| [Jeff Simmons] This is the people right here. I’m sorry about the beer on you guys. This guy right here, can we have a spot on this guy? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, does his kind of life look interesting to you? THE NEW NUMBER ONE ON THE BOSS 30!
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| Hu-tuu hu-tuu huu
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| Rennetehen
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| Rennetehen
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| Rennetehen
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| [Jeff Simmons] Hi, does his kind of life look interesting to you? Full employment benefits with a fake tie. Veteran approved mexi-chinks on duty. To serve you in the speech impediment lounge of the Fillmore East.
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| RENNETEHEN
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| RENNETEHEN
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| Ho-ooo-ho
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| [Instrumental]
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| Rance
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| [Instrumental]
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| [Jeff Simmons] And now, from the Harry McDuckbibe Afghan rug lounge, high atop the U.N. building. And now… ta-da-ta-ta-ta ranna-ha-ta-da, we bring you El Porko the Magnificent, ably assisted by his accomplice Birdman Fitzgerald. And the famous “your neck is my neck”.
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| [FZ] Porko’s sword is very sharp
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| Yeah!
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| [Instrumental]
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| Rance Muhammitz
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| Two times
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| Oooh oooh oooh
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| Oooh oooh oooh
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| I’m cryin’, I’m cryin’
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| Cryin’ for Sharleena, don’t you know?
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| I called up all my baby’s friends an’ ask’n ‘um where she done went
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| But nobody ‘round here seems to know where my Sharleena’s been
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| Where my Sharleena’s been
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| I’m cryin’, I’m cryin’
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| I’m cryin’ (Oohh!) for Sharleena, can’t you see?
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| I called up all my baby’s friends an’ ask’n ‘um where she done went
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| But nobody ‘round here seems to know where my Sharleena’s been
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| Where my Sharleena’s been
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| Ten long years I been lov’n her
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| Ten long years and I thought deep down in my heart she was mine
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| Ten long years I been lov’n her
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| Ten long years I would call her my baby and now I’m always cryin’
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| […]
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| I would be so delighted, I would be so delighted
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| If they would just send her on home to me
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| I would be so delighted (Sharleena!), I would be so delighted
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| If they would just send her on home to me
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Ooooh ooooh ooooh!
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| Send my love to Sharleena
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| Why doesn’t somebody, some second, some minute, some hour, some day, some month, some week, some year
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| Why don’t you, why don’t you, why don’t you, yeah
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| Why don’t you send her home?
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| Why don’t you come on and send my ever-lovin’ Sharleena home?
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| Send my baby home to me-eeeeeeeeee!
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| Why don’t you send her home to me-e-e-e-yeah?
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| [Jeff Simmons] Now he’s just about set. A little music, please.
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| Hut
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| Girdle rides up
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| THE SANZINI BROTHERS!
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| [FZ] In the trade that’s known as filler crap, ladies and gentlemen. We are stickin’ in there to occupy time between songs. Don’t let it worry you.
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| [FZ] I think the next number that we’re gonna perform should be uh… No, we played that in the last show, I’m trying to give you a variety. Yeah, I know, ♫ “Louie Louie”. Let’s do the whole opera.
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| Hey, hut
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| [FZ] OK, you’ll have to imagine, across the front of the stage each one of these microphones represents a motel room (BURP - Pardon me, ladies and gentlemen). And each one of these rooms houses a potential pop-star on his way to the top, touring across America in the dingy little psychedelic dungeons ▶, working his little fingers to the bone, tryin’ to make it big in the nookie circuit. And here we are, this little uh… underground group in a rancid town and we’re preparing to go out on a search for some nubile ginch and we’re… we’re there the day before the concert and none of the groupies in town know that we’re there at the motel, see, and so we’re preparing to go out to the local nightclub, so we can hustle. This is it, we’re putting on our English leather cologne.
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| [Howard Kaylan, on the right] Thirty days on the fucking road. I don’t believe it, man. I can’t believe it. Another night at a fucking Holiday Inn, another night. Aynsley ripped off my chick, ripped off Mark’s chick, ripped off Frank’s chick. I did everything. I can’t even believe it. I put on a new shirt, I sprayed my pits. I got some stuff here that’s supposed to make me really alluring. Tinsel glitter. Danny Hutton puts this on his face all the time. He’s seductive. He gets laid. I can’t stand it. I think he balls Chuck Negron, but who am I to say? He gets laid. And I don’t have nothin’. I can’t believe it. What do I… I got? Aynsley, down in the bar? I can’t stand it. I gotta get laid. This glitter has worked for others, PERHAPS IT WILL WORK FOR ME.
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| [FZ] Aynsley took the batteries out of my wah-wah pedal for his vibrator
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| [Mark Volman, on the left] The next thing you know, man, you just wanna get laid. I mean you wanna… you clean up, you go in, you’re a pop-star. Man, I can’t believe it. If I woulda gone to that hotel, if I woulda gone to that club with Frank, I woulda got recognized and maybe got laid. I haven’t gotten laid in twelve days, man. This is unbelievable. I mean, I’m a pop-star. Frank told me: “Join this group, you’re gonna be a big star”. Let me tell you, the Turtles five years, it doesn’t mean shit, let me tell you. Danny Hutton, Three Dog Night, they are a big group. They are a happening group. They get laid all the time. Tinsel glitter. I’m telling you, Three Dog Night never failed one. “Easy to be hard”. He is God. Tonight, I am gonna go to that club, and I am gonna go with Frank ‘cause they’ll recognize me, tonight. This glitter has worked for others, PERHAPS IT WILL WORK FOR ME.
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| What will this morning bring me this evening?
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| What will this morning bring me this evening?
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| Some local hot action before we are leaving
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| Go to the club or the bar or wherever the pussy is found in the town your band been booked to play in
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| It’s always a little bit harder to score if it’s just your first time in a town you never hit before
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| If you played in it once and got laid
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| You’ve got it made
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| OHHWWW, GOT IT MADE
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| If it’s just your first time
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| Then you know it’s no fun to go back to a plastic hotel all alone
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| So you gotta…
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| Go to the club or the bar
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| Go to the club or the bar
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| Go to the club or the bar
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| Or wherever the pussy is found
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| A partial list of clubs and bars to go get laid while you’re on the road!
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| “Nobody’s” (New York City)
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| “Paradisio” (Amsterdam, Netherlands)
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| “Club Voom Voom” (Smatz, Austria). Ah, Smatz in the spring
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| “The Navy Club” (San Antonio, Tejas)
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| “The Whisky a Go Go” (City of the angels)
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| “Max’s Kansas City” (New York City)
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| What’s a girl like you doin’ in a place like this?
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| I left my place after midnight and I came to the club
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| Me and my girlfriend, we came here lookin’ for love
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| You came to the right place, this is it
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| This is the swingin’-est place in New York City
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| No shit!
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| How true that is!
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| How true indeed
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| Me and my girlfriend, we come here every Friday an’ Saturday night looking for the hot romance we need
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| We like to get it on. Do you like to get it on, too?
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| Well, what did you have in mind?
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| Well, listen
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| Well, I get off bein’ juked with a baby octopus or spewed upon with creamed corn
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| Aaaah unh!
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| An’ my girlfriend, she digs it with a hot Seven-Up bottle while somebody’s yellin’:
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| “CORKS AN’ SAFETIES, CORKS AN’ SAFETIES OOHOOOO”
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| Gets me so hot I could scream:
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| CORKS AN’ SAFETIES, CORKS AN’ SAFETIES OOHOOOO
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| CORKS AN’ SAFETIES, CORKS AN’ SAFETIES WOWWWW
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| You two chicks sound real far out and groovy. Ever been to a Holiday Inn?
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| Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa
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| Magic Fingers in the bed ▶, wall-mounted TV screens
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| Coffee-Host plugged into the bathroom wall, Formica’s really keen!
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| What kind of girl?
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| What kind of girl do you think we are?
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| What kind of girl?
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| What kind of girl do you think we are?
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| Don’t call us “groupies”, that is going too far
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| What kind of girl?
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| We wouldn’t ball you just because you’re a star
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| These girls wouldn’t let just anybody… spew on their vital parts
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| They want a guy from a group with a big hit single in the charts!
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| Funny you should mention it: our new single made the charts this week with a bullet!
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| With a bullet!
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| Just let me put a little… little more tinsel glitter on my face right now, and you can show me how a young girl such as you might be THRILLED and overwhelmed by me
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| What Holiday Inn did you say you were staying at?
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| Wanna split right away?
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| Not so fast, you silly boy. There’s one thing we gotta say:
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| We want a guy from a group who’s got a thing in the charts
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| We want a guy from a group who’s got a thing in the charts
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| We want a guy from a group who’s got a thing in the charts
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| We want a guy from a group who’s got a thing in the charts
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| And if his dick is a monster…
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| If his dick is a monster…
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| If his dick is a monster…
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| They will give him their hearts
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| Hold it, hold it, hold it, God!
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| Stop the music
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| Why didn’t you say so before?
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| I’ve got the thing you need
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| I am endowed beyond your wildest
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| Clearasil-spattered fantasies
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| Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
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| Girls from all over the world
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| Flock to write my name on the toilet walls
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| Of the Whisky a Go Go
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| For I AM BWANA DIK
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| HE IS BWANA DIK
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| HIM BWANA DIK
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| ME BWANA DIK
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| My dick is a monster
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| Give me your heart
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| Bwana Dik is a legend, enormous thou art
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| My dick is a Harley
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| You kick it to start
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| Bwana Dik speaks, the heavens will part
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| My dick is a dagger
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| I’ll force it to fit
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| My dick is a reamer
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| To scream up your slit
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| STEAM IT! STEAM IT! REAM IT! CREAM IT!
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| You can hear the steam
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| You can hear the screaming steam
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| As the reamer steams up the lake
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| To the snake and the black velvet crystal
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| HOT ROD ELECTRIC, QUADRAPHONIC, PANCHROMATIC ▶, […] BATTERY OPERATED STEAMROLLER!
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| Help me, help me, help me, help me!
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| Feel the steam
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| ✄ See the steam
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| Hear the steam
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| Heal the steaming hot black screaming
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| Iridescent Naugahyde python’s gleaming
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| Steam roller
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| All groupies must bow down
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| In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef
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| The steam is coming out
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| The steam is coming…
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| OWW OWW OWW OWWWW
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| LISTENNNNNN! THE STEAM IS WHISTLING
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| She’s such a dignified lady
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| She’s so pretty and soft
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| You can’t call her a groupie
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| It just pisses her off
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| She got diamonds and jewelry
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| She got lotsa new clothes
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| She ain’t hurtin’ for money
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| So that everyone knows…
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| That she knows what she wants
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| Knows what she likes
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Look out, she’s got her eyes on you
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| She left her place after midnight ▶
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| La la la la la
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| And she drove to the club
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| La la la la-ee-ah!
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| You know that her and her partner
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| La la la la la
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| Came here lookin’ for love
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| La la la la-ee-ah!
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| They want a guy from a group
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| La la la la la
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| That’s got a thing in a charts
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| La la la la-ee-ah!
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| IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER…
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| IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER…
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| IF HIS DICK IS A MONSTER…
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| THEY WILL GIVE HIM THEIR HEARTS
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| ‘Cause they know what they want
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| Know what they like
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Look out, they got their eyes on you
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| Sky Saxon blues band
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| They spotted George Duke at the end of the bar
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| They go up and say “hi” and ask if he has a car
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| He says he don’t, they say they do
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| They say: “Let’s get it on”
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| By a half of a minute and you know they are gone
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| ‘Cause he’s got what they want
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| He knows what they like
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Awright, you got ‘em screamin’ all night
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| One mo’, one more
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Daddy, daddy, daddy, oooh!
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| Awright, you got ‘em screamin’ all night
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| La la la la la
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| Screamin’ all night
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| Now you’ll just have to use your teen-age imagination and picture…
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| One, two, three
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| [Instrumental]
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| Penis dimension
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| Penis dimension
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| Penis dimension
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| Penis dimension
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| Ooh!
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| They want a guy from a group with a thing in the charts
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| If his dick is a monster they will give him their hearts!
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| Aynsley Dunbar!
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| His penis is a monster
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| His penis is a monster
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| His penis is a monster
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| Monster dick, monster dick, monster dick, monster dick
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| His penis is a monster
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| His penis is a monster
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| His penis is a monster
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| Monster dick, monster dick, monster dick, monster dick
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| HOOPLA!
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| La la la laaaa
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| WHOOLA LA LAAAA
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| [Instrumental]
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| My penis is a monster
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| Your penis is a monster
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| Our penes are all monsters
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| Penis dimension is calling me, calling me
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| My penis is a monster
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| Your penis is a monster
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| Our penes are all monsters
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| Penis dimension is calling me, calling me
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| La la la la la la
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| La la la la la la la la
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| La la la la
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| La la la la la la la la la la
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| Mud shark
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| Mud shark!
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| La la la la la la
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| La la la la la la
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| La la la la
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| La la la la
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| La la la la
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| La la la la
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| Ance Muhammitz
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| Snats Muhammitz
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| Frank Muhammitz
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| Vance Muhammitz
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| Rance (Mud shark) Muhammitz
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| Ruth Underwood
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| Leona Nichols
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| Went on the road for a month touring
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| What a drag! You gotta go
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| Even if you’d rather be at home
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| Flaked out in Hollywood
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| Drove to Inglewood and then we dumped
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| All our shit into the plane at five-o-three
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| What’s it gonna be?
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| Chicken, beef or turkey?
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| Yes
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| La la la la
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| Crab salad, shrimp salad
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| Little ham hocks with names
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|
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| Look at all the Germans
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| La la la la la la
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| Watch them follow orders
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| La la la la la la
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| See them think they’re doing something groovy in the streets
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| Rance
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| See the student leader
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| La la la la la la
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| He’s a rebel prophet
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| La la la la la la
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| He’s fucked up, he’s still a Nazi like his mom and dad
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| Played for a night in Berlin
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| That afternoon we set up our shit and rehearsed
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| Half a dozen phony student rebels in the hall
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| Came to see if I could find a way to help them all
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| “What is your desire?”
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| La la la la la la
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| “Help us start a fire
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| La la la la la la
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| In the Allied Center, round the corner down the street”
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|
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| And then we began to play
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| A bunch of punks arose from the crowd
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| Student rebels, their flags of red
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| Began to chant “Ho Chi Minh”
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| “Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Minh”
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| Threw tomatoes
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| And the next thing we knew we were under siege
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| [Instrumental]
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| [Instrumental]
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| I must be free
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| My, my oh my fake I.D.
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| Freeeeeees me
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| Gotta do a few things to make my life complete
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| (SURE!)
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| I gotta live my life (Where?) out on the street
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| The difference between us is not very far
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| Cruising for burgers in daddy’s new car
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| My phony freedom card brings to me
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| Instantly
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| Ecstasy
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| Ecstasy!
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| ECS-TA-SYYYYY!
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.jpg "(Front)")
.jpg "(Booklet)")
.jpg "(Booklet)")
.jpg "(Back)")
Title origin |
Songs list
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