| [FZ] Thank you! OK, sit down. Some more raw, unbridled buffoonery for you and yours, during this festive holiday season.
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A year ago today was when you went away ▶
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But now you come back knockin’ on my door
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And you say you’re back to stay
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But I say…
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| I don’t need you
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| I don’t need you
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| I don’t want you
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| I don’t want you
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| I don’t need you
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| Oh, you treat me so bad, baby
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| I don’t love you
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| Oh, you treat me like a piece of shit
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| I don’t need you
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| Oh, you know that’s not it
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| I don’t want you
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| I can’t use you
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| Gotta get a rubber girl
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| Need a rubber girl
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| Rubber girl
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| Send me up a little rubber girl
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| Y’know I can put it in the back
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| I got a rubber girl
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| I get one with a 69 dollar battery pack
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| Here comes my rubber girl
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| The little rubber girl
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| A little rubber girl
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| She loves to do anything I want
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| Little rubber girl
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| My little rubber girl
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| My little rubber girl
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| I pull the string and she do anything
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| I know she loves me
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| I can put it in the back
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| I know she loves me
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| I can put it in the front crack
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| Know she loves me
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| I can push her tonsils down her throat
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| I know she loves me
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| And make that bitch scream like a goat
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| I never have no trouble with my rubber girl
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| I love to bend her over and ram it all the way in
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| I never have any trouble with the little rubber girl
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| And then go back and do it again
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| I never have no trouble with the little rubber girl
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| Y’know you treated me like shit
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| I never have no trouble with the little rubber girl
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| OH, that’s why I never fucked you, baby
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| I love my little rubber girl
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| My little rubber girl
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| I never have no trouble with my little rubber girl
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| She’s the only girl
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| I never have no trouble with my little rubber girl
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| I just pull the string and she don’t talk back
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| And she dances great!
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| She likes to put it in the back
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| I don’t need you
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| My kind of girl
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| Little rubber girl
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| Y’know I fuck you every day
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| Run-nnn-nn-nnn-rubber-girl
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| And you treat me like shit
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| Run-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-rubber-girl
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| Fuck you bitch I’m gonna rape…
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| Run-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-little-rubber-girl
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| My little rubber girl
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| Run-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-nn-nnn-little-rubber-girl
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| Little rubber girl
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| Little rubber girl
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| Oh, my little rubber girl, rubber girl
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| Little rubber girl
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| OH, my little rubber girl
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| Little rubber girl
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| HEY, my little rubber girl
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| I don’t need you
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| 69 dollars’ll put you in heaven, baby
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| You know…
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| Me and my rubber girl
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| You must admit you’re… baby
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| We get along really swell, we never argue
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| Three holes, no waiting
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| [FZ] This is a song about the union, friends
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| How they fucked you over and the way they bends
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| The rules to suit a special few
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| And you gets pooched every time they do
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| People, we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| People, we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| Once upon a time the idea was good
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| If only they’d a-done what they said they would
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| It ain’t no better, they’s makin’ it worse
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| The labor movement got the mafia curse
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| People, we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| People, we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| Don’t be no fool, don’t be no dope
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| Common sense is your only hope
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| When the union tells you it’s time to strike
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| Tell the motherfucker to take a hike
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| Oh yeah
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| People, we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| People, we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick together
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| You know we gotta stick…
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| [FZ] You know, your mama and your daddy
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| Saying I’m no good for you
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| They call me “Dirty from the alley”
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| Till I don’t know what to do
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| I get so tired of sneakin’ around just to get to your back door
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| I crawled past the garbage and your mama jumped out, screamin’: “Don’t come back no more!”
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| I can’t take it!
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| My guitar wants to kill your mama
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| My guitar wants to kill your mama
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| My guitar wants to burn your dad
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| I get real mean when it makes me mad
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| Later I tried to call you
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| Your mama told me you weren’t there
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| (You just weren’t there)
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| She told me don’t bother to call again
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| Unless I cut off all my hair
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| I get so tired of sneakin’ around just to get to your back door
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| I crawled past the garbage and your mama jumped out, screamin’: “Don’t come back no more!”
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| I can’t take it!
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| My guitar wants to kill your mama
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| My guitar wants to kill your mama
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| My guitar wants to burn your dad
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| I get real mean when it makes me mad
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| [Instrumental]
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| Later I tried to call you
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| Your mama told me you weren’t there
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| (You just weren’t there)
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| She told me don’t bother to call again
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| Unless I cut off all my hair
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| I get so tired of sneakin’ around just to get to your back door
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| I crawled past the garbage and your mama jumped out, screamin’: “Don’t come back no more!”
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| I can’t take it!
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| My guitar wants to kill your mama
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| My guitar wants to kill your mama
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| My guitar wants to burn your dad
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| I get real mean when it makes me mad
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| I’m a little pimp with my hair gassed back
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| A pair a khaki pants ▶ and my shoe shined black
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| I got a little lady… she walks the street
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| Tellin’ all the boys that she cain’t be beat
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| She can’t be beat, she can’t be beat
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| She’s so sweet, you know she can’t be beat
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| She can’t be beat, she can’t be beat
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| She’s so sweet, you know she can’t be beat
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| “A twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
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| Meet me onna corner, boy, an’ don’t be late”
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| Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
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| Tryna buy some pussy with a third party check
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| A third party check, a third party check
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| He’s tryna buy some pussy with a third party check
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| A third party check, a third party check
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| He’s tryna buy some pussy with a third party check
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| Standin’ onna porch of the Lido Hotel
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| Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell:
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| Hot meat
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| Hot rats
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| Hot cats
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| Hot zitz
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| Hot meat
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| Hot feet
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| Hot rats
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| Hot cats
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] I might be movin’ to Montana soon
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| Just to raise me up a crop of dental floss
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| Raisin’ it up
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| Waxin’ it down
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| In a little white box
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| That I can sell uptown
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| By myself I wouldn’t have no boss
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| But I’d be raisin’ my lonely dental floss
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| Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
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| Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
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| Well, I just might grow me some bees
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| But I’d leave the sweet stuff to somebody else
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| (How ‘bout you there?)
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| But then, on the other hand I would…
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| Keep the wax
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| An’ melt it down
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| Pluck the floss
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| An’ swish it aroun’
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| And I’d have me a crop
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| Dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh-dooh dah-dah-dah
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| An’ it’d be on top (that’s why I’m movin’ to Montana)
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| Movin’ to Montana soon
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| Gonna be a dental floss tycoon
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| (Yes, I am)
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| I’m movin’ to Montana soon
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| Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
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| (Look out!)
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| [Instrumental]
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| I’m pluckin’ the ol’ dennil floss
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| That’s growin’ on the prairie, pluckin’ the floss
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| I plucked all day an’ all nite an’ all afternoon…
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| Oh!
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| I’m ridin’ a small tiny hoss
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| (His name is “Mighty Little”) he’s a good hoss
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| Even though he’s a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or blanket on anyway
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| He’s a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or blanket on anyway
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| Anyway
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| I’m pluckin’ the ol’ dennil floss
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| Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
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| I don’t care if you think it’s silly, folks
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| I don’t care if you think it’s silly, folks
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| I’m gonna find me a horse (uh-huh?) just about this big (yes, sir)
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| An’ ride that sucker all along the border line
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| With a…
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| Pair of heavy-duty
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| Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
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| Every other wrangler would say
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| I was mighty grand
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| But by myself I wouldn’t have no boss
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| ‘Cause I’d be raisin’ that lonely dental floss
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| Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
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| Hopla!
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| Raisin’ my lonely dental floss
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| Well, I might ride along the border
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| With my tweezers gleamin’ in the moon-lighty night
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| And then I would…
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| Get a cuppa cawfee
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| An’ give my foot a push…
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| Just me an’ the pygmy pony
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| Over by the dennil floss bush
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| An’ then I might just sorta jump back on
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| An’ ride like a dipshit into the dawn to Montana
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| Movin’ to Montana soon
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| Yippy-ty-o-ty-ay
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| [Repeat]
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| Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
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| Ooo-ooo
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| What wickedness id dis?
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| De way you’s carryin’ on!
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| Dis pygmy I been clutchin’
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| Have been lef’ out on de lawn!
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| De daddy were ne-glij-ible
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| De mama were de-flate-able
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| De trauma to de imfunt
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| Be mostly not ne-gate-able
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| Yo’ urgin’ to be exitin’
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| Because of dem fla-MIN-I-GO’S
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| Be thoroughly perplexin’ him
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| Because of where yo’ Petuh ▶ goes
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| If only you been ‘siderate
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| Erbout dis lil’ illiterate
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| I wouldna been trudgin’ cross de san’ ▶
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| Way down yonder in E-gyp-lan’
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| Dey callin’ me “Brown Moses”
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| Fo’ dat id sho’ly what I am
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| Ancient an’ re-lij-er-mus
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| Solemn an’ pres-tig-i-mus
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| Wisdom reekin’ outta me
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| ‘Long wif summa dis baby pee
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| ‘Minds me of dem river weeds
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| An’ all dem ignint Bible deeds
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| Growed up in de Pharoah place
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| Lef’ de sucker in disgrace!
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| Some dem boys refuse to loin
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| Somethin’ smokin’, somethin’ boin!
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| Somethin’ borry, somethin’ blue!
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| Best keeps a lil’ paper in yo’ shoe!
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| Hear me when I’m tellin’ you:
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| “Leavin’ de midgit were wrong t’do!”
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| It’s a terr’ble thang, done did to him!
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| Left wit de crab-grass over his CHIN!
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| Sho’ly one day he will grow
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| An’ put some shit in yo’ ✄ sack o’ woe
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| Ol’ Brown Moses now have spoke!
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| Could ya lend me ‘bout a dollar? I’s a tiny bit broke
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| ✄ I likes my wine, I loves my gin
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| An’ fo’ a lil’ collateral I’ll gives ya him!
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| A lil’ collateral I’ll gives ya him!
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| A lil’ collateral I’ll gives ya him!
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| For a lil’ collateral
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| A lil’ collateral
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| A lil’ collateral
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| A lil’ collateral
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| A lil’ collateral
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| A lil’ collateral
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| A lil’ collateral
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| For a lil’ collateral
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| I’ll gives you HIM!
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| I’ll gives you…
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| TAKE A POMPADOUR, BABY!
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| [Notes by FZ on “YCDTOSA Sampler” - reverse translation from Spanish] This complicated arrangement has been developed during the soundchecks in the 1984 tour. The comparison with the original version in “Thing-Fish” will give an approximate idea of how things can musically twist along a tour.
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| Well, well, well, now, dis de nasty sucker dat be respondable fo’ de en-whiffment o’ de origumal potium. Now, in his infinate respondable party personaged as the Evil Prince, and through de magik o’ stage-kraft ▶ of course, we’s about to see what gwine on in his magikal conjurance up of his lil’ cauldrom o’ doom! Now check it on out now.
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| Somewhere, over there, I can tell
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| I guess so
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| There’s a voice of a potato-headed ▶ whatchamacallit
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| Whoo, do tell!
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| Who does not wish me well!
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| His clothes are quite stupid and also his shoes!
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| Ain’t no biznis like show biznis
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| He’s got a big ol’ duck-mouth! (Who knows how he chews!)
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| He thinks he knows something about the great plan!
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| How ultimate BLANDNESS must RULE and COMMAND
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| He knows not a drop, not a crumb, not a whit
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| Of the reason for doing this criminal shit
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| And then, if he did would it matter a bit?
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| NOT AT ALL!
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| Because it is WRIT
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| Our beige-blandish God tends to CERTIFY IT:
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| “Only the boring and bland shall survive!
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| Only the lamest of lameness will thrive!”
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| Take it or leave it, you won’t be alive
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| If you are overtly CREATIVE!
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| Fairies and faggots and queers are “creative”
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| All the best music on Broadway is “native”
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| Who will step forward and end all this trouble?
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| For beige-blandish citizens clutching the rubble
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| Of vanishing dreams, of wimpish amusement
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| Replaced by a rash of “creative” CONFUSEMENT!
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| Soon, my brave zombies, you’ll make your return
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| Broadway will GLOW! Broadway will burn!
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| (Along with the remnants of EVERYTHING NEW)
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| My holy disease will DO wonders for you!
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| Those lovely producers who paid for you ‘then’
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| Will do it again, and again, and again!
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| The spying potato
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| The spying potato!
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| With horrible diction
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| That terrible diction!
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| Will rot in the garbage
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| I can smell it right now!
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| When this show’s eviction
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| Takes place shortly after my alternate skill
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| Of theatrical sabotage, triumphs YOUR WILL!
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| I’ve a special review
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| Yes I know you really do
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| I’ve been saving for years
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| Yes I know you really have
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| For a show just like THIS
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| For a really stupid show
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| With potatoes and QUEERS
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| I’ll say it’s disgusting, atrocious, and dull
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| I’ll say it makes boils inside of your skull
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| I’ll say it’s the worst-of-the-worst of the year
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| No ✄ wind down the plain, and it’s HARD on your ear
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| I’ll say it’s the work of an infantile mind
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| I’ll say that it’s tasteless, and that you will find
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| A better excuse to spend money or time
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| At a Tupperware party
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| So, do ✄ be a smarty!
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| Hold on to that dollar a little while longer
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| For spending it here, why, it couldn’t be wronger!
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| WHAT’S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?
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| WHERE’S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?
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| THE “HEART” AND “SOUL”
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| THE PATTER?
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| THE PITTER?
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| And after this deadly review hits the paper
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| In will come roper, bender & raper
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| To legally execute all that remains
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| Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains
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| Drug-addled brains
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|
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| [Instrumental]
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|
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| Hold on to that G-string a little while longer
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| For bending it here, why, it couldn’t be wronger!
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| WHAT’S HAPPENED TO BROADWAY?
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| WHERE’S IT GONE, ALL THE GLITTER?
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| THE “HEART” AND “SOUL”
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| THE PATTER?
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| THE PITTER?
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|
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| And after this deadly review hits the paper
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| In will come roper, bender & raper
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| To legally execute all that remains
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| Of this tragic amusement for drug-addled brains
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| Hey hey hey hey hey hey, brai-hains
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| [FZ] Thank you!
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| Love of my life, I love you so
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| Love of my life, don’t ever go
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| I love you only, love, love of my life
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| Ahh, love of my life
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| Stars in the sky, they never lie
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| Tell me you need me, don’t say goodbye
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| I love you only, love, love of my life
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| Oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo
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|
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| Stars in the sky, they never lie
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| Tell me you need me, don’t say goodbye
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| I love you, darling, I love you only
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| Don’t ever leave me, don’t make me lonely
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|
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| Love of my life, I love you so
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| Love of my life, don’t ever go
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| I love you only, love, love of my life
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| My love, love of my life
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| Ahh, love of my life
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| Love of my life
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| My love, love of my life
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| Ahh, love of my life
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| Love of my life
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| Oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo
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| Love of my life
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| Oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo
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| Love of my life
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| Oo-oo-oo oo-oo-oo-oo
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| Love of my…
|
| [Notes by FZ on “YCDTOSA Sampler” - reverse translation from Spanish] Another aspect of the repertoire of the first MOI: dissonance and abstraction… the kind of stuff that used to make rock critics apoplectic.
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| [Ike Willis] Awright, welcome, and good evening to the baseball game. I’m Skip Caray, I’m with Pete Van Wieren, for another game between the Atlanta Braves and the Chicago Cubs. The Braves are featuring another outstanding cast.
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| ARF
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| [Ike Willis] We got a wonderful cast of characters here. He’s a home run hitter and RBI leader for the year, what do you think?
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| [Walt Fowler] Well uh… I don’t know what the problem is with uh… these Braves this year, they’ve uh… they’ve really been having trouble with one run games, on Sundays for some reason. I don’t know what it is, what do you think?
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| WOOH
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| [Ike Willis] Well, Pete… the Dodgers had it last… that problem last year, and uh… lot of one run games uh… ‘specially on Sundays, and, well, you see how they ended up uhhhh… last in the league. Uhhh… Coming over here, Zane Smith is pitching today and I hear he’s got good stuff.
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| [Walt Fowler] Well, actually I think the main problem is uh… the rookies um… the rookies have just not be coming through. They haven’t been able to handle that curve ball. Seems to me like they really got over that.
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| [Ike Willis] Oh, here he goes ag—. Smash foul! Dawson up to the plate.
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| “That goes for your little dog, too!”
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| [Walt Fowler] He really gets a hold of that one, it’s gone. Yes, Elvis has left the building! ▶
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| “That goes for your little dog, too!”
|
| “That goes for your little dog, too!”
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| [Ike Willis] Move away for the seventh-inning stretch after theeeeee game
|
| “That goes for your little dog, too!”
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| “That goes for your little dog, too!”
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| They… ‘re singing
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| He… swung on it an’ missed
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| Smash foul!
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| WOOH
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| Fans getting out of here in a hurry
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| The… player steps up to the plate
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| ARF
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| Take me… out to the game
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| Uh… You can buy me… some peanuts… and Cracker Jack
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| I don’t care if he… never gets back
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| Swung on it an’ missed
|
| [Don Van Vliet] Flies all green an’ buzzin’ in his dungeon of despair
|
| Prisoners grumble and piss they clothes and scratch their matted hair
|
| A tiny light from a window hole a hundred yards away
|
| That all they ever get to know ‘bout the regular life in the day
|
| ‘Bout the regular life in the day
|
|
|
| Slime an’ rot an’ rats an’ snot, vomit on the floor
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| Fifty ugly soldiers, man, holdin’ spears by the iron door
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|
|
| Stinks so bad, stones are chokin’ weepin’ greenish drops
|
| In the den where the giant fire puffer woik an’ the torchum never stops, talkin’
|
| Torchum never stops, talkin’
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| Torchum never stops
|
| Torchum never stops
|
|
|
| Flies all green an’ buzzin’ in his dungeon of despair
|
| An Evil Prince eats a steamin’ pig in a tumbers right near there
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| In the chamber right near there
|
| He eats the snouts an’ trotters first
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| The loins an’ the groins are then dispersed
|
| His carvin’ style is well rehearsed
|
|
|
| He stands and shouts:
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| “All men be coist”
|
| “All men be coist”
|
| “All men be coist”
|
| “All men be coist”
|
| And disagree, well, no-one durst
|
| He the best of course of all the woist
|
| Best of course of all the woist
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| He stinks so bad, his stones been chokin’ weepin’ greenish drops
|
| In the room where the iron maiden an’ the torchum never stops, talkin’
|
| Torchum never stops
|
| Torchum never stops, talkin’
|
| Torchum never stops
|
|
|
| Flies all green an’ buzzin’ in his dungeon of despair
|
| Who are all those people that he’s shut away down there?
|
| Are they crazy?
|
| Are they sainted?
|
| Are they zeros someone painted?
|
| Someone painted
|
| Are they -isms later ornated?
|
| Once they come they have been tainted
|
| Once they come they have been tainted
|
|
|
| Never been explained since at first it was created
|
| But a dungeon, and its kin
|
| Requires naught but lockin’ in
|
| Of any anything that’s been
|
| Could be a her but it’s prob’ly a him
|
| Could be a her but it’s prob’ly a him
|
| It’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
|
| It’s what’s the deal we’re dealing in
|
|
|
| An’ he thinks so bad it’s hurt to the pearl and the piles of blast
|
| Any dungeon have a trailer were the torchum never stops, talkin’ now
|
| Torchum never stops
|
| Torchum never stops, talkin’ to you
|
| Torchum never stops
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [FZ] You know, today the church is in a terrible state. The bucks just aren’t rollin’ in like they used to. And when the bucks don’t come in, the church comes up with a new gimmick to make you spend to go to heaven. Now, I know you don’t know what I’m talking about, but what the fuck. But anyway, listen to this, ladies and gentlemen, when the church wants to get your money they remind you about HELL.
|
| Whoo-hoo-hoo-HA-HA
|
| If you commit a sin you’re gonna go to HELL
|
| Oui-oui
|
| Well, let me give you an example, this boy over here
|
| Tell ‘em about it, brother Zappa
|
| Sometimes people say that if you FUCK somebody
|
| Oh Lord
|
| It’s a sin
|
| Oui-oui
|
| This may or may not be true
|
| Testify
|
| This boy not only fucked somebody with his organ, but he also fucked a girl with a GUITAR
|
| Woo-hoo
|
| With an UMBRELLA
|
| Oui oui
|
| With a ZUCCHINI
|
| Testify
|
| Oui
|
| With a SHOE
|
| Oui
|
| With an ENEMA BAG
|
| Ha ha
|
| (What else did you do?)
|
| A vibrato bar
|
| A VIBRATO BAR! Some people would say this is a SIN. And if you SIN you’re gonna go to HELL.
|
| Well, ladies and gentlemen, there ain’t no hell
|
| Oui
|
| There is no such thing as hell
|
| Oui
|
| There is no hell
|
| Oui, oui
|
| There is only FRANCE!
|
| Oui, oui!
|
| [Bobby Martin] His name is Stevie Vai
|
| And he’s a crazy guy
|
| Last November, I recall, he needed a spanking
|
|
|
| He decided then
|
| A female specimen
|
| Would be exciting for a night to give him a spanking
|
|
|
| Laurel was her name
|
| She came to Notre Dame
|
| (He told me just the other day he oughta be thanking her for the spanking)
|
|
|
| She was large and soft
|
| Then she beat him off
|
| Made him drool upon his dork and gave it a wanking after the spanking
|
|
|
| Hair brush!
|
| Oh! What a hair brush!
|
| Oh! What a hair brush!
|
| (It’s not that he requires grooming!
|
| Guys with light blue hair NEVER DO)
|
|
|
| Then she did exclaim:
|
| “There’s another game
|
| That we can play with this device and then a banana”
|
|
|
| It was slightly green
|
| Vapors in between
|
| Rising up to fill the room and cook the banana
|
|
|
| She said it was dry
|
| “Stevie, won’t you try
|
| To drool a little drool on it and grease the banana”
|
|
|
| Later in the dawn
|
| Laurel carried on
|
| She got right up and dressed herself and ate the banana
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [Ike Willis] These executives have plooked the fuck out of me
|
| And there’s still a long time to go before I’ve paid my debt to society
|
| And all I ever really wanted to do was play the guitar an’ bend the string like… ▶
|
| Reent-toont-teent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee
|
|
|
| I’ve got it
|
| I’ll be sullen and withdrawn
|
| I’ll dwindle off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts
|
| I’ll lay on my back here ‘til dawn in a semi-catatonic state
|
| And dream of guitar notes that would irritate
|
| An executive kinda guy…
|
|
|
| Well, I guess that one did the trick
|
| If they only coulda heard it
|
| Half-a-dozen of ‘em woulda strangled while they was suckin’ on each others’ dick
|
| Yeah, but that was only a bunch of imaginary notes I played
|
| Just a little extra somethin’ to keep me goin’ from day to day
|
| But that’s OK
|
| I’ll be gettin’ outta here pretty soon
|
| Then I won’t have to live in this ugly fuckin’ room
|
|
|
| I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now…
|
| An’ I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now, now listen here
|
| I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now, I mean it!
|
| I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now…
|
|
|
| An’ outside now…
|
| Outside now, yeah
|
| Outside now…
|
| Outside now, yeah
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now, outside now…
|
| I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now…
|
| I can’t wait to see what it’s like on the outside now…
|
|
|
| [FZ] One, two, three, four
|
| Fruit!
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| [FZ] Run to the toilet, honey
|
| Comb your hair
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| Pucker your lips an’ check your shoulders
|
| ‘Cause some dandruff might be hidin’ there
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, you’re the disco king
|
| Aw, the Disco-Thing made you think someday
|
| That you just might go somewhere
|
|
|
| Disco Girl, you’re outasite
|
| You need a Disco Boy to treat you right
|
| He’ll do a lil’ dance
|
| Take you home tonight
|
| Leave his hair alone but you can kiss his comb
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| Run to the toilet, honey
|
| Comb your hair
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| Shake it more than three times an’ you’re playin’ with it
|
| While you’re standin’ there
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, do the Bump every night
|
| ‘Til the Disco Girl who’s really right gonna fall for your line
|
| An’ feed you a box fulla Chicken Delight
|
|
|
| Well, disco chit-chat; so demure
|
| Pump that booty all across the floor
|
| A disco drink
|
| A disco wink
|
| “You never go doody” (that’s what you think)
|
| “You never go doody” (that’s what you think)
|
| “You never go doody” (that’s what you think)
|
|
|
| Doody
|
| “You never go doody”
|
| Doody
|
| “You never go doody”
|
| Go on, take your teeth out, girl! ▶
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| You got one more chance
|
| To comb your hair again
|
|
|
| Disco Boy
|
| They’re closin’ the bar
|
| And she’s leavin’ with your friend
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, that’s the way it goes
|
| So wipe your nose
|
| An’ try it again to get a little pussy tomorrow
|
|
|
| Disco Boy, no one understands
|
| But thank the Lord
|
| That you still got hands to help you do that jerkin’ that’ll blot out your Disco Sorrow
|
|
|
| It’s Disco Love tonight
|
| Make sure you look all right
|
| It’s Disco Love tonight
|
| Make sure you look all right
|
| [Bobby Martin] I got to be free
|
| Free as the wind
|
| Free is the way
|
| I got to be
|
|
|
| Maybe I’m lost
|
| Maybe I’ve sinned
|
| I got to be
|
| Totally free
|
|
|
| [FZ] Our parents don’t love us
|
| Our teachers they say
|
| Things that are boring
|
| So we’re running away
|
| And we will be free
|
| And people will see
|
| That when we are free
|
| That’s the way we should be
|
|
|
| We must be free!
|
| We must be free as the wind
|
| We were free, well, when we were born!
|
| We were born free, but now we are not free anymore!
|
|
|
| But we wanna be free
|
| An’ we’re gonna be free
|
| So we wanna be free
|
| An’ we’re gonna be free
|
|
|
| Did you know that
|
| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing?
|
| We want to be free
|
| Free as the wind
|
|
|
| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing
|
| We want to be free
|
| Free as the wind
|
|
|
| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing
|
| We want to be free
|
| Free as the wind
|
| Free is when you don’t have to pay for nothing or do nothing
|
|
|
| We wanna… (Yeah)
|
| We wanna… (Yeah)
|
| We wanna… (Yeah)
|
| We wanna be free
|
|
|
| We’re gonna… (Yeah)
|
| We’re gonna… (Yeah)
|
| We’re gonna… (Yeah)
|
| We’re gonna be free
|
|
|
| We gotta… (Yeah)
|
| We gotta… (Yeah)
|
| We gotta… (Yeah)
|
| We gotta be free
|
|
|
| We gotta… (Yeah)
|
| We gotta… (Yeah)
|
| We gotta… (Yeah)
|
| We gotta be free
|
|
|
| We gotta… (Gotta)
|
| Gotta… (Gotta)
|
| Gotta be free
|
| Gotta be free
|
| Gotta be free
|
| (Yeah, yeah)
|
| [Repeat]
|
| [FZ] Truck driver divorce
|
| It’s very sad
|
| (Steel guitars usually weep all over it)
|
|
|
| The bold & intelligent blasters of the road with their Secret Language
|
| And their giant
|
| Oversized
|
| Mechanical
|
| TRANS-CONTINENTAL HOBBY-HORSE! ▶
|
|
|
| Truck driver divorce
|
| It’s very sad
|
| Oh, the wife! ▶
|
| Oh, the kids!
|
| Oh, the waitress!
|
| Oh, the drive all night!
|
|
|
| Sometimes when you come home
|
| Some ugly lookin’ son-of-a-bitch is tryin’ to pooch your home-town sweetheart
|
|
|
| Oh, go ride the bull ▶
|
| Aw, go ride the bull
|
| Make it go up an’ down
|
| An’ when you fall off you can eat the mattress
|
|
|
| Truck driver divorce
|
| IT’S VERY SAD
|
| Bust yer ass
|
| To deliver some string beans
|
| Oh yes!
|
| Deliver some string beans
|
| Deliver a whole bunch of string beans to Utah! ▶
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
|
| [Instrumental]
|
|
|
| Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh
|
|
|
| La-la la-la la-la la-la
|
| La-la la-la la-la
|
|
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] She was the daughter of a wealthy Florentine Pogen
|
| “Read ‘em an’ weep” was her adjustable slogan
|
|
|
| She was a debutante daisy with a color-note organ
|
| Deep in the street she drove a ‘59 Morgan
|
|
|
| WOO-LAH!
|
|
|
| That’s the kinda step she takes when her hot breaks, hot brake
|
| That’s the kinda sound she makes (Ooh, let go, uh) when her crab cakes
|
|
|
| She didn’t like it when her fan belt shrunk & got shorter
|
| (Ointment)
|
| Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter
|
|
|
| She didn’t want to go home an’ watch the pestle go mortar
|
| Later she speaks on how Perellis might court her
|
|
|
| La-la-la la-la-ooh
|
| La-la-la la-la-ooh
|
| La-la-la la-la-ooh
|
| La-la-la la-la-ooh
|
|
|
| She was the daughter (ah-ah-ahhh) of a wealthy Florentine Pogen
|
| Po-oh
|
| Wo-oh-oh
|
| Po-oh
|
| Wo-oh-oh
|
| Po-oh
|
| Wo-oh-oh
|
| Ga-ya-ee-annnn
|
|
|
| Read ‘em an’ weep
|
| Take a booger home with you to…
|
| Read ‘em an’ weep
|
| Take a booger home with you to…
|
| Read ‘em an’ weep
|
|
|
| Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
|
| Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-hah
|
| Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-hah
|
|
|
| Butzis, Butzis, Butzis
|
|
|
| Chester’s go-rilla
|
| She go oink
|
| Chester’s go-rilla
|
| She go quack
|
| Chester’s go-rilla
|
| She go UUHH
|
| Chester’s go-rilla
|
| She go…
|
| [FZ] You know, sometimes in the middle of the night
|
| You get to feeling uptight
|
| And wish you were feelin’ alright
|
| And you know you’re white
|
| And you ain’t got no soul
|
| And there’s no one with a hole nearby
|
| And therefore in your teen-age madness and delirium
|
| You toss and turn in your sweaty little grey teen-age sheets
|
| In that little room with the psychedelic posters
|
| And the red bulb
|
| And the incense
|
| And your bead collection
|
| And your country song roundup books
|
| And you cry your tiny sick tears
|
| Tiny sick tears
|
| Tiny sick tears
|
| You know you gotto, gotto, gotto, gotto
|
| You’ve gotta find some relief from the terrible
|
| From the terrible ache that is clutching right at your heart
|
| Because it’s hurting you to your heart
|
| And you’re crying tiny sick tears
|
| And you have to go downstairs
|
| Out of your bedroom
|
| Out into the hall
|
| Down to the living room
|
| Through the living room
|
| To the kitchen
|
| To the cookie jar
|
| Where you wanna get your cookies
|
| And you take the top off the cookie jar
|
| And you stick your tiny sick hand in the cookie jar
|
| And you reach around in the cookie jar
|
| To find a raisin cookie
|
| A spongy one, with the little plump raisins
|
| A little tactile sensation for your tiny sick fingers
|
| Squeeze the raisin on the cookie
|
| Pull the cookie out of the jar
|
| Stuff the raisin into your eating hole
|
| Push it all the way in your eating hole
|
| Now make your eating hole wrap itself around the tiny sick cookie
|
| Scarf the cookie
|
| Put the lid back on the jar
|
| Go over to the ice box
|
| Open the ice box
|
| Pull out the box of milk
|
| Open the box of milk
|
| Into a triangular beak like that
|
| Pull the little triangular beak up to your drinking hole
|
| Up to your hole
|
| Pour the white fluid from the drinking box into your hole
|
| Close the beak
|
| Reinsert the box into the ice box
|
| Close the box door
|
| Walk out of the kitchen
|
| Through the living room
|
| Back up the stairs
|
✄ Past your sister’s room
|
Past your brother’s room
|
You take a mask from the ancient hallway
|
Make it down to your father’s room
|
And you walk in
|
| And your father, your tiny sick father
|
| Is beating his meat to a Playboy magazine
|
| He’s got it rolled into a tube
|
| And he’s got his tiny sick pud stuffed in the middle of it
|
| Right flat up against the centerfold
|
| There he is, your father with a tiny sick erection
|
| And you walk in and you say:
|
✄ “Father, I want to kill you”
|
| And he says: “NOT NOW, SON, NOT NOW!”
|
|
|
| HANDS UP!
|
| POO-LAAAH!
|
|
|
| I know that… it’s so hard to stop playing this soul music, you know, ‘cause it really… for one thing it’s really easy, and for another thing, it… wastes a lot of time while we’re on stage. We’ve learned in our travels that teenagers are ready to accept these two chords no matter how they’re played, isn’t it?
|
|
|
| It makes you feel secure, ‘cause you know that after “did de dit de didde”, the other one is gonna come on. Would never fail, simple. Some people would say it’s bullshit, but we love it, don’t we kids? Meanwhile…
|
| [FZ] Now, the sound that you hear in the background right now, is the sound caused by George Duke, agitating two metal insignias. These are badges that he removed from a couple of boogers that Marty tried to palm off on him in the last town that we were… that he was in. Actually they’re booger pasties and he’s hitting the… the booger pasty with a little stick to get a very interesting musical effect. You know, he does this every night, and sometimes he becomes so overwrought, so excited by the fact that he’s actually touching a piece of metal that might have at one time come in contact with the actual flesh of a booger-bear.
|
| [George Duke] Ooh Lord, have mercy…
|
| [FZ] And so sometimes he MISSES IT, and he hits his thumb and he hurts himself. Yes it hurts very much, but he likes pain. We can tell that he likes pain because he’s in this group.
|
| [George Duke] But… But… it’s very close to other things
|
| [FZ] Yes, but later that night after George was finished fondling the booger pasty, a thought came to his mind: “How, how can I possibly get any nook tonight in Passaic if I don’t put this thing down and play the piano and get funky for these people?” AND SO, George, as you say in your language, TOOK IT AWAY!
|
| [George Duke] But before we get funky, the continuing stories of…
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Boogie-The-Bay! ▶
|
| [?] Moon Trek!
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ha ha ha!
|
| [George Duke] The… No, this ain’t Moon Trek this time, we go to Moon Trek next show. This is the continuing stories of the boogers of Marty Perellis. DO YOU ALL KNOW WHO HE IS? There he is. He’s got a white shirt on an’ a…
|
| [FZ] Your two-hundred and fifty closest relatives, the Mothers of Invention!
|
| [George Duke] Yes. Anyway, it was in my room. I INVITED SOME PEOPLE OVER. Young ladies. They looked interesting. Their names shall go unmentioned.
|
| [FZ] The reason they looked interesting is because they apparently were intelligent enough to dress themselves
|
| [George Duke] Anyway, what was happening was nothing, ha ha, wasn’t nothing happening, ha! So I said: “Let’s get this party on the road”. I said: “Lemme call the road manager”. I said: “What’s your name? Marty Perellis, come down here and meet Miss Cool, Miss Jew and Miss uh…”
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Stool!
|
| [George Duke] Miss Stool
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ha ha ha ha!
|
| [George Duke] So we… So Marty got in there and he was there about five minutes and all of a sudden I began to hear other things. I said: “What you doing over there?” I said: “I ain’t never heard nobody do that kind of thing before”. I said: “COME OUT OF THAT CORNER, what’s wrong with you?” And so he commenced it. We were all kinda… Jeff said: “Man, what you’re doing over there?” And all it was…
|
| [FZ] Really whipping it, just whipping it into a frenzy
|
| [George Duke] All of a sudden, HE WAS GONE! I LOOKED AROUND AND MARTY HAD TOOK THE BOOGER OUT HIS ROOM. I said: “WHERE YOU GOING?” He went down to his room, which was room 33. AN HOUR LATER I WENT TO HIS ROOM. I KNOCKED ON HIS DOOR. I SAID: “What you doin’?” He said… I said: “Say that again”. I said: “Ho-ho”. It was LATE. WE HAD AN EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP. You all know what that is. EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP! EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP! EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP! EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP! EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP! EIGHT O’CLOCK WAKE UP! AAHRRRR! So, Marty came out in the hall and looked at Napoleon and said (Can I say this?) He said: “Smell my beard”
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
|
| [George Duke] I said: “You must be crazy”, ahhh ha ha!
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] I had to smell it, ha ha ha!
|
| [George Duke] Show how y’was walking, Marty. And he said: “SMELL my beard”. I said: “I ain’t gonna smell nothing”, Napoleon said: “I’ll…”
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Check it out, I told her I’d check it out and make sure…
|
| [George Duke] Anyway IF YOU WANNA HEAR WHAT HAPPENED THE REST OF THE NIGHT…
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] You know what it smelled like…
|
| [FZ] Marty’s odor
|
| [George Duke] COME TO THE NEXT SHOW FOR THE CONTINUING STORIES OF…
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Marty’s odor
|
| [George Duke] MARTY TREK. BUT FOR NOW WE GO TO…
|
| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] Marty’s odor
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| Well, the booger man
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| Get down
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| Well, the booger man
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| In my room
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| Look at the booger
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| An’ then he was gone
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| Wait three hours
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| Didn’t sing no song
|
| White juice on his beard
|
| I said: “What you’re doing?”
|
| “None of your biz”
|
| Said: “What you’re doing?”
|
| He said: “None of your biz”
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Oh! Talkin’ about the booger man
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Right over there
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Lord! The booger man
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Had a beard
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Lord! The booger man
|
| Wonder why
|
| They ate after six
|
| Wonder why
|
| I said: “What you’re doing
|
| Wonder why
|
| With your ol’ tricks?”
|
| Wonder why
|
| Oh Lord! The booger man
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| In my room
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Him an’ booger
|
| Stuff on his beard
|
| Till nine noon
|
| White stuff on his beard
|
| What you’re doing
|
| White cream on his beard
|
| In my bed
|
| White cream on his beard
|
| With that booger
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Instead
|
| His pants were sticking to his leg
|
| Of somebody fine?
|
| Smell my beard
|
| Fine, fine
|
| Is what he said
|
| Somebody fine
|
| Smell my beard
|
| Fine, fine
|
| Is what he said
|
| Somebody fine
|
| Smell my beard
|
| Fine, fine
|
| Is what he said
|
| Somebody fine
|
| Sure was good
|
| Fine, fine
|
| Sure was fine
|
| Somebody make you do this
|
|
|
| The booger man
|
| Get on down
|
| Look at the booger man
|
| Had a crown
|
| On his head now
|
| Cleaned his shoes
|
| In his bed now
|
| Playin’ the blues
|
| Oh yeah
|
| Well
|
| Ah, Lord
|
|
|
| [Instrumental]
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| [George Duke] You know, personally I ain’t got nothing against no boogers y’know, every now and then, you know, it’s…
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| [FZ] Yes, just listen to George all you boogers in the audience. This is George’s plea.
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| [George Duke] But see, you, what you have to remember is that uh… in the final analysis, a booger to one is not a booger to all, heh heh. Ain’t that right? AIN’T THAT RIGHT?
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| [FZ] THAT’S RIGHT!
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| [George Duke] AIN’T THAT RIGHT? PLEASE get down, Ruth.
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| [Napoleon Murphy Brock] As Chester would say: “A booger is in the eye of the beholder”
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| [George Duke] Sure is
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| I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon
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| She wore a Milton Bradley crayon
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| But she was something I could lay on
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| Can’t remember what became of me
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| Carolina hard-core ecstasy
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|
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| She put a Doobie Brothers tape on
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| Ooh-ooh-ooh, listen to the music
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| I had a Roger Daltrey cape on
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| Ooh-ooh-ooh, a Roger Daltrey cape on
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| There was a bed I dumped her shape on
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| Can’t remember what became of me
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| Carolina hard-core ecstasy
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|
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| Somewhat later on I woke up and she was gone
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| There was dew out on the lawn in the sunrise
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| Later she came back with a rumpled paper sack
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| Which she told me would contain a surprise
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|
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| She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom
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| Said she knew I’d be surprised she got ‘em
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| Take a Charleston pimp to spot ‘em
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| Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
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| Plastic leather, 14 triple D
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|
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| I said: “I wonder what’s the shoes for”
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| She told me: “Don’t you worry no more”
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| And got right down there on the tile floor
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| “Now, darling, stomp all over me”
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| Carolina hard-core ecstasy
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|
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| “Is this something new having people stomp on you?
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| Is it what I need to do
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| For your pleasure?
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| (And other things)”
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|
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| “What is this, a quiz?
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| Don’t you worry what it is
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| It is merely just a moment I can treasure
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| You know”
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|
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| By ten o’clock her arms and legs were rendered
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| She couldn’t talk ‘cause her mouth had been extendered
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| Looked to me as though she had been blendered
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| But was this abject misery? No! No!
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| Carolina hard-core ecstasy
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| Well…
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|
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| [Instrumental]
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|
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| But was this abject misery? No! No!
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| Carolina hard-core ecstasy
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| It might seem strange to Herb and Dee
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| Carolina hard-core ecstasy
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| Ah-ah-hah yeah!
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| POO-AHH!
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| [Instrumental]
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| [Guy in the audience] STOP THAT!
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| [FZ] Ssh ssh
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| [?] Heavy business, man
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| [FZ] Are you upset? Say it again.
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| [Guy in the audience] FUCK YOU!
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| [FZ] What?
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| [Guy in the audience] YOU’RE FUCKED!
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| [FZ] I’m fucked?
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| That’s the nicest thing anybody’s said to me all day
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| Oh little girl of mine
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| Gee, but you sure look fine
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| Yes, you appeal to me
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| I’ll never set you free
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| ‘Cause you’re my loving baby
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| You belong to me
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| That’s the way it was meant to be, oh!
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|
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| Oh little girl, stay cool
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| That’s all I ask of you
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| Be mine and mine alone
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| Call me on the telephone
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| ‘Cause you’re my loving baby
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| You belong to me
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| That’s the way it was meant to be, oh!
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|
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| Oh baby, now I know
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| I love you so
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| I’ll never, never let you go
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| I need your love, oh, so much
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| I thrill to your touch
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|
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| Oh little girl, stay cool
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| That’s all I ask of you
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| Be mine and mine alone
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| Call me on the telephone
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| Be my lovin’ baby till the end of time
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| I can’t seem to get you off my mind
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| Oh, baby, oh, sugar, oh, darling
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| Oh, lover, oh, baby, oh, sugar
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| The closer you are
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| Yes, ma’m
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| The brighter the stars in the sky
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| (No, we’ll do it straight)
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| And, darling, I realize
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| That you’re The One in my life
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| (It’s gonna be hard though)
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| Oh oh
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|
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| My heart skips a beat
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| (See what I mean?)
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| Every time you and I meet
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| My life, my love, my dear, I can’t defeat
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| This yearning deep in my heart
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| To have only you
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|
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| When I first saw you
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| I did adore you
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| And all your loving ways
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| Your loving ways
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| But then you went away
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| But now you’re back to stay, hey hey
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| And my love for you grows stronger every DAY-AHHH WAY-AHHH OOH
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|
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| The closer you are
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| The brighter the flames in my heart
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| And, darling, we’ll never part
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| We’ll always be in love
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| We’ll always be in lust
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| And she said: “Johnny darlin’
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| Wah-ah-ah hoo-oo
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| Don’t ever go-oh yea-heah”
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| Ah-ha-ha-haaa
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|
|
| And she said: “Johnny darlin’
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| Wah-ah-ah hoo-oo
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| Don’t ever go-oh yea-heah”
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| Ah-ha-ha-haaa
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|
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| And she said: “Johnny darlin’
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| Johnny darling
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| Don’t ever go-o-o-oooo”
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| Oo-oo-oo-oooooooooo
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| [FZ] Well, I found out, baby, you told me a great big lie
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| Well, I found out, baby, you told me a great big lie
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| ‘Cause when I got inside you didn’t have no cherry pie
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|
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| Well, you had no, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| You had no, no cherry
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| No, no cherry pie
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|
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| Well, you had me fakin’, baby, made me lose my pride
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| Well, you had me fakin’, baby, made me lose my pride
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| ‘Cause I caught you lying ‘bout what you had inside
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|
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| And you had no, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| No, no cherry
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| You had no, no cherry
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| No, no cherry pie
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|
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| No, no
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| No, no
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| No, no
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| No, no
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| Cherry
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| Cherry
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| Pie-ie-ie-ie
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| [FZ] Well, this is the story of a man who lived in Pistoia
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| This is the story of a man who lived in Pistoia
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| He was a funny little fella with feet just like I showed ya
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|
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| Well, he had a girl, and Tony got it for him
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| Well, he had a girl, but Sanavio says he got it
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| He did everything for him that she could do
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|
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| But still (still) still (still) still he locked her in the bathroom
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| But still (still) still (still) still he locked her in the bathroom
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| Then he took her to Milan and locked her in the hotel too
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|
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| Oh, Mary Lou
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| Oh, child, you big fool
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| Big fool, big fool
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| Ahh, Mary Lou
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| Oh, child, you big fool
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| Big fool, big fool
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| You did everything for him that you could do
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| [FZ] I’m gonna tell you a story about Mary Lou
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| I mean the kind of a girl who make a fool of you
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| She’d make a young man groan and a poor man pain
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| The way she took my money was a cryin’ shame
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|
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my watch and chain
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my diamond ring
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my Cadillac car
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| Jumped in my kitty and then drove to Milan / afar
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|
|
| Well, she picked up from Georgia, moved to Kalamazoo
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| Made her a fortune outta fools like you
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| Met her a rich man who was married and had two kids
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| She stoked that cat until he flipped his lid
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|
|
| Mary Lou
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| She took my watch and chain
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my diamond ring
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my Cadillac car
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| Jumped in my kitty and then drove afar
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|
|
| Well, she came back to town about a week ago
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| Told me she was sorry she had hurt me so
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| I had a ‘55 Ford and a two dollar bill
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| The way she took that man she gave me a chill
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|
|
| Mary Lou
|
| She took my watch and chain
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my diamond ring
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| Mary Lou
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| She took my Cadillac car
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| Jumped in my kitty and then drove afar
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|
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| Mary Lou
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| And Bernardo too
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| Big fool, big fool
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| Ahh, Mary Lou
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| Oh, child, you big fool
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| Big fool, big fool
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| You did everything for him that you could do
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| You did everything for him that you could do
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| Mary Lou, Mary Lou
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| You did everything for him that you could do
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|
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| [FZ] Awright, thank you for coming to the show, good night
|
 Design by Jeffery Fey.jpg "(Front) Design by Jeffery Fey")
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Title origin
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