
| I said: “My God, my own daughter, my flesh and blood, I gave my sperm to this kid and now all of a sudden I’m hard as a rock”
|
| You know what I mean?
|
| I reached out
|
| And I pulled your little nipple closer to me, darling
|
| And your mommy walked in and said
|
| “Harry…” ▶
|
| Your mom will never know, your mom will never know
|
| “Harry, what are you doing with Magdalena’s nipple?”
|
| There was nothing I could say, Magdalena
|
| Please! Walk, walk, walk on back
|
| But if you just walk back to me, honey
|
| We don’t need her
|
| We don’t need Ian, we don’t need George, we don’t need anybody
|
| Magdalena, turn around under that Day-Glo picture of Jesus we bought at the… at the… at the Nite Owl, baby
|
| Come on, turn around, come back to me
|
| Your mom’ll never know
|
| Your mom’ll never know
|
| Your mom’ll never know
|
| Your mom’ll never know
|
| You gotta walk back, baby, walk back
|
| Come back to your daddy
|
| Please, Magdalena, I need you so
|
| Why, it’ll just be you and me, honey
|
| We could take the Staten Island ferry together
|
| We can go see “No, no, Nanette” and “Promises, promises”
|
| We can go to Shirley Bassey at the Waldorf-Astoria
|
| Why, there’s nothing we can’t do together, my darling
|
| Come back to your daddy
|
| It’s you and me, Magdalena, for the rest of our lives
|
| She painted up her face
|
| She sat before the mirror
|
| She painted up her face
|
| She drew the mirror nearer
|
|
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
|
|
| The stare!
|
| The stare!
|
| The secret stare she would use if a worthy-looking victim should appear
|
|
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
| Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ahhhh
|
| Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ah!
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
|
|
| The clock upon the wall
|
| Has struck the midnight hour
|
| She finishes her call
|
| Her girlfriend’s in the shower
|
|
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
|
|
| Half a dozen provocative squats
|
| Out of the shower, she squeezes her spots
|
| Brushes her teeth, shoots a deodorant, spray up her twat
|
| It’s getting her… getting her hot
|
| Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh
|
|
|
| She’s just twenty-four and she can’t get off
|
| A sad but typical case, yeah!
|
| The last dude to do her got in and got soft
|
| She blew it and laughed in his face, yeah!
|
| Face, yeah!
|
| Yeah
|
|
|
| She chooses all the clothes
|
| She’ll wear tonight to dance in, yeah!
|
| The places that she goes
|
| Are filled with guys from groups
|
| Yeah yeah yeah
|
| Waiting for a chance to break her pants in
|
|
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
|
|
| Well, at least there’s sort of a choice there
|
| Twenty or thirty at times there have been
|
| Somewhat desirable boys there
|
| Dressed really spiffy, with long hair
|
| Waiting for girls they can shove it right in
|
|
|
| Well, at least there’s sort of a choice there
|
| Twenty or thirty at times there have been
|
| Somewhat desirable boys there
|
| Dressed really spiffy, with long hair
|
| Waiting for girls they can shove it right in
|
|
|
| [FZ] That’s right, you heard right: shove it right in!
|
| Pull it right out again!
|
| And shove it in!
|
| [FZ] We’d like to play something from our new movie. This is the last… This is the last piece of music in the film. It’s the boogie from the finale.
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] They’re gonna clear out the studio
|
| They’re gonna tear down all the…
|
| They’re gonna whip down all the…
|
| They’re gonna sweep out all the…
|
| They’re gonna pay off all the…
|
| Oh yeah!
|
|
|
| And then…
|
| And then…
|
| And then…
|
| And then…
|
|
|
| Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout the light bulb men
|
| Camera men
|
| The make-up men
|
| The fake-up men
|
| Yeah, the rake-up men
|
| Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah
|
| They’re all gonna rise up
|
| They’re gonna jump up
|
| I said jump up
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout jump right up and off the floor
|
| Jump right up and hit the door
|
| They’re all gonna rise up and jump off!
|
| They’re gonna ride on home
|
| They’re gonna ride on home
|
| They’re gonna ride on home
|
| They’re gonna ride on home
|
| And once again
|
| Take themselves
|
| Seriously, yeeeah!
|
| Two, three, four, seriously
|
| They’re all gonna go home
|
| Through the driving sleet and rain
|
| They’re all gonna go home
|
| Through the fog, through the dust
|
| Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost
|
| They’re all gonna go home
|
| Yeah, and get out of it as they can be, baby
|
| And the same goes for me
|
| And the same goes for me
|
| Oh yeah!
|
| Oh yeah!
|
| Oh yeah!
|
| Oh yeah!
|
|
|
| And each and every member of this rock-oriented comedy group in his own special way
|
| Is gonna get out of it as he can be
|
| We all gonna get wasted
|
| We all gonna get twisted
|
| We all gonna get wasted
|
| We all gonna get twisted
|
| And I am definitely gonna get REAMED tonight
|
| ‘Cause I’m such a lonely…
|
| I’m such a lonely…
|
| A lonely, lonely, talkin’ ‘bout a lonely guy
|
|
|
| Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely…
|
| I am positively…
|
| I just have to get…
|
| BENT, REAMED AND WASTED
|
|
|
| A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!
|
| [FZ] We will translate, as we go along, some of the more important facets of this particular piece. Before we begin, I will tell you a little bit of the story of the piece. It was constructed from an English text, which was translated into German. And then the music was written for the German pronunciation. And the story is about how the good Lord has created a sofa ▶, his interest in home movies, and the relationship between his girlfriend and a hot, magic pig.
|
| OK, ready?
|
| [Mark Volman] Yes
|
| [FZ] One, two, three
|
|
|
| [FZ] Once upon a time, way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman…
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh, thank you, Frank. And hiya, friends! Oh, what a life! I mean to tell ya everybody is always asking me the same question: “Are you kidding?” ▶ I am not kidding. I feel great today. I am portly and I am maroon. How many people out here in this audience can guess what I am?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I don’t know
|
| [Jim Pons] Not me
|
| [Ian Underwood] Not me
|
| [FZ] No, I couldn’t guess
|
| [Mark Volman] I’ll give you some clues
|
| [FZ] Alice Cooper
|
| [Mark Volman] Heh heh. Clue number one: I am portly. Yeah. Do you know yet? Well, then I’ll give you clue number two. Clue number two and very important: I am double knit ▶.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, I still don’t know what you are
|
| [FZ] It’s too obscure
|
| [Mark Volman] And clue number three, and I dedicate this especially to all the girls in the audience:
|
| ICH BIN MAROON
|
| [Mothers] Ahhh!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Why didn’t you say so?
|
| [Mark Volman] I knew it would give it away
|
|
|
| [FZ] Once upon a time, way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more and nothing less than Mark Volman…
|
| [Mark Volman] Thank you, Frank
|
| [FZ] Trying to convince each and every member of this audience that he was nothing more, nothing less, than a fat, maroon sofa ▶, suspended in the midst of a vast emptiness (Would you please turn down the monitors a little bit so they don’t ring up here on the stage? After the monitors… yeah, that’s much better) a light shined down from heaven. And the voice of the Lord rang out. He was feeling really swift that day. And He was extremely taken with the plump succulent sofa.
|
| [Mark Volman] Thank you, Frank, hiya friends
|
| [FZ] And He figured: “If there’s one thing that this sofa needs, it’s a little moral support at Carnegie Hall”. So He turned, in a Woodstock Nation sort of gesture, to the far corners of the universe and conjured up the celestial corps of engineers and asked them to construct something substantial beneath the sofa. And He did this with a little song. It goes something like this…
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag
|
| Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa
|
| Sing along, all of you!
|
| Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag
|
| Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa
|
|
|
| [FZ] You got the words? OK: “Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa”
|
|
|
| Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag
|
| Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa
|
|
|
| [FZ] And of course that means: “Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat, floating sofa”. And no shit, surprise, surprise, boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from Trona, California, to LeFrak City. And the Lord put aside His huge cigar, contemplated the substantiated sofa, and decided that the next phase of His universal operation must of necessity include a dramatic briefing, wherein He, the all-powerful force of the sky, would whip on the helpless little sofa the morbid details of their forthcoming relationship. In other words, God was gonna tell him where it was at, just like a regular old Woodstock Nation acid flash. Get the picture, boys and girls? And so, He conjured up a small electric clarinet and played the intro to the hot number wherein the facts were revealed. And it went like this…
|
| [Howard Kaylan?] […] Guten Tag
|
|
|
| Fick mich, du miserabler Hurensohn
|
| Du miserabler Hurensohn
|
| Fick mich, du miserabler Hurensohn
|
|
|
| Streck ihn aus
|
| Streck aus deinen heißen gelockten…
|
| Streck ihn aus
|
| Streck aus deinen heißen gelockten…
|
| Streck ihn aus
|
| Streck aus deinen heißen gelockten Schwanz
|
| Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhh!
|
|
|
| […] Guten Tag
|
|
|
| Fick mich, du miserabler Hurensohn
|
| Du miserabler Hurensohn
|
| Fick mich, du miserabler Hurensohn
|
|
|
| Streck ihn aus
|
| Streck aus deinen heißen gelockten…
|
| Streck ihn aus
|
| Streck aus deinen heißen gelockten…
|
| Streck ihn aus
|
| Streck aus deinen heißen gelockten Schwanz
|
| Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhh!
|
|
|
| Mach es sehr schnell
|
| Rein und raus
|
| Mach es sehr schnell
|
| Rein und raus
|
| Mach es sehr schnell
|
| Rein und raus
|
| Magisches Schwein
|
| Mach es sehr schnell
|
| Rein und raus
|
| Magisches Schwein
|
|
|
| Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
|
| Feuer!
|
| Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
|
| Feuer!
|
| Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
|
| Feuer!
|
| Bis es spritzt, spritzt, spritzt, spritzt
|
| Feuer!
|
|
|
| Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
|
| Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
|
| Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
|
| Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa!
|
| Aber beklecker nicht das Sofa, Sofa!
|
|
|
| Fuck me
|
| Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
|
| You ugly son of a bitch
|
| Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch
|
| Stick out yer hot curly weenie
|
| Stick out yer hot curly weenie
|
| Stick out yer hot curly weenie, weenie
|
| Weenie, weenie, weenie!
|
| Aynsley Dunbar!
|
|
|
| Make it go fast, please
|
| In and out
|
| Make it go real fast
|
| In and out
|
| Make it go real fast
|
| In and out
|
| Magical pig
|
| Make it go real fast
|
| In and out
|
| Magical pig
|
|
|
| Till it squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts)
|
| Fire!
|
| Till it squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts)
|
| Fire!
|
| Till it squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts)
|
| Liar!
|
| Three Dog Night
|
| Till it squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts), squirts (squirts)
|
| Fire!
|
|
|
| But don’t get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
|
| Don’t get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
|
| Don’t get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
|
| Don’t get no jizz upon that sofa!
|
| Don’t get no jizz upon that sofa, sofa
|
|
|
| I HEAR AND OBEY, SHORT GIRL!
|
| I’m cryin’, I’m cryin’
|
| Cryin’ for Sharleena, don’t you know?
|
| I called up all my baby’s friends an’ ask’n ‘um where she done went
|
| But nobody ‘round here seems to know where my Sharleena’s been
|
| Where my Sharleena’s been
|
|
|
| I’m cryin’, I’m cryin’
|
| Cryin’ for Sharleena, can’t you see?
|
| I called up all my baby’s friends an’ ask’n ‘um where she done went
|
| But nobody ‘round here seems to know where my Sharleena’s been
|
| Where my Sharleena’s been
|
|
|
| Ten long years I been lov’n her
|
| And ten long years and I thought deep down in my heart she was mine
|
| Ten long years I been lov’n her
|
| Ten long years I would call her my baby and now I’m always cryin’
|
| I’M CRYIN’, YES, I’M CRYIN’
|
|
|
| I would be so delighted (na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na), I would be so delighted (na-na-na-na-na)
|
| If they would just send her on home to me
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na… oooooh
|
|
|
| I would be so delighted (na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na), I would be so delighted (na-na-na-na-na)
|
| If they would just send her on home to me
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na… oooooh
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na… oooooh
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na… oooooh
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na… oooooh
|
|
|
| Sharleena-leena
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na
|
| Sharleena-leena
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na
|
| Sharleena-leena
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na
|
| Sharleena-leena
|
| Na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na-na-na
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cryin’
|
| I’m cryin’
|
| I’m cryin’
|
| I’m cryin’
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| I’m cry-y-y-y-yin’
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
| For Sharleena
|
|
|
| Whoa, why doesn’t somebody somewhere right here at Carnegie Hall, in the Big Apple, New York City, where you can go get a Sabrett hot dog in the corner and get the runs for a fuckin’ month and a half!
|
| Hey!
|
| Why don’t you send her home?
|
| Why can’t you send my ever-lovin’ Sharleena home?
|
| Send my baby home to…
|
| Why can’t you send her home to…
|
|
|
| Me?
|
| [FZ] Well, the next… Relax, ladies and gentlemen, I’ll tell you what you’re going to hear, that’s “Billy the mountain”.
|
| We’ve added some things to “Billy the mountain” since the last time we played it at the Fillmore.
|
| And if you’re a real fanatic, you’ll know exactly where they are. OK, uh… excuse me just a moment.
|
|
|
| [Guy in the audience] Where is the rest of the orchestra?
|
| [FZ] You are the orchestra.
|
| For those of you who haven’t heard this piece uh… it’s about half an hour long and it’s pretty complicated. There’s dancing, talking, singing and uh… musical stuff in there. Do me a favor and please don’t make any extraneous noise during the thing so that we don’t get fucked up in the middle of it, OK?
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Billy the mountain
|
| Billy the mountain
|
| A regular picturesque postcardy mountain
|
| Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman
|
| With his stunning wife Ethel, a tree!
|
| A tree!
|
|
|
| Billy was a mountain
|
| [FZ] Billy was a mountain
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
|
| [FZ] Ethel was indeed a tree growing off of his shoulder
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Billy was a mountain
|
| [FZ] A regular picturesque postcardy mountain
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
|
| [FZ] Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Hey!
|
| Billy had two big caves for eyes
|
| With a cliff for a jaw that would go up an’ down
|
| And whenever it did he’d puff out some dust
|
| And hack up a boulder
|
| HACK!
|
| Hack up a boulder
|
| HACK! HACK!
|
| Hack up a boulder
|
| HACK! HACK! HACK!
|
| Up a boulder
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Now, one day, a man in a checkered suit drove up in a large Lincoln Continental and he laid a huge, bulging envelope right at the corner of Billy the mountain, now, that was right where Billy’s foot was supposed to be
|
| Billy the mountain couldn’t believe it! All those postcards he’d posed for, for all of those years, and finally, now, at last, his ROYALTIES!
|
| [FZ & others] Royalties! Royalties!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Billy the mountain, your royalties are here!
|
| [Mark Volman] Billy the mountain was RICH! Oh YES, and his eyeball-caves, they widened in amazement, and his cliff, well, it was a jaw, it dropped thirty FEET!
|
| A bunch of dust puffed out!
|
| Rocks and boulders were hacked up (Hack! Hack!) crushing THE LINCOLN!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] I gave him the money
|
| He acted real funny
|
| He hocked up a rock and
|
| It totaled my car
|
|
|
| Oh, do you
|
| Know any trucks might be bound for the valley?
|
| I don’t wanna stand here all night in this bar
|
| Dear Lord
|
| I don’t wanna stand here all night in this bar
|
| No shit!
|
| I don’t wanna stand here all night in this bar!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] By two o’clock, when the bars are all closed down, Billy the mountain had already broken the big news to Ethel (eh-eh-eh). And with dust and boulders everywhere, Billy, choked with excitement (ahuuuuh!), announced:
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ethel, we’re going on a vacation!”
|
| [Mark Volman] YES, and they were going on a vacation! Oh, and Ethel… Ethel… Ethel, like little old woman… any old wo— any… any little woman, she of course was very, VERY excited!
|
| She creaked a little bit, and some old birds flew off of her
|
| Billy told Ethel they were going to… they were going to NEW YORK!
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ethel, we’re going to (OOH-OOH-OOH) … NEW YORK!”
|
| [Mark Volman] But FIRST they would stop in LAS VEGAS!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] It’s off to Las Vegas
|
| To check out the lounges
|
| Pull a few handles
|
| And drink a few beers
|
| Oh, Ethel!
|
|
|
| Ethel, my darling
|
| You know that I love you
|
| I’m glad we could have a
|
| Vacation this year
|
| Oh, neat-o!
|
| Glad we could have a
|
| Vacation this year!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] They left that night, crunchin’ across the Mojave Desert, their voices ✄ echoing through the canyons of your minds
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ethel, wanna get a cuppa cawfee?”
|
| [Mark Volman & others] Howard Johnson’s! Howard Johnson’s! Howard Johnson’s! Howard Johnson’s!
|
| [Jim Pons & Howard Kaylan] “Ahhh! There’s a Howard Johnson’s! Wanna eat some clams?”
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was Edwards Air Force Base
|
| [FZ] And to this very day, wing nuts and data reduction clerks ▶ alike, speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when test stand number 1 and the rocket sled itself was… lunched!
|
| [Mothers] Lunched!
|
| [FZ] By a famous mountain-in (aya-aya-aya) and his small, wooden wife (aya-aya-aya aya-aya-aya-aya-aya)
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Good bye to Las Vegas
|
| Farewell to the lounges
|
| We pulled a few handles
|
| We drank a few beers
|
| CHUG-A-LUG-A-LUG
|
|
|
| Guess that George Pontoon
|
| Should be on the air now
|
| With the biggest new story
|
| That has broken this year
|
| GEORGE PONTOON!
|
| His biggest new story
|
| That has broken this year
|
| Take it away, newscaster George Pontoon!
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] Word just in to the N.E.W. nurz service…
|
| [Mark Volman] Nurz service?
|
| [Jim Pons] Undeniably links this mountain and his wife to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a Staten Island smut ring! (EH-EH-EH) However, we can assure parents in Manhattan that a recent narcotics crack-down in Philadelphia (EH-EH-EH) Kansas City (EH-EH-EH) Denver (EH-EH-EH) Indianapolis (EH-EH-EH) the Queens (EH-EH-EH) the Bronx (EH-EH-EH) and other important cities in New York State will provide mayor Lindsay the secret evidence he has needed to seek a criminal indictment, and pave the way for stiffer legislation (EH-EH-EH) increased federal aid (EH-EH-EH) and avert a crippling strike of high-school teachers and taxi drivers throughout the Empire State (EH-EH-EH).
|
| However, it is this reporter’s opinion that Ethel is a former communist
|
|
|
| [Ian Underwood] Within the week…
|
| [Don Preston] Jerry Lewis…
|
| [Don Preston & Ian Underwood] Had hosted a Telethon…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] (“Wah wah wah, nice lady!”)
|
| [Jim Pons] To raise funds for the injured…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] The injured…
|
| [Jim Pons] And homeless…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Homeless…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan & Jim Pons] In Denver…
|
| [FZ] As Billy had just leveled it
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] And, a few miles right outside of town, Billy caused a…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] ✄ Oh! Mein pa-pa
|
| [Mark Volman] In the Earth’s crust, right over the secret underground dumps where they keep the…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS ▶, AND OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS…
|
| [Mark Volman] Just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through…
|
| [FZ] Oh yes, it was about three o’clock in the afternoon, little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his stoop…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Auntie Em!
|
| [FZ] … squeezing his concertina…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Auntie Em!
|
| [FZ] … when a mysterious wind came up from the East…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto! Come back, Toto!
|
| [FZ] … and a mysterious wind that came up from the West…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
|
| [FZ] … and a mysterious wind that came up from the South…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Toto! Toto! Auntie Em!
|
| [FZ] … and a mysterious wind came down from the North
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Auntie Em!
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh my God!
|
[Howard Kaylan] ✄ Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
|
Birds fly over the rainbow
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
|
| [Mark Volman] … sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for untimely dispersal over vast stretches OF…
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] THE MIDWEST!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Ye-es. Now, if I remember correctly, it was right outside of Pontiac, Michigan when Billy was hanging out with the Alice Cooper guys, you know what I mean, when he got his notice to report for his induction physical. Now, lemme tell ya, Ethel and Alice’s snake said, they weren’t gonna let him go!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] “We’re not gonna let you go, baby!”
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] But George Pontoon, the right-wing radical fascist pinko pricko, newscaster from Los Angeles had this to say…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Take it away, George Pontoon, the radical right-wing fascist pinko pricko newscaster from Los Angeles, hey!
|
| [Jim Pons] We now have confirmed reports from an informed Lutheran minister in Pontiac, Michigan, that Ethel is still an active communist, and it is this reporter’s opinion that she also practices…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] COVEN!
|
| [Jim Pons] WITCH-CRAFT!
|
|
|
| [FZ] It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the secret briefcase belonging to the one mortal man who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save America herself.
|
| And that one mortal man, as you’d probably remember from the Fillmore East, was none other than Studebacher Hoch, fantastic new hero of the current economic slump. (Bring the band on down behind me, boys). And the details of Studebacher…
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Now, some folks say he looked like Iggy Stooge
|
| [Mark Volman] Iggy Stooge now
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Still others say…
|
| [Mark Volman] Others say…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Nay and bullshit, man
|
| [Mark Volman] Bullshit, man
|
| [Howard Kaylan] He was just born next to the frozen beef pies down at the local Gristedes
|
| [Mark Volman] […]
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Still others say: “Hey, fuck you, man…”
|
| [Mark Volman] Others say…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] He’s just another crazy Italian who drove a red sports car, you know
|
| [Mark Volman] Crazy Italian
|
| [Howard Kaylan] But the funny thing was, nobody knew for sure, because he was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious
|
| [Mark Volman] But nobody knows for sure ‘cause he was so mysterious
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] HE WAS SO…
|
| He was so… He was so…
|
| MYSTERIOUS!
|
| HE WAS SO…
|
| He was so… He was so…
|
| MYSTERIOUS!
|
|
|
| ‘Cuz when a person gets to be such a hero, folks
|
| And marvelous beyond compute
|
| You can never really tell about a guy like that
|
| Whether he’s really a nice person or if he just smiles a lot
|
| Or if he has a son named Pinocchio
|
| Or what?
|
|
|
| [FZ] Whether he’s really a nice person or if he has a son named Pinocchio or what?
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Some men say he could fly
|
| Some men say he could swim
|
| Others say he could sing like Neil Sedaka
|
| And all the girls in Flushing
|
| Would be amazed of him
|
| [Mark Volman] Two, three
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Amazed of him!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Amazed!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Time passes…
|
| [Mark Volman] January
|
| [Howard Kaylan] February
|
| [FZ] October
|
| [Jim Pons] September 1921
|
| [FZ] Montreal
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Dangerfield’s
|
| [Mark Volman] 1952
|
| [Jim Pons] 1925
|
| [FZ] John Dillinger
|
| [Howard Kaylan] One Fifth Avenue
|
| [Jim Pons] 1970
|
| [FZ] You’re on the rag!
|
| [Jim Pons] 1971
|
| [Mark Volman] Your mother’s pinto
|
| [FZ] Wednesday
|
| [Mark Volman] I want a pinto
|
| [Jim Pons] Holy Thursday
|
| [Mark Volman] Bill Cullen
|
| [FZ] (She’s only thirteen and she knows how to nasty… ▶)
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] So when the phone rang
|
| (Thank you!)
|
| In the secret briefcase
|
| A strong masculine hand
|
| With a wristwatch
|
| [Mark Volman] And flexy bracelet
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] GRABBED IT
|
| [Jim Pons] And answered in a deep, calmly assured voice:
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah?
|
| [Mark Volman] Studebacher?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah
|
| [Mark Volman] Studebacher Hoch, secret agent?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah!
|
| [Mark Volman] The same Studebacher Hoch, secret agent, that plays conga drums on the new Leon Russell album?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] NO! I told you never to call me on the purple phone!
|
| [Mark Volman] But… But…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] They’re always listening
|
| [Mark Volman] But… But… it’s me, little Emil! ▶
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Little Emil!
|
| [Mark Volman] Little Emil!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Little Emil!
|
| [Mark Volman] Little Emil!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah, you got the code?
|
| [Mark Volman] I got the code. You got the pencil?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I got the pencil
|
| [Mark Volman] I got the code
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Lay it on me
|
| [Mark Volman] You got the pencil?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I got the pencil
|
| [Mark Volman] I got the code
|
| [Howard Kaylan] You got the code. Lay it on me.
|
| [Mark Volman] Here comes the code
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Here comes the code
|
| [Mark Volman] One hen
|
| [Howard Kaylan] One hen
|
| [Mark Volman] One hen, two ducks
|
| [Howard Kaylan] One hen, two ducks
|
| [Mark Volman] One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese
|
| [Howard Kaylan] One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters
|
| One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters, five corpulent porpoises
|
| One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters, five corpulent porpoises, six pairs of Don Alverzo’s tweezers
|
| One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters, five corpulent porpoises, six pairs of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, seven thousands Macedonians in full battle array
|
| One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters, five corpulent porpoises, six pairs of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, seven thousands Macedonians in full battle array, eight brass monkeys from the ancient, sacred crypts of Egypt
|
| One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters, five corpulent porpoises, six pairs of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, seven thousands Macedonians in full battle array, eight brass monkeys from the ancient, sacred crypts of Egypt, nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth
|
| One hen, two ducks, three squawking geese, four Limerick oysters, five corpulent porpoises, six pairs of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, seven thousands Macedonians in full battle array, eight brass monkeys from the ancient, sacred crypts of Egypt, nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth, ten lyrical, spherical, diabolical denizens of the deep who haul quay around the quo of the quivvy of the quarry, all at the same time
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Oh!
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Oh, my goodness!
|
| [Mark Volman] You got the code?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I got the code
|
| [Mark Volman] I got the pencil
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Oh my God, that’s terrible! A mountain? (aya-aya-aya) With a… With a tree growing off of its shoulder? (aya-aya-aya aya-aya-aya-aya-aya) Oh my God. Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? (My baby! My baby!) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? (Free huey! Free huey!) Can I fly there immediately and reason with him? Wow, an expense account? And per diem, TOO?
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE
|
| [FZ] And he could dance like a son of a bitch. And just to prove it, here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the Studebacher Hoch Dancing Lesson, Cosmic Prayer For Guidance and Winnipeg Ranger Nasal Salute:
|
|
|
| [Mothers] Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, hey!
|
| THREE FROM THE EAST-UH
|
| THREE FROM THE WEST-UH
|
| THREE FROM THE NORTH-UH
|
| THREE FROM THE SOUTH-UH
|
| [Howard Kaylan] THREE FROM THE LEFT NOSTRIL!
|
| [?] Three from the right nostril
|
| [Mark Volman] Three from the tongue
|
| [Mothers] RANGERS HO!
|
| Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly
|
|
|
| [FZ] Studebacher Hoch… mysterious (ooooh) … provocative (aaaah) … homunculus ▶ (NO-O-O) … So many rumors have spread about Studebacher Hoch! Consider if you will the most recent one that appeared in SCREW, wherein Studebacher himself was credited with the ability to write The Lord’s Prayer on the head of a pin! ▶
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Some men say he could write the Lord’s Prayer…
|
| On the head of a…
|
| Head of a…
|
| Head of a pin
|
| Ah!
|
| Three Dog Night!
|
| (Good God!)
|
| Say!
|
| All right, all right
|
|
|
| Others still maintain the fact!
|
|
|
| Joe Schermie, oh my God! Good God! Good God!
|
|
|
| ✄ Joy to the world
|
| ✄ One is the loneliest number that you’ll e—
|
| ✄ Liar, liar
|
|
|
| He was born next to the frozen beef pies
|
|
|
| [FZ] A frozen beef pie for Elliot Roberts
|
|
|
| [Mothers] Do-do-do-do-do
|
| Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
|
| Do-do-do-do-do
|
| Doot-doot-do DO!
|
| Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
|
| Do-do-do-do-do
|
| Doot-doot-do DO!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Beef pies!
|
| He was born next to the beef pies
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| Underneath Joni Mitchell’s autographed picture
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| Right beside James Taylor’s bulging bank book
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| And next to
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| Carole King’s contraceptives
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| On the boat
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| Where David Crosby flushed all his stash
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| So they took him away
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| And locked him up inside a big jail
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| And there he sang ♫ “Déjà vu”
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| To himself until he got bail
|
| And then he walked
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| Down the streets with McGuinn
|
| Just before
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| Before he changed his name back to Jim
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| And he got his cape
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| From the Byrds out of the cleaners
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] FROZE-ING BY THE PIES!
|
| FROZE-ING BY THE PIES!
|
| FROZE-ING BY THE PIES!
|
| And that was the main influence on him!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Obviously that was the main influence on him
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife…
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| [Mark Volman] Who ran a modeling school, whereupon he… he ran around the back of the nearest A&P to find some big, unused cardboard boxes
|
| [Howard Kaylan] After which, he hit up the nearest Gristedes for some KAISER BROILER FOIL, some AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP and a pair of blunt scissors!
|
| [Mark Volman] And in the parking lot of the One Fifth Avenue, in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking, he cut out some really, really, really nice wings, and then he covered them thoroughly with foil!
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Thorough-LY wi-TH FOIL-L-L! Thorough-LY wi-TH FOIL-L-L!
|
| [Jim Pons] Then he took those wings and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth
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| [Mark Volman] He SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And then he pulled down his blue denim policeman-type looking trouser, and he spread even amounts of Aunt Jemima syrup all over the inside of his thighs!
|
| [Jim Pons] Soon the booth was filling with flies
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| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] Help me! Help me! Help me! Help!
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| [Jim Pons] He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in
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| [Mark Volman] Yes! Yeah! And when each and every one of those little cock-suckin’ flies had gone into the phone booth with him, and they were lapping up all that good old Aunt Jemima syrup, well, he bent over and he put his own head between his legs and he said in a very, very clear, L. Ron Hubbard-type voice:
|
| [Mothers] “NEW YORK!” AND THE BOOTH AND EVERYTHING LIFTED UP, OUT OF THE PARKING LOT AND INTO THE SKY!
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan] STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| YEAH YEAH
|
| STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| STU-DE-BACHER HOCH!
|
|
|
| STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| YEAH YEAH
|
| STUDEBACHER HOCH
|
| STU-DE-BACHER HOCH!
|
|
|
| He’s coating his legs with Aunt Jemima syrup up and down
|
| His shorts’ll be filled with flies that will be buzzing all around
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, he’s really outta sight!
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, he does it every night!
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, he treats the flies all right!
|
| Stoodlabaker Hoch, that’s why they never bite, hey!
|
|
|
| Please to New York!
|
| Fly to New York!
|
| He could be a dog or a frog or a lesbian queen
|
| Fly to New York!
|
| He could be a narc or a lady Marine
|
| Or he might play dirty
|
| He’s over thirty
|
| Getting old? Say! I don’t know!
|
|
|
| His peculiar attire and the flies he require keep leading him on
|
| ‘Cause Ethel is gone
|
| And the mountain she’s on
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Please to New York!
|
| Fly to New York!
|
| Zappa!
|
| [FZ] The mating call of the adult male mud shark!
|
|
|
| Mud sh-sh-shark
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] GOOD GOD! SAY! Do the mud shark!
|
|
|
| Mud sh-sh-shark
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Take it away, brother Mark
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Right now we’re gonna teach you all a little dance called “The mud shark”. Now the last time we were here downtown a little way, we started contriving this dance called “The mud shark”. Tonight we’re gonna teach each and every one of you how to do the mud shark. But before we teach you this dance, I’m gonna introduce to you my brother, Frank Zappa, and he’s gonna tell us where the mud shark he come from. Take it away! Here we go!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Before I tell where the mud shark came from, I would like to introduce ou— the most recent addition to the Mothers of Invention. I’d like to introduce members, the distinguished members of the foreign press, who have been on tour with the Mothers for a week, and they are going to actually perform the mud shark dance. They’re right over in that area there, and they… they have the details, they know how to do it, so when we give you the instructions on how to do the mud shark dance, just look around, you’ll see, they’ll lead you around the room. You can trust them, you know, they’re part of the group and everything.
|
|
|
| The origins of the mud shark are as follows (Bring the band on down behind me, boys)
|
| There’s a motel in Seattle, Washington. It’s called “The Edgewater Inn”. Has anybody ever been to the Edgewater Inn? Then you know that the Edgewater Inn really exists. And you know that this Edgewater Inn is located on pier 67 in Seattle, Washington. That means that when you look out your window you don’t see no dirt or nothing, there’s a bay or something in your backyard.
|
| This will enable the ingenious resident to participate in a little angling during his off-duty hours. Now in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there’s a bait and tackle shop. They also sell knickknacks, doodads, and other necessary things that the people who like to go to Seattle and stay in such a motel could really get off on, they’re real practical. China dogs, about like that. They also have a violin case that would hold several bottles of whisky. Cute stuff.
|
| But they also offer to the general public fishing tackle. That means you can go in there and for a couple of bucks you can buy a piece of line and some preserved minnows, some dried shrimp, or if you talk kindly to one of the bellboys you can get a plate of salmon bellies.
|
|
|
| Now, you take this material up to your room, you open up the window, you stick the stuff on the end of the hook, you dangle it into the putrid bay out the backyard, and you wave it around for a few minutes in desperate hope that you will be among the lucky few who have actually captured the elusive mud shark. Or dogfish as it is known in those parts. It’s a shark about that long, gray and everything, with a sandy skin. And it can be very useful in conjunction with a young lady who likes to get reamed and porked with it, you know what I mean?
|
|
|
| And this is true, there is a girl in Seattle, Washington, who’s called “The Mud Shark Queen”. She introduced herself to us after a concert there recently, she looks like an enormous Alice Cooper. And she was the one that got it from the Vanilla Fudge with a mud shark.
|
| Now, in order to commemorate this historic event, this landmark in rock & roll history, one of the great things that happened during the 60s, we’ve constructed this bold new dance for you. Let’s Woodstock Nation out, ladies and gentlemen. Follow the instructions, and as you learn the Wood— as you learn the Mudstock, the Mudstock, just follow right on out the door because that’s gonna be the end of the show, you know what I mean? Here’s how you do it.
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] OK, now I’m gonna teach you this dance called “The mud shark”.
|
| [FZ] You gotta do it all the way down Broadway!
|
| [Mark Volman] Now let me tell you, you gotta stand up, each and every one of you in this hall tonight, I gotta teach you this dance. And it starts with your right hand, your right hand and your right foot.
|
| [FZ] And it won’t hurt you
|
| [Mark Volman] And you just swim. You know, you swim. It’s kinda like Sly Stone says, you gotta do it together to do anything at all, you know what I mean? So get those hands up and swim.
|
|
|
| Mud sh-sh-shark
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Get ‘em up, brother, get ‘em up. Get ‘em up. Come on, come on. Right hand.
|
|
|
| Mud sh-sh-shark
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Swim! Now listen. Now we switch to the left hand and we swim a little bit. Come on, get that left hand. Come on.
|
|
|
| Mud sh-sh-shark
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Now I can see by the time on the wall, the old clock on the wall, it say…
|
| [FZ] It’s a dead fly
|
| [Mark Volman] Now I wanna tell ya, now we do with two hands, and we swim, like getting in between some nice warm legs, you know what I mean? Yeah. Now… Now this is the step we want you all to do together. Now this is just like… this is about as close as you can get, like Esalen Institute, you know what I mean? Ooh, Carnegie love. Yeah.
|
| Now I’m gonna show you this with my brother Howard, and this is called “spawning”: Warren Spawning. What you do is you latch up, right hand to left hand in between the legs and you kind of hop. And we’re gonna ask all of you to do this, so watch closely, and forget about what they taught ya.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Really. Let’s spawn a while now.
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Now listen to me
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Just try
|
| [Mark Volman] Everybody. Get in that. Come on.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Come on now. Get down.
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] Now what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna go up the aisle, and we want you all to join in.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] There go some people!
|
| [Mark Volman] Latch onto those people.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Look at them! They’re going up the aisle!
|
| [FZ] Just link your hands between your legs and go on up!
|
| [Mark Volman] We’re gonna dance!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] They’re doing the mud shark! Come on! They’re doing the mud shark! Yeah, baby! Brother Mark, Brother Mark is gonna do the mud shark! Follow him, baby. Do the mud shark!
|
| Wah!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] DO THE MUD SHARK!
|
|
|
| Now you’re doing the mud shark!
|
| You’re doing the mud shark!
|
| Wow! Mud shark!
|
|
|
| Wah! Do the mud shark!
|
| Wah! Do the mud shark!
|
| Wah! Do the mud shark!
|
| Do the mud shark!
|
|
|
| Come on, let’s swim with them!
|
| Do the mud shark!
|
| Do the mud shark!
|
|
|
| Do the mud shark!
|
|
|
| Where’s my brother Howard?
|
| Where’s my brother Howard?
|
| Where’s my brother Howard?
|
| Where’s my brother Howard?
|
|
|
| Do the mud shark!
|
| Come on!
|
|
|
| [Mothers] Out
|
| Come on!
|
| You go out
|
| Everybody!
|
| So far out
|
| Do the mud shark!
|
| You do the mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| Out
|
| Out
|
| You go out
|
| You go out
|
| So far out
|
| So far out
|
| You do the mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| Out
|
| Just go out
|
| You go out
|
| Come on
|
| And do the mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| Out
|
| You go out
|
| So far out
|
| You do the mud shark, baby
|
| Do the mud shark
|
|
|
| Out
|
| You go out
|
| So far out
|
| You do the mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| Out
|
| You go out
|
| So far out
|
| You do the mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| Out
|
| Come on
|
| You go out
|
| You go out
|
| So far out
|
| You do the mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| Out
|
| See ya!
|
| You go out
|
| Good night!
|
| Right up there!
|
| Do the mud shark as you leave!
|
| Go out, baby
|
| Go out, you do the mud shark, baby!
|
| Mud shark, baby
|
| Mud shark
|
| Mud shark, baby
|
|
|
| [FZ] Thank you very much for coming to our concert tonight! Good night!
|
.jpg "(Front)")
Songs list
| 
Listen original song on YouTube
|
Title origin
| 
