| Album notes by Gail Zappa
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| This concert was recorded live at Boston Music Hall in Boston, Massachusetts on 24 September 1972. The leaves were gold ▶. FZ was just 31 years of age. Absurdly, this is our third Vaulternative live concert recording (see / hear “FZ - OZ”, “Buffalo”). The medium was ½” 2-track tape (Scotch), at 7½ ips. These stereo masters were digitally transferred from FZ’s Ampex ATR 100 deck into Nuendo at 96 K 24 bit by Joe Travers using Euphonix AM 713 converters - in April, 2007.
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| We can go on dreaming of that Golden Day ▶, but this concert had a slightly different original dynamic in that “Big Swifty” followed “Greggery Peccary”. Due to disc space we resequenced the program to maintain the integrity of the performance.
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| And speaking of integrity, but for the charts and the hearts of the men and women who performed them under the baton of Frank Zappa, this might not even have been a one-shot deal ▶. Top studio players don’t tour - well, not in those days. This is an exemplary exception to that rule. The proof of course, is that they are all exceptional - as is the Music. Remember the fountain is not far away… ▶
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| In our efforts here at UMRK to provide you with the finest optional audio entertainment (in the universe) we deploy the inimitably-skilled tape trapper and trenchant trudger of the archivory coastal tundra ▶, Joe Travers, to venture forth (where few are chosen but many have called) into the FZ sequin mines, dismote the ages and identify suitable nuggets for your aural excitation.
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| In artifactuality, nuggets maintain their significance by virtue of being an unreleased composition, a special performance or arrangement, a thrilling example from a less-documented line-up, a rare recording, a highly nutritional trim and/or out, different edits or mixes - a special project, rehearsal, home recording or even a spoken gem such as an interview excerpt, a “build reel” or other “as-is” item, exquisite in quality, uniqueness or hotness anywhereanytimeanyplace (aka AAA - see also AAAFNRAA: anything anytime anywhere for no reason at all), from the breadth and depth of FZ’s career in lifeasweknowit (lawki).
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| Praise the l.o.r.d. (also a defined term: living on reproducible data)!
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| Article by FZ published on “Circular” - October 9, 1972
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| THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF LAST WEEK’S MOTHERS OF INVENTION / HOT RATS / GRAND WAZOO
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| Frank Zappa wrote this as a future piece of history some weeks back, but the mails being what they are, Circular did not receive the article until after the tour he was about to begin then was already over.
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| But everybody figured it’d be worth reprinting anyway, since it might shed light (and Lord knows that’s what we need to do around here at Warner Bros.) on the Mothers’ next album, “The Grand Wazoo”, scheduled for November 5 release.
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| “Not so” said Frank when Circular called him.
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| The album called “The Grand Wazoo” was recorded around the time when “Waka/Jawaka” was done and embodies a different line-up of musicians than the eventual touring Wazoo group. On top of that, the material in “The Grand Wazoo” album is different from the material performed by the touring Wazoo.
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| There is no record company hard goods justification for reprinting this prospectus at this time.
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| The never-say-die Circular staff is doing it anyway on the grounds that Frank Zappa is a too seldom published writer and that the following words have some bearing on the current and recent doings of Zappa and his Mothers.
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| As a pertinent aside, Zappa is readying a new set of Mothers for a tour extending from the end of October through mid-November during which he expects to be playing more guitar than in the previous tours.
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| His current Mothers’ line-up is Jim Gordon, drums; Dave Parlato, bass; Tony Duran, slide guitar; Malcolm McNab, tuba; Sal Marquez, trumpet; Bruce Fowler, trombone; Glenn Ferris, trombone; Tom Malone, trumpet; Earl Dumler, oboe, E-flat contrabass sarrusophone.
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| Dates currently set for the next Mothers’ tour are as follows: 10/27, Montreal Forum; 10/28, Syracuse War Memorial, N.Y.; 10/29, Binghamton, N.Y., Harper College; 10/31, Passaic, N.J., Capitol Theatre; 11/1, Waterbury, Conn., Palace Theater; 11/3, Richmond, Va., Syria Mosque; 11/4, Charlotte, N.C., Park Center Arena; 11/10, Philadelphia, University of Penns., Irvine Aud.; 11/11, Washington D.C., Constitution Hall; 11/12, Providence, R.I., Palace Theater.
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| Since the earliest days of the MOI (from about 1964, roughly), I have been interested in assembling some kind of electric orchestra, capable of performing intricate compositions at the same sound-intensity levels normally associated with other forms of pop-music. The formation of the new Mothers of Invention / Hot Rats / Grand Wazoo represents the first large-scale attempt to mount such a monstrosity, and to actually move it across a couple of continents to do concerts.
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| The Wazoo DEBUT will occur at the Hollywood Bowl on Sunday, September 10, 1972. On the 13th of September, the Wazoo will depart for Berlin, London, The Hague, Copenhagen, New York City, and Boston, making a final return to Los Angeles on the 25th, having played a total of eight performances for its first concert season.
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| If this initial season proves itself to be anything less than a financial disaster (as the production and travel costs are extremely high for a group of this size), the Wazoo will reorganize for another concert tour next summer. In any event, the Wazoo will be ceremoniously disbanded after the Boston concert. Immediately upon return to L.A., rehearsals will begin for still another kind of Mothers of Invention… a 10-piece group playing a completely different repertoire, with its own concert tour booked for the end of October in the U.S. and Canada. But, meanwhile, a few more specifics about the Wazoo…
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| Every “new” group (and, occasionally, a few of the older ones) will issue some kind of proclamation explaining the fantastic potential delights resultant from exposure to their impending unique material, ingenious stagecraft, and/or their groovy vibes ▶. This is usually accompanied by descriptions of the wonderful freedom shown by the group in performance, and assorted stuff about how everybody in the group loves what they’re doing, and what a nice wholesome bunch of lads they are… or maybe they’re not wholesome… maybe they’re tough and degenerate (but, of course, beneath it all, each fellow is exquisitely talented and in possession of a Golden Heart w/ matching Soul, as indicated by the pained, innocent, troubled, searching facial expressions in the Group Photo). I make none of these claims on behalf of the Wazoo.
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| Such a hypothetical merchandising proclamation would probably include a paragraph or two about how nobody in the group really cares about money, followed closely by a carefully worded testimonial regarding the “new” group’s Urgent Commitment to make the world a better place to live in, through their music (which is Sensitive and unutterably Deep… or maybe it’s just for singing along with, or grooving behind, or designed to inflict upon the fortunate listener some incomprehensible amount of Energy… or whatever). For those interested, the Mothers of Invention / Hot Rats / Grand Wazoo is offering (for a limited time only) a musical alternative to the previously described manifestations of Green Limousine Consciousness.
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| To begin with, the Wazoo bears little resemblance to any previous form of rock & roll band. There are twenty musicians in it who mostly sit down and read music from an array of charming little fiber-board stands. Nobody sings. Nobody dances. They just play music.
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| The Mothers of Invention / Hot Rats / Grand Wazoo starting line-up:
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| FRANK ZAPPA - guitar and white stick with cork handle
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| TONY DURAN - slide guitar
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| IAN UNDERWOOD - piano and synthesizer
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| DAVE PARLATO - bass
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| JERRY KESSLER - electric cello
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| JIM GORDON - electric drums
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| MIKE ALTSCHUL - piccolo, bass clarinet and other winds
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| JAY MIGLIORI - flute, tenor sax and other winds
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| EARL DUMLER - oboe, contrabass sarrusophone and other winds
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| RAY REED - clarinet, tenor sax and other winds
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| CHARLES OWENS - soprano sax, alto sax and other winds
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| JOANN MCNAB - bassoon
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| MALCOLM MCNAB - trumpet in D
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| SAL MARQUEZ - trumpet in Bb
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| TOM MALONE - trumpet in Bb, also tuba
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| GLENN FERRIS - trombone and euphonium
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| KENNY SHROYER - trombone and baritone horn
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| BRUCE FOWLER - trombone of the upper atmosphere
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| TOM RANEY - vibes and electric percussion
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| RUTH UNDERWOOD - marimba and electric percussion
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| We will play the same concert program for each of the eight events. The pieces include: “The new brown clouds”, “Big Swifty”, “Approximate”, “For Calvin and his next two hitch-hikers” (there are lyrics to this piece ▲, but we are performing an instrumental version for these concerts), “Think it over”, “Low-budget dog meat” (a medley), “The adventures of Greggery Peccary”, and, for an encore (because everybody prepares an encore whether they talk about it or not), “Penis dimension” and the “Variant 1 processional march”. All of the compositions include space for solo improvisations except “Low-budget dog meat” which presents an assortment of recognizable themes from previously recorded pieces: “Music for low-budget symphony orchestra” (from the Jean-Luc Ponty album “King Kong”), “The dog breath variations” and “Uncle Meat” (from the MOI album “Uncle Meat”).
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| The arrangement of “Low-budget dog meat” contains many difficult instrumental passages (some of which are not always played perfectly, but what the heck), notably: the high trombone part in the opening section, the material for electric piano and marimba in the second section, and the intricate theme of the last section which presents a few problems for everybody. Barring any unforeseen problems in the sound mix, the high, quacking ‘D’ trumpet of Malcolm McNab should amaze you through the latter portions of this.
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| The concert presentation will be informal, reasonably straightforward, and non-theatrical, as very few of the Wazoo’s members exhibit the normal pop-musician’s ability to function efficiently while garbed in fringes, feathers, or festoons. Since clothing for the stage is left to the individual performer’s discretion, the public image of the Wazoo might be classified somewhere between drab and non-existent.
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| Those in the audience who make a fetish of close-range seats in order to scrutinize a group’s soul-squint / grimace potential (to see if they’re really getting into it) may be disappointed to discover the generalized Wazoo eyeball heavily oriented to the printed page and conductor’s baton. Our one concession to overt showmanship is the placement of Earl Dumler in the front row of the woodwind section, making it possible for the first time to view a grown man with a mod hair cut, struggling against the forces of nature to extract accurate intonation from an amplified Eb Contrabass Sarrusophone.
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| In stark contrast to the legends which surround the formation of your average “super group” (Heavy Friends Get It Together, Cosmically Relate and Thunder Forth to Share Corporate Mystical Magnificence with Unsuspecting Customers of the World), the history of our humble Wazoo is almost boring. I wanted to find some horns to play in the band so I called a trombone player I worked with during the recording of the “Lumpy Gravy” album. His name was, and apparently continues to be, Kenny Shroyer.
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| Kenny became the Wazoo’s musical contractor. With a rumpled copy of the Local 47 Musicians Union Directory in one hand and a telephone in the other, Shroyer managed to fill most of the empty chairs by crooning into the receiver such memorable lines as: “Are you interested?”, “Can you read these charts?”, “Do you have time to rehearse?”, and, the perennial favorite: “Are you free to travel?”
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| As a result of Shroyer’s flawless diplomacy, the Wazoo may earn its niche in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame simply for being the only “new” group in pop history that knows from in front they won’t be as big as the Beatles, has a reasonable idea of what the complete span of their “career” will pay them, and is thoroughly aware of the precise time and place designated for the “breaking up of the group” (right after the show in the dressing room of Boston Music Hall, September 24, 1972).
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| Album notes by Malcolm McNab - July 2007
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| In 1971 I got a call from my friend Kenny Shroyer, who asked me to make a rehearsal with Frank Zappa at a rehearsal studio on La Brea in Hollywood. I knew who Frank Zappa was and I was already a fan. In 1963 I performed in a concert at Mount Saint Mary’s College in Brentwood where he performed a piece, supervising several sub-conductors and fronting the ensemble with an amplified zither played with a soup spoon. What I didn’t know at the time was that I was embarking on a very important phase in my own personal musical development.
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| The music was very challenging to say the least. I had been involved for some time with new, avant-garde music through Los Angeles venues such as the Monday Evening Concerts and Ojai Festivals. I really think that I raised my own personal “bar” in music performance to another level after working on Frank’s music. I had heard that quite a few musicians who had worked for Frank complained about what a tough band leader he could be. I think that he just wanted to hear his music performed correctly. To play it correctly would take a lot of individual practice and much rehearsing as a group. Guess what? We all got to be much better players because of our experience playing Frank’s music.
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| We rehearsed for quite a few weeks and then we were told that we were going to Europe with about a 20-piece ensemble from Los Angeles in September. I had just been offered the job of 1st trumpet at the newly opened Shubert Theater in Century City. Now it is 30 years later and that theater has just been demolished. I was able to take the job and still go on the Wazoo tour, as they were able to have someone fill in for me for the first two weeks of the show. My former wife, bassoonist Joann Caldwell, was also in this group, which was soon to be known as “The Grand Wazoo”, and we had a 15 month old daughter, Stephanie, who is now a flutist / piccoloist with the San Francisco Opera Orchestra, and we were reluctant to leave her for the very first time.
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| The challenge and the excitement was in the music. As I listened to this Boston concert from 35 years ago, I was amazed at the truly creative improvisation taking place throughout the orchestra. Besides the carefully rehearsed, very complicated written music, there was a mixture of free-form and boogie thrown in. We never knew what was going to happen. There was the great “comic book” number at the Felt Forum, Madison Square Garden where we all interspersed dialogue read from assorted comic books found back stage with improvised music.
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| Months later, with the Petite Wazoo, a ten place contingent from the Grand Wazoo, we opened a concert with marches from Sousa march books (also found back stage). This piece started with everyone playing the first march on page one and as Frank pointed to each musician they would turn the page and start playing the next march. It wasn’t long until we had at least a half dozen Sousa marches going at the same time in cacophony and bassist Dave Parlato dragged a garbage can (also found back stage) on to the stage, throwing banana peels, trash, etc.… around the entire stage. After the last note of this world premiere, Frank announced that the title of the number was “John Philip Sousa gets it up”. A lot of this fun helped relieve the pressure of having to face playing the extremely difficult written music we had on our music stands.
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| In Berlin, I remember that Frank, who never seemed to miss a thing, was aware that the McNab ship of matrimony was on some rough waters. Joann and I had been arguing a bit and Frank put us on the spot during the concert. I think he introduced us as the Fighting McNabs and had us start a musical dialogue with our trumpet and bassoon which quickly became a very heated dialogue. I guess it was a good way to get it all out and relax things just a bit.
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| This Boston concert was one that I won’t forget. In the midst of a boogie jam I saw my wife put her bassoon on the stand, leave the woodwind section and get up in front and dance with wild abandon. Also, we all can never forget the sound re-enforcement speaker stack toppling over before the show and crushing woodwind doubler Jay Migliori’s rarest and most expensive doubles!
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| The Grand Wazoo, however brief its existence, was for me a great memory and quite a unique experience. Among musicians anyplace in the world if it came up that someone had played with Frank Zappa, it was assumed that they must be a virtuoso, capable of playing anything. I am extremely proud to be able to say that I worked with Frank Zappa. And the Grand Wazoo - what a blast!
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| [FZ] In the uh… process of examining the stage to make sure that it was fit for human consumption, these large objects over here on the side with the horns on top of ‘em, you know, those speakers there, they… they fell over backwards and completely mangled Jay Migliori’s woodwind instruments. So Mr. Migliori is at a certain disadvantage this evening. We just thought we’d let you know. Fortunately, Mr. Migliori was not sitting there when the cabinets went down, so that part’s OK.
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| Well, now that we got that over with, I’d like to introduce the rest of the lads in the band, and the ladies in the band, to all of you here:
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| Let’s start up in the top, with trumpet number one, Malcolm McNab
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| And the indispensable Salvador Marquez
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| And on pygmy trumpet and tuba, Tom Malone
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| And Bruce Fowler on trombone
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| And Glenn “hands up, face to the wall” Ferris on trombone
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| And Kenny “always jovial” Shroyer on trombone
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| And Ruth “also jovial” Underwood on marimba
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| That’s a jovial little marimba
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| And Tom “with one smashed hand” Raney on congas
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| And, over here in the wind section, you already know Jay. Play something, Jay.
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| That one works
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| And Mike Altschul
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| Ray “The Phantom” Reed
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| Charles “up and down” Owens
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| Joann Caldwell McNab
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| Earl Dumler
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| Wait, wait. Try that one again.
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| Can you hear him?
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| That’s a little bit better, yeah. Just a minute now.
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| Jerry Kessler on cello
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| Ian Underwood on keyboards et cetera
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| Jim Gordon on drums
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| Dave Parlato on bass
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| And Tony Duran on slide guitar
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| [Notes by FZ] About six weeks ago, I finished the book and lyrics for a science fiction musical called “Hunchentoot” ▲ (which may never be staged), and, under the title “Think it over” this piece is used as an aria, sung by a religious fanatic con-man of the future, as an instruction to his Alpha-meditating followers:
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If something gets in your way
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Just think it over…
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And… it will fall down, etc.
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| But, as an instrumental item, it goes under the title-disguise of “The Grand Wazoo”. It doesn’t require too much in the way of scientific explanation. It’s just a shuffle.
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] Thank you
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| Thank you very much
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| Thank you very, very, very much!
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| I’d like to tell you a little bit about this… this here band. OK? Here’s the deal. This band was put together for a very short period of time. I think it was only eight concerts. Maybe seven, but I would have to count. Anyway, this is the last time this band is gonna play together. This is closing night in Boston. However, it is possible… (shut up!) it is possible…
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| [Guy in the audience] Where’s Mark and Howie?
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| [FZ] (They’ll be around, they have their career)
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| Anyway, it’s possible this band will appear maybe next year or something. But this is the end of our tour here, and we’re going to… make an attempt to blow it all out for you in Boston.
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| Now, so… so that you won’t be mislead about what we’re going to do up here, by having us start off with something that was oriented towards a boogie, most of the rest of the stuff that we do is a little bit more abstruse. So I just wanted to… break… break it to ya easy. Some of it is harder to tap your feets to. OK?
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| Let me get my guitar in tune; we’ll progress to something a little bit weirder.
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| OK, the name of this piece is “Approximate”. Just a minute.
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| Now, the way… the way this piece works is… the rhythm is, in… in many instances, specified for the instruments. However, the pitches that they play are left to their own uh… discretion. So at any one time there’s a choice… of about twenty different pitches being chosen all at the same time and the piece turns out different every time you play it.
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| This here’s the Boston version.
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| OK?
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| One, two, three, four
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| [Notes by FZ] In this selection, the choice of the pitches played by each musician is left up to him (or her). There are only a few bars in the whole piece where a pitch is specified (and those bars are installed for contrast). The rest of the sheet music is filled with note stems and braces connected to little “X” marks, indicating by their position on the staff the approximate register of the instrument in which they are to occur. The players are requested to adhere to the rhythmic schematic which organizes the time-space relationships between the bunches of “X”’s. This piece can be played by any number of musicians from four pieces upwards. The overall design presents a single duplicated part for all instruments in C or F (including percussion), which interlocks with another single duplicated part for all instruments in Bb or Eb. The electric bass and drum set each have separate parts which combine the rhythms of the other two parts.
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] Thank you
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| OK, now we’d like to play “Big Swifty” for you.
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| All right. Got any chops left for “Big Swifty”?
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| How’s the tape doing out there? D’you run out yet?
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| It’s OK? All right.
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| OK? At a relaxed pace.
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| So that we can hear the […], hear the […], OK.
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| One, two, three, four
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| [Notes by FZ] This piece (which comprises all side one of the Hot Rats “Waka/Jawaka” album) presents a theme in rapidly alternating time signatures, a few solos, and an out-chorus done up in a sort of Prom Night orchestration which suspends the opening rhythmic structure over a straight 4/4 accompaniment.
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| The restatement of the theme is actually derived from a guitar solo on the album which Sal Marquez took down on paper. After about an hour of wheeling the tape back and forth, Sal managed to transcribe this rhythmically deranged chorus (I don’t have the ability to do this kind of musical dictation, but, since Marquez had a full-bore education at North Texas University, he had it covered). After he’d written it out, we proceeded to overdub three trumpets on it, and, presto!, an organized conclusion for “Big Swifty”.
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| The arrangement played here presents that line in a harmonized setting, as well as a number of orchestrational refinements of the opening material (such as the addition of woodwinds and percussion to segments which, on the recording, were played by guitars and trumpets). It’s not “just like the record”, but you’ll get the idea.
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| [FZ] Thank you. How’s the sound balance out there? Is it too loud? No? How many say yes?
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| OK, this one. More Ruth?
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| They want you, Ruth
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| They want you, Ruth
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| Lighten up
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| OK. What we’d like to do right now is another uh… arranged piece. This is called… Wanna do “Greggery Peccary”? We haven’t gone over that for a while.
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| This is… (wait a minute) This is called “The adventures of Greggery Peccary”. Now we’re gonna try a new version of “Greggery Peccary” tonight. We’re gonna put some solos in between the movements of “Greggery Peccary”. And what I would like to do is play one uh… the first section, and then cut off and then go to the… the front row here and play all in sixteenth notes at the tempo that I start up. And then we’ll develop from there.
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| And then… then on cue you get the second movement. And after the second movement, instead of going directly into the third, we’ll do all the brass section, same thing, sixteenth notes very staccato.
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| At the end of the third movement… At the end of the third movement, we’re gonna go to the back row winds and percussion, the same thing, sixteenth notes staccato. And then change over to “Brown clouds”. And we’ll put “Brown clouds” at the end of it. OK? No, wait a minute. We have to get this organized so that it doesn’t sleaze off before your very ears. There’s a… There is an ulterior motive for making sure that it doesn’t sleaze too much, because we’re recording this show. And if it turns out good…
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| That’s right, you will all be immortalized.
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| All right
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| Uh… Maybe uh… in between these movements I’ll tell you what the story of “Greggery Peccary” is. But we’ll just start it off. You can just imagine what’s going on.
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| Here we go
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| One, two, three, four
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| [Notes by FZ] Along with the original plans for the “Uncle Meat” movie, the legendary multi-record history of the ancient MOI, and, most recently, the “Hunchentoot” project ▲, “The adventures of Greggery Peccary” must take its place over in the corner with the rest of the goodies that never quite escaped into the light of day.
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| This piece was originally designed as a ballet with narration and singing, based on the activities of a little pig belonging to an endangered species. Not much potential ▶ in that concept I guess.
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| This presentation contains no narration, no singing and no dancing. However, so you won’t be too disoriented by what’s left (the music), we provide herewith a simile of the original text design, complete up to the point where I quit working on it. We will, once again, leave it up to your very own imagination to hook it all up and make some sense out of it.
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| Greggery Peccary wakes up and climbs out of bed while the trendy posters ▶ on his wall sing to him
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| [Trendy posters, singing] Oh, here comes Greggery! Little Greggery Peccary! The nocturnal gregarious wild swine…
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| The narrator, in stiff 1890s garb, walks into the scene, assumes a formal pose and proclaims…
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| [Narrator] A peccary is a little pig with a white collar that usually hangs around between Texas and Paraguay, sometimes ranging as far west as Catalina
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| Greggery doesn’t notice the narrator. He is busy adjusting his costume in front of a large mirror and daubing a seductive cologne on his neck.
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| [Narrator] This particular peccary, however, is a prime specimen of that delightful endangered species which distinguishes itself by markings which resemble a WIDE TIE directly beneath the white collar
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| Each morning Greggery prepares himself a carefully coordinated ensemble… takes a discerning peep at a famous Rock & Roll Newspaper… and fortifies himself with a cup of hot Yoga Tea… after which he dashes out to his fashionable red car with the daisy stickers on it and makes his way through the morning traffic to his enviable position in the Creative Department of BIG SWIFTY AND ASSOCIATES… Trend-Mongers
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| (Music: GREGGERY THROUGH THE MORNING TRAFFIC)
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| Greggery arrives at work and strolls through the Steno Pool, flaunting his snazzy wardrobe. The girls all agree that he has marvelous taste for being such a compact little swine, so, of course, they sing to him…
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| [Six stenos, singing] Oh, here comes Greggery Peccary
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| (Random giggles)
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| Here comes little Greggery, little Greggery, little Greggery Peccary is going to have a series of adventures
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| [Narrator] Yes, from the moment they laid eyes on him, all the girls in the BIG SWIFTY Steno Pool KNEW… here was a nocturnal gregarious wild swine ON HIS WAY UP!
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| A Peccary of destiny… adventure and ROMANCE! ▶
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| [Six stenos, squealing] GREGGERY PECCARY!
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| [Greggery, hoof raised in calming gesture] Tut-tut, girls! There’s enough for each and every one of you! But… before I might allow myself to become emotionally embroiled near this water cooler, MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY!
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| As I must plummet boldly forward to my ULTRA-AVANT laminated simulated replica-mahogany desk, with the strategically-placed, imported, very hip water pipe, and the latest edition of the WHOLE EARTH CATALOG and activate my agile mind thereby unleashing a spectacular NEW TREND to rejuvenate our limping economy and provide for bored, miserable people everywhere some great new THING to identify with!
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| [Six stenos] (grateful applause)
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| [Narrator] And, so saying, Greggery Peccary turned and strode splendidly into his office and proceeded, with a vigor and determination known only to piglets of a similarly diminutive proportion, to single-handedly invent… THE CALENDAR!
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| With his eyes rolled heaven-ward, and his shiny little hoofs on the desk, Greggery ponders the question of Eternity (and fractional divisions thereof), as mysterious angelic voices sing to him from a great distance, providing the essential framework for his thrilling new Trend
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| [Angelic voices, singing] Sunday, Saturday, Tuesday through Monday, Monday
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| [Narrator] And thus the calendar, in all of its colorful disguises, was presented to the bored and miserable people everywhere. Greggery issued a memo on it, whereupon the entire contents of the Steno Pool identified with it strenuously, and worshipped it, and took their little pills by it, and paid their rent by it, and went back and forth from work by it, and before long, they were even having birthday parties in the office by it… because NOW, AT LAST, little Greggery’s exciting new invention had made it possible for everyone to find out HOW OLD THEY WERE!
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| (Fanfare)
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| [Narrator] Unfortunately, however there were some people who simply did not wish to know… and that’s why on his way home from the office one night Greggery was attacked by a RAGE OF HUNCHMEN… through the Short Forest!
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| Making his way through the evening traffic, Greggery notices that the other vehicles which crowd and bump his little red car are all inhabited by slowly-aging Very Hip Young People.
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| They cast sinister glances in his direction through their glinting acid burn-out eyeballs. Then they give strong evidence of hostile aggression by trying to make him bump into something!
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| To elude them, Greggery takes the Short Forest exit off the expressway. They zoom after him in an ominous array of cars, trucks, motorcycles, and garishly painted buses.
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| Greggery turns off onto a bumpy trail and roars crazily up the side of a famous and conveniently placed mountain ▶, into a strange cave on the edge of a cliff, not far from a little twisted tree with eyes on it.
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| Meanwhile, the enraged Hunchmen (and Hunchwomen) rumble through the Short Forest until, realizing the little swine has escaped, they decide to park their steaming vehicles in circular pseudo-wagon train encampment, and have a Love-In.
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| They mechanically perform an assortment of stereotyped Lewd Acts, and, alternately, meditate deeply and rip each other off for small items of personal property, after which they dance with depraved abandon to a six foot pile of communally-tuned transistor radios.
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| [Scene 5 - THE NEW BROWN CLOUDS]
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| [Narrator] The Hunch folk finally expire from exhaustion and Greggery, who has viewed the proceedings from a safe distance, breathes a sigh of relief…
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| [Greggery, hoof to forehead in gesture of relief] Geez! That was a close one!
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| [Narrator] Only to be terrified once again by a roar of immense laughter!
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| [Billy the mountain, heartily] HO HO HO!
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| [Narrator] It seems to be grumbling up from the very depths of the cave in which he has hidden his car! Greggery doesn’t realize he has concealed himself inside the very mouth of Billy The Mountain! ▶ And, as you all must know by now, whenever Billy laughs rocks and boulders tend to get HOCKED-UP and the air for miles around is filled with tons of dust forming a series of huge BROWN CLOUDS!
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| [Billy the mountain, emphatically] HO HO!
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| [Narrator] Greggery drives out of the mysterious cave into the Short Forest night pondering the cosmic significance of his dangerous experience and the ominous dust storm
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| [Greggery, singing to himself] Who is making those new brown clouds? Who is making those clouds these days? Who is making those new brown clouds? Better ask a philostopher an’ see what he says!
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| [Narrator] Greggery stops at a gas station and makes a mysterious phone call…
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| [Greggery, covering the receiver with handkerchief to muffle] Is this the old loft with the paint peelin’ off it by the Chinese police where the dogs roll by? Is this where they keep the philostophers now with the rugs an’ the dust, where the books go to die? How many yez got? Say yez got quite a few? Just sittin’ around there with nothin’ to do? Well, I just called yez up ‘cause I wanted t’see a philostopher be of assistance to me!
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| [Scene 6 - THE PHILOSTOPHER SPEAKS]
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| [Narrator] Greggery receives information that the greatest philostopher known to mankind is currently in possession of the very information sought by the swine and, moreover, this information could be his (for an astonishingly low introductory fee) if he were to attend one of the special THERAPEUTIC GROUP ASSEMBLIES now forming…
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| Two severe, middle-aged ladies enter. One is wearing a lorgnette.
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| [Lady #1] And now… here he IS… the GREATEST PHILOSTOPHER known to MANKIND
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| [Lady #2] QUENTIN ROBERT DE NAMELAND!
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| The greatest philostopher known to mankind enters with a long blue robe on. He also has a tall pointed hat with Saturns, etc. on it.
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| [Quentin] Well, folks, as you can see for yourself, the way this CLOCK over here is BEHAVING, TIME IS OF AFFLICTION… This may be cause for alarm among a portion of you as, from a certain experience, I tend to proclaim… THE EONS ARE CLOSING!
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| (Concerned mutterings from all in attendance)
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| [Quentin] Now, what does this mean, precisely to the layman? Simply this: MOMENTARILY, THE NEED FOR THE CONSTRUCTION OF NEW LIGHT WILL NO LONGER EXIST!
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| Of course, some of you will say: “Who is HE to tell me from this LIGHT”? But, in all seriousness, ladies and gentlemen, a quick glance at the erratic behavior of the large, precision-built TIME-DELINEATING APPARATUS beside me will show that it is perhaps only a few moments now! Just look how funny it’s going around there!
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| Personally, I find the mechanical behavior of this nature to be highly suspicious! When such a device doesn’t go normal the implications of such a behavior BODES NOT WELL!
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| And, quite naturally, ladies and gentlemen, if the mechanism in question is entrusted with the task of the delineation of TIME ITSELF… and if such a mechanism goes ON THE BUM… OR THE FRITZ… well, it spells TROUBLE!
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| [Lady #1] Make your checks payable to the GREATEST PHILOSTOPHER known to MANKIND…
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| [Lady #2] QUENTIN ROBERT DE NAMELAND!
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| [Both ladies, singing] Who is making those New Brown Clouds? Who is making those clouds these days? Who is making those New Brown Clouds? If you ask a philostopher, he’ll see that you pays!
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| [Quentin] THANK YOU… AND CALL AGAIN!
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| Greggery takes leave of the Therapeutic Assembly, only to discover the mysterious dust storm is still in progress…
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| [Greggery, miffed] That geek has ripped me off!
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| [Narrator, confidentially to Greggery] Perhaps it’s a trend…
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| [Instrumental]
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| [Notes by FZ] This piece should actually be the last thing on the program, since it is the final movement of “The adventures of Greggery Peccary”, it is presented first ▲ for several reasons:
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| (a) It’s not bad as an opener
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| (b) You never heard “The adventures of Greggery Peccary” before, so you wouldn’t be bothered if this wasn’t at the end of it (and I’m not fussy about it)
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| (c) There’s a crumpled version of the theme from “Billy the mountain” in the beginning which might provide some form of conceptual link to our last concert here (if you go for stuff like that)
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| (d) This is the first “tune” the Wazoo learned, so, from a nostalgic point of view, it might as well be the first thing you hear us play
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| For further information, consult the program notes for “The adventures of Greggery Peccary” ▲.
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] Thank you very much for coming to our concert tonight. Hope you enjoyed it. Good night.
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| Thank you. All right, if you’ll sit down, we have t— we can play you something else that you might be able to recognize.
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| One, two, three
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| [Instrumental]
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| [FZ] Thank you, good night
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 Art by Christopher Mark Brennan from Salvador Dali's drawing Mercado De Esclavos Con El Busto De Voltaire Desapareciendo (1940).jpg "(Front) Art by Christopher Mark Brennan from Salvador Dali's drawing Mercado De Esclavos Con El Busto De Voltaire Desapareciendo (1940)")
.jpg "(CD inside)")
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Cover info |
Songs list
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