|
|
| [FZ] Once upon a time, way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman…
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh, thank you, Frank. And don’t misspell it, that’s not Marc Bolan, it’s Mark Volman. Hiya, friends! I wanna welcome each an’ every one of ya, I wanna say to you tonight, I feel great. I mean, I feel GREAT! Everywhere I go people are always comin’ up to me, and they say: “Mark, Mark, Mark”.
|
| Mark! Mark! Mark!
|
| [Mark Volman] “Mark, are you kidding?” ▶ Lemme tell you this, friends: I am not kidding. I mean, I am portly and I am maroon. Well, how many people here tonight can guess what I am?
|
| [FZ] I… don’t
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I can’t guess what you are
|
| [Jim Pons] Not me
|
| [Mark Volman] Well, then I’ll give you some clues. And the first clue is: I am portly. Does that help?
|
| [FZ] Not much
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, I don’t know who you are
|
| [Mark Volman] OK, I got one. Clue number two: I am double knit ▶. That helped?
|
| [FZ] No, not much
|
| [Howard Kaylan] What do you mean?
|
| [Mark Volman] Well, then I have to give you one more clue, I know this is gonna give it away and hate like damn to tell you this, but clue number three:
|
| ICH BIN MAROON
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Ahhh, you’re a sofa! ▶
|
|
|
| [FZ] Way back a long time ago, when the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than Mark Volman…
|
| [Mark Volman] Thank you, Frank
|
| [FZ] Trying to convince each and every member of this extremely hip audience here tonight that he was nothing more, nothing less, than a fat, maroon sofa, suspended in the midst of a great emptiness, a light shined down from heaven. And there he was, ladies and gentlemen, the good Lord, and He took a… He took a look at the sofa, and He said to Himself: “Quite an attractive sofa. This sofa could be commercial…”
|
| [Mark Volman] Thank you, Frank, hiya friends
|
| [FZ] “With a few more Margaritas and the right company”. However, I digress. “What this sofa needs” said The Big G. “is a bit of flooring underneath of it”. And so, in order to make this construction project possible, He summoned the assistance of the celestial choir of engineers and, by means of a cute little song in the German language, which is the way He talks whenever it’s heavy business, the good Lord went something like this. Take it away, Jim Pons.
|
|
|
| [Jim Pons] Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag
|
| Hey!
|
| Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa
|
| Everybody!
|
| Gib zu mir etwas Fußbodenbelag
|
| Unter diesen fetten, fließenden Sofa
|
|
|
| [FZ] And of course, ladies and gentlemen, that means: “Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat, floating sofa”. And sure enough, boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from Belfast to Bognor Regis.
|
| And the Lord put aside His huge cigar and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of His message, with the assistance of a small electric clarinet, and it went something like this…
|
|
|
| [Ike Willis] You didn’t try to call me
|
| Why didn’t you try? I’m so lonely
|
| No matter who I take home, I keep callin’ your name
|
| And you… (I need you so bad) you’re The One, babe
|
|
|
| Tell me, tell me, who’s lovin’ you now
|
| ‘Cause it worries my mind and I can’t sleep at all
|
| I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
|
|
|
| And you didn’t try to call me
|
| Why didn’t you try? I’m so lonely
|
| No matter who I take home, I keep callin’ your name
|
| And you… (I need you so bad) you’re The One, babe
|
|
|
| Tell me, tell me, who’s lovin’ you now
|
| ‘Cause it worries my mind and I can’t sleep at all
|
| I stayed home on Friday just to wait for your call
|
|
|
| [FZ] I can’t say what’s wrong or what’s right
|
| La la-la-la la la la-la-la la
|
| All you gotta do-do-do is call me, babe
|
| La la-la-la la la la-la-la la
|
|
|
| [Ike Willis] You make me feel so excited, girl!
|
| I got so hung up on you from the moment that we met
|
| That no matter how I try, I can’t keep the tears
|
| From running down my face, I’m all alone at my place
|
|
|
| [FZ] You didn’t try to call me
|
| You didn’t try to call me at all, didja?
|
| You didn’t try to call me
|
| You didn’t try to call me at all, didja?
|
| You didn’t try to call me
|
| You didn’t try to call me at all, didja?
|
| You didn’t try to call me
|
| You didn’t try to call me at all or didja?
|
|
|
| [Denny Walley] Hey!
|
| I’m only fourteen, sickly an’ thin
|
| Tried all of my life just to grow me a chin
|
| It popped out once, yeah, but my dad pushed it in
|
| Tell me, why did he hurt me?
|
| Lord, he’s my next of kin…
|
| He’s a mex-i-kin
|
|
|
| I’m lonely an’ green, too small for my shirt
|
| If Simmons was here I could feature my hurt
|
| Scared of the future an’ I hope I don’t grow
|
| Hey, listen, I know nobody likes me
|
| ‘Cause everywhere I go
|
| They say no
|
| They say no!
|
| They SAY NO!
|
|
|
| Argh!
|
|
|
| They SAY NO!
|
|
|
| Now that I’m older, I got a place in the town, babe
|
| I got a chin on my shoulder an’ it keeps growing down down down
|
| Scared of the future an’ I wish I was dead
|
| [FZ] ✄ Mattie told Hattie
|
| [Denny Walley] Oh
|
| I’d rather be dead instead
|
| Shit!
|
| I’d rather be dead instead
|
| Now dig this:
|
|
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| [FZ] Mattie told Hattie
|
| [Denny Walley] I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
|
|
| One more time for the world! ▶
|
|
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
| I’d rather be dead
|
| In bed
|
| Please kill me
|
| ‘Cause that would thrill me
|
|
|
| I’m horny an’ lonely too!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Mattie told Hattie about a thing she saw
|
|
|
| [Mark Volman] I mean really… really!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Rant-ran-n-n-nant rant-rant-rant
|
| [Mark Volman] I mean, you guys, what can I say, you guys are my favorite band. You gotta tell me something: are you here in Hollywood long? I mean, I just…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, I’m uh… we’re recording here in town
|
| [Mark Volman] You’re recording?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah, at the Record Plant
|
| [Mark Volman] The Record Plant. Oh!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah
|
| [Mark Volman] Bobby Sherman records there. I just love Bobby Sherman, and David Cassidy. Do you know David Cassidy?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No… I…
|
| [Mark Volman] Have you ever run into any of the members of the Three Dog Night?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Joe Schermie once…
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh-HHH! They are my favorite band, they’re so professional, I mean, so creative. How about… David Crosby? I mean, he’s so IN, y’know, I…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, I never…
|
| [Mark Volman] He’s… He just knows… I mean, he ✄ almost cut his hair, but he didn’t, well…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, listen, do you know how… do you know how to get to the Chateau Marmont from here?
|
| [Mark Volman] Not exactly, is it by the… by the airport?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, no, we don’t… we have a bus on this particular thing
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah
|
| [Mark Volman] Tell me one thing: do you like my new car?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Oh yeah, it’s a Pavilion, isn’t it?
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh! Not just a Pavilion, it’s a Pauley Pavilion
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Oh! Bleah! Yeah, it’s real futuristic, I like the little naked man turn signals. So uh… we gotta get up, y’know and go to the studio in the morning, and then we record for about two weeks and then we… we leave again.
|
| [FZ] Ha ha ha ha!
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh, really? Where do you play when you go from here?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Uh… Let me see… NEEDLES
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh, you guys are so professional!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, it’s nothing…
|
| [Mark Volman] I mean the way you get to travel to…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] It’s a…
|
| [Mark Volman] To all those exotic towns you get to play in, and playin’ all these great sounding halls, I mean…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I’m immune to it, you know
|
| [Mark Volman] Tell me something: do you really have a hit single in the charts now, right now I mean, with a BULLET? That’s really important.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Listen, baby, would I lie to you just to run my fingers through your pubes?
|
| [Mark Volman] DON’T TALK TO ME THAT WAY!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No, what I was saying…
|
| [Mark Volman] I AM NOT A GROUPIE!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I never said you’re a…
|
| [Mark Volman] I am not a groupie, neither are my friends here, Jim and Ian and Aynsley and Don and Frank, none of us are groupies
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Pleased to meet all you girls
|
| [FZ] Hi, Howie
|
| [Jim Pons] Take for a…
|
| [Mark Volman] Tell ‘em, tell ‘em, we don’t, we aren’t groupies
|
| [Jim Pons] Howard…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah
|
| [Jim Pons] We only like musicians for friends
|
| [?] Yeah
|
| [Howard Kaylan] That’s right
|
| [Jim Pons] You… You know? You understand?
|
| [FZ] We still wanna hear your record
|
| [Mark Volman] And we’d still like to come in your bus
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah? Listen now, on the other side of record didn’t you say that you get off being juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with creamed corn, and that your harelipped queen-o bass-playing girlfriend with the crossed eyes and the tits on his shirt had to have it with a hot Seven-Up bottle or he went up the WALL?
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh, Howie
|
| [Howard Kaylan] What’s the deal, MAMA?
|
| [Mark Volman] Howie, all that’s true, Howie, and sometimes I even dig it with a jack-in-the-box ring job. But Howie, we are not…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] At last!
|
| [Mark Volman] We are not groupies, Howie, I told Robert Plant that…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Plant-uh?
|
| [Mark Volman] I told Elton John, I told Steve Stills…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah
|
| [Mark Volman] And he didn’t even want to ball me
|
| [Howard Kaylan] I can see that. Listen. The thing is, baby, I want some action, y’know? I’m only here for a coupla weeks recording at the Record Plant with the naked statue in the bathroom an’ stuff, I’m horny as fuck. Listen to me. I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening kind of a smelly, slimy, many-folded sort of in-and-out contracting sphincter kind of a hole with a… with a… with a… Let’s see, there’s gotta be a way I can put this discreetly…
|
| [FZ] Ha ha ha!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Let’s say we hop in the aisle over those guys in the blue and FUCK, BABY!
|
| [Mark Volman] Hey hey hey! I’m in this band, man! I told you that many times. No matter what goes on. Listen, it just so happens tonight… I mean, this is unbelievable. Are you a Virgo?
|
| [Howard Kaylan] No
|
| [Mark Volman] I mean it just so happens tonight me and my girlfriends, well, we came here lookin’ for a guy from a group…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Ahhh!
|
| [Mark Volman] But just not ANY guy from ANY group…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah?
|
| [Mark Volman] We’re lookin’ for a guy from a group with a DICK!
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Well! I can show you…
|
| [Mark Volman] But he’s gotta have a dick WHICH IS A MONSTER!
|
| WAHHHH!
|
|
|
| [Howard Kaylan] THAT’S ME! You peeked. That’s me, you little Westwood wench NIPPLE QUEEN! Take me, I’m yours, you hole, fulfill my wildest dreams.
|
| [Mark Volman] Oh oh oh, anything for you, my most seductive pop-star of a man
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah?
|
| [Mark Volman] Picture this if you can…
|
| [Howard Kaylan] OK, I’ll try
|
| [Mark Volman] Bead jobs
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Bead jobs!
|
| [Mark Volman] Knotted nylons. Bamboo canes. Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young fighting at the Fillmore East.
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Oh no
|
| [Mark Volman] Two unreleased recordings of… of the Grateful Dead sitting in with Mel Tormé
|
| [Howard Kaylan] Yeah. No, I… oh, man, oh, I… I just… I CAN’T STAND IT! YOU UNDERSTAND ME, BABY, I MEAN… I CAN’T STAND IT! I CAN’T STAND IT! I CAN’T STAND IT! BEAD ON FIRE! I’M GOING HOME! I GOTTA SEE MY BABY! I’M GONNA LOVE HER SO MUCH! I CAN’T STAND IT!
|
|
|
| [FZ] I… I can’t see you, but I know that you’re out there. It’s that little voice, that same little voice at all of the concerts, of the guy in the back of the room.
|
| Weh-ne-heh hehn-weh-ni-heh-ni-heh mini-mini-heh mini-hehn
|
| Coupla years ago, there was a guy that used to come to all the concerts on the East Coast, I swore I heard him every night for a month, there he was somewhere in the audience, an’ he would… (it’s this little voice) and he would say: “Freak me out, Frank! Freak me out! Freak me out, Frank!”
|
| OK, here we go! Arf arf.
|
| Weh-ne-heh
|
| Arf
|
|
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ruthie-Ruthie
|
| Where did you go?
|
| Oh, Ruthie-Ruthie, yeah, yeah, yeah wow wow wow wow
|
| Where did you go?
|
|
|
| Last night at Chatham Center
|
| Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I wanna tell you a story
|
| Right after Ruth got through barfin’
|
| WO-ULK!
|
| She pushed her tray out the door, Xerox man came crashin’ in, said…
|
|
|
| Ruthie-Ruthie
|
| Where did you go?
|
| What did you do, now what did you do?
|
| Ruthie-Ruthie
|
| Oh yeah
|
| What did you do?
|
| Where did you go, go?
|
| Lookit here!
|
|
|
| Ruthie had on a thin night gown
|
| She wasn’t feelin’ very well, no, no, no, no
|
| She pushed her tray out the door, some guy tried to come in
|
| She kicked him in the nuts, he said: “Oh oh oh oh!”
|
|
|
| Ruthie-Ruthie
|
| What did you do?
|
| Now, what did you do? What did you… What did you do?
|
| Ruthie-Ruthie
|
| Ruthie-Ruthie, that was the best thing anybody could do
|
| What did you do, now?
|
|
|
| [FZ] Well, we have another song for you that goes far beyond ♫ “Louie Louie”, “Ruthie-Ruthie”, or even “Brian-Brian”, this song is so advanced it takes us all the way from 1955 directly to approximately 1957, which is when it should have been written, but actually it was written about 1970. This is a song… We’d like to dedicate this song to Marty, our road manager, who has a fondness for the canine species, and the orifice attendant thereto.
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Don’t tell me no, Babbette
|
| I mean, Duke
|
| Don’t you tear my dream
|
| Don’t you break my heart
|
| Darling, we could share a love so fine
|
| Please, doggy, won’t you be mine?
|
| Hi-aye-hi yah!
|
|
|
| Don’t tell me no, Babbette
|
| Can’t you see that I
|
| Don’t wanna make you cry
|
| You’re the only one like this before
|
| Please, Babbette, it’s you I adore!
|
| You I a-do-ore!
|
|
|
| Oh-oh! Oh-ow
|
| Oh, how I want you
|
| I really, really want you
|
| I need your love to guide my way
|
| Oh oh oh!
|
| Oh, how I need you
|
| I really, really need you
|
| Don’t try to bark
|
| And I’ll take you to the park
|
| Arf arf arf
|
|
|
| No, Babbette
|
| Don’t you tear my dream
|
| Don’t you break my heart
|
| OH AH AH!
|
| We could share a love
|
| We…
|
| We could share a love
|
| Y’know…
|
| We could share a love
|
| Babbette
|
| We could share a love
|
| I know I had to go on a tour with Zappa
|
| That’s what Marty said, he said, but Babbette
|
| Well, y’know, when I need a little bit of your lovin’, Babbette
|
| I brought along a whistle around my neck
|
| So I could call ya, Babbette
|
| I said: “WHAAA-AAAAH-OOOOH!”
|
| Could nobody hear that whistle but Babbette
|
| Oh, it’s a strange dog whistle
|
| The only dogs that answer are great Danes
|
| German shepherds, Dobermann pinschers, all Marty’s women
|
|
|
| You know I said, no, no, no, Babbette
|
| Share my love
|
| Don’t make me cry-y
|
| Don’t let me cry
|
| Oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh oh-oh, Babbette
|
| Share my love
|
| Don’t make me, don’t make me, don’t make me cry
|
| Oh-ooh-ow-ow-ow, well, arf arf arf arf arf
|
| Please (It’s what Marty say to all his dogs)
|
|
|
| [FZ] (Marty, there’s a phone call for you)
|
| Please
|
|
|
| [FZ] I’m gross and perverted
|
| I’m obsessed an’ deranged
|
| I have existed for years
|
| But very little has changed
|
|
|
| I’m the tool of the government
|
| And industry too
|
| For I am destined to rule
|
| And regulate you
|
|
|
| I may be vile and pernicious
|
| But you can’t look away
|
| I make you think I’m delicious
|
| With the stuff that I say
|
|
|
| I am the best you can get
|
| Have you guessed me yet?
|
| Well, I’m the slime oozin’ out from your TV set
|
|
|
| You will obey me while I lead you
|
| And eat the garbage that I feed you
|
| Until the day that we don’t need you
|
| Don’t go for help… no one will heed you
|
|
|
| Your mind is totally controlled
|
| It has been stuffed into my mold
|
| And you will do as you are told
|
| Until the rights to you are sold
|
|
|
| That’s right, folks… don’t touch that dial!
|
|
|
| Well, I am the slime from your video
|
| Oozin’ along on your livin’ room floor
|
| I am the slime from your video
|
| Can’t stop the slime, people, lookit me go
|
| I am the slime from your video
|
| Oozin’ along on your livin’ room floor
|
| I am the slime from your video
|
| Can’t stop the slime, people, lookit me go
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Dreamed I was an Eskimo
|
| Frozen wind began to blow
|
| Under my boots an’ around my toe
|
| Frost had bit the ground below
|
| Was a hundred degrees below zero
|
| And my momma cried:
|
| “You don’t really look like an Eskimo”
|
| (That’s right, mom!)
|
| And my momma cried again:
|
| “You don’t really look like an Eskimo”
|
| (I know, mom, but it’s a… it’s a way to earn a living)
|
| And my momma cried one more time:
|
| “You don’t really look like an Eskimo
|
| Nanook, no, no
|
| Nanook, no, no
|
| Don’t be a naughty Eskimo, hey!
|
|
|
| Get back home with yo’ mama”
|
| “That’s right”, answered the llama
|
| “Save your money: don’t go to the show”
|
| Well, I turned around an’ I said:
|
| “HO HO”
|
| Well, I turned around an’ I said one more time:
|
| “HO HO”
|
| Well, I turned around an’ I said (just for Vinnie):
|
| “HO HO”
|
| An’ the northern lites commenced t’glow
|
|
|
| “WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
|
| AN’ DON’T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
|
| WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
|
| AN’ DON’T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW”
|
|
|
| Well, right about that time, people
|
| A fur trapper
|
| Who was strictly from commercial
|
| Strictly commercial
|
| Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igyaloo
|
| Peek-a-boo
|
| And he started in to whippin’ on my fav’rite baby seal
|
| With a lead-filled snow shoe…
|
|
|
| “With a lead…
|
| Lead…
|
| Filled…
|
| Lead-filled…
|
| With a lead-filled snow shoe…”
|
| Snow shoe
|
| He said: “Peak-a-boo”
|
| Peek-a-boo
|
| “With a lead…
|
| Lead…
|
| Filled…
|
| Lead-filled…
|
| With a lead-filled snow shoe…”
|
| Snow shoe
|
| He said: “Peak-a-boo”
|
| Peek-a-boo / (Butzis too)
|
|
|
| He went right upside the head of my favorite baby seal
|
| Hit him on the nose
|
| (That’s right!)
|
| Hit him on the fin, yes
|
| He went WHAP!
|
| An’ that got me just about as evil as ▶ an Eskimo boy can be…
|
| So I bent down an’ I reached down an’ I scooped down an’ I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly…
|
| YELLOW SNOW
|
| The DEADLY YELLOW SNOW from right there where the huskies go
|
| (Over by Butzis’ room)
|
|
|
| An’ then I proceeded to rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motion hitherto unknown to the citizens of Canarsie
|
| But destined to take the place of the mud shark ▶ in your mythology
|
| The vigorous circular motion… here it goes, RUB IT!
|
|
|
| HEY HEY HEY
|
|
|
| [FZ] Alright, now this is the really exciting part of the show. This is the part I always like the best, because this is where I get to find out what you guys are made of. And you gals, too. This is the part where we have… we are purported to have, audience participation. Now, I know it’s a matinee, and y’know, you’re probably in a hurry to go get something to EAT, but I figure that this little audience participation that we’re gonna do right now is SO TOTALLY STUPID that it’s… well, just think of it as an aperitivo, y’know what I mean? So, OK, everybody, stand up. Stand up NOW. Alright, that’s very good. OK, a lot of you people are still sitting down… No, don’t walk forward, just stand up. Stand where you are. OK, is everybody standing up? Well, most of you are standing up, OK, the ones who aren’t standing up, hey, eat chain. Enforced recreation, live on stage in London.
|
| Now, we’re gonna do away with the fur trapper now, the guy’s been hittin’ my baby seal quite a bit, baby seal doesn’t look too good. Bleeding from the mouth and rectum, looks terminal. So what we’re gonna do, is we’re altogether gonna jump up and down this son of a bitch, now watch me. I’ll do the stupid thing first, and then you, shy people, follow. Ready? Here we go. Hi, are you OK?
|
| [Angus] Fine
|
| [FZ] I know…
|
| [Angus] I love you
|
| [Ike Willis] Relative of Joey Psychotic
|
| [FZ] Hello, how ya doin’?
|
| [Angus] Can I come up an’ recite a po-im?
|
| [FZ] No, but I’ll tell you what: you can stay there and recite a poem. Here, what’s your name? I’ll hold it, it’s OK, it might break.
|
| [Angus] Angus O’Riley O’Patrick McGinty
|
| [FZ] Don’t hold it
|
| [Denny Walley?] Joey Narcotic
|
| [Angus] Angus O’Riley O’Patrick McGinty
|
| [FZ] Wanna recite your poem now?
|
| [Angus] Yeah
|
|
|
| [Angus] Burnt wind
|
| Heart stinks
|
| Charred man
|
| Burns
|
| Squirms screaming
|
|
|
| [FZ] Is there more?
|
|
|
| [Angus] PAIN!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Very essential. And now… Thank you! Alright, now, as if… as if that weren’t enough, watch this. I’m going to do something completely stupid and then after I demonstrate the stupidity of it all. You’re gonna do the same thing and that will sort of bind us together in some sort of cosmic, ✄ hands across the water, kind of symbolic, kind of… just forget it. OK? Here we go, watch this.
|
| [Denny Walley] It’s Jumbo
|
| [FZ] Eh eh, it’s Jumbo. That’s right!
|
| [Denny Walley] Jumbo, come back! ▶
|
|
|
| [FZ] Now you pounce
|
| And you pounce again
|
| Jump up an’ down on the chest of a…
|
| ✄ Great Googly-Moogly!
|
| You’re gonna do it too, now. Hey, wasn’t that really stupid?
|
| [Ike Willis] Sure that isn’t “bounce”?
|
| [FZ] OK, tonight, though, we’re… we’re adding a new dimension to this. When we get to the fast part, when you jump up and down on the chest of a… we’re gonna vamp for an extra coupla bars, now this is very important (bring the band on down behind me, boys, so they can understand this) when the band plays very quietly after we jump up and down on the chest of a… EVERYBODY’S gonna recite a poem, whaddya say? OK? And I’m gonna be listening. No mistakes. Ready? Now, everybody jumps.
|
|
|
| Now you pounce
|
| You pounce again
|
| You jump up an’ down on the chest of a… and recite a poem
|
|
|
| Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I like the poem better than the jumping. More poetry, please!
|
|
|
| [Two guys in the audience] Rotten gulls beating with large rubber sails! Who cares? Now it is light!
|
|
|
[FZ] Alone in the hissing laboratory of his wishes, Mr. Pugh minces among bad vats and jeroboams, spinneys of murdering herbs, and prepares to compound for Mrs. Pugh a venomous porridge hitherto unknown to toxicologists which will scald and viper through her, ‘til her ears fall off like figs, her toes grow big and black as balloons, and steam comes screaming out of her navel.
|
| Cakes! Cakes! Cakes!
|
| [FZ] Now listen. The f— Sit down. The fur trapper was pretty fucked up. He had just been stomped upon and recited to by the entire contents of this audience. And you know what that can do to a guy who’s wearing a… a parka. So he gets up…
|
| And looks around
|
| And looks around
|
| And looks around again
|
| And then he says (and you can sing along if you know the words):
|
| “I CAN’T SEE”
|
| No no no no no… yeah!
|
| “I CAN’T SEE”
|
| No no no no no!
|
| “I CAN’T SEE”
|
| No no no no no!
|
| “I CAN’T SEE”
|
| No no no no no!
|
|
|
| “He took a dog-doo snow cone an’ stuffed it in my right eye
|
| He took a dog-doo snow cone an’ stuffed it in my other eye
|
| An’ the huskie wee-wee, I mean, the doggie wee-wee has blinded me
|
| An’, great Googly-Moogly, I can’t see, temporarily”
|
| (This is really stupid, isn’t it?)
|
|
|
| Well, it was at that time that the fur trapper remembered the ancient Eskimo legend
|
| Wherein it is written
|
| On whatever it is that they write it on up there
|
| That if anything bad ever happens to your eyes
|
| As a result of ENFORCED RECREATION LIVE ONSTAGE IN LONDON
|
| The only way that you can get it fixed up
|
| Is to go trudgin’ across the tundra…
|
| Mile after mile
|
| Trudgin’ across the tundra…
|
| Right down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo…
|
| (What, another poem?)
|
|
|
| [Guy] I want a garden
|
| I want a garden where the flowers have no flowers
|
| I want a garden where the trees have no leaves
|
| I want a garden where the tree-weeds don’t even grow
|
| I want a garden
|
| I want MY garden
|
| I want a garden where there are no colors
|
| I want to water that garden
|
| I’ll garden that with my tears
|
| Whilst that garden busted trees
|
| Busted leaves, water me with my own…
|
|
|
| [FZ] Sounds like a bunch of cakes for me
|
| [Denny Walley] Oh, you want kindergarten!
|
| [Guy] Hah-hah!
|
| [?] Denny strikes!
|
| [FZ] Not bad, not bad. What’s… What’s the title of that?
|
| [Guy] “Broadmoor”
|
| [FZ] “Broadmoor”, alright. Warren, do you know one called “LeFrak City”? Where’s… Where’s Butzis?
|
| [Ike Willis] Prob’ly somewhere bendin’ over
|
| [FZ] Where is he? Are you… Send Malkin up here. Uh…
|
| [?] He’s probably gettin’ a hand job
|
| [FZ] Yeah, I know that’s just what I was thinking! Ha ha. He’s in the lobby getting a blow job. Alright, sorry, maybe next show, we’ll find him. One of these days we’ll get him up here. Now, some of you people are probably not very religious, and one could hardly blame you. However, those of you who are religious, and who have been paying money into the church for years and years and are still waiting to get your money’s worth, here’s a little bit of information for ya. I don’t know what you’re gonna do with this information but…
|
| Saint Alfonzo is, and probably will continue to be for the duration of this show, the patron saint of the smelt fishermen of Portuguese extraction. Do you know what Portuguese extraction is? Very good. Anyway, in order that you may reach a higher level of consciousness, which is obviously the aim of our show, Ed Mann, who has been working on this little lick all afternoon, Ed, who only (he’s… he’s not sick, he only has bad mental health) Ed is going to play THE BIG ALFONZO MOTIF, LET’S HEAR IT FOR HIM!
|
|
|
| That’s right, here we are!
|
|
|
| At Saint Alfonzo’s pancake breakfast
|
| Where I stole the mar-juh-rene
|
| An’ widdled on the bingo cards in lieu of the latrine
|
|
|
| I saw a handsome parish lady
|
| Make her entrance like a queen
|
| Why, she was totally chenille and her old man was a Marine
|
| Oh, cakes!
|
|
|
| As she abused a sausage pattie
|
| And said: “Why don’t you treat me mean?”
|
| Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me, oooooh!
|
| (Pittie! Pattie! Pootie! Bootie-pootie!)
|
|
|
| At Saint Alfonzo’s pancake breakfast
|
| Hah! Good God! Get off the bus!
|
| Where I stole the mar-juh-rene…
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Saint Alfonzo
|
| Saint Alfonzo
|
| Saint Alfonzo
|
| Saint Alfonzo
|
| Ooo-ooo-WAH
|
|
|
| Father Vivian O’Blivion
|
| Resplendent in his frock
|
| Was whipping up the batter
|
| For the pancakes of his flock
|
| He was looking rather bleary
|
| (He forgot to watch the clock)
|
|
|
| ‘Cause the night before
|
| Behind the door
|
| A leprechaun had stroked…
|
| (He stroked it!)
|
|
|
| The night before
|
| Behind the door
|
| A leprechaun had stroked…
|
| (He stroked it!)
|
|
|
| The night before
|
| Behind the door
|
| A leprechaun had stroked his…
|
| Sma-ah-ah
|
| Ah-ah-ah
|
| Ah-ah-ah
|
| Ah-ah-ah
|
| Ah-ah-ah
|
| Ah-ah-ah
|
| Ahhh
|
| Stroked his smock
|
|
|
| Set him off in such a frenzy
|
| He sang ✄ “Lock around the crock”
|
| An’ he topped it off with a…
|
| An’ he topped it off with a…
|
| An’ he topped it off with a…
|
| WOO WOO WOO
|
| WOO WOO WOO
|
| WOO WOO WOO
|
|
|
| As he stumbled on his COCK
|
| Cakes! Cakes! Cakes! Cakes!
|
| He was delighted as it stiffened
|
| And ripped right through his sock
|
| “Oh, Saint Alfonzo would be proud of me
|
| PROUD OF ME
|
| PROUD OF ME”
|
|
|
| He shouted down the block
|
|
|
| Dominus vo-bisque’em ▶
|
| Et cum spear a tu-tu, oh
|
| Won’t you eat my sleazy pancakes
|
| Just for Saintly Alfonzo?
|
| They’re so light an’ fluffy-white
|
| We’ll raise a fortune by tonite
|
| They’re so light an’ fluffy-white
|
| We’ll raise a fortune by tonite
|
| They’re so light an’ fluffy-brown
|
| They’re the finest in the town
|
| They’re so light an’ fluffy-brown
|
| They’re the finest in the town
|
|
|
| Good morning, Your Highness ▶
|
| Ooo-ooo-ooo
|
| I brought you your snow shoes ▶
|
| Ooo-ooo-ooo yeah!
|
| Good morning, Your Highness
|
| Ooo-ooo-ooo
|
| I brought you your snow shoes
|
| Ooo-ooo-ooo
|
|
|
| Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-Nanook
|
| Na-na-na-na-na-Nanook-oh
|
| Nanook
|
| Rubs it
|
| Saint…
|
| Al…
|
| Al…
|
| Fo-fo-fo…
|
| Fo-fo-fo-fo-fo-fonzo
|
|
|
| Saint Alfonzo really loves it when he rubs it for him
|
|
|
| I have seen him rubbin’ it
|
| I have seen him rubbin’ it
|
| I have… I have a-seen him stroke his weenie
|
| It was teenie
|
| Rub it, rub it, rub it, rub it, rub
|
| Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
|
| Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
|
| Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
|
| Nanook’s rubbin’ it, an’ Alfie’s lovin’ it
|
|
|
| Saint Alfonzo, can you hear us praying to you?
|
| Can you fix my Chevy?
|
| Boy, you’re really heavy!
|
| Here’s the church and here’s the steeple
|
| Open up and see the people
|
| Some are kneelin’, some are standin’
|
| All the money they are handing
|
| To some asshole with a basket
|
| Where it goes we dare not ask it
|
|
|
| Nanook rubs it, Alfie loves it
|
| This here basket, really shoves it
|
| Here’s your quarter, here’s your dollar
|
| Let’s play “Ring around the collar”
|
| Hup! HEY, GET IT NOW!
|
| Hey, get it now! We took all your little gifts
|
|
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU
|
| THANK YOU, FRIENDS!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Denny, Ikey, Tommy, Eddie, Petey, Vinnie, Artie, Sofia Warren on guitar; I forgot your name on poetry but thanks for reciting it anyway. Thanks for coming to the show, hope you enjoyed it, and good night!
|
|
|
| [Roy Estrada?] Eeee!
|
|
|
| [FZ] Alright, there’s a green Chevy, license number 650 BN in Barry’s lot. Gotta move it. I repeat: there is a green Chevy, license number 650 BN in Barry’s lot.
|
| [Guy #1] There’s a ‘54 out there too, Frank
|
| [FZ] There’s a what?
|
| [Guy #1] A ‘54
|
| [FZ] There’s a ‘54 what?
|
| [Guy #1] A ‘54 what?
|
| [Guy #2] Did you announce the Action burgers?
|
| [Guy #3] Action burgers
|
| [Guy #1] It’s a Ford-uhhhh…
|
| [FZ] Please do yourself a favor and move you short before somebody takes it away. They’re serving burgers in the back! If you go for burgers, you’ll LOVE the burgers here. They have some burgers in this place… when you open ‘em up, y’know… you hold ‘em like this, and go way in the back where nobody can see you. Some people eat them that way.
|
| [Guy #4] Take ‘em back to Philadelphia, Frank!
|
| [FZ] What?
|
| [Guy #4] Philadelphia!
|
| [FZ] What about Philadelphia?
|
| [Guy #4] Cream cheese
|
| [FZ] That’s it
|
|
|
| [FZ] Now, if you’ll analyze what we’re playing here, if you use your ear and listen, you can learn something about music, y’see? ♫ “Louie Louie” is the same as the other song with one extra note, see?
|
|
|
| They’re… They’re very closely related and they mean just about the same thing
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go
|
| Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go-uh!
|
|
|
| A fine little girl, she waits for me
|
| She’s as plastic as she can be
|
| She paints her face with plastic goo
|
| And wrecks her hair with some shampoo
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go-uh!
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go
|
| (Sure gonna miss ya)
|
|
|
| Take a day and walk around
|
| Watch the Nazis run your town
|
| Then go home and check yourself
|
| You think we’re singing ‘bout someone else
|
| But you’re…
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go
|
| Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go
|
|
|
| Three nights and days I walk the streets
|
| This town is full of plastic creeps
|
| Their shoes are brown ▶ to match their suits
|
| They got no balls, they got no roots
|
| Because they’re…
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go
|
| (Sure gonna miss ya, bop, bop, bop)
|
|
|
| Plastic people
|
| You gotta go
|
|
|
| ✄ Me see a neon moon above
|
| I searched for years and found no love
|
| I’m sure that love will never be
|
| A product of plasticity
|
|
|
| [FZ] Flies all green an’ buzzin’ in his dungeon of despair
|
| Prisoners grumble and piss their clothes and scratch their matted hair
|
| A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away
|
| Is all they ever get to know about the regular life in the day
|
|
|
| An’ it stinks so bad, the stones been chokin’ an’ weepin’ greenish drops
|
| In the room where the giant fire puffer works an’ the torture never stops
|
| The torture never stops
|
| The torture…
|
| The torture…
|
| The torture never stops
|
|
|
| Slime an’ rot, rats an’ snot an’ vomit on the floor
|
| Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin’ spears by the iron door
|
| Knives an’ spikes an’ guns and the likes of every tool of pain
|
| An’ a sinister midget with a bucket an’ a mop…
|
| A sinister midget with a bucket an’ a mop…
|
| A sinister midget with a bucket an’ a mop where the blood goes down the drain
|
|
|
| An’ it stinks so bad, the stones been chokin’ an’ weepin’ greenish drops
|
| In the room where the giant fire puffer works an’ the torture never stops
|
| The torture never stops
|
| The torture…
|
| The torture…
|
| The torture never stops
|
|
|
| Flies all green an’ buzzin’ in his dungeon of despair
|
| An Evil Prince eats a steamin’ pig in a chamber right near there
|
| He eats the snouts an’ the trotters first
|
| The loins an’ the groins is soon dispersed
|
| His carvin’ style is well rehearsed
|
|
|
| He stands and shouts:
|
| “All men be cursed”
|
| “All men be cursed”
|
| “All men be cursed”
|
| “All men be cursed”
|
| And disagree (hey, nobody would disagree with him) no-one durst
|
| He’s the best of course of all the worst
|
| He’s the best of course of all the worst
|
| Some wrong been done, he done it first
|
| Some wrong been done, he done it first
|
|
|
| An’ he stinks so bad, his bones been chokin’ an’ weepin’ greenish drops
|
| In the night of the iron sausage where the torture never stops
|
| The torture never stops
|
| The torture…
|
| The torture…
|
| The torture never stops
|
| TORTURE TIME NOW!
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Flies all green an’ buzzin’ in his dungeon of despair
|
| Who are all these people that is locked away down there?
|
| Are they crazy?
|
| Are they sainted?
|
| Are they zeros someone painted?
|
|
|
| Well, it’s never been explained since at first it was created
|
| But a dungeon, just like a sin
|
| Requires naught but lockin’ in
|
| Of everything that’s ever been
|
| Look at her
|
| Look at him
|
|
|
| That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
|
| That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
|
| That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
|
| That’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
|
|
|
| Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
|
| Three hundred years ago
|
| I thought I might get some sleep
|
| I stretched myself out onna antique bed
|
| An’ my spirit did a ✄ midnite creep
|
|
|
| You know I’ll never sleep no more
|
|
|
| It seem to me that it just ain’t wise
|
| Didja ever wake up in the mornin’
|
| With a zomby woof behind your eyes?
|
|
|
| Just about as evil as you could be
|
|
|
| I am the zomby woof
|
| I’m that creature all the ladies been talkin’ about
|
| I am the zomby woof
|
| They all seek for shelter when I come chargin’ out
|
|
|
| Tellin’ you all the zomby troof
|
| Here I’m is, the zomby woof
|
| Tellin’ you all the zomby troof
|
| Here I’m is…
|
|
|
| Reety-awrighty, he da zomby woof
|
|
|
| Reety-awrighty, he da zomby woof
|
|
|
| They said awreety
|
| An’ they was awrighty
|
| An’ I was a zomby for you, little lady…
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| I got a great big pointed fang
|
| Which is my zomby toof
|
| My right foot’s bigger than my other one is
|
| Like a reg’lar zomby hoof
|
|
|
| If I raid your dormitorium
|
| Don’t try to remain aloof…
|
| I might snatch you up screamin’ through the window all nekkid
|
| An’ do it to you up on the roof, don’t mess with the zomby woof
|
|
|
| I am about as bad as a boogie man can be!
|
|
|
| Tellin’ you all the zomby troof
|
| Here I’m is, the zomby woof
|
| Tellin’ you all the zomby troof
|
| Here I’m is, the zomby woof
|
|
|
| [Aynsley Dunbar] Yeah
|
| [Girl #1] I would go to Orlando if you uh… would let me on your plane
|
| [Girl #2] That’s what I said about this
|
| [Aynsley Dunbar] You gonna gimme a quick knob job, then, on the way down?
|
| [Girl #1] Sure
|
| [Girl #2] That’s the price
|
| [Aynsley Dunbar] Yeah?
|
| [Girl #1] Sure
|
| [?] This guy’s crude!
|
| [Girl #2] You know, there’s always a catch
|
| [Aynsley Dunbar] She’ll come down, she’ll come down. We might as well get it. You’ll do the whole band?
|
| [Girl #1] Sure
|
| [Aynsley Dunbar] Yeah?
|
|
|
| Be in my video
|
| Darling, every night
|
| I will rent a cage for you
|
| And mi-j-i-nits dressed in white
|
| Teeny-little-tiny-little…
|
|
|
| Twirl around in a lap dissolve
|
| Pretend to sing the words
|
| I’ll rent a gleaming limousine
|
| Release a flock of ber-herna-herna-herna-herna-her-nerds
|
|
|
| Why don’t you
|
| Wear a leather collar
|
| And a dagger in your ear?
|
| Stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-stabbinitin-you!
|
| I will make you smell the glove
|
| And try to look sincere
|
| Then we’ll…
|
|
|
| Dance the blues
|
| Oh yes, we’ll dance the blues
|
| ✄ Let’s dance the blues
|
| What a terrific idea!
|
| Let’s dance the blues
|
| Oh, you’ll love it, it’s a way of life ▶
|
| ✄ Under the megawatt moonlight
|
|
|
| Pretend to be ✄ Chinese
|
| One-hung-low
|
| I’ll make you wear ✄ red shoes
|
| There’s a cheesy atom bomb explosion all the big groups use
|
| Atomic light will shine
|
| Through an old Venetian blind
|
| Making patterns on your face
|
| Then it cuts to outer space
|
| With its billions & billions & billions & billions
|
|
|
| Oh, be
|
| Be in my video
|
| In my video
|
| Darling, every night
|
| Darling, every night
|
| Everyone in cable-land
|
| Everyone in cable-gable-land
|
| Will say you’re outasite
|
| Will say you’re really outasite
|
|
|
| You can show your legs
|
| You can show your pretty legs
|
| While you’re getting in the car
|
| In my red hot rod car, then I…
|
| Then I will look repulsive
|
| With my big ears and all
|
| While I mangle my guitar
|
|
|
| Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon-tee-nu-nee-nu-nee
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| MOO-AHHH
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| Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon-tee-nu-nee-nu-nee
|
| MOO-MOO-AHHH
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| Reen-toon-teen-toon-teen-toon-tee-nu-nee-nu-nee
|
| MOO-AHHH
|
| Tee-nu-nee
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| MOO-AHHH
|
| Tee-nu-nee
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| Moo-wah-wah-wah-ooo
|
|
|
| After all the close-up shots of you
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| In bondage leather
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| They’ll spray an alley with a hose ▶
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| And then we’ll mine the harbor
|
|
|
| Dance de blude agin
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| Led dance de blude agin
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| Oh yeah
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| Led dance de blude agin
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| In de middle o’ de alley
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|
|
| Let’s dance your face
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| Let’s dance your lips
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| Let’s dance your nose
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| And then we’ll dance your sinus
|
|
|
| It’s definitely a case of MOO-AHHH!
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| [FZ] The dangerous kitchen
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| If it ain’t one thing it’s another
|
| In the middle of the night when you come home
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| The bread things are all dry an’ scratchy
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| The meat things where the cats ate through the paper
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| The soft little things on the floor that you step on
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| They can all be DANGEROUS
|
|
|
| Sometimes the milk can hurt you
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| (If you put it on your cereal before you smell the plastic container)
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| And the stuff in the strainer
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| Has a mind of its own
|
| So be very careful
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| In the dangerous kitchen
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| When the night time has fallen
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| AND THE ROACHES are crawlin’
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| In the kitchen of danger
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| You can feel like a stranger
|
|
|
| The bananas are black
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| They got flies in the back
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| And also the chicken
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| In the dish with the foil
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| Where the cream is all clabbered
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| And the salad is frightful
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| Your return in the evening
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| Can be less than delightful
|
|
|
| You must walk very careful
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| You must not lean against it
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| It can get on your clothing
|
| It can follow you in
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| As you walk to the bedroom
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| And you take all your clothes off
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| While you’re sleeping it crawls off
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| It gets in your bed
|
| It could get on your face then
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| It could eat your complexion
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| You could die from the danger
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| Of the dangerous kitchen
|
|
|
| WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO CLEAN IT?
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|
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| It’s disgusting and dirty
|
| The sponge on the drainer
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| Is stinky and squirty
|
| If you squeeze it when you wipe up
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| What you get on your hands then
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| Could unbalance your glands and
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| Make you blind or whatever
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| In the dangerous kitchen
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| At my house tonight
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|
|
| [FZ] Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom
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| Hotel room mo-mo-mo-mom mo-mo-mom
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| Ay-ay-ay- ay!
|
|
|
| Whoever we are, wherever we’re from
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| We shoulda noticed by now our behavior is dumb
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| And if our chances expect to improve
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| It’s gonna take a lot more than tryin’ to remove
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| The other race or the other whatever
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| From the face of the planet altogether
|
|
|
| They call it “the Earth”, which is a dumb kinda name
|
| But they named it right ‘cause we behave the same…
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| We are dumb all over
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| Dumb all over, yes we are
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| Dumb all over, near an’ far
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| Dumb all over, black an’ white
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| People, we is not wrapped tight
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|
|
| Nurds on the left, nurds on the right
|
| Religious fanatics on the air every night
|
| Sayin’ the Bible tells the story
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| An’ makes the details sound real gory
|
| ‘Bout what to do if the geeks over there
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| Don’t believe in the Book you got over here
|
|
|
| You can’t run a race without no feet
|
| An’ pretty soon there won’t be no street
|
| For dummies to jog on or doggies to dog on
|
| Religious fanatics can make it be all gone
|
| (It won’t blow up an’ disappear
|
| It’ll just look ugly for a thousand years…)
|
|
|
| You can’t run a country by a book of religion
|
| Not by a heap or a lump or a smidgeon
|
| Of foolish rules of ancient date
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| Designed to make you all feel great
|
| While you fold, spindle and mutilate
|
| Those unbelievers from a neighboring state
|
|
|
| To arms! To arms! Hooray! That’s great
|
| Two legs ain’t bad unless there’s a crate
|
| They ship the parts to mama in
|
| For souvenirs: two ears (Get down!)
|
| Not his, not hers (But what the hey?)
|
| The Good Book says: “It gotta be that way”
|
| But their book says: “Revenge the crusades
|
| With whips an’ chains an’ hand grenades”
|
| Two arms? Two arms?
|
| Have another and another
|
| Our God says: “There ain’t no other”
|
| Our God says: “It’s all OK”
|
| Our God says: “This is the way”
|
|
|
| It says in the Book: “Burn an’ destroy
|
| Repent an’ redeem an’ revenge an’ deploy
|
| An’ rumble thee forth to the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
|
| ‘Cause they don’t go for what’s in the Book an’ that makes ‘em bad”
|
| So verily we must choppeth them up
|
| And stompeth them down
|
| Or rent a nice French bomb
|
| To poof them out of existence
|
| While leaving their real estate just where we need it
|
| To use again
|
| For temples in which to praise
|
| OUR GOD
|
| (“‘Cause He can really GO HAWAIIAN!”)
|
|
|
| And when his humble TV servant
|
| With a brown suit
|
| Glasses
|
| Maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
|
| Tells us
|
| It’s OK to do this stuff
|
| Then we gotta do it
|
| ‘Cause if we don’t do it
|
| We ain’t GWINE up to hebbin!
|
| Ain’t that right?
|
| It’s right
|
| I mean seriously
|
| This television evangelist stuff is DANGEROUS BUSINESS
|
| Don’t let ‘em get ya
|
| Anyway, listen
|
| We can’t really be dumb
|
| If we’re just following God’s Orders
|
| After all He wrote this Book here an’ in the Book it says:
|
| “He made us all to be just like Him”
|
| So… if we’re dumb… then God is dumb
|
| (An’ maybe even a little ugly on the side)
|
|
|
| Dumb all over
|
| A little ugly on the side
|
| Dumb all over
|
| A little ugly on the side
|
| [Ray White] And if these words you do not heed
|
| Your pocketbook just kinda might recede
|
| When some man comes along and claims a godly need
|
| He will clean you out right through your tweed
|
|
|
| [FZ] That’s right, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over…
|
|
|
| [FZ & Ray White] He’s got twenty million dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account…
|
| All from those chumps who was born again
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| He’s got seven limousines and a private plane
|
| All for the use of his Special Friends
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| He’s got thousand-dollar suits and a Wembley tie
|
| Girls love to stroke it while he’s on the phone
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| At the House of Representatives he’s a groovy guy
|
| When he Gives Thanks he is not alone
|
|
|
| He is dealin’, he is really dealin’, IRS can’t determine where The Hook is
|
| It is easy with the bible to pretend that you’re in Show Biz
|
| And a-one, and a-two, and a…
|
| They won’t get him, they will never get him for the naughty stuff that he did
|
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
|
| It is best in cases like this to pretend that you are stupid
|
| DOH!
|
|
|
| He’s got Presidential Help all along the way
|
| He says the grace while the lawyers chew
|
| Oh yeah, they sure do
|
| And the governors agree to say: “He’s a lovely man”
|
| He makes it easier for them to screw
|
| All of you… yes, that’s true
|
| ‘Cause he helps put The Fear Of God in the Common Man
|
| Snatchin’ up money everywhere he can
|
| Oh yeah, oh yeah
|
| He’s got twenty million dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account…
|
| You ain’t got nothin’, people
|
| (TAX THE CHURCHES!)
|
| You ain’t got nothin’, people
|
| (TAX THE BUSINESSES OWNED BY THE CHURCHES!)
|
| You ain’t got nothin’, people, thank the man…
|
| Oh yeah
|
|
|
| [FZ] That’s right, you ain’t got nothin’ and they got it all
|
| And your miserable ass is up against the wall
|
| The only thing you have not tried
|
| It’s the sport of chumps and that’s SUICIDE!
|
| [FZ] You say there ain’t no use in livin’
|
| It’s all a waste of time
|
| An’ you wanna throw your life away
|
| Well, people, that’s just fine
|
|
|
| Go ahead on an’ get it over with then
|
| Find you a bridge an’ take a jump
|
| Just make sure you do it right the first time
|
| ‘Cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump
|
|
|
| You say there ain’t no light a-shinin’
|
| Through the bushes up ahead
|
| An’ we’re all gonna be so sorry
|
| When we find out you are dead
|
|
|
| Go ahead on an’ get it over with then
|
| Find you a bridge an’ take a jump
|
| Just make sure you do it right the first time
|
| ‘Cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump
|
|
|
| Now maybe you’re scared of jumpin’
|
| An’ poison makes you sick
|
| But you want a lil’ attention
|
| An’ you need it pretty quick
|
| Don’t wanna mess your face up
|
| Or we won’t know if it’s you
|
| Aw, there’s just so much to worry about
|
| Now what you gonna do?
|
|
|
| Go ahead on an’ get it over with then
|
| Find you a bridge an’ take a jump
|
| Just make sure you do it right the first time
|
| ‘Cause nothin’s worse than a Suicide Chump
|
| (Oh, tell ‘em one time!)
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| [FZ] Maybe you’re scared of jumpin’
|
| An’ poison makes you sick
|
| But you want a lil’ attention
|
| An’ you need it pretty quick
|
| Don’t wanna mess your face up
|
| Or we won’t know if it’s you
|
| Aw, there’s just so much to worry about
|
| Now what you gonna do?
|
|
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
| Go ‘head on an’ get it over with then
|
|
|
| You’re on the bridge, scared to leap
|
| But a girl walks over to take a peep
|
| She says: “DON’T DO IT!” ▶
|
| But wouldn’t you know…
|
| The girl’s got a head like a buffalo
|
|
|
| With a little red hair all over the top
|
| An’ her breath would make the traffic stop
|
| She says: “I LOVE YOU… BUT FIRST, LET’S EAT!”
|
| And all you can say as you run down the street is…
|
Songs list
| 
Title origin
| 
Listen original song on YouTube
| Design by Jeffery Fey.jpg "(Front) Design by Jeffery Fey")