| Album notes by FZ
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| This is the final disc of a collection that has taken more than 20 years to put together. It provides a comprehensive sampling of unreleased live material with absolutely no overdubs (except as noted below). Disc one of this set is a collection of songs dealing generally with the topic of sex (safe and otherwise). Great care has been taken to ensure the best audio quality, however, some selections of “historic significance” are admittedly of a demi-bootleg quality.
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| [Notes by FZ] The Doors’ lead vocalist, Jim Morrison, had just been arrested for exposing his weenie on stage a short time before this tape was made. Fear and panic gripped every promoter in the live concert industry: “Will that awful group I just hired go on stage and do THE SAME THING?” they wondered. When we arrived at this gig we were threatened by a blobulent ▶ redneck with a shotgun in his hand, demanding assurances that none of us would commit such an evil act within the hallowed halls of his miserable venue. The oath we recite here was prepared on the spot, just to set his tiny mind at ease.
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| [Guy #1] Frank, the girls are comin’ to get ya
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| [FZ] Great!
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| [Announcer] Frank Zappa, Mothers of Invention, hey!
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| [Girl #1] Frank! Sign us, please! Come on, please!
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| [Guy #2] Hi, man!
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| [Girl #1] Don’t touch, I gotta get his autograph
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| [Girl #2] Hey, Frank
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| [Guy #3] Frank!
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| [?] Testing, 1-2-3-4, testing
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| [Guy #4] Far fuckin’ out!
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| [Girl #3] Wowie Zowie ▶
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| [Aynsley Dunbar] This is a test
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| [?] Oh, my hair is getting good in the back! ▶
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| [FZ] OK, listen, this is very important, OK? Your attention, please. An important public announcement: it is necessary for me to tell you at this point that there is a clause in our contract here tonight that says if anything nasty happens on stage, terrible things happen to us, so…
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| We just… We just want to assure you that our only interest here is doing a swell job for you.
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| However! It is also necessary to prove our good intentions before we begin by reciting our Mothers of Invention anti-smut loyalty oath.
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| If the members of our rocking teen combo will please repeat after me:
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| [FZ] “I, Frank”
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| [Mothers] “I, Jeff Simmons / Mark Volman / Howard Kaylan / Ian Underwood / George Duke / Aynsley Dunbar”
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| [FZ] “Do hereby solemnly swear”
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| [Mothers] “Do hereby solemnly swear”
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| [FZ] “In accordance with the regulations in the contract with this here rock & roll engagement”
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| [Mothers] “In accordance with the regulations in the contract with this here rock & roll engagement”
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| [FZ] “And the imbecilic laws of the state of Florida”
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| [Mothers] “And the IMBECILIC laws of the state of Florida”
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| [FZ] “And respective regulations perpetrated by rednecks everywhere”
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| [Mothers] “And respective regulations perpetrated by REDNECKS EVERYWHERE”
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| [FZ] “DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR”
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| [Mothers] “DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR”
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| [FZ] “UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES”
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| [Mothers] “UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES”
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| [FZ] “TO REVEAL MY TUBE”
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| [Mothers] “TO REVEAL MY TUBE”
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| [FZ] “WAD”
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| [Mothers] “WAD”
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| [FZ] “DINGUS”
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| [Mothers] “DINGUS”
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| [FZ] “WEE-WEE”
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| [Mothers] “WEE-WEE”
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| [FZ] “AND/OR PENIS ANY PLACE ON THIS STAGE”
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| [Mothers] “AND/OR PENIS ANY PLACE ON THIS STAGE”
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| [FZ] “This does not include private showings in the motel room however”
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| [Mothers] “This does not include private showings in the motel room, which is the Ramada Inn”
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| [Notes by FZ] This is a slightly shortened version of the scene as it appears in “Baby Snakes”. If you haven’t done so already, we recommend that you obtain a copy of this 3 hour double video cassette release for your collection. If stores don’t carry it (and many Christian-owned outlets refuse to), you can get it by mail order from Barfko-Swill by dialing (in the U.S.) 818-PUMPKIN.
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| [FZ] In the beginning God made the light. Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called “MAN”, the second mistake was called “WO-MAN”, and the third mistake was the invention of the POODLE. Now, the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now, a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine-type BODY. That’s the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it’s true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh, OK)
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| Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighborhood looked at the poodle, didn’t think anything of it. You know, they didn’t use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the MAN.
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| [Guy in the audience] You’re the best!
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| [FZ] (That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, OK. Now you’re interrupting my story, now listen… What is that? Is that the Tower of Power ▶ or what? Oh no, no, it’s one of those dope fiend devices, take it away)
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| Now listen… The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. And that’s why the WO-MAN always had control over him.
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| In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: “I tell you what: why don’t you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house? Mainly what I need is… a clipper, a scissors and a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers”. (Thank you very much).
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| And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar, 2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the Garden of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN. The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the Garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon-encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the POODLE oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn’t have the disco look that’s so popular nowadays. And so the WO-MAN set out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh… visual aid.
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| Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit off the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extraneous material off this area which we shall call “Burbank”. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM, looking down into the dog’s eyes. She looked down into the dog’s eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? She said…
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| [FZ] Give me
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| Your dirty love
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| Like you might surrender to some dragon in your dreams
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| Give me
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| Your dirty love
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| Like a pink donation to the dragon in your dreams
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| I don’t want your sweet devotion
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| I don’t want your cheap emotion
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| Whip me up some dragon lotion
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| For your dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| Give me
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| Your dirty love
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| Like some tacky little pamphlet in your daddy’s bottom drawer
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| Give me
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| Your dirty love
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| I don’t believe you never seen his book before
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| I don’t want your reservation
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| I don’t need your perspiration
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| I only got one destination
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| An’ that’s your dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| That dirty love, awright!
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| [Instrumental]
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| Give me
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| Your dirty love
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| Ooh-hoo
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| Just like your mama make her fuzzy poodle do
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| Give me
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| Ow-haa
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| Your dirty love
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| Ooh-hoo
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| Just like your mama make that nasty poodle chew
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| I’ll ignore your cheap aroma
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| And your little-bo-peep diploma
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| I’ll just put you in a coma
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| With some dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| That dirty love
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| That dirty love, awright!
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| THE POODLE BITES! ▶
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| (Simulated merriment live in London)
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| Little paws sticking up!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| Little curly head!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| Little paws sticking up!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| And the little curly head
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| The little teeny weeny black poodle lips
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| Not a speck of cereal for my dog!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| AN’ THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| THE POODLE BITES!
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| Come on, Frenchie ▶
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| THE POODLE CHEWS IT!
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| Awright
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| Ooh, the way you love me, baby
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| I get so hard now I could die, aaahh!
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| An’, ooh, the way you love me, sugar
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| I get so hard now I could die
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| Why dontcha open up your pocketbook, get another quarter out
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| Drop it in the meter, mama, try me on for size, yeah!
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| Open up your pocketbook, get another quarter out
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| Drop it in the meter, mama, try me on for size
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| Say
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| Ooh, the way you squeeze me, honey
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| Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, say!
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| Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl
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| Red balloons just pop behind my eyes, oh!
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| Open up your pocketbook, get another quarter out
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| Drop it in the meter, mama, try me on for size
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| It ain’t that big!
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| Open up your pocketbook, get another quarter out
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| Drop it in the meter, mama, try me on for size
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| Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
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| You got that kind of love that lingers
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| Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh
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| Hey girl! This here bed’s got Magic Fingers
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| Been a-rollin’ on the bed since the show got out
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| Now I’m gettin’ weak in the knees
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| Must have did it eighty, ninety times, it might have been a hundred
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| But you’re the kind of girl that I really wanna please
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| You’re the kind of girl that I really wanna please
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| Oh, girl… hoo!
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| Do you really wanna please me?
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| You know I do
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| Ah, tell me why you do it? I really wanna know
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| Well, it wouldn’t be right for me to tell you tonight
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| You better tell me right away or I dress up and go!
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| Don’t get mad, it ain’t no big thing
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| You better tell me right away, don’t you treat me cold
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| HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
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| I’m holding it
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| It’s good for you
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| I’m holding it
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| It’s good for you
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| I’m really holding it
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| I know you’re really holding it and it’s so very very good for you
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| I wish you’d let go off the pants now, oh, let go off the pants!
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| [FZ] Well, it’s contest time ladies and gentlemen. Direct from Madison, Wisconsin, it’s the Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival, just as promised.
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| [FZ] Heavy duty?
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| [Guy in the audience] Did it taste good?
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| [FZ] Maroon nylon heavy duty. OK. Light blue cotton with tiny skid. That’s getting him very excited because it appears that the bottom parts of those pants are welded together. OK, let’s try this, Alice blue nylon.
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] These smell like the same ones I had last night.
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| [FZ] For those of you who didn’t hear he says those smell like the same ones he had last night. Did you like them? You don’t like those?
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] Maybe they are… Maybe she’s following us around.
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| [FZ] Black nylon!
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] Ooooohhhh, please!
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| [FZ] Black nylon, re— heh, registering a 19 on the Richter scale.
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] Oh God, gotta keep on… hah hah, it’s fuckin’ disgusting!
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| [FZ] These are very light blue and apparently have come in contact with some corrosive material that has eaten the bottom out of it.
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] China syndrome.
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| [FZ] What?
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] China syndrome!
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| [FZ] Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha! Awright, rustic hokey pokey, model number thirteen.
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] Oorhh nehh
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| [FZ] Blue with the little embroidered things on the front.
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| [Vinnie Colaiuta] This smells like armpits. Ugh!
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| [FZ] OK, who wins? Those belong to Chuck Eldridge.
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| [Ike Willis] Hi
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| [FZ] Sorry
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| [FZ] Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| He was the Playboy Type (he smoked a pipe)
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| His fav’rite phrase was “Outa-site”
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| He had an Irish Setter
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| Arf
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| It was a singles bar, a Tuesday night
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| The moon was dim, the band was tight
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| They did the Bump together
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| What a splendid sight
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| Roh-hon doon doon
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| Her teeth were white
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| Roo-teeh roo-teeh
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| The shorts were striped (it was Ladies Nite)
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| He was glad that he met her
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| He was an office boy, his name was Betty
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| Her fav’rite group was TWISTED SISTER
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| (They discussed the weather!)
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| AAAH!
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a…
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| Baby, don’t you want a…
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| Baby, don’t you want a MAN!
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| She was a lonely sort, just a little too short
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| Her jokes were dumb and her fav’rite sport
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| Was hockey (in the winter)
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| [Mumble]
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| He was duly impressed and was quick to suggest
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| Any sport with a SCHMUCK had to be ‘bout the best
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| As he jabbed his elbow in her
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| (Get it, honey? Get it, honey?
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| I mean that, I mean that)
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| Later on they went off to where the music was soft
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| The candles were drippy, they saw a real hippy
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| Who delivered their dinner
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| Hey
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| The rice was brown and soon they found
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| That the crowd around that had jammed the room
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| Well, it seemed to be getting thinner
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a…
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| Baby, don’t you want a…
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| Baby, don’t you want a MAN!
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| He took her home to a motor court
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| Hey
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| She wouldn’t kiss him, he tried to ignore it
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| But it made him angry!
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| You know it, I spent so much fuckin’ money on you
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| An’ you just make me look like an ASSHOLE!
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| He called her a pig
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| Pig pig pig
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| A slut
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| Slut slut slut
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| And a whore
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| Whore whore whore
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| A bitch
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| Bitch bitch bitch
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| And Republican
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| Republican
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| And she slammed the door
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| The door!
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| In a petulant frenzy!
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| A petulant frenzy!
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| This is a petulant frenzy!
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| I’m petulant
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| And I’m having a frenzy!
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| On the sofa she weeps
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| BOO HOO HOO HOO!
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| She weeps and she weeps
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| BOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
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| She weeps and she peeps through the curtain
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| He just got in his car
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| But the battery’s dead
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| So he has to use the phone
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| And she gives him some head
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| And that’s the sound of Long Island
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a man like me?
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| Honey, honey, hey
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| Baby, don’t you want a…
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| Baby, don’t you want a…
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| Baby, don’t you want a MAN!
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| Baby, don’t you want a MAN sometime?
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| [FZ] Ladies and gentlemen, making his first Sydney appearance, maybe his second Sydney appearance, we don’t know what he does in his spare time. (Bring the band on down behind me, boys. Hold it)
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| Father Vivian O’Blivion
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| Resplendent in his frock
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| Was whipping up the batter
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| For the pancakes of his flock
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| He was looking rather bleary
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| (He forgot to watch the clock)
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| Because the night before
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| Behind the door
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| A leprechaun had stroked his smock
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| An’ that set him off in such a frenzy
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| He sang ✄ “Lock around the crock”
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| An’ he topped it off with a WOO-WOO-WOO
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| An’ he topped it off with a WOO-WOO
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| An’ he topped it off with a WOO-WOO
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| As he stumbled on his cock
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| Oh Lord, he was delighted when it stiffened
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| And it ripped right through his sock
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| “Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me”
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| He shouted down the block
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| And as soon as he did that
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| A crowd of people gathered around
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| All the faithful
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| Came right up to him
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| They wanted to look at the pink thing sticking out from the bottom of his…
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| Tasteful, discreet black nylon man-of-the-cloth type stocking
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| And there it was, and here it was, and he went: “Hey hey”
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| And they all went: “Ho-ho”
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| And he calmed them
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| With a gesture that he’d learned
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| At an extension course in Divinity School
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| He gave ‘em one of these
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| And then he went…
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| And then he went…
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| He gave ‘em a few Dominus Vobiscums ▶, they shut right up
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| He sat right there very still
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| And then he looked them all in the eye every last one of ‘em
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| He gazed at every one of ‘em
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| And he looked them all in the eye
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| And he turned to ‘em each and everyone
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| Each in his… Each in his own words, each in his own way
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| And he turned to ‘em and he said…
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| [FZ] Awright. See that? That’s what you call a new song. Well, I’m gonna stand up here and read the son of a bitch while I’m doing it. We figured that this is a good place to do this song. It’s only been performed once before and that was the… the evening after it was actually written… in Boston. I’ll tell you the story of this song. This is called “creative deviation from the normal part of the program”, simply because you trust the audience’s good taste so much that you know that even if the band fucks up they’ll go along with it. Awright. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this song has an important message and I believe this message has to be brought to the people of this great metropolitan area.
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| Awright, now check this out. How many of you people feel that rock has gotten entirely too preposterous? I see that you’re not all convinced. Some of you believe that rock is real. I can see that there was probably about 20 percent of the audience has had it up to here, and the rest of you people still believe in that shit. OK, well, this is dedicated to the rest of you people that still believe in that shit.
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| Now check this out: how d— how do you rationalize the appearance of an album entitled “I’m in you”? I mean, wha— what… what is that? Is that guy kidding? (What, I gotta kiss you again? OK). Really, look, all kidding aside, folks. Let’s think about the world of rock, just for a moment. Some of you already have those cute little shirts on that say “Disco sucks”, right? That’s not all that sucks. ‘Course Warner Brothers sucks, but besides Warner Brothers there are other things about this business that really suck. One of ‘em is the way in which the subject of LOVE is dealt with in the lyrics of various “serious rock artists”, the intensive-care contingent of the rock world. These people… These people are FUCKED UP, I mean, they’re really fucked up. Because see, love isn’t the way they’re telling you about it, you know, they’re telling you WRONG. I’m gonna tell you RIGHT, you see.
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| Now all of the ladies in the audience, you get to have fantasy time. This is female fantasy hour. OK? You’re a teen-age girl, right? You have abducted the succulent pop-star of your choice, right? You have taken the aforementioned pop-star, who is really cute and Aryan and eats a lot of crumpets, back to your teen-age room. That’s right, spindle twice. You have taken this turkey back to your room, you have laid on your teen-age bed, you have put your teen-age legs up in the air, you have actually taken your own teen-age pants off. You have the teen-age red bulb on, right next to the bed. The curtains are drawn, it’s dark, it’s midnight. You put on a Phoebe Snow record, you’re really relaxing. Tears come to your eyes, you are sensitive, you are in love. The pop-star of your choice takes off his pants and climbs on top of you, and the next thing you know you hear this little voice in your ear and it says: “I’M IN YOU!” ▲
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| Aw, I knew you’d be surprised…
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| One, two, three, four
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| Ain’t it sorry?
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| Ain’t it sad?
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| So many ugly people
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| I feel bad
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| I’m so cute
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| They’re so homely
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| Some of them
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| At home an’ lonely
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| Wish they could be
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| Very cute like me
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| They will never
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| Get to be
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|
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| Some folks got it
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| Some folks don’t
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| Some so ugly
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| They never won’t
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| Everybody see my hair
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| See my clothes, I’m sure you care
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| Vinnie C. is really neat
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| Watch the way he sniff that seat
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| That’s really good. What’re you gonna do next?
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| Sweet as honey, he’s a piece of cake
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| Full of starch and sausage as he did bake
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| Vitamin pills he never takes
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| Watch him while his nostrils break
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| Nostrils break
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| Nostrils break
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| They must be fake
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| Oh, I’m so subdued
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| Ted Nugent, huh, babe, y’know?
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| An’ I was really digging into that fucking steak
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| And then all of a sudden the pigs came and I bailed on the stench
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| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
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| A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
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| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
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| A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
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| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
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| A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
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| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
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| A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
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| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
|
| A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
|
| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
|
| A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
|
| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
|
| A-ren-nen-nen-uh-rennda
|
| A-ren-nen-nen-ah-ren-nen-nen
|
| A-rennda-rennda-rahhh
|
|
|
| Ugly is bad
|
| And bad is wrong
|
| And wrong is sinful
|
| And sin leads to eternal damnation
|
| An’ hot burnin’ fire
|
| Hot burnin’ fire
|
| Hot burnin’ fire
|
| Hot burnin’ fire
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Screams of agony
|
| Arrrrrrghhhh! Ahh… ahh
|
| Ahh
|
|
|
| Golf… shoes
|
| Sport shirt!
|
| White person
|
| BLOW JOB
|
| Come on sailor give us a kiss
|
| Come on honey, you know I love you
|
| Shit hook. Alright!
|
| Shit hook
|
| Shit hook… shit hook
|
| BLOW JOB
|
| Shit hook
|
| BLOW JOB
|
| Shit hook?
|
| BLOW JOB!
|
| Shit hook
|
| BLOW JOB!
|
| White person!
|
| BLOW JOB
|
| Ha ha, a white person
|
| Shit hook
|
| Golf shoes
|
| A white person
|
| Sport shirt!
|
| Boyfriend
|
| WHITE PERSON
|
| Shit hook
|
| WHITE PERSON
|
| Boyfriend
|
| White person
|
| It… per… son
|
| It was a white person
|
| Shit hook, shit hook
|
| Sport shirt
|
| AAAAAH
|
|
|
| BLOW JOB
|
| Shit hook
|
| WHITE PERSON
|
| Golf shoes
|
| Boyfriend!
|
| Sport… shirt!
|
| Boyfriend!
|
| Sport… shirt!
|
| White person
|
| Boyfriend
|
| White person
|
| BLOW JOB
|
| White per— white
|
| BLOW JOB!
|
| White person!
|
| Sport shirt!
|
| AAAAAAHHH
|
| AWWWWWWWW
|
| [FZ] Has anybody ever seen Ms. Pinky?
|
| [Audience] Yeahhh, wow!
|
| [FZ] Hey, now you’re gonna know what I’m talking about. We’re gonna dedicate this whole song to Ms. Pinky. For those of you who don’t know about Ms. Pinky: we recently visited that colorful country, Finland, and were met at the airport by a gentleman named Erik. Erik sees us everytime we go to Finland, he’s a very nice person. He collects autographs and gives us presents. And when we left Finland, Erik gave me a magazine to read on the airplane, it was one of his favorite books.
|
|
|
| Now, a lot of people have heard quite a bit about Danish pornography, but have you ever heard of Finnish pornography? It’s real different. He gave me a Finnish pornographic magazine that had some girls in it that I couldn’t even believe that they would take pictures of ‘em. There was one or two in there that looked like Grace Slick but the rest of ‘em were hurtin’, really hurtin’. And of course the quality of the color photography was just a little bit too far in the red direction, you know, they printed too much red and they were showing a lot of girls with red shoes, big like this. But when it got down to the business-like details of that interesting zone between the legs, these hunks of meat hanging down from the little bushes of hair all looked like they were horribly infected!
|
|
|
| Anyway, thumbing through the magazine, there was an advertisement in there for a product, it’s a lonely person product, and I know you have quite a few lonely person products here in Denmark: there’s so many shops that are dedicated to the needs of the lonely German, the lonely Italian, the lonely American and the lonely Spanish person that drifts into your territory.
|
| Now, there are many lonely person products, you know, the most basic of all of these is the vibrator. And uh… it… it can be very useful and entertaining used properly. But when you start branching out to little things like Rover’s reamer… has anybody ever seen Rover’s reamer? It’s a plastic dog dick about this long with a crank in the end of it. Now, that is definitely a lonely person product, and Ms. Pinky is another one of those special lonely person products.
|
| Ms. Pinky is shorter than the average girl because she doesn’t have a BODY, all she’s got is a HEAD. She’s got a rubber head and her eyes are closed and her mouth is WIDE OPEN an she’s got her lips rolled back over her teeth so she doesn’t hurt you very much. And she’s washable. So we’re gonna dedicate this song to Ms. Pinky for all the good work that she has done for everybody who sent away for her in the Finnish magazine, and especially for the guy in the back who has probably got Ms. Pinky sitting in his lap right now, tucked away underneath of his overcoat, just down there, having a good time.
|
| [FZ] I got a girl with a little rubber head
|
| Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
|
| She never talk back like a lady might do
|
| An’ she looks like she loves it every time I get through
|
|
|
| And her name is P-I-N-K-Y
|
| P-I-N, I cry
|
| K-Y, don’t be shy
|
| $69.95, boy
|
| Give her a try
|
|
|
| Her eyes is all shut in an ecstasy face
|
| You can cram it down her throat, people, any old place
|
| Throw the little switch on her battery pack
|
| You can poot it, you can shoot it till your wife gets back
|
|
|
| And her name is P-I-N-K-Y
|
| P-I-N, I cry
|
| K-Y, don’t be shy
|
| $69.95, boy
|
| Give her a try
|
|
|
| I got a girl with a little rubber head
|
| Rinse her out every night just before I go to bed
|
| She never talk back like a lady might do
|
| An’ she looks like she loves it every time I get through
|
|
|
| And her name is P-I-N-K-Y
|
| P-I-N, I cry
|
| K-Y, don’t be shy
|
| $69.95, boy
|
| Give her a try
|
| $69.95, boy
|
| Give her a try, hey
|
| $69.95, boy
|
| Your ideal computer date is here and available now
|
| She painted up her face
|
| She sat before the mirror
|
| She painted up her face
|
| She drew the mirror nearer
|
|
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
|
|
| The stare!
|
| The stare!
|
| The stare!
|
| The secret stare!
|
|
|
| The secret stare she would use if a worthy-looking victim should appear
|
| Say!
|
|
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
| Ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ah-hoo-ahhhh
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
|
|
| The clock upon the wall
|
| Has struck the midnight hour
|
| She finishes her call
|
| Her girlfriend’s in the shower
|
|
|
| Practisissing, practiss, practicing!
|
|
|
| Half a dozen provocative squats
|
| Out of the shower, she squeezes her spots
|
| Brushes her teeth, shoots a deodorant, spray up her twat
|
| It’s getting her… getting her hot
|
| Oh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh
|
|
|
| She’s just twenty-four and she can’t get off
|
| A sad but typical case, yeah!
|
| Last dude to do her got in and got soft
|
| She blew it and laughed in his face, yeah!
|
| Face, yeah!
|
| Yeah
|
| Yeah
|
|
|
| She chooses all the clothes
|
| She’ll wear tonight to dance in, yeah!
|
| The places that she goes
|
| Are filled with guys from groups
|
| Yeah yeah yeah
|
| Waiting for a chance to break her pants in
|
|
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
| PROVOCATIVE SQUATS
|
| Gum-me-on-m’lung-a
|
|
|
| Well, at least there’s sort of a choice there
|
| Twenty or thirty at times there have been
|
| Somewhat desirable boys there
|
| Dressed really spiffy, with long hair
|
| Waiting for girls they can shove it right in
|
|
|
| Well, at least there’s sort of a choice there
|
| Twenty or thirty at times there have been
|
| Somewhat desirable boys there
|
| Dressed really spiffy, with long hair
|
| Waiting for girls they can shove it right in
|
|
|
| [FZ] That’s right, shove it right in
|
| And pull it right out!
|
| And shove it in again
|
| YAH!
|
| [FZ] This here song might offend you some
|
| If it does, it’s because you’re dumb
|
| That’s the way it is where I come from
|
| If you’ve been there too, let me see your thumb
|
|
|
| Let me see your thumb
|
| Let me see your thumb
|
| Oh, let me see your thumb
|
| Let me see your thumb
|
| [Repeat]
|
|
|
| Show me your thumb if you’re really dumb
|
| Show me your thumb if you’re really dumb
|
| Show me your thumb if you’re really dumb
|
| Show me your thumb if you’re dumb
|
| Let me see your thumb if you’re dumb!
|
|
|
| Hey, now better make a decision
|
| You better make a decision
|
| Be a moron and keep your position
|
| You better keep your position
|
| You oughta know now all your education
|
| Know all your education
|
| Won’t help you no-how, you’re gonna…
|
|
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
|
|
| Pumpin’ the gas every night
|
| Pumpin’ the gas every night
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
|
|
| Pumpin’ the gas every night
|
| Pumpin’ the gas every night, oh!
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
|
|
| Manny de Camper wants to buy some white
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas sta—. Fish!
|
| Manny de Camper wants to buy some white
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas sta—. Fish!
|
| Manny de Camper wants to buy some white
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas sta—. Fish!
|
| Manny de Camper wants to buy some white
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas sta—. Fish!
|
|
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| Wind up workin’ in a gas station
|
| [FZ] Now, ladies and gentlemen, we don’t normally do this but just because this is Saint Patrick’s Day, this is our special Saint Patrick’s Day program, and I even wear a green shirt and everything. We wanna try and work a little bit of… well, let’s just say “home grown Irish flavor” into this program. (Now, bring the band on down behind me, boys, this is really quite technical). You understand that each ethnic group has characteristics, and these characteristics are generally made fun of by other ethnic groups. Now, I happen to feel that the Irish people in this country have gotten a “bum rap”, to use a common expression. Many people feel that Irish people in America simply aren’t sexy.
|
| Now in order to dispel the ethnic myth that people of the Irish persuasion are not particularly sexy, we are going to make it possible for volunteers from the audience tonight to demonstrate just how hot they are. Now what I would like to have… I would like to have at least four girls who think they are Irish to come up here. No, they have… No, no, no, they have to be volunteers, you have to volunteer for this, it can’t be under duress. I… No, let me explain, this is very scientific, we need two more. OK heh, you all think you’re Irish, right? OK, OK. Now listen (quiet, please), this is very very scientific. That’s right. In order to prove that you are genuinely hot we’re going to give you, each and every one, an opportunity to make a sex noise with musical accompaniment. And so…
|
|
|
| [Ike Willis] Make a sex noise!
|
| Say!
|
| Make a sex noise!
|
| Make a sex noise!
|
| Make a sex noise!
|
| Make a sex noise!
|
| Make a sex noise!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Now, I’m not sure that each and every one of these contestants is truly Irish in the biblical sense of the word, but I think we have to give them credit for coming up here and representing the Irish people in Binghamton tonight. Especially when you realize that that’s about the only form of safe sex left in America.
|
| [Ike Willis] Hah hah hah!
|
| [FZ] Well, I have been in you, baby
|
| And you have been in me
|
| And we have be so intimately
|
| Entwined, and it sure was fine
|
|
|
| I have been in you, baby
|
| You have been in me
|
| And so, you see, we have be so together
|
| I thought that we would never
|
| Return from forever…
|
| Return from forever…
|
| Return from forever…
|
|
|
| You have been in me
|
| And understandably
|
| I have been in an’ outta you
|
| In an’ outta you, in an’ outta yoo-oo-ou
|
| An’ everywhere you want me to
|
| In an’ outta yoo-oo-oo-ou
|
| Yes, you know it’s true
|
|
|
| And while I was inside
|
| I mighta been undignified
|
| And that is maybe why you cried
|
| I don’t know, maybe so
|
| But what’s the difference now?
|
|
|
| I have been in you, baby
|
| You have been in me
|
| Aw, little girl, there ain’t no time to wash yer stinky hand
|
| Go ‘head an’ roll over
|
| I’m goin’ in you again
|
| In you again…
|
| In you again…
|
| Well, in you again…
|
|
|
| I’m goin’ in you again-ahh
|
| In you again-ahh
|
| In you again-ahh
|
| In you again-ahh
|
| In you again-ahh
|
| In you again-ahh
|
| I’m goin’ in you again-ahh
|
| In you again-ahh
|
|
|
| [FZ] Well, little girl, I told you I was goin’ in you again and I wasn’t lyin’, or was I? No, I could hardly resist going in you, because ever since I started writing love songs and everything and you know, it’s very difficult when you’re English not to write love songs because uh…
|
| [Guy in the audience] Sensitive!
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Guy in the audience] So sensitive!
|
| [FZ] That’s right, if you are English, you are… you are very sensitive. That’s one thing I’ve noticed being an English person. In fact I’ve been an English person for almost five minutes now during this song and my sensitivity has increased to the point where… I don’t know, maybe it’s just all of our traditions: the tea, Winston Churchill, his large lips and everything. This kind of stuff why you start accumulating all of this civilization behind you and you know, what can you say, if you’re English you’re really fantastic, aren’t you? So, darling, it should come as absolutely no surprise to you that I went back to your little teen-age room and climbed on top of your teen-age body and took all of my English teen-age clothes off, and, you know, stuck my little lips up next to your ear and said: “I’M IN YOU! I’M IN YOU! I’M IN YOU! I’M IN YOU!”
|
| But I don’t want you to get it wrong, you know. I don’t… I don’t just come over here and stick it IN YOU and IN YOU and IN YOU because I like you. It’s not because… It’s not even physical ▶, I only do it, and remember taxes are really bad in England, the only reason I do it is to sell records. And I hope you’ll understand.
|
|
|
| I’m going in you again (I’M IN YOU!), baby
|
| You can go in me too (I’M IN YOU!)
|
| I’m goin’ in you again, baby
|
| An’ later when we get through…
|
| GUESS WHAT…
|
|
|
| I’m goin’ in you again, well
|
| In you again-ahh
|
| In you again…
|
| I’m goin’ in you again-ahh
|
| In you again…
|
| I’m goin’ in you again-ahh
|
| In you again…
|
| I’m goin’ in you again-ahh
|
| [FZ] Couldn’t say where she’s comin’ from
|
| But I just met a lady Dinah-moe humm
|
| Strolled on over, said: “Look here, bum
|
| I got a forty-dollar bill says you can’t make me cum
|
| (No way! Y’ jes’ can’t do it)”
|
|
|
| She made a bet with her sister who’s a little bit dumb
|
| She could prove it any time all men was scum
|
| (I say scum!)
|
| I don’t mind if she called me a bum
|
| But I knew right away she was really gonna cum
|
| (So I got down to it)
|
|
|
| I whipped off her bloomers an’ stiffened my thumb
|
| An’ applied rotation to her ✄ sugar plum
|
| I poked an’ stroked till my wrist got numb
|
| Still didn’t hear no Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
| Dinah-moe humm
|
| Where’s this Dinah-moe comin’ from?
|
| I done spent three hours an’ I ain’t got a crumb
|
| From the Dinah-moe, Dinah-moe, Dinah-moe
|
| From the Dinah-moe humm
|
|
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| An’ you ain’t been to it. Tell!
|
| Got a spot that gets me hot
|
| An’ you ain’t been to it
|
| I got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
| I got a spot that gets me hot
|
| You ain’t been to it
|
|
|
| ‘Cause I can’t get into it unless I get out of it
|
| It dices, it slices
|
| An’ I gotta get out of it before I get into it
|
| It purées, it frappes
|
| ‘Cause I can’t get into it unless I get out of it
|
| It blends and malamutes
|
| An’ I gotta get out of it before I get into it
|
| But that’s not all…
|
|
|
| She looked over at me with a glazed eye and some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area, and she said…
|
| And here’s what she said:
|
| What’d she say?
|
|
|
| “Just get me wasted an’ you’re half-way there
|
| ‘Cause if my mind’s tore up, well, then my body don’t care”
|
| I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin an’ said: “My-my-my
|
| What sort of thing might this lady get high upon?”
|
|
|
| The forty-dollar bill didn’t matter no more
|
| When her sister got nekkid an’ laid on the floor
|
|
|
| She said Dinah-moe might win the bet
|
| But she could use a Little (NAVY) Prince if I wasn’t done yet
|
| I told her just because the sun want a place in the sky
|
| No reason to assume I wouldn’t give her a try
|
|
|
| So I pulled on her hair
|
| Got her legs in the air
|
| An’ asked her if she had any cooties in there
|
| Whaddya mean cooties? No cooties on me!
|
|
|
| She was buns-up kneelin’
|
| BUNS-UP!
|
| I was wheelin’ an’ dealin’
|
| WHEELIN’ AN’ DEALIN’ AN’ OOOOH!
|
| She surrendered to the feelin’
|
| SHE SWEETLY SURRENDERED!
|
| Started in to squealin’
|
|
|
| Dinah-moe watched from the edge of the bed
|
| With her lips just twitchin’ an’ her face gone red
|
| Some drool rollin’ down from the edge of her chin
|
| While she spied the condition her sister was in
|
|
|
| She quivered an’ quaked, she clutched all over herself
|
| Her sister made a joke about her mental health
|
| Until Dinah-moe finally did give in
|
| But I told her all she really needed was some discipline… ▶
|
| I said:
|
|
|
| “Kiss my aura… Dora…
|
| (That’s right!)
|
| Because it’s real angora
|
| Would y’all like some more-a?
|
| Right here on the flora?
|
| An’ how ‘bout you, Fauna?
|
| Do you wanna?”
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He’s very, very gay
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He’s gay
|
| And he likes to be that way
|
| With his keys on the right
|
| He’s into rubber every night
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He’s almost everyone today
|
|
|
| He’s OK
|
| He’s OK
|
| He’s got a role he wants to play
|
| He’s OK
|
| He’s just a cowboy for a day
|
| ‘Course, his evening’s not complete
|
| Without some meat in the seat
|
| Let’s skate away
|
| Down Santa Monica today
|
| Well well well
|
|
|
| Maybe he wants a little spanking
|
| Maybe he’ll eat a little chain
|
| Maybe his lover should be thanking him
|
| For the way he makes it sprinkle
|
| Into drops of golden rain
|
| UH-OWWW
|
| (Let’s mine the harbor)
|
|
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He’s so gay
|
| He rules the city in a way
|
| You could say
|
| You could say
|
| It’s sorta different today
|
| All the taffeta and chintz
|
| And every Leather Boy’s a prince
|
| Hey hey hey!
|
| Please don’t look the other way
|
|
|
| You could be just like him tomorrow!
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| Maybe you’ll get a chance to borrow
|
| Borrow
|
| His bouquet
|
| Mmmh
|
| And maybe later…
|
| Maybe later…
|
| We’ll ALL BE GAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!
|
|
|
✄ DO YOU REALLY WANNA HURT ME?
|
| MOO-AHHH!
|
| [FZ] She had that Camarillo Brillo
|
| Flamin’ out along her head
|
| I mean her Mendocino bean-o
|
| By where some bugs had made it red
|
|
|
| She ruled the toads of the Short Forest ▶
|
| And every newt in Idaho
|
| And every cricket who had chorused
|
| By the bush in Buffalo
|
|
|
| She said she was a magic mama
|
| And she could throw a mean tarot
|
| And carried on without a comma
|
| That she was someone I should know
|
|
|
| She had a snake for a pet
|
| And an amulet
|
| And she was breeding a dwarf
|
| But she wasn’t done yet
|
| She had gray-green skin
|
| A doll with a pin
|
| I told her she was awright
|
| But I couldn’t come in
|
| (Actually, I was very busy then…)
|
|
|
| And so she wandered through the doorway
|
| Just like a shadow from the tomb
|
| She said her stereo was four-way
|
| An’ I’d just love it in her room
|
|
|
| Well, I was born to have adventure
|
| So I just followed up the steps
|
| Right past her fuming incense stencher
|
| To where she hung her castanets
|
|
|
| She stripped away her rancid poncho
|
| An’ laid out naked by the door
|
| We did it till we were un-concho
|
| An’ it was useless any more
|
|
|
| She had a snake for a pet
|
| And an amulet
|
| And she was breeding a dwarf
|
| But she wasn’t done yet
|
| She had gray-green skin
|
| A doll with a pin
|
| I told her she was awright
|
| But I couldn’t come in
|
|
|
| And so she wandered through the doorway
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| Just like a shadow from the tomb
|
| She said her stereo was four-way, oh yeah!
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| An’ I could eat some broccoli up in her room
|
|
|
| Well, I was born to have advenchum
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| So I just followed up the steps
|
| Right past her fuming incense stencher
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| To where she hung her castanets
|
|
|
| I chewed my way through her rancid panocha
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| And she laid buck nekkid over by the door
|
| We did it till we were sort of un-concho, so to speak
|
| Ai-ee-ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
|
| Yes, and it was useless any more
|
| Aw yes, it was useless any more
|
| Aw yes, it was useless any more
|
| [FZ] Girl, you thought he was a man but he was a muffin
|
| He hung around till you found that he didn’t know nuthin’
|
|
|
| Oh girl, you thought he was a man but he only was a-puffin’
|
| No cries is heard in the night as a result of him stuffin’ it in
|
| He shoulda been stuffin’ it in
|
| I mean stuffin’ it in
|
| Well, stuffin’ it in
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [Guy in the audience] YEAH! ZAPPA! ZAPPA!
|
| [FZ] (What? I’m supposed to kiss her? OK) Just calm down there for a minute. It’s only Halloween.
|
| [Guy in the audience] ZAPPA! YEAH!
|
| [FZ] Alright
|
| [Guy in the audience] PLAY THE GUITAR! PLAY THE GUITAR!
|
| [FZ] No, thank you. Alright, let’s get back to entertainment here. Are we tuned up?
|
| [Guy in the audience] YEAH! WE NEVER LEFT! WE NEVER LEFT!
|
| [FZ] Two, three, four
|
| The Illinois enema bandit
|
| I heard he’s on the loose
|
| I heard he’s on the loose
|
| Lord, the pitiful screams
|
| Of all them college-educated women…
|
| He’d just be tyin’ ‘em up
|
| (They’d be all bound down)
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| Illinois enema bandit juice
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| Illinois enema bandit juice
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| Illinois enema bandit juice
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| Illinois enema bandit juice
|
|
|
| The Illinois enema bandit
|
| I heard it on the news
|
| I heard it on the news
|
| Bloomington, Illinois… he has caused some alarm
|
| Just sneakin’ around there from farm to farm
|
| He’s got a rubberized bag and a hose on his arm
|
| Lookin’ for some rustic co-ed rump
|
| That he just might wanna pump
|
| Lookin’ for some rustic co-ed rump
|
| That he just might wanna pump
|
| Lookin’ for some rustic co-ed rump
|
| That he just might wanna pump
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| The Illinois enema bandit
|
| One day he’ll have to pay
|
| One day he’ll have to pay
|
|
|
| The police will say: “You’re under arrest!”
|
| And then the judge would have him for a special guest
|
| The D.A. will order a secret test
|
| Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
|
| Then they’ll put out a call (Hi-yo!) for the jury folks
|
| And the judge would say: “No Silver jokes!”
|
| Drag in the bandit for all to see
|
| Sayin’: “Don’t nobody put that little black mask all over me”
|
| Hi-yo!
|
| Hot soapy water in the first degree
|
| And then Tonto might say: “Don’t put that Veg-O-Matic on me!”
|
|
|
| Did you cause this broccoli?
|
| Well, did you cause this broccoli?
|
| Well, did you cause this kinda broccoli?
|
| One girl shout: “Well, bring that small appliance right here near to me!”
|
|
|
| Bandit, are you guilty?
|
| Tell me, what’s your plea?
|
| Another satisfied homemaker shout: “Well, let that Veg-O-Matic be!”
|
|
|
| Bandit, are you guilty?
|
| Tell me, did you do these deeds?
|
| You know what he said?
|
| (Isn’t that amazing?)
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
| (Yeah!)
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
| “It must be just what they all needs…”
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
|
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
| Well, he just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
| Illinois enema bandit juice
|
| He just be pumpin’ every one of ‘em up with all the bag fulla…
|
| “It must be just what they all need…”
|
| Illinois enema bandit juice
|
|
|
| The Illinois…
|
| Illinois…
|
| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout Fontana ▶
|
| Ain’t talkin’ ‘bout Potato-Headed Bobby ▶
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout the Illinois… Illinois… enema bandit…
|
| Juice
|
|
|
| [FZ] I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is L. Shankar on violin.
|
| [FZ] Now, this little… this little number is in thirteen. It’s subdivided 5/8 and 4/4 if you wanna clap your hands.
|
|
|
| 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
|
| 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
|
| 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
|
| 1-2, 1-2-3, 1, 2, 3, 4
|
|
|
| Pretty good
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [Patrick O’Hearn] Charlelle. A fragile little creature in a hard-ass nightclub, The Drive Shaft, three blocks down from the Ramrod. One thin dime, a mere tenth of a dollar would buy you a peek at LOBSTER GIRL!
|
| [FZ] Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
|
|
| We’re so young and happy
|
| And we know where it’s at
|
| It’s over there, over there, over there, over there and under here also
|
| We’re never wrong about nothing
|
| And we look pretty good
|
| We never ever have to worry, we’re always in a hurry
|
| To convince ourselves that what we are is really very groovy
|
|
|
| If we believe what’s in the papers
|
| And the magazines that define our folklore
|
| We can never laugh at who or what we think we are
|
| Or even what we think we sorta oughta be
|
| ‘Cause we are TOTALLY EMPTY
|
| Totally empty
|
| And our lives are really useless, so what the fuck?
|
| We ain’t got no sense of humor
|
| Oodly-oodly-yeah!
|
| We got nothing left to laugh about, including ourselves
|
|
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
|
|
| ✄ Mellow yellow
|
| Mellow yellow
|
|
|
| They were mellow, they were yellow, they were wearing smelly blankets, they were Donovan fans
|
| ✄ HU-UR-DE-EE GU-UR-DE-EE
|
| They walked around with stupid flowers in their hair an’ everywhere, they tried to stuff ‘em up the guns
|
|
|
| Of all the cops and other servants of the law
|
| LA LA-LA-LA LA-LA
|
| Who tried to push ‘em around and later mowed ‘em down
|
| But they were full of all that shit that they believed in
|
| PHEW!
|
| So what the fuck?
|
| WHAT THE FUCK?
|
|
|
| They would tighten up their headbands on the weekend they get loaded when they came to town
|
| They walked around in Greenwich Village to buy posters they could hang up in their smelly little secret black light bedrooms on Long Island screamin’:
|
| “JIMI COME BACK!”
|
| Come back and regulate my furz-tone
|
| Your ✄ HAZE was so PURPLE
|
| An’ your ✄ axis was bold as love
|
| JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI-JIMI FEED BACK
|
| Come back and feed back on my knapsack
|
| You can feed back the fuzz tone from your WAH-WAH while you bend down and set your stuff on fire
|
|
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Hop!
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Mr. “Cry Baby”
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Well
|
|
|
| We can turn it around, we can do it again, we can go back in time
|
| ✄ Through the canyons of your mind on the ✄ EVE O’ DESTRUCTION
|
| We can act like we are something really special
|
| Wah wah
|
| Oh, we’ll just jump in the bathtub with that other guy Jim
|
| And make him be more careful
|
| And we’ll visit Big Mama
|
| And whap her on the back
|
| When she eats her sandwich
|
| FRIDAY THURSDAY
|
|
|
| We can take care of Janis
|
| When she gets so depressed
|
| She can’t take it no more
|
| We can laugh at Keith Moon’s jokes
|
| HA HA HA HA HA!
|
| And the color TV
|
| WAH WAH
|
| He threw out the window from the second floor!
|
| AAAHHHH!
|
|
|
| Everybody come back
|
| No one can do it like you used to
|
| If you listen to the RADIO and what they play today
|
| You can tell right away: all those assholes really need you!
|
|
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
|
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Turn, turn
|
| Turn, turn
|
| We’re turning again
|
| Well
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| With a tiny little mustache
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| Do you know how they go?
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| In the Rectory Basement
|
| Father Riley’s a fairy but it don’t bother Mary
|
|
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| At the CYO
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| Do you know how they go?
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| There can be no replacement
|
| How do they go, after the show?
|
|
|
| All the way
|
| That’s right, all the way!
|
| That’s the way they go
|
| Every day
|
| That’s right!
|
| And none of their mamas ever seem to know
|
| Hip-hip-hooray
|
| For all the class they show
|
| There’s nothing like a Catholic Girl
|
| At the CYO
|
| When they learn to blow…
|
|
|
| They’re learning to blow all the catholic boys!
|
| Warren Cuccurullo…
|
| Catholic Boys!
|
| Kinda young, kinda WOW!
|
| Catholic Boys!
|
| Vinnie Colaiuta…
|
| Where are they now? Did they all take The Vow?
|
| Everybody!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Everybody dance!
|
|
|
| Catholic Girls!
|
| Carmenita Scarfone!
|
| Catholic Girls!
|
| Hey! She gave me VD!
|
| Catholic Girls!
|
| Toni Carbone!
|
| With a tongue like a cow she could make you go WOW!
|
|
|
| VD Vowdy vootie, right away
|
| That’s the way they go
|
| Every day
|
| Whenever their mamas take them to a show
|
| Matinee
|
| Pass the popcorn, please
|
| There’s nothing like a Catholic Girl
|
| With her hand in the box
|
| And she’s on her knees
|
|
|
| She was on her knees
|
| My little Catholic Girl
|
| In a little white dress
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| They never confess
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| I got one for a cousin
|
| I love how they go
|
| So send me a dozen ▶
|
|
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| OOOOOOH!
|
| Well well now
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-mum
|
| Yai-ee-ahhh!
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| OOOOOOH!
|
| Well well now
|
| Catholic Girls
|
| Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-ma-ma-mum
|
| Yai-ee-ahhh!
|
|
|
| Joe had a girlfriend named Mary. They would meet each other at the Social Club, hold hands and think Pure Thoughts. But one night, Mary wasn’t there… she was backstage at the Tower Theater, sucking cock, so she can get a ticket to meet Ike Willis for free.
|
| [FZ] Hey hey hey, all you girls in these industrial towns
|
| I know you’re prob’ly gettin’ tired of all the local clowns
|
| They never give you no respect, they never treat you nice
|
| So perhaps you oughta try a little friendly advice
|
|
|
| And be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| They ain’t gonna squash it
|
| And you don’t need to wash it!
|
|
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| How about that, Jimmy Swaggart?
|
|
|
| You never get to move around, you never go nowhere
|
| I know you’re prob’ly gettin’ tired of all the guys out there
|
| You always wondered what it’s like to go from place to place
|
| So, darlin’, take a little ride on Harry’s face
|
|
|
| And be a CREW SLUT
|
| Yessir!
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Watch out, he’s Greek!
|
| His equipment hasn’t gotten wet for a month-and-a-half
|
|
|
| CREW SLUT
|
| Really! His name is Harry
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| (That’s right!)
|
| How about that West Bank, huh?
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Well, you been to Alabama, girl, an’ Georgia too
|
| An’ all the boys in the crew is bein’ good to you
|
| I know you’re sayin’ to yourself: “This is the way to go”
|
| ‘Cause when you need a little extra they will give you some mo’
|
|
|
| And be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| Trade your spot on the bench for a guy with a wrench
|
|
|
| And be a CREW SLUT
|
| Be a CREW SLUT
|
| The boys in the crew have got a present for you!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [Adrian Belew] Hey!
|
| I’m only fourteen, sickly an’ thin
|
| Tried all of my life just to grow me a chin
|
| It popped out once, yeah, but my dad pushed it in
|
| Tell me, why did he hurt me?
|
| Lord, he’s my next of kin…
|
| He’s a mex-i-kin
|
|
|
| I’m lonely an’ green, too small for my shirt
|
| If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt
|
| Scared of the future an’ I hope I don’t grow
|
| Listen, nobody likes me
|
| ‘Cause everywhere that I go
|
| They say no
|
| They say no!
|
| They say NO!
|
|
|
| NO!
|
|
|
| They say NO!
|
|
|
| Now I am older, got a place in the town, babe
|
| Got a chin on my shoulder an’ it keeps growing down an’ down an’ down
|
| I’m horny an’ lonely, an’ I wish I was dead
|
| Somebody tell me why am I livin’?
|
| Lord, I wanna be dead instead
|
| That’s right, I said
|
| I wanna be dead instead
|
| Now dig this:
|
|
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| Get the picture?
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| Aw!
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Yes, I wanna be dead instead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| Be dead in bed, yeah
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Well, just as sure as my name is Terry Ted, Terry Ted
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| Kill me
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Thrill me
|
| In bed
|
| Fill me
|
| Please kill me
|
| With some love
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| Kill me
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Thrill me
|
| In bed
|
| Wah-OW!
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
|
|
| One more time for the world! ▶
|
|
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Yeah-hey!
|
| In bed
|
| I wanna be dead instead
|
| Please kill me
|
| Be dead in bed
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Love my little girl
|
| In bed
|
| Gimme some head, hey hey hey
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| ‘Cause I’m only fourteen
|
| In bed
|
| Sickly an’ green
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’m feelin’ really lean, I’m in love, see
|
| I wanna be dead
|
| Too small for my shirt
|
| In bed
|
| Feature my hurt
|
| Please kill me
|
| Yeah-hey!
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| [Notes by FZ] This is the ONLY cut included in the YCDTOSA series with an overdub. In this case it is the drum set. The drums, as recorded on the 24 track live master, had some distortion problems, so an exception was made in order that you might experience this piece of folklore.
|
|
|
| [Lisa Popeil] Hello. My name is Lisa Popeil, ha ha. Ever seen one of these? My father who’s filthy rich made this. It’s a Pocket Fisherman, ha ha. And he also made the Veg-O-Matic, which works about as well. And then there’s always my brother Ronnie of Ronco, I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He has all those commercials that go on and on and on and on AND ON AND ON and on and on, I know.
|
|
|
| Now I’m here to tell you my life story
|
| When I was young
|
| I was a skinny neurotic bitch
|
| Doo-doo-da-dee-ha!
|
| But it didn’t matter
|
| E-eh-e-eh-e-eh-e-eh-eh!
|
| Because the ego was so large
|
| It didn’t matter that I hadn’t done nothing or seen nothing in my life, ow!
|
| Trapped in a sexless body I always knew
|
| Ow ow
|
| That I was an oversexed hussy
|
| So my next task was to find someone who could
|
| Satisfy my every desire
|
| Da-da doo-dood da ba dad-dood
|
| Da-dood-dad-dood da-dood-da-da
|
| Unfortunately I lacked the basic essentials
|
| So I went out to get me some
|
| Of what I needed all along:
|
| A pair of titties just like mom
|
| Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
|
| I went to a catholic school
|
| With all those nerds
|
| I swear a good catholic girl
|
| Can’t go anywhere these days
|
| Well, then there was a quest for the perfect hunk
|
| I spell that h-u-n-k, hunk
|
| You know, I like them tall and blonde
|
| [Notes by FZ] This mutant blend of two performances, 17 years apart, was made possible by a new digital editing device called Sonic Solutions, used extensively in the construction of “YCDTOSA Volumes 5 and 6”.
|
|
|
| [FZ] My name is Nando, I am a marine biologist
|
| All my friends they call me “Do”
|
| Hi, Do!
|
| All my family from some place in this area
|
| And they complain if I talk about this horrible pizza ▶ during the show
|
|
|
| Came out here to Californy
|
| Just to find me some pretty girls
|
| Oh-oh
|
| Ones I seen gets me so horny
|
| Ruby lips an’ teeth like pearls
|
|
|
| Wanna love ‘em all, wanna love ‘em dearly
|
| Wanna jellyfish, I’ll even pay!
|
| Fish furs!
|
| I’ll buy ‘em furs, I’ll buy ‘em jewelry / pizza
|
| I know they like me, here’s what I say:
|
|
|
| [Jimmy Carl Black] Lonesome cowboy Burt
|
| (Speakin’ atcha!)
|
| Want you smell my fringe-y shirt?
|
| (Reekin’ atcha!)
|
| My cowboy pants
|
| My cowboy dance
|
| My bold advance
|
| On this here waitress
|
| Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey!
|
| Yodel-oh-oo-pee!
|
|
|
| He’s lonesome cowboy Burt
|
| Dontcha get his feelings hurt
|
| Come on in this place an’ I’ll buy you a taste
|
| An’ you can sit on my face, where’s my waitress?
|
|
|
| Burtram, Burtram redneck
|
| Burtram, Burtram redneck
|
|
|
| I’m an awful nice guy, sweat all day in the sun
|
| Roofer by trade, quite a bundle I’ve made
|
| I’m unionized roofin’ old son of a gun!
|
| He’s a unionized roofin’ old son of a gun!
|
|
|
| Darling, I crazy go nuts when I hear this, you know what I’m singin’?
|
|
|
| Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan
|
| Do Do Do Do Do Do
|
|
|
| [FZ] When I get off, I get plastered
|
| I swim till I fall on the jellyfish
|
| Then I find me some academic kind of illustrator
|
| I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing and tell him to draw it up so it looks just like a brand new jellyfish!
|
| Oh!
|
| I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing and tell him to draw it up so it looks…
|
| Take that! Take that!
|
|
|
| Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan Nan
|
| Do Do Do Do Do Do
|
|
|
| I fuss, an’ I cuss an’ I keep on swimmin’
|
| Till my snorkel puffs up an’ turns red
|
| I drool on my shorts, I do some water sports
|
| Then I take the jellyfish back to my house and stick it in the bed! Sorta…
|
| Whaddya do?
|
| Stick it again in the bed!
|
| That’s right!
|
| Stick it again in the bed!
|
| Stick it again in the bed!
|
| Stick it again in the bed!
|
|
|
| [Jimmy Carl Black] Lonesome cowboy Burt
|
| (Speakin’ atcha!)
|
| Smell my fringe-y shirt
|
| (Reekin’ atcha!)
|
| My cowboy pants
|
| My cowboy dance
|
| My bold advance
|
| On this here waitress
|
| Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey!
|
| Yodel-oh-oo-pee!
|
|
|
| HE’S LONESOME COWBOY BURT
|
| YEE-HA!
|
| An’ dontcha get his feelings hurt
|
| Come on in this place an’ I’ll buy you a taste
|
| You can sit on my face, where’s my waitress?
|
|
|
| OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH!
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| They’re gonna clear out the studio
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| Are you kidding? ▶
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| I am not kidding
|
| They’re gonna tear down all the…
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| I hear ya
|
| They’re gonna whip down all the…
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| They’re gonna sweep out all the…
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| They’re gonna pay off all the…
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| Oh yeah!
|
|
|
| And then…
|
| And then…
|
| And then…
|
| And then…
|
|
|
| Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
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| Talkin’ ‘bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers
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| You got it, Jack
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| Talkin’ ‘bout the light bulb men
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| Camera men
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| Oh!
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| The make-up men
|
| You got it
|
| The fake-up men
|
| Yeah, the rake-up men
|
| Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah
|
| They’re all gonna rise up
|
| They’re gonna jump up
|
| I said jump up
|
| Talkin’ ‘bout jump right up and off the floor
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| Jump right up and hit the door
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| They’re all gonna rise up and jump off!
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| They’re gonna ride on home
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| They’re gonna ride on home
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| They’re gonna ride on home
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| They’re gonna ride on home
|
| And once again
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| Take themselves
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| Seriously, yeeeah!
|
| Two, three, four, seriously
|
| They’re all gonna go home
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| Through the driving sleet and rain
|
| They’re all gonna go home
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| Through the fog, through the dust
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| Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost
|
| They’re all gonna go home
|
| Yeah, and get out of it as they can be, baby
|
| And the same goes for me
|
| And the same goes for me
|
| Oh yeah!
|
| Oh yeah!
|
| Oh yeah!
|
| Oh yeah!
|
|
|
| And each and every member of this rock-oriented comedy group in his own special way
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| Is gonna get out of it as he can be
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| We all gonna get wasted
|
| We all gonna get twisted
|
| We all gonna get wasted
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| We all gonna get twisted
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| Yeah, and I am definitely gonna get REAMED tonight
|
| ‘Cause I’m such a lonely…
|
| I’m such a lonely…
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| A lonely, lonely, talkin’ ‘bout a lonely guy
|
|
|
| Oh, and I know tonight
|
| Each and every one of you’s gonna go home
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| And write down an order for that penciled front album ▶
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| And I know that on account of that
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| Next time I come back I am definitely…
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| I am positively…
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| I just have to… and I’m not kidding, gonna get…
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| BENT, REAMED AND WASTED
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|
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| [Jimmy Carl Black] A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!
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| WHOOA!
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| Atlantic City, New Jersey!
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| [Instrumental]
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|
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| [FZ] Thanks for coming to the show tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Don’t throw stuff on the stage. Ray White, Tommy Mars, Scott Thunes, Chad Wackerman, Ed Mann, Bobby Martin, Steve Vai. Good night.
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| [Guy in the audience] ZAPPAAAA!
|
|
|
| [Guy in the audience] ZAPPAAAA! ZAPPAAAA!
|
Songs list
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Title origin
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Watch video
| Design by Jeffery Fey.jpg "(Front) Design by Jeffery Fey")